The Blue Hour
by Mortissues
Summary: The blue hour is the period of twilight each morning and evening when indirect sunlight takes on a predominantly blue hue. That afternoon, in the forest, Bella sees through Edward's act and so he stays. He was never likely to get very far anyway, the shy human girl owned him body and soul. That was a few years ago now and that shy human girl has just graduated college . . . .
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 1 Choose Starting Point or Click on Map**

**BPOV **

It's difficult, but not impossible, to manage my relationship with Edward.

For obvious reasons Renee and Charlie think he and I broke up in the first year of college. It's a little awkward when Mom quizzes me about boyfriends but I've grown out of the worst of my blush now and that makes the telling of lies somewhat easier.

Can you say that your romantic relationship with a vampire is odd without a heavy sense of irony? Maybe.

I'm still a virgin.

And a human.

He's adamant he won't change me and I've long since given up trying to change his mind, resigned to just enjoy what we have as he was always urging me to do.

I haven't lived with his family, it wouldn't be fair to have a human in their midst all the time but I did eventually let Edward pay for an apartment for us so we could at least spend some time alone together

It hasn't been easy. I made some likeminded friends in college, the kind you should keep forever, though in the end even they had to believe I'd broken up with Edward and wasn't seeing him anymore. Things got a little more complicated then and I started leading a double life. Bella Swan college student and Bella Swan, girlfriend to Edward Cullen, and never the twain shall meet. It sounds crap but in the end it was better than the alternative of moving with them every couple years. The rest of the family moved and Edward, when he can be prised away from me, visits them.

Am I happy?

I think so. I have Edward. I have an exciting new career I'm about to embark on and a family that I love very much.

Is Edward happy?

He says he is.

...

"You're here!" Alice squeals, flying down the steps and dragging me bodily out of Edward's latest Volvo.

"You're here, you're here, you're here! I've sorted out your new apartment, you're going to love it, more shelves than furniture and I haven't touched your closet, Esme wouldn't let me. And you'll love the color scheme, very now but very you, your stuff's already arrived and been unpacked and Rose has resurrected that god awful truck you love so much. In a minute Edward. Oh Bella, my sister, how I've missed you, you can't imagine. And the fun we're going to have now that we're together again. In a minute Edward. Oh, and I've got us tickets for that band you were thinking about. And a table for tomorrow night at that restaurant your new boss was on about. And I'm driving you to work on Monday so you can see my new studio, it's awesome, you'll love it. And . . . ."

That's the joy, or problem, with Alice. She never runs out of breath. Or energy.

"Enough Alice." Edward finally growls, rescuing me gently from her embrace.

"I'm sorry." She laughs unrepentantly, spinning on the spot like a mini whirlwind. "I've just been looking forward to this for so long. Come in, let Esme show you her latest house, we can catch up later . . . ."

...

For a few minutes more I'm passed from vampire to vampire like a new cuddly toy, not that I mind, I've missed them too. Even Jasper manages a quick squeeze though he's still very careful not to stay too close to me for too long since he tried to eat me.

Of course if I thought Alice was bad . . . .

Em stops squeezing me just short of breaking my ribs but refuses to let me go for the house tour, which I therefore spend with my feet suspended high above the ground and the world's largest arm clutched tightly round my midriff.

Rose and I manage a warm smile. She doesn't hate me anymore but she and I are never going to be besties, and this is a realisation that we are both comfortable with.

...

"Tired?" Edward chuckles as I nearly dislocate my jaw yawning.

"Yes. It's exhausting watching you drive a couple of hundred miles."

"Hop in." He urges, turning down the covers on his comfortable looking new bed.

I obey, sliding in and sighing as he wraps me up in the comforter and then snuggles up behind me.

"Goodnight love."

"Don't I even get a kiss?"

A cool finger moves my hair gently away from my neck and his breath wafts over it, setting it prickling in anticipation of the touch of his lips. Soft, gentle and as always, intensely erotic.

"Goodnight love."

"Tease." I murmur.

"You don't have to tease her Eddie!" Em hollers from somewhere outside. "We don't mind."

I know that Edward's hissed something back because Em starts laughing.

"I'll be glad when we're alone again." Edward sighs with indulgent amusement.

"Me too."

...

"Seriously Alice. I can't pronounce any of this stuff, how do you expect me to order it?"

Everyone laughs and the cheeky minx asks if I'd like her to order for me.

Hell no, last time I let her do that I ate something called a ghost chilli and couldn't feel my tongue for a week.

However as usual in these situations the most entertaining part of the night is watching my family play 'hide the food' a game they have kindly slowed down over the years so I can follow it. Though I still think hiding prawns is an act of evil against the restaurant staff.

...

The Cullens have gone on a family hunt leaving me alone in the house and as usual I gravitate to Carlisle's study, somehow it's the same wherever they live. Warm, comfortable, smelling faintly of leather, expensive cologne and books.

Tomorrow we're moving into our new apartment and the day after, Monday, I'm starting my new job, I'm so excited and nervous I can barely sit still. What if I suck and get fired on my first day? Edward says I won't since I graduated first in my class but I'm not so sure, disaster and I still seem to be on intimate terms, I couldn't even make it out of the restaurant tonight without cannoning into an innocent man who then jettisoned his red wine over his beautiful date. Carlisle very smoothly gave them money for dry cleaning and to cover the cost of their meal but I'm still glad Boston is a big place and I'm never likely to run into them again. Being a klutz around strangers and friends is one thing, but what if I do it at work? This could be a very short career . . . .

Cool lips on my forehead wake me and I sit up, blinking in the firelight, to find Edward hovering over me and the Cullens smiling indulgently at me from the doorway.

I can smell the outdoors on them and see the new 'almost' flush on their cheeks, they're so beautiful it makes my heart swell and stutter. I'm so lucky to be part of their lives, his . . . .

...

"It's beautiful." I whisper.

"I knew you'd say that." Alice laughs.

"Right." Jasper drawls. "After you'd changed everything for the forty seventh time."

Bam!

She smacks him squarely in the middle of his chest which just makes him laugh. I love it when he laughs, he's usually so serious I just want to give him a hug, which I wouldn't dare.

"It really is perfect Alice, thank you."

We hug for a moment and then she drags me off to inspect the rest of the apartment, finishing up in the bedroom.

"Wow."

"It's not too much?"

"It's a little ostentatious." I admit. "But it's beautiful."

"Not too frilly?"

"No, just on the cusp."

"Phew." She exclaims, throwing herself down on the bed. "I was a bit worried about it to be honest but I hoped you'd appreciate the whole 'Austeness' of it. You're a woman now and should have a woman's boudoir."

"No one says boudoir anymore Alice."

"I say it. Therefore it is fashionable." She says, closing the subject. "So, I have foreseen that tomorrow will go well."

"You know that's not going to stop me worrying about it, right?"

"I know. But I hoped it might help."

"It helps." I concede, flopping down beside her.

"Oh my god! You put a mirror on the ceiling?"

"Emmett insisted."

"You people are weird."

"I know." She accepts easily. "But you love us anyway."

...

I may end up living in this bathroom when I screw up at work today, every cloud has a silver lining and this is _awesome_ . . . .

In the end I have to step out of the shower and wrap myself in one of the fluffy towels from the heated rack. Alice is picking me up in half hour and she's never late.

I've already laid out my smart suit for today and I feel like a fraud putting it on, maybe I could carry it off better with heels but the spectre of me falling out of the elevator on arrival sends me diving for the flats.

"Breakfast is ready." Edward calls from down the corridor, pulling me away from my less than impressive reflection in the mirror.

"You didn't have to." I object as I round the corner into our state of the art kitchen.

"No. But I wanted to." He says, smiling that beautiful smile and kissing me as he hands me a bone china mug filled to the brim with my favourite coffee. "Sit down and tuck in."

I really don't deserve him, no other girl could be so well cared for, so loved . . . .

...

"Put her down Edward." Alice growls after two minutes. "She'll be home later and you can suck her face off then."

Reluctantly Edward separates his lips from mine and waits patiently for my heartbeat to return to normal before he releases me.

"Good luck." He murmurs. "I love you."

"I love you too."

...

Most of Alice's Boston tour guide information goes in one ear and out the other as I work myself into a tight ball of nerves. I know its beautiful here, I loved it when I came for my interview but I can't focus on it now and it seems really sudden when she pulls up in front of my new building. God it's tall . . . .

"I thought we were going to your studio first?"

"Come after work, when you're more relaxed."

"I'm early."

"Trust the seer . . . . I'll pick you up at five."

...

Holy shit. Holy shit. I have a job. I'm a grown up. Holy shit, how, when, did this happen?

Oh thank god, a coffee shop at ground level, and cups with lids, I'm saved . . . .

"You look like you need it." The barista observes as I snatch the cardboard cup out of his hand.

"You have _no_ idea . . . . thanks."

I find a table and watch the world go by.

How am I ever going to fit in here? Look at them all. Sleek, self possessed, they all know where they're going and why and I'm sat here chanting my floor number over and over in my head so I don't forget it. This is a serious mistake. Huge. I'm going to humiliate myself and be laughed out of my one and only job. I'll have to go and work for Alice and learn about colors and fabrics and fashion . . . .

"Good morning." A cheery voice makes me jump. "I like an early starter."

"Oh, ah, Greg, I didn't see you there."

Alright not the most incisive opening line but at least I didn't spill my coffee.

"Stealth boss." He says with a light laugh. "You'll get used to it. Ready to get started?"

I nod and then let my mouth open without permission.

"I'm terrified."

"No need to be." He says as I scramble to my feet and collect my things, thank god for coffee cups with lids. "No one expects miracles on your first day, hell, we don't even expect you to remember where the restrooms are."

"Good." I mutter. "Because I probably won't."

"You'll be fine Bella, we wouldn't have hired you if we didn't think you could do the job."

...

It turns out first days really can be easy. I met my new colleagues, my cubicle, my laptop and the restrooms and then I spent the entire day in orientation with a group of other bewildered looking college graduates.

All in all not too shabby.

Alice is never late so I exit the building like a queen and sweep semi majestically into her little yellow Lotus.

"I told you so." She laughs as we speed away from the kerb.

"I know, thank you."

"You're welcome. Now come and be shocked and awed by my creative genius, you can call Renee on the way, she's excited about your first day and will interrupt you later if you don't . . . ."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 2 You Are Here**

**BPOV**

"_Bells_." Arthur whines. "You can't polish that presentation anymore than you have already, stop showing the rest of us up and come for a drink, it's Friday night."

"I can't. Edward's expecting me home."

"Surely Mr Domestic Bliss can let you out for one teeny tiny little glass of wine?"

"Will you stop calling him that?" I huff, closing my laptop and shoving it into its case.

"No. You guys are like the poster children for monogamy, its nauseating for those of us with a history of failed relationships. _Please_?"

"Fine, one glass."

"Good girl, text MDB, I know you want to, and lets be on our way."

...

"Sorry." I apologise as I fling myself into Edward's waiting arms.

"Don't apologise, you can go out for a drink with your colleagues you know."

"I know, but I wanted to come home to you."

"Well you're here now, what do you want to do?"

"I need a shower and some sweatpants." I sigh as he sets me back on my feet. "And then I think I'll need a pizza and some serious couch time."

"Your wish is my command."

...

I suppose it's weird that my boyfriend is about as cuddly as a rock but we've been together for so long now I can't imagine anything different, I feel like I'm nestling into a cloud rather than draped around a cold marble statue of manly perfection and as usual it isn't long before my exhausted mind and body send me drifting off to sleep.

He must get so bored. I mean, I'm slow sometimes even for a human, he could cross a whole County in the time it takes me to cross a mall. And I sleep, every night, for a good eight hours. And sometimes, I nap, like now. He can read a whole book while I watch a half hour show. What does he do while I'm taking my human moments? Shopping lists in his head? Complex mathematical equations? I've tried asking him but in many respects he's just a man and we never really get much past 'just thinking'. Sometimes he's thinking about me. His human life. Whether or not he should work or go back into education. How to keep me safe. But that can't be all he thinks about surely?

Sometimes when we've had an odd conversation I wonder if he's thinking about leaving me for my own good again. He promised me he wouldn't and that if he ever felt that way he'd talk to me immediately, but sometimes I wonder . . . .

And sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't realised what he was trying to do that day and called him on his lies. I struggle though, my life _is_ Edward, since the day I found out he loved me I haven't been able to see anything else.

And sometimes, just sometimes, I kind of hope, no hope's the wrong word, I kind of _imagine_ that something happens to me and I have to be changed so that I can be like him. And then my imagination gets nervous and changes the subject.

...

"_Edward_." I gasp as his cool lips close over my nipple, sucking on it gently.

My hands fist in his hair as I writhe beneath him, I love that I can yank on it as hard as I like, it doesn't hurt him and I know he likes it.

"I love you." He murmurs into my skin as he kisses his way down my body. "I love the warm fine silk of your skin, the soft curves of your body, the sound of your heartbeat. I love everything about you. _Everything_."

I gasp again as he gently urges my legs apart and dips his head between them, those cool lips now gently sucking on something else.

"Oh god, _Edward_ . . . ."

I might still be a virgin but he and I have worked hard together for what we have now . . . .

His long fingers gently hold my hips and I try to be good, I really do, but the feel of his tongue stroking me is so erotic, so electrifying that it's always a struggle.

I cum with a raw scream, my thighs gripping him with all the strength I possess, my hips threatening to break free of his restraining fingers.

He moves back up my now languid body, kissing me as he goes, taking himself in hand and stroking himself oh so gently between my thighs. I know better than to move now but my breathing remains heavy at the sight of my beautiful man stroking himself as he moves back and forth through my sopping wet apex. This is always the most exquisite torture. It makes me ache for so much more but the sight of him as he comes undone is as priceless a gift as the orgasm it often gives me . . . .

"_Bella_." He groans as his cold seed spurts onto my stomach. "You are my life."

...

We spend the rest of the weekend at the house with the family, even Alice has learnt that sometimes the human needs downtime, not _experiences_.

...

And on Monday it's back to work. There aren't words to describe how much I'm loving my job. I'm not exactly good at it yet but I want to be, I _really_ want to be, and Greg has been so encouraging. The awesome colleagues don't hurt either, we don't exactly have a lot in common as a group but I think that's part of the fun, they're all nice and the gentle teasing is somehow comforting. Of course I think it helps that we work for a charity rather than a corporation, don't get me wrong, it doesn't mean we aren't taking it seriously, we all _care_ that's why we're here, but we don't have some great profit making ogre breathing down our necks.

...

"You don't mind?"

"Bella, it's your job, of course I don't mind and it's no different to when you visit Renee or Charlie."

"I know but you at least come with me then, even if they don't know it."

Silence.

Ah. I haven't asked him to come with me, in fact I think I've just told him I don't want him to, haven't I?

Yes, judging by the look on his face, I have.

"Edward . . . ."

"Bella. You're not a child. I love you and I'll worry about you, but I understand if you want to do this on your own."

Do I? Why the hell would I want to do that?

"Could you, come?"

"If that's what you want."

"I do."

"Alright then, hop in the shower and I'll sort things out."

"Thank you. I don't deserve you."

"Love, you deserve better than me, always."

...

"Bella." Greg sighs as I buckle myself into the seat next to him at the third attempt. "You're going to help me make a pitch, not throw yourself into a volcano."

"I know, sorry, I just don't want to screw up."

"You can't screw up. You can get corporate sponsorship or not get it."

"What if we don't get it because of me?"

"Bella, even your worst klutziness can be endearing, perhaps you should explore using it to your advantage?"

"Are you supposed to be teaching me things like that?"

"I'm old and I have four daughters, all older than you, if I expected perfection from them I'd be a basket case by now. The best I hoped for them would be that they'd learn and grow. I hope only the same for you."

"But if I get it wrong people will starve."

"People are starving all the time, it's not all on you, you need to remember that or this job will eat you alive. But if it's any consolation the eldest Daughter is a heart surgeon, her screw ups are very immediate, and very personal."

...

We polish up our pitch once we're settled in the hotel and then I drag myself off to bed, where I get to sink into Edward's cool embrace and re-hash my worries about the morning. Despite my fears, and tipping a glass of water down my front, it goes off without a hitch and Greg secures a pledge of half a million dollars over two years and we flew back to Boston in the highest of spirits.

...

"To Bellski!" Arthur roars, raising his glass in a drunken toast. "Deal closer extraordinaire!"

"Bellski!" They all yell, even Edward and Alice, as we down our shots.

...

"So drunk." I groan as Edward carries me back to the Volvo.

"We know." Alice laughs.

"Should have stopped me."

"You're a grown woman, you'll learn."

"Going to be sick . . . ."

"Don't worry Edward." Alice consoles as I carry out my promise. "I put spare pants in the car for you."

"I love you . . . . so sorry about your pants . . . . they were very nice, like your shoes too, like you . . . ."

"Oh Bella." Alice sighs. "I would so love to have been able to get drunk, at least once."

"Could have been a lush, Alshish."

"True, it doesn't count if I can't remember though does it?"

"S'not all it's cracked up to be . . . . ugh . . . . again Edward . . . . _sorry_ . . . ."

...

I open one eye cautiously and then the other.

Yep, bright sunlight, pounding headache, dry mouth that tastes vaguely of vomit.

The door opens slowly and Edward appears grinning from ear to ear and refracting the light like a disco ball.

"Ouch." I complain, pulling the covers over my head.

"Sorry." He chuckles, stretching out on the bed next to me. "Couldn't resist it."

"Put a shirt on."

"Already done."

Cautiously I peek out again, now only his face is sparkling and that's far more manageable.

"I'm so sorry." I murmur, snuggling into him. "I shouldn't drink, I already know this and it isn't fair to expect you to look after me when I do."

"Looking after you is what I do." He assures me, holding me tight. "And it's not like you make a habit of it."

"But I never have to do anything like this for you." I object.

"You would." He says simply. "If you needed to, that's all I need to know."

I would he's right, but still . . . .

...

"So how's it going?" Charlie asks.

"It's going great Dad, really, I love it."

"Any boys I need to come and scare?"

"No Dad, boy free zone."

"Any girlfriends?"

"Dad!"

"A father has to wonder." He continues with no finesse whatsoever. "You went off to college with that 'pretty' Edwin boy and nothing since. I want to know if I shouldn't be expecting grandchildren."

Beside me Edward stifles his snort of amusement in his sleeve, as a mind reader he's perfectly well aware that Charlie always secretly wanted to shoot him.

"Dad, I'm not into girls, I like boys, I just haven't found one I've clicked with yet, do you want all the gory details of how I've been looking?"

"No!" Dad barks.

Score Bella for the win.

"I didn't think so, how's Sue?"

"She's okay, Leah's still giving her trouble and Seth's got his girlfriend of three months pregnant."

"Wow."

"Not quite what Sue said."

"I can imagine. I won't ask if that's how you want grandkids."

"I wouldn't." Dad huffs. "I'm still a dead shot with a handgun."

"I gotta go Dad but I'll see you next week, right?"

"I'll pick you up from PA in the cruiser, I know how much you love that . . . ."

"Yeah, thanks Dad."

"Happy to help Bells, always happy to help."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 3 View Recent History**

**BPOV**

I have long since gotten used to being met at the airport by an archetypal sheriff with a lively moustache and burgeoning paunch. It doesn't really even faze me any more when he loads my bag into the trunk of the cruiser and makes the same old joke about whether I should ride in the front or the back. One of the things I've grown to love about Charlie since I moved back to Forks is his total consistency.

Bad jokes. Eating steak at the diner on Thursdays. Beer while the game's on. Fishing at every available moment. Deep suspicion of anything he didn't grow up with. And a chronic lack of small talk.

We ride back to Forks in companionable silence, I'll eek all the local news out of him while I'm cooking us dinner.

...

"Billy asked after you."

"I hope you told him I'm well."

"Of course. He rolled his eyes like he always does. He know something I don't?"

"Unlikely." I shrug.

"That's what I thought. Maybe he's still hoping you and Jacob will get it together."

"Extremely unlikely. Jake doesn't like me, remember?"

"He's young, maybe he's still thinks being uppity will get your attention." There's a long pause. "Billy said he might get Jake to run him over tomorrow night for the game."

"Jesus Dad, are you matchmaking?"

"Um, no?"

"Um, better not be. Jake and I don't have anything in common and we live on opposite sides of the country. Besides, he's not my type."

"What is your type?"

"I'm still rather partial to Brad Pitt."

"Jesus Bells, he's older than I am."

"Yeah Dad but he looks really good in a little leather skirt . . . ."

I watch him exit the kitchen, muttering to himself and manage not to laugh, just.

First night back I always cook fish because that's all he ever has in the freezer, tomorrow I'll go shopping and try something more cosmopolitan on him . . . . I wonder if I could get him to eat couscous?

...

Oh my god. Jessica. Abort, abort, abort . . . .

Damn, too late.

"Bellaaaaa! Long time no see!"

"Hi Jess, how are you?"

Oh my god. Pregnant, heavily pregnant.

"Mike and I are great thanks. I'm so sorry we didn't invite you to our wedding but you were graduating and well, you know."

"No, its fine. I hear it was quite the occasion."

"It was, biggest wedding ever in Forks."

"That's um, nice?"

Apparently whatever inanities I spout are immaterial and it's a full twenty minutes before I can escape her boastful bliss. I don't care how much they spent on their wedding. Or when Newton Junior is due, or how expensive their wedding present house was and I certainly didn't care for having my hand forcefully laid over her 'bump'. Jesus whatever happened to the concept of personal space?

The store, where I formally spent many hours trying to eke out our household budget suddenly seems like a haven as I bustle inside.

...

Jake did drop Billy off after dinner, in the driveway, before speeding off in a cloud of water vapour, yep raining in Forks, who could possibly have guessed it.

I'm not entirely sure what Billy thinks he knows but he's always surprised to see me and then a bit weird about it, under the circumstances I'm okay with that, it's much better than Jake. The Cullens weren't able to tell me exactly what's involved in turning into a wolf but I'm betting it was pretty traumatic because Jake disappeared for a couple of months and when he came back he couldn't stand to be anywhere around me. Apparently I stink of vampire and am the stupidest thing since stupid was invented. Oh well . . . .

...

I manage to fit in a quick visit to Angela Webber before I leave, she's done with college too and is about to move to England to work on a research project that's famous in her field of quantum mechanics. I've no interest in the quantums but I'm jealous that they're giving her the opportunity to live in another country. She and Ben genuinely didn't make it through college, they parted in the first semester, but have remained good friends, he's in Orlando now doing something with sports science.

...

Of necessity I fly out of PA and Edward leaves from Seattle, while we were in college he could run to Forks, now he has to fly too. It seems silly for him to come really, it's not like he can let anyone see him, but I always feel a frisson of excitement when he glides through my window after Charlie's gone to sleep.

...

"A week?"

I nod equal parts excited and hesitant.

"The convention's in Chicago, a load of us are going, and then Greg and I are flying on to Alaska to meet the oil company execs."

"You'll love Alaska, it's beautiful."

"I'm really looking forward to it."

"I'll come if you want me to Bella but it might be too difficult to be at the convention, someone might see me."

I nod again, I'd been thinking the same thing and it doesn't seem fair to expect him to hang out on the convention center roof like a vampire bat.

"What if we meet in Alaska, you could visit the Denalis?"

"Now that." He chuckles, rolling me on top of him so he can kiss the tip of my nose. "Sounds like a plan."

...

I'm in two minds about the Denalis. There are five of them, three sisters and a couple, Carmen and Eleazar. The sisters used to scare the ever loving what not out of me, not because they were vampires but because they are tall and blonde, and self possessed, and beautifully dressed, and a little haughty, and _old_ . . . .

I don't mind them quite so much now, Irina and Kate are actually a lot of fun and Tanya would be okay too if Rose hadn't taken great delight in telling me she was in love with Edward. Not that I probably wouldn't have been able to work that out myself, she might be a vampire but she's pretty much got a flashing neon sign over her head where her feelings for him are concerned and I think it says a lot about what a decent person she is that she accepts me at his side even though she is manifestly more suitable for him.

We have talked about that, Edward and I and he's quite right when he says that her 'suitability' is a moot point when it's me he loves, but still, I wouldn't be human if I didn't worry about them spending time together, would I?

Yeah, no irony there . . . .

...

"You should tell him." Alice says gently as we lower ourselves into Esme's Jacuzzi.

"Why? He knows I have the 'green eyed monster' where Tanya's concerned."

"You try too hard sometimes to make sure everyone else is happy."

"Hardly." I snort, thinking about Edward's somewhat limited existence with me.

"Bella your future still isn't certain."

"I know. Turned. Drained. Accidentally squished while losing my virginity, we've been through this a thousand times."

"Talk to him Bella."

"Again?"

"Again."

"Is there any point?" I ask, hope and fear swelling inside me. "He doesn't want to 'damn' me to life as a vampire, or hurt me in any way shape or form and I don't want to lose him. We're still in stalemate."

And I'm afraid of rocking the boat again so soon, we had our last 'odd' conversation the night I graduated.

"Talk to him Bella."

"Okay." I sigh and she laughs. "What?"

"You haven't decided to do it because nothing in the future has changed."

"I thought you said it still wasn't certain?"

"It isn't. God I wish I could properly enjoy this, what's it like?"

"Awesome. The warmth soothes the muscles and the jets gently flex them."

"Is it bliss?"

"Pretty much."

Now it's Alice's turn to sigh and we lapse into silence.

Maybe it's not too soon to talk to him again? My starting work must be making a difference. I wasn't exactly sober the night I graduated and may not have done myself justice. I told him things would change, get harder, harder on him, but he dismissed it assuring me of his love and how he was happy for me to do whatever made me happy. He said I shouldn't be so ready to give up my life when I was just starting to live it. I did tell him that he was my life as much as I'm his but maybe it didn't carry any weight when I could barely stand up? But I was right, wasn't I? About my working making a difference.

He's said before that I don't have to work but that's a concession to 'us' I just can't make, I can't be a kept woman, ever. We talked it through. We can move with the family and I can get another job, which I told him I would do, or we could stay if I was happy with what I had and he'd go into hiding again. I knew, know, that isn't a great solution, but I wasn't _compos mentis_ enough to counter it at the time.

Maybe six months into the new life is the time to challenge that again, is that what Alice is getting at?

"It's a start." She chuckles, surprising me out of my revere.

I guess I've made a decision then . . . .

...

Not tonight, tonight I'm content for us to just be . . . .

...

Or tonight, I'm too tired . . . .

...

Not tonight, he's too distant . . . .

...

Not tonight, not after we've 'made love' . . . .

...

Not tonight, too many supernatural 'ears' to hear us . . . .

...

Friday night drinks have become something of a habit, sometimes Edward and Alice join us, sometimes it's just me and my colleagues. I still don't understand why I get hit on so often but it makes the others howl with laughter and assure the man, or woman, in question that they've no chance, they should see my gorgeous and devoted boyfriend . . . .

"No MDB tonight?" Arthur slurs as he slumps into the seat beside me and I can't help but smile, even a good drink can't dampen his British accent.

"Nope."

"No exquisite little sister either?"

"You have met her husband." I remind him.

"Yep. Wouldn't kick him out of bed either."

"Ew."

"Beauty is beauty, I'm easy."

"Way too easy!" Steffers hollers from across the table to a round of inebriated laughter.

"Where are they?" Arthur asks, ignoring Steffers.

"Hunting trip."

"Whoa, you're in with the hunting, shooting and fishin' set Bells, I hope you've had your hands in their pockets."

"The Masens donate to a lot of charities Arthur, including ours."

"Excellent. Excellent. Rory, my glass is empty and I believe it's your round."

Rory surges to his feet, fishing for his money and swaying slightly, I think it's time for me to go home.

...

"No, Edward, I'm fine, they got my purse, nothing else, I don't have a scratch on me."

"I'm coming home."

"No. Finish your hunt."

"Bella . . . ."

"I'm fine Edward, really. Charlie's already got the entire Boston PD on high alert and insisted that I triple bolt the door."

"Have you set the alarm?"

"Yes. I'm on total lock down as demonstrated by Jasper and I'm tired so I'm going to bed."

"Bella, I'm so sorry, I should have been there."

"You can't follow me everywhere Edward."

Silence.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 4 POI**

**BPOV**

Of course he came back, frightened the shit out of me in fact when he woke me up . . . .

Things have been awkward since, my brush with a mugger while he wasn't here has really upset him and he's had no real time to recover his equilibrium before I head off to Chicago.

He wants to do the vampire bat thing on the roof but I'm really against it for some reason.

I'm a human, humans get mugged all the time, we mostly survive it. Charlie's FedExed me some new pepper spray and Jasper and Em have given me a new handgun and made me practise with it.

Edward's going to know I left it behind but since Alice has taken him out on some errand I'm guessing it's no disaster . . . .

...

"Bellski! Nice carry on, Gucci?"

"Maybe?"

"So innocent, I like that about you."

...

The hotel is pretty basic, the Foundation doesn't waste money on fripperies, but that's something I can completely understand.

Unpacking, even with Alice's additions to my wardrobe, doesn't take long and as eager as a beaver I head downstairs to rejoin the group.

...

"All corporations are concerned about their image in this day and age." Greg explains as he tours the stands with Steffers and I. "That doesn't mean they care but that also doesn't mean we shouldn't take their money. Don't judge and don't scowl, all the CEOs will want to be photographed on our stand. Let them. Just smile like someone else's life depends on it."

...

The first day hurtles past in a complete blur of smiling and hand shaking. It could be delirium but some of these captains of industry actually seemed interested in giving something back, in time if not in money. Either way I'm too tired to judge, and my feet are killing me.

Never, ever, drink alcohol before you eat.

Two steps forward one step back eventually gets me to my room and I'm pretty sure my famished but inebriated brain fabricated an amused looking Em at the end of hotel corridor.

...

"Bells, this is Ty Morgan, lobbyist and friend to the Foundation."

"Ty, this is Bella Swan my protégé, you two should get to know each other, I know you'll work well together . . . . Simon, Simon, so glad I caught you . . . ."

And he's off . . . .

"Hi." I murmur offering Ty my hand.

"___Enchanté_." He chuckles, turning it over to kiss the back of it.

"That's really corny." I observe, easing it back into my possession.

"I know." He laughs. "My middle name is corn. Have you been down the food to go aisle yet?"

"No."

"You should, those guys feel so guilty they're practically emptying their wallets onto the floor."

And indeed its true, food miles, packaging for our convenience, waste, the air is fairly thick with guilt that needs to be assuaged . . . .

...

"Here he comes." Steffers growls.

"Who?"

"Ty Superhero Morgan."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Absolutely fucking nothing." Steffers sighs. "You won't even need a condom."

"What!?"

"What he means Bellski is that if you get the chance, boink away." Arthur informs me sotto voce as he sidles up to the bar next to me. "I would."

"Yeah, Arthur, Edward would love that."

"Pfft." He dismisses. "How'd he even know?"

"I'm not a cheater."

"You're a nice girl, we know this, but what's MDB up to while you're away? Visiting his cousin? Cosy."

"Fuck you Arthur."

"I wish. Oh look, incoming . . . ."

"Hi Bella."

"Hi Ty."

"Stephan, Arthur."

"Ty."

And the two of them just walk away, what the fuck . . . .

"Don't laugh." I instruct the very amused lobbyist.

"I wouldn't dream of it. The age of chivalry is not entirely dead and a beautiful woman should never be left in distress."

"I'm not, um, either of those things."

"Oh, I think you are . . . . another cocktail?"

...

"Seriously, he shook my hand then looked me up and I down like I was some new form of life. 'An environmentalist, really? You don't look like one' every witty come back I have went out the window."

"Why?"

"President of the United States."

"I guess, did you vote for him?"

"I did actually."

"So did I."

"Momentous isn't it?"

"In a weird way, my first."

"That's an odd thing to say but I think I know what you mean."

Yeah, Ty, you probably don't . . . . I've had the personal low down on pretty much all of his predecessors from one Cullen or another.

"Dance?"

"Oh, ah, um . . . ."

"Me neither." He laughs. "But I'm told it's often the right question to ask."

"I can't dance." I admit. "Massively clumsy, feet get crushed, drinks get spilt."

"Surely not? You're so graceful."

"Oh, ah, um . . . ."

"Chillax Bella, I'll get us another drink."

"Okay . . . ."

...

"Bella." Greg snickers. "You survived your first night, well done."

"Headache." I admit with a groan.

"Occupational hazard. You ready to secure some donations?"

"I guess?"

"Where do you want to start?"

"Food to Go."

"Smart, very smart . . . ."

...

"Let's adjourn to the bar for a drink." Arthur suggests as we finish our desserts.

"Not me, my feet are killing me and I haven't recovered from last night." I groan. And I've eaten way too much to want to do anything except lie down and watch TV for a bit.

The others head off in high spirits and head back to my room, sighing in relief as I ease off my shoes and shrug out of my business suit.

"Thank god."

I stretch out on the bed and dial Edward.

"Hey." He greets me.

"You sound cheerful."

"Just been for a run in the tundra."

"Denalis okay?"

"They are, how about you, having fun?"

"Not exactly." I laugh. "I'm shattered and my feet are killing me."

"I'll give you a foot rub tomorrow night."

"Thanks." I sigh, he's so good at it they feel better just thinking about it. "I can't wait to see you, I can't remember the last time we were apart this long."

"We haven't been."

"We haven't?" I ask, surprised.

"No. Never."

"Wow."

"Quite." He laughs quietly. "No wonder I feel like I've had a limb amputated."

...

"There he is." I screech, zipping through the crowd at Anchorage airport with uncustomary haste.

God he smells so good, and feels so good . . . .

"Bella." He breathes into my hair and we both sigh.

"Young love." Greg chuckles, coming to join us.

"Sorry." Edward apologies, letting me go and very briefly shaking Greg's hand. "You know how it is."

"I think I can just about remember. Bella said you've hired a car?"

"Yes, Sir, if you're ready I'll drive us back to the hotel."

Greg quizzes him good naturedly about his Alaskan family while I relax in the back of the car, meeting Edward's gold eyes from time to time in the mirror and sharing a smile with him.

...

Edward's lounging on our bed in his boxers when I come out of the bathroom, always an attractive sight, but it's the dark coal black of his eyes that captures my attention.

Feeling brazen I slowly open my towel and let it drop to the floor, which gets me a sharp and very sexy intake of his breath.

"Touch me Edward." I whisper, keeping completely still as he appears suddenly in front of me, my nipples brushing his cool chest. I wonder if he'll let me . . . . he sometimes does when he's like this . . . .

Holding his eyes I reach out and slowly stroke the erection tenting his boxers, his nostrils flare but he doesn't stop me, so I close my hands around it and stroke them gently up and down.

He closes his eyes and his head falls back slightly.

Encouraged I slip my hands into his waistband and ease the boxers out of my way, taking the chance to look down as my hands find him again. There isn't a part of Edward that isn't beautiful, that I don't long to touch, or taste . . . . one day, maybe . . . .

"_Bella_ . . . . _please_ . . . ." He groans but since he hasn't moved I assume that's permission for me to continue.

I tighten my grip, knowing I can't hurt him, and speed up my movements. Edward described the feel of my hands on him once as the most divine slow torture.

After a few minutes he snatches his hands away from me and tangles them behind his back.

"So close Bella . . . . so close . . . ."

The force of his climax sends him to his knees and after a moment he relaxes enough to wind his arms around my waist and bury his face in my stomach.

"Thank you, I love you."

"I love you too." I answer, threading my hands through his glorious thick hair.

It's so hot, when he lets me do that, so hot . . . . and I know he can smell it, I don't care though, he and I are well past awkward embarrassment, we've had to be . . . .

He lifts me easily and carries me to the bed hovering over me and kissing me deeply before turning us over so that I'm on top and I moan in anticipation, he only lets me do this when he's already cum . . . .

Closing my eyes I begin to move myself back and forth over his straining erection, flexing my hips to get just the right pressure over my clit each time I slide back down him. He won't move or touch me while I do this, which is a shame, though I understand why. I know it's a bad idea to linger too long with his tip at my entrance but I can't help it, the temptation is just too much, and the feel of him pressing against me is just too good . . . . he'll stop me if I go too far . . . . he always does . . . .

Eventually I can't bear to torture myself any longer and I change positions so that I'm rubbing him harder and faster against my clit, I need to cum, I need the release . . . .

"Edward!" I scream as I finally tumble over the edge, collapsing onto his chest.

After a few frantic beats of my heart his arms close around me, holding me close.

"I suppose a foot rub's out of the question now?" I murmur into his chest and his laughter jostles me off him and onto my back.

...

After a full day of meetings I fall asleep on the flight back to Boston as Edward and Greg chat quietly.

...

"Home sweet home." I sigh happily as I drag my bag into the bedroom.

"Tired?"

"Exhausted."

"Off to bed with you then."

"But I haven't spent any proper time with you in days." I object.

"I'll be here in the morning, we can have a lazy morning in bed if you want, its Saturday."

"How lazy?" I demand, my mind already going back to our Anchorage hotel room.

He throws his head back and laughs, he knows me too well it seems . . . .


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 5 Select Destination or Click on Map**

**BPOV**

My colleagues are all gathered around my cubicle smiling evilly when I arrive on Monday morning.

"What?"

"Flowers." Arthur informs me, moving aside so I can see them. "We're trying to work out if they're because MDB diddled his cousin or if they're from some ardent admirer."

"I'm surprised you haven't read the card." I growl, squeezing past him.

"I would have but Steffers wouldn't let me, his Germanic sensibilities were offended by the idea or something."

"Thanks Stephan."

"My pleasure Bella."

The flowers are beautiful but not Edward's style so I open the card with some trepidation.

'Lovely to meet you finally, Ty, x.'

Oh, ah, um . . . .

"I knew it, you owe me twenty Steffers, cough up."

"Is nothing private . . . ."

"Not round here Bells." Arthur chuckles as he departs snapping his crisp new twenty dollar bill.

...

This job is not all glamour, the next couple of weeks are a hard slog of spreadsheet analysis, trying and failing to get through to all the people I met in Chicago who promised they'd talk to me and coming up with an angle for our next campaign.

At least I don't have to do that last one alone, there are a dozen of us on that team, which is just as well because frankly I've got nothing . . . .

...

"Washington?"

Greg nods, his smile growing.

"DC?"

Another nod.

"But . . . ."

"Come on Bella, come spill some coffee on a few Senators and see how much money that nets us . . . . we have to take Arthur with us though I'm afraid, his accent is remarkably effective . . . ."

...

"He won't be angry." Alice assures me as she tosses another cocktail dress over the door for me to try. "He loves you, so he loves that you're doing well with your career."

"Maybe I should just ask him to come with me?"

"It can be quite healthy for a relationship to spend some time apart."

"Alice, you start freaking out after more than five hours away from Jasper."

"That's different, we're vampires."

"Edward's a vampire."

"A vampire in love with a human, he knew what he was signing on for."

"Doesn't mean its okay for me to deliberately make him suffer." I pause. "This one makes me look like Grandma Swan's toilet roll cover."

"Try this . . . ."

Another dress floats over the door.

"Bella, he wants you to stay human, maybe he needs a bit more exposure to what that actually _means_."

"As if me being mugged wasn't enough." I point out.

"Then talk to him. You made a decision to do it but seem to have changed your mind."

"It's not that easy."

"Use your words Bella, or use your wiles, but don't just do nothing. It won't end well."

"What have you seen?"

"I don't need to see anything, I just need to be old. Deciding to do nothing rarely ends well for anybody."

"This one's a bit too much for me."

"Let me see."

I open the door.

"Wow, Bella, you look amazing!"

"Really?" I ask, surveying my reflection doubtfully.

"Yes, amazing, but you'll need heels . . . ."

She narrows her eyes and I immediately get nervous.

"It's too tight."

"It was too tight for teenage Bella but it looks awesome and extremely sophisticated on grown up Bella."

"You think?"

"I know. Now take it off before Klutz Bella destroys it."

"Nice."

"I'm your sister, I don't have to be nice, just honest."

...

If Edward was unhappy that I'd be away for a week he didn't say anything, he's still a bit quiet to be honest . . . .

...

"Aren't you nervous?" I demand of Arthur as he leans against the pillar next to me outside the hotel and tokes on his cigarette.

"Nope, had dinner with HRH once, albeit about fifty yards away down an incredibly long table but if I survived that I can survive a meet and greet in DC."

"I guess that's not a rented tux then."

"What, this old thing? Hardly. Now that." He says as Greg emerges from the brightly lit foyer. "Is a rental."

"Don't be mean."

"Its not mean, it's either a rental or he was too tight to bury his Dad in it . . . . ooofffff!"

Occasionally it's nice to be able to elbow the person who is irritating you without fear of a broken bone.

"You kids ready?"

...

"Here." Arthur offers me his arm as I wobble my way toward the receiving line in my new heels.

"Thanks."

...

"It's champagne."

"I know that."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The bubbles go up my nose."

Arthur seems to find this exceedingly funny . . . .

...

I've no experience of date nights but this is just . . . . ew . . . . I've been hit on so many times by movers and shakers who are old enough to be Charlie's father that I may never regard the male of the species in the same way again . . . . it's just . . . . nasty . . . . and the grown up Bella dress was clearly a bad move . . . .

"Wow." A familiar voice mock gasps. "You look incredibly miserable."

"Hi Ty."

"What's up?"

"Just a bit overwhelmed."

"Oh dear. And you haven't even met Williams yet."

"Do I want to?"

"Probably not, the guy's like an octopus apparently."

"Have you been watching me?"

"Watching you get hit on? Yes I have."

"Couldn't you have rescued me?"

"I didn't see the need, you handled them all with the utmost charm."

Without conscious thought my eyes check him out, his own tux, definitely.

Of course he notices and laughs his handsome head off.

"Come on." He snickers, grabbing my hand. "Let me introduce you to a few people whose minds aren't in their genitals . . . ."

...

"Good party?"

"Scary."

"You're as good as all those people Bella, you deserved to be there."

"Thanks."

"It's my pleasure and I have a message for you from Alice."

"What?"

"She says wear flats tomorrow or you're never going to forgive her."

"Thanks, good to know."

...

Yep, marble floors, heels would have been a very bad idea . . . .

...

"Have dinner with me?"

"What? No. I can't do that!"

Of course Ty thinks that's hilarious. His bright blue eyes really sparkle when he's amused.

"Bella, its networking, don't freak out, it doesn't mean anything."

It doesn't?

"You and I can help each other with our careers and goals, that's why Greg introduced us."

But you sent me flowers . . . .

"I love your 'rabbit in the headlights look'." He chuckles. "Dinner. Greg's meeting with Williams and his entourage and that little dork Arthur's got himself an invite to a very swish party. Eat dinner with me, it's more fun than eating in your room."

"Nothing fancy."

"I know just the place, I'll pick you up at eight."

"Okay."

"Okay."

...

"You okay?" Mom asks.

"I've been to the Capitol building."

"Don't freak out honey, it's just a building."

"But Mom . . . ."

"Bella, I know you laugh at my karma period but I always knew you were destined for a life like that."

"A life of terror in superior company?"

"No, a life of making a difference."

"Mom . . . ."

"Carpe diem baby."

...

"Taco Bell?"

"They've a special on, you think we lobbyists are all rich?"

I'm still laughing, and a lot more relaxed, as Ty guides me into the restaurant.

...

Ty delivers me back to the hotel lobby where Arthur is sprawled on one of the couches amusing himself on his iPhone.

"Good night?"

"Taco Bell."

"Very you."

"Fuck off Arthur." I huff with no heat as I fling myself onto the couch beside him. "I thought you were at a 'swish' party."

"Parties are very much overrated, I'm going out for a fag, care to join me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Two nations divided by a common language. I am ready for a cigarette Bella Swan but the law requires me to smoke it outside, would you care to join me?"

"I guess, but if you blow smoke in my face again I'm going to knee you in a sensitive area."

"Duly noted, shall we?"

...

"Same old suspects." Greg observes as he exits his cab.

"Waiting patiently for their leader to return." Arthur drawls, flicking his cigarette.

"Well your patience has been rewarded, off to bed the pair of you, Bella's absolutely blue with cold."

It is cold, I hadn't noticed because I'd been laughing so much . . . .

...

Today's a free day so Greg takes me to a women's refuge in the heart of the capitol of the United States.

Jesus. Christ.

...

"Bells, you can't help everyone." Arthur consoles as I down my third drink.

"I know."

"Do you, because it doesn't look like it right now."

"It was traumatic, you weren't there."

"I volunteered in Africa before the Foundation took me on, there's bad and there's bad, want to compare notes?"

"Jesus, no, I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Just be pragmatic. A single person can't save the world. They can only make a contribution."

"There's so much more that needs contributing to than I realised before I took this job on."

"Well you're in the right place." Arthur says, turning away the barman who seems eager to tee up my fourth drink. "That's what's so great about the Foundation, we raise awareness."

"Is that why you wanted to work here?" I ask, trying to get the barman to come back.

"Yes. I tried the hands on approach, and its great when one person can be saved or a family's lives improved, but it's just a drop in the ocean, I want to make a difference, not a brief dent."

"That's very noble." I observe as he helps me off my stool.

"I know. And so is helping drunken colleagues off to bed."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Possibly not but you are the most accident prone danger magnet I've ever met."

"You're not the first person to tell me that." I sigh.

"I can imagine." He drawls. "MDB must have balls of steel."

I can't tell him why that's funny so I expect he thinks I'm drunker than I am . . . .

...

By the end of the week I'm pretty sure my head's going to explode from all the things I've learned and the names Greg seems to think I'll remember but I'm buzzing with energy and completely unable to sleep on the flight home.

My mind is all over the place and its a pleasant surprise when Edward attracts my attention at the Gate, I'd forgotten he was coming to pick me up . . . .

...

I'm aware that Edward's still quiet, of course I am, but I'm not sure I'm in a fit state to initiate one of our 'odd' conversations tonight, not when I have so many other things to think about. But maybe I should, Alice is right, talking is important and getting Edward, a chronic brooder, to talk is absolutely critical.

I wait until we're spooning in bed before I tackle him.

"You're very quiet." I observe quietly, getting only a hum in response.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Edward." I warn, using my heel to poke him gently in the shin.

"You could have been killed."

"I was mugged and I'm fine."

"I wasn't here."

"No you weren't but that's how life works and it doesn't make it your fault."

"I wasn't in Chicago or Washington with you either. Anything could have happened."

"I don't know what you want me to say." Deep breath. "If you changed me it wouldn't be a problem."

"How can I?" He sighs, squeezing me as tight as he dares. "Have you seen yourself recently Bella? You're glowing with life and happiness, how could I take that away from you?"

"It's just a job Edward."

"Its career Bella, and a life choice, surely you can see that?"

"I would miss it." I admit. "But there are other things I can do, other differences I could make, if I were like you we'd have, I'd have, forever to live and glow with happiness."

"How can you be sure? If you change your mind you can't just 'divorce' me and go back to being a human."

"Edward, I'm never going to change my mind about you."

Silence.

I roll over to face him, just about able to make out his fine features in the darkness.

"I love you Edward. You _are_ my life."

"I shouldn't be."

"But you are, so change me."

"Alice says I should. She says I'll lose you if I don't . . . ."

"You'll lose me one day Edward, I'm a human, I can't do anything to stop that, no matter how much I know it will hurt you."

His long fingers cup my face as he kisses me slowly and deeply.

"I'm so torn." He admits when he has to release me so I can start breathing again.

My heart stops beating briefly and I suck in a ragged breath. I always hoped that deep in _his_ heart he wanted me with him forever, I couldn't have lived like this with him for so long if I hadn't had that faith but this is the first time he's shown me even a _hint _of it.

"I want to keep you with me forever and I want to keep you safe, but you're not a bird Bella, you shouldn't be caged by my selfishness."

"Edward . . . ." There's so much I want to say at this point, and quickly, but my cell starts to vibrate and after a second his does too . . . .


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 6 Please Wait While Your Route is Re-Calculated**

**BPOV**

"Hello?"

"Jazz?"

...

The flight to PA was interminable but at least there was no need for Edward to take a separate one.

We did, however travel to Forks separately. Me in a rental, him on foot.

...

I've never been a big fan of hospitals, they have negative connotations for me.

Falling off things. Under things. Grandma Swan dying. Phoenix.

But this, this really sucks.

There is no crime in Forks. None whatsoever. Charlie doesn't allow it.

I haven't eaten. I haven't slept.

...

"Bella?"

"Oh, hi, Doctor, um . . . ." I recognise him but he could be Doctor Who for all I know . . . .

"Bella, you can see him now, but there are some things we need to discuss first . . . ."

I need Edward.

But he can't come here.

Not with all these people around to recognise him . . . .

...

Of all the things, and there are many, that I need to deal with, it's the fact that they've shaved off the stache that has me really struggling. He's just . . . . not Charlie . . . .

...

It's difficult to describe how I feel.

Angry.

Sad.

Scared.

Frustrated.

Resigned.

Alone.

Grown up.

Childish.

Generous.

Selfish.

Exhausted.

...

"Mom!" Oh thank fuck . . . .

"Baby, baby, baby, it's okay, it's gonna be okay, I'm here, I'm here."

She asked a lot of questions, confiscated my unanswered cell and force fed me from the hospital cafeteria. Then she took me back to Charlie's and tucked me into bed . . . .

...

I called Greg and he was very understanding, awarding me a 'sabbatical'. I'm not sure what that meant but Mom said it was good . . . .

I missed Edward and I needed him badly but all we had were snatched moments.

Mom was only able to stay a few days, she has her own job and bills to pay, but for all her 'ditziness' in the past she was able to pluck me out of the mire, shake me off and set me back down on dry land. Semi ready to face up to my new reality.

Charlie's insurance was not going to cover his medical bills and his living expenses until he was back on his feet.

And with two problem children, a full time job and a grandchild on the way Sue wasn't going to be able to look after him until he did.

...

"No."

"Bella . . . ."

"I'm not your wife Edward, or your equal, and even if I was I wouldn't let you do this. He's my father. It's my responsibility to take care of him, not pay someone else to do it."

"Your job, Bella, your life . . . ."

"No."

I roll away from him, presenting him, on our first night together since the call, with my rigid back.

I know he thinks I'm being unreasonable, not to mention a complete hypocrite, but I can't take his money or abandon my Dad, I just can't.

...

The morning sun wakes me from my fitful slumber but it's not Edward's face that greets me, its Alice's.

"Hey." She says quietly. "How are you holding up?"

"Badly?" I suggest, sitting up and rubbing my puffy eyes.

She smiles gently in acknowledgement.

"Where's Edward?"

"Jazz has taken him hunting, he hasn't fed in over a week."

"Oh god." I groan, flopping back down to stare at the ceiling. "I hadn't even noticed, hadn't even thought . . . ."

"You're not his keeper Bella, he's old enough to know better, but he was worried about you and didn't want to be too far away, just in case. There's no harm done, I foresee him coming home later today with flushed cheeks, bright eyes and a slightly more optimistic outlook."

"Only slightly, huh?"

"You've already decided what you're going to do and I'm afraid he plucked it out of my head before I could hide it."

"I don't have a choice."

"That's not strictly true but I understand your thinking nevertheless."

"What's going to happen now?"

"I don't know, not for sure, there are still many pathways to your future, some new, some old."

After a moment I voice my deepest fear as a question.

"Not all of them Bella." She answers heavily.

...

The cupboard is bare so I head to the store, alone, Alice can't be seen around here either. But she does help me pack the groceries away when I get home.

Then I visit the hospital. Charlie is still unconscious but I tell myself to take heart from the fact the Doctors think his condition is improving.

When I get home Alice is gone and Edward is cooking up a storm in the kitchen, she was right, he does look better even though it's pretty much impossible for him to look bad.

I hover in the doorway, acutely aware that for the first time in years we don't seem to know what to say to each other.

After an interminable pause he opens his arms and I fly into them.

Cold comfort . . . .

He makes sure I eat something and then we retire to the saggy old couch to talk.

He accepts that I can't and won't leave Charlie and has the good grace not to point out that it wouldn't be an option if he'd changed me.

And I accept that he can't and won't leave me.

So we talk about what that means.

He can't stay here, not when Charlie comes home, though he can visit in the night the way he used to. He can't be seen around town, he hasn't aged and the rest of us have. He can't return to their old house, its being rented to the new Principal at the High School. He can build something out in the wilds quite easily and with money no object he can connect it up to the modern world. The rest of the family can move back across the country to somewhere in running distance so they can support us.

It's not the first time I've been aware of how my existence drags at theirs like a lodestone. But it is the first time I've had the selfishness to think about how it drags at mine. And it is selfish, they love me, they see me as family, they want to support me, they just can't do it in the traditional way. I've been more than happy to accept that in the past but tonight it feels like it isn't enough. How bad it that considering the sacrifices they make? Hopefully it's just because I'm tired and scared and out of sorts.

He doesn't think the wolves will be a problem, they never have been before as long as the treaty is observed.

We can't agree on whether or not he should help me out financially so we eventually agree to disagree.

...

Newton's offered me a job.

And Alice shipped my stuff.

Greg extended my sabbatical to a year and promised to visit when he's in Seattle.

Arthur and Steffers sent me a bottle of champagne, a wilderness survival kit and something lacy to 'cheer up MDB'."

...

"A what?" I ask Mrs Newton, sure I've misheard.

"A fundraiser."

"Um, I'm not sure Charlie would appreciate . . . ."

"Nonsense dear. He's much loved in this town."

"I'm pleased to hear it Mrs Newton, but again, I'm not sure . . . ."

"It will only take a month to pull it together, don't worry about it dear, it's all in hand."

And she turns on her spiky heels and clacks away down the aisle.

"Fucking great. Just fucking _brilliant_ . . . ."

I actually quite like shelf stacking in a weird way, its ordered precision but there's an element of artistry to it too.

Yeah, dredging the bottom of the barrel but you have to take your 'happy' where you find it.

...

"You look as miserable as I feel." I observe as I kick off my shoes and flop down next to Edward.

"Sorry." He says, tucking me into his side. "Just one of those days."

"What's up?"

"Carlisle's found a hospital post and Esme's found a house but Rose is kicking off."

"I don't blame her."

"No." Edward sighs. "I can't either."

"They don't have to come here."

"I've told them that. They're having a family meeting."

"When?"

"Tonight."

"_Edward_ . . . ."

"It means leaving you alone."

"I can cope alone Edward, this is important, they're your family. Go, take part, hear what they have to say, make sure they understand they don't have to sacrifice anything for us. We'll love them just as much and see them whenever we can."

Silence.

"Edward. Go."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am." I answer, climbing into his lap to kiss him. "The sooner you go the sooner you can come back."

...

I wake up alone in the morning, I was expecting it but it's still a bit weird.

I don't have to work today so I get stuck into the chores. I swear there are parts of this house Charlie hasn't even been in since I moved out. I strip his bed and blitz his room. Then mine. And so on and so on until I've done the whole house. The physical exhaustion is welcome as I curl up on the couch, I can visit the hospital later.

It's dark when I wake up and I scrabble for my cell.

"Shit." It's after ten, too late to go see Charlie.

I have a text from Edward.

'Home by midnight. Don't wait up.'

'Wake me?' I respond.

'Okay, love you.'

'Love you too.'

...

"Bella, Love . . . ."

I open my eyes to find his perfect face illuminated by my alarm clock.

"You're back."

"A whole ten minutes early." He chuckles, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Come to bed?"

"Of course."

There's some movement and a bit of a breeze and then he's gathered me into my blankets and his arms.

"What happened?"

"They're staying in Boston."

"I'm sorry Edward."

"Don't be Love, these things have a way of working themselves out, and it's not something that millions of other families don't have to deal with."

"I know but . . . ."

"No buts."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"I love you Edward."

"I know."

...

"All the tickets are sold."

"They are?"

"Every single one."

"That's um . . . ."

"I told you dear, he's much loved in this town."

"Thank you, I . . . ."

"No need dear, no need."

Mrs Newton clacks away and I shake my head.

Bella and Charlie Swan, charity cases, but I guess there isn't much I can do about it. Show up. Smile. Say thanks a lot. Take the money. Use it to help Charlie. I'm not ungrateful, I'm just . . . . actually I don't know what I am but it definitely isn't happy.

With a sigh I turn back to the tents. They're a major challenge to merchandise since they take up so much space. Mike likes them in straight lines like an army encampment but I think I can do better than that . . . .

...

Nurse Cheryl Crowley and I have become friends so I don't mind her less than professional delivery of the good news.

"He's awake, haul ass Swan . . . ."

Of all the things I wanted to say to him when he regained consciousness the best I could do was;

"What the fuck? How did you manage to get _shot_, in _Forks_?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 7 Cutlery, via Boston**

**BPOV**

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks." I murmur, giving him a twirl. "I wish you could come."

"Next time ask Mrs Newton to make it a masquerade ball." He smirks, pulling me in for a hug.

"Yeah, Edward, I think that's a tad sophisticated for Forks and besides I'm really hoping he doesn't get himself shot again."

He shakes his head and smiles as he drops a kiss on the top of my head.

"I won't be long." I assure him.

"I'll be here."

I climb into my truck, which made it home yesterday courtesy of Rose, and it starts up with its familiar roar. If I wasn't wearing a DC cocktail dress and heading off to a party on my own I'd think I'd skipped back a couple of years and got a do over.

Hah.

I've decided to be fashionably late which I'm regretting now because the High School gymnasium is heaving as I make way inside and all eyes turn to me.

I wave a little stupidly.

Yep. It's me. Bella Swan. Hi there.

Fortunately I don't have time to get any more self conscious because Mrs Newton and Mike swoop down on me and carry me into the throng.

It won't be so bad I guess. The people of Forks are a friendly enough bunch and it wasn't their fault I was an awkward teen and could barely manage to interact with most of them. All the generations are represented, including the one I went to school with so there's a bit of an air of a reunion and I can't decide whether it's appropriate or not. There are quite a lot of people from the Res here too which I suppose isn't surprising.

Some of the night is unsurprising. Mike still seems a lot keener on me than he should be considering Jess has recently provided him with a son and heir. Most of the people from the Res are skirting round me like I've got some sort of communicable disease, only Billy, Seth and Sue don't seem to be bothered by my vampire sympathising tendencies. Tyler is as exuberant as ever, something Cheryl clearly loves or she'd never have let him marry her and drag her back here from Detroit. No Lauren Mallory, she went off to college and never came back, sensible girl. No Eric Yorkie either, his proud mama told me he's doing something geeky for NASA. I have to dance with pretty much every one of my male fellow citizens and Mrs Newton is being assiduous in making sure I dance with the single ones more than once, even old Mr Adams, which is frankly more than a little creepy.

What does surprise me is that I'm actually having a good time despite the reasons for being here.

And how much money they've raised.

I really don't approve but that doesn't stop me bawling like an idiot and making a complete hash of the speech Edward suggested I prepare. I don't even mind for a moment that Mike's comforting me with a bit more enthusiasm than is called for, not that it lasts long, Mrs Newton is on him like a hawk leaving the way clear for an awkward moment with Billy and Sue.

"I'm sorry Billy, I know you're probably not happy that we're here but I have to look after Charlie."

"He's your father Bella, I wouldn't expect anything less of you. It's a shame the cold one has to be here too but he hasn't proved himself to be dangerous so far."

"Thanks."

He nods and wheels himself away, leaving me with Sue who smiles at me softly.

"You okay?"

I shake my head.

"He's going to get better Bella, he's a stubborn old cuss."

I nod, too choked for a moment to speak.

"And we'll cope, together."

I nod again as fresh tears starting leaking out and she gathers me into a motherly hug.

...

The rumble of the engine hasn't even died away when Edward pulls me out of the truck and into his arms.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine." I murmur, wrapping my arms around his waist. "It wasn't so bad."

"And the wolves?" He asks as he carries me inside and kicks the door shut.

"They were fine Edward."

"Just be careful with them, please, they can be dangerous, especially the new ones."

"Okay but you need to stop worrying so much." I giggle, running my fingers through his hair. "You'll go prematurely grey."

Though actually he won't, will he?

It's me that will go prematurely grey, juggling the bills, work, taking care of Charlie, worrying about Edward.

And I have to acknowledge that my worry about Edward is changing with my life. My all consuming terror was that he'd leave me, decide once and for all that I'm better off without him. Closely followed by my fear of growing into an old maid with his perfection by my side, though that fear was definitely the lesser of two evils, I love Edward and any Edward is better than none.

But that's irrelevant at the moment, I can't be changed even if he would, I have Charlie to consider. So my worries about Edward are different now, the selfless immortal chained to the human with the ordinary human life, he deserves better, needs more.

"Bella?"

"Oh sorry Edward, I was miles away."

...

Charlie and I have had our first ever argument, it wasn't much of one, he kept falling asleep, but the gist of it was familiar. His one and only daughter was not to waste her life looking after him, he knew the risks in his job, he'd be fine. He's already tried a similar tack with Sue who basically chose to ignore him as if he hadn't spoken. I made one attempt to justify my position and then followed her example. I never had Charlie figured for a sulker, or maybe I just couldn't see the bottom lip sticking out under the stache?

Still he's getting stronger and stronger every day and with the money the town raised for us I'll soon be able to take him home, and this a good thing, I think.

Edward's finished his home away from home, he ran me up into the forest to see it and it's a chic modern bachelor pad in the middle of nowhere that looks like an abandoned logging cabin. It's pretty cool in fact, it even has all the mod cons for my human moments so he can bring me up here for a break.

...

Curse Skype.

"Arthur, I don't think it's a good idea for me to try and cling onto my old life . . . ."

"Fucking hell Bellski nobody died, it's not your old life, it's your _actual _life and you're entitled to keep a toe in it."

"I don't know, I can't, I have to work and then there's Charlie to consider . . . ."

"He's not getting out for a couple of weeks and you're only working part time, come on Bellski, you put a lot of effort into this, come see it launch."

I sigh and he closes in for the kill.

"I'm sure MDB would tell you the same thing, bring him with you, I'm assuming he's in Cutlery too?"

"Forks Arthur." I correct automatically. I don't know what to tell him about Edward, there isn't much chance he'll come here but if he does and he mentions Edward, or ever mentions him in Charlie's hearing it's going to be a little _awkward_. "Alight, I'll talk to him and let you know what he says."

"Good girl. Right, I'll stop bothering you now, places to go, people to see. Steffers sends his love and Greg says he's coming out your way in a couple of weeks and you should expect a visit,"

"Okay, thanks Arthur."

"Don't mention it Bellski. Bye."

"Bye Arthur." I whisper to the blank screen.

...

It takes me a couple of days to mention the conversation to Edward because I just know it's going to cause trouble of the silent lingering variety.

"Of course you should go."

Expected you to say that.

"I probably shouldn't come though."

Expected that too.

"Why not?"

"Bella, you're going to have to tell them that you and I have split up, if your boss, or any of them mention me here it's going to cause attention we don't want and don't need."

He's right. And what can we do? We are what we are and we've been dealing with these issues for years now. I just wish . . . .

For once I don't wish that he'd change me, I'm wishing he was human.

...

Arthur was surprisingly vitriolic on the subject of Edward and me splitting up. On the one hand it was quite comforting to know that he cares enough to be outraged for me that Edward apparently couldn't handle my new situation but on the other it was hard because it wasn't fair to the man who does everything for me and probably couldn't have avoided overhearing Arthur's opinion.

Cheryl very kindly dropped me in PA promising to keep an eye on Charlie and let me know of even the slightest change but I still boarded my flight east with mixed feelings.

Greg met me at the airport and gave me a hug that rivalled one of Em's. Arthur must have told him about Edward but with two daughters of his own I'm guessing he's thought better of saying anything on the subject.

The Foundation have very kindly set me up in a hotel for two nights and I've barely finished unpacking when Arthur and Steffers are pounding on the door, dragging me out to their favourite restaurant.

...

"We will begin the evening by dissing MDB." Arthur says, raising his glass.

"No we won't. This isn't his fault." I interrupt emphatically before he can get going.

"Fine. Be all noble about it. Tell us about Charlie's heroics instead."

So I do, embellishing the drug store robbery like crazy until they have tears streaming down their faces and are clutching their stomachs helplessly.

We had a great night and the party the next was something of an anticlimax, though for the record it should be noted that I was still so hung over that may tainted my view of it.

Arthur and Steffers drove me back to the airport in the morning and embarrassed the hell out of me at the gate by pretending they were both madly in love with me and that I should stay so they could share.

I don't know why my tears of laughter turned to plain old tears as I boarded the plane, rough couple of months I guess.

...

I'd agreed to meet Edward back at the house later so Sue very kindly dropped me off at the hospital so I could see Charlie.

"Hey Bells, how was Boston?"

"Nice."

"A-huh."

"How are you feeling?"

"Bored. Laying here like a propped up crash test dummy talking about fishing with Billy, is not the same as actually _going _fishing with Billy."

"You'll get there soon enough."

"I hope so." He pauses. "Bella?"

"Yes Dad?"

"I still think you shouldn't be here but I'm glad you are."

"Thanks Dad."

"Jesus Bells, don't cry, I don't have a handkerchief."

"Sorry Dad."

...

"Bella, Love, please don't cry."

I shake my head, clinging to him, unable to stop.

"I know this is hard but it's not forever Love, we'll get through it."

"What if Charlie never makes a full recovery?" I manage to sob out.

"He will, but in the unlikely event he doesn't we'll cope."

"And when he does?"

"Then we can decide what we want to do, together, the way we always do."

"Edward, I'm years older than you already."

"No you're not, what brought this on again?"

"Greg, he thought we broke up because you were so much younger than me and didn't want to be nursing an old man. I heard him talking to Arthur at the party."

Edward's chest expands and contracts against my cheek as he sighs.

"They're just words Bella, we're here, now."

I nod but I still can't stop crying.

As far as everyone I know is concerned Edward and I are history and I'm alone. And that's somehow sadder than if it were true . . . .


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 8 An Irritating Truth**

**BPOV**

Life goes on.

Mike's in the running as a candidate for a sexual harassment suit, what _is_ his problem? And there's no hiding it from Edward, no one in town can see him but that doesn't mean he isn't there and reading their minds. He won't tell me what's in Mike's but judging by his current level of contained rage its nothing I want to know about.

Sue and I are busy sorting out the house for Charlie's return. We've had contractors in to remodel, thanks to the town. The den, which Charlie used for random storage, is now a bedroom and they've knocked through into the laundry room to make a wet room. There's a ramp onto the porch and a proper hard standing for a car that's decanting a wheelchair. He'll have a shit fit when he sees it and Sue and I have made a pact not to tell him in advance, we can't be doing with the sulking. Model patient he's not. In fact _patient_ is something he's not in general. It must be hard for him but seriously, Sue and I didn't fucking shoot him, as much as we might currently be tempted.

I still haven't laid eyes on Leah and Seth but I suspect that's a good thing and I keep assuring Sue that it's not a problem. Jesus but nothing's simple right now.

And I don't even know where to start with Edward. Sullen Cullen. I should be trying harder to snap him out of it but I'm just so tired all the time and probably not much more communicative myself. Trouble is I can only see it getting worse, not better, when Charlie comes home.

...

I need to make an effort and when I decide how I get a 'be careful' from Alice.

Okay then, a little bit scary, but when are Edward and I anything other than careful?

He's hunting so I bathe and beautify as if my life depends on it, then I rummage in the depths of my underwear draw for the stuff I haven't touched in months.

Blue. Perfect.

I'm excited in a way I haven't been for a while. Yes it's difficult right now but we're still Edward and Bella, we're together for a reason, we just need to remember that.

I turn the lights off, I'm still me, and recline on the bed.

Arms behind my head? Check, done that before, he loves the way it pushes my breasts out. Legs open? No, too much, for both of us. Bent loosely to one side. Check.

The window slides up and I know he's here though I can't see him.

"Love?" His voice is soft velvet.

"I need you."

"_Bella_."

"Please, Edward, it's been so long."

He groans but stays by the window.

"Touch me Edward. Love me . . . ."

His lips are cool and hard on mine, more passionate than they've been for a while, his hands everywhere at once, bringing out the gooseflesh on my skin.

"Yes." I moan as his lip covered teeth suck on my neck.

"Bella, Bella, Bella . . . ." He chants over and over as he kisses and nibbles his way up and down my body. And I know I should keep still but it's important right now that he knows how much I want him, need him, trust him . . . . My body arches toward his lips everywhere they touch my skin . . . . and shudders every time his tongue flicks out to lick it. Against the backdrop of his low growl I hiss and gasp and moan with complete abandon . . . . and when he buries his head between my thighs tears squeeze out of my eyes at the pleasure of it . . . . formless words fall out of my mouth . . . . sweat breaks out on my overheated skin . . . . my back arches as high as it can . . . . and when the unexpected happens my muscles clamp down around his long finger, desperate to draw it deeper inside me . . . . desperate.

It moves gently inside me, stroking me in my secret places and it isn't long before I'm crying out and cuming harder than I ever have before, wave after wave of pleasure and pulsing muscles. I barely register when his mouth closes over mine though I kiss him back automatically.

And though I should keep still when he rocks himself against me my legs have other ideas as they wrap around his waist and attempt to hold him to me.

There's no warning and no admonishment as his tip breaches me . . . . I groan ahead of his withdrawal but it doesn't happen . . . . instead he rocks into me a little deeper . . . . . and Alice's warning is drowned in a fog of lust . . . . my legs tighten round him . . . . he growls into my mouth . . . . and thrusts into me abruptly . . . . I gasp . . . . in pain this time . . . . and hold onto him as he quivers above me, his breathing ragged . . . . I don't know . . . . I want . . . . _oh_ how I want . . . . but I'm scared . . . . his lips are still clamped to mine as he eases out of me . . . . and then he thrusts home again . . . . this time all traces of pleasure are gone . . . .

"Edward. Please. _Stop_."

Of course he does, I've always trusted him for a reason, even when he hasn't trusted himself, but I've no idea how to deal with the beautiful man now curled into a hard ball on my bedroom floor.

So I stoke his back for hours until he unbends enough to take me in his arms.

Unfortunately neither of us knows what to say and we're still there, clinging to each other, as the sun comes up and reveals the blood on my thighs.

"I'm sorry."

"Please, don't be."

He shakes his head and buries his face in my hair again and I'm not sure if we've made a breakthrough or broken everything.

...

Silent and withdrawn Edward eventually chases me into the shower so I'm ready when Sue comes to pick me up, her sedan is easier for Charlie to get into than my truck.

"Edward, I . . . ."

"Go, Bella, bring Charlie home."

"I can't just . . . ."

"I love you. Remember that."

"Edward . . . ." I pause. "Don't . . . ."

"I'll be here Bella, I promise, I promised."

I turn away and make my way carefully down the porch steps, I'm sore and I can't hide it from him as much as I'd like to.

...

"Wow." Sue breathes. "That's quite a list."

I nod, peering over her shoulder.

"That's all his meds?"

"Apparently."

"Jesus, he'll be taking them all day."

"Here, take a look at his physio list, it's even scarier."

...

I've gone with Charlie to his physio sessions on several occasions but watching him struggle from the wheelchair into the car is still really shocking. Sue and I clasp hands for the duration and then exchange a meaningful glance, it's our responsibility to look after him now.

He didn't say anything about the hard standing, or the ramp, but he did freak out when he realised he'd be sleeping downstairs.

Sue and I just let him go at it until Jake brought Billy over for a celebration dinner.

More awkwardness since Billy's obviously insisted he stays.

Sue drags the scowling Jake into the kitchen and I watch Billy give Charlie shit on his attitude as only a best friend of decades can.

"Seriously Charlie? You wanna go there?" He laughs when Dad threatens to kick his butt. "I can wheel myself out of here, your weak ass is relying on Bella to push you after me."

"Fuck you, sorry Bells."

"Don't mind me, I haven't been this amused for months."

"Smart ass child, smart ass friend." Charlie huffs.

"Smart ass cop." Sue growls from the kitchen archway. "Get in here and get fed or I'm takin' yours back for the dogs."

"Is it fish?" Charlie asks, brightening perceptibly.

"Maybe. Ask your daughter nicely to wheel you in and you'll find out."

"Ball breaker." Charlie grumbles with the hint of a laugh.

"Not yet." She giggles. "But I'm first up for physio in the morning."

"Bells." Charlie sighs to Billy's amusement. "Please?"

Fortunately Charlie's not well enough to notice that Jake and I haven't spoken to each other all night and Sue and Billy are adept at covering the tension up, so he's actually in relatively high spirits as she and I help him into bed.

Billy and Jake have left and Sue looks at me speculatively as she's on her way out.

"Are you okay, Jake was particularly worried about you."

Oh jesus.

"I'm fine Sue, I promise, it's just not easy at the moment."

"I can't imagine it's ever easy for you." She says, gently stroking my face with the back of her hand as she leaves.

...

I lock up and then hurry upstairs, afraid that Edward won't be there, but he is, sitting in the rocking chair.

"I love you." I blurt out, anxious that he know that.

"I know." A sigh. "I love you too, more than life itself."

Silence. Heavy with unspoken words.

"I could have killed you last night."

"But you didn't."

He pinches the bridge of his nose briefly.

"No. I didn't. But there are other ways I can accomplish it."

I know he's not talking about draining me or accidentally crushing me when he tries to hug me, we're way past that.

"I need to explain myself. And I need you to listen."

I nod, settling myself cross legged on the bed.

"There's been a distance growing between us for a while."

I nod.

"Your job, your friends, your life taking you onto things I can't share with you. It's frustrated the hell out of me, no matter how much I've always wanted that for you. And now we're back to something we were forced to leave behind years ago."

"Life happens."

"I know, the good and the bad. But we can't deal with it like a normal couple can we?"

We both know the answer to that so he doesn't press me for one.

"I told you I was a selfish being. And I told myself over and over that I was staying because it was what you wanted . . . ."

"It is what I want!"

"Please, listen."

I nod, beginning to feel sick.

"It was always what I wanted too. That day in the forest out the back here, I was lying to you, but in my head I was pleading with you to know it. To see through it. I can't tell you how relieved I was when you did.

I know you probably won't believe me but I've spent most of our time together trying to summon the courage or deny the urge to make you mine or make you mine forever.

I've failed you in so many ways. I should have left or changed you, not kept you in limbo."

"Edward, it is what I wanted too. You, like this, is better than no you. I love you."

He closes his eyes for a moment and shakes his head.

"For weeks now I've been afraid and boiling over with frustration. Mike with his presumptuous and filthy ideas. Your trip back to Boston. Where you _do_ have the happy human life I always wanted for you. When I came to you last night and you offered yourself to me, with love, the way you always do, I needed, so badly, to give you what we've both wanted for so long. It was the right thing to do, to bring us back, to remind us why we're together. But I hurt you instead."

"Not deliberately."

"I would never hurt you deliberately, I couldn't, not now. But I can and I _did_ hurt you accidentally. There's an irony there that doesn't escape me. When I'm human for you Bella, that's when I put you in the most danger. I barely have to restrain the vampire for you anymore but when I don't restrain the man, when I'm filled with love and desire, jealousy, desperation. Then, I could, and did, hurt you."

"Edward, everyone bleeds their first time."

"No, they don't Love. And you're still bleeding a little now, don't deny it."

I want to, but I can't. And I can't believe I'm saying this . . . .

"We can go back . . . ." I trail off, watching his face as he sighs, pinching his nose again.

"Yes Love, we can go back. And that's what the man wants because he doesn't want to lose you. But Bella, can't you see that that's just hurting you too? I can't be a proper partner to you, not like this. I can't give you all the things you need and I can't always be there when I should be. Bella, I can't even help you lift Charlie out of his chair, do you know what it's like to hear your muscles strain when you do that?"

I shake my head, feels like burning but I've no reference for what that _sounds_ like.

"Your leading two lives Bella. Your real one and a secret, incomplete, one with me. The man will live with that because he's selfish, but that's how he's going to hurt you again."

"You can't leave me."

"No. I can't. Not on my own. But I can if you tell me to."

"That's not happening. I can't live without you Edward."

"Love." He says heavily. "We both know that's not true."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 9 A Problem Shared?**

**BPOV**

In a way these conversations have always filled me with hope. Don't they say that if you can talk to each other you can work through anything? And I was proud of the fact that Edward and I _always_ managed to do that.

Last night's conversation hasn't filled me with hope, quite the opposite in fact.

Sue throws me a smile as I peel out of the house, late for work and chowing down on a slice of toast. She's getting Charlie up and doing his physio today.

...

Back at lunchtime.

"What's this?" Charlie asks, poking his plate with his fork.

"Vegetables."

"I know that."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I was just wondering why they weren't accompanied by a meat or fish item."

"You have a diet sheet to follow Dad."

"Bells, I have a sheet that tells me how to masturbate in my current condition. I won't be following that either."

"Ew."

"Give me something tasty to go with this and I'll never mention it again."

"Nice try Dad, let me know if you need any lubricant . . . ."

Oh look, I win, he's way redder than I am . . . .

...

I swear the physio is harder on me than it is on him. I get him back into bed with much huffing and puffing and then take myself off to soak in the tub.

Sue comes by after work to spend some time with him, they're so great together, and I wrap myself up and wander out through the yard.

I got used to the damp dark green of Forks over the years but I can't say I like it. It's oppressive, or maybe that's my mood?

Edward and I left things well enough under the circumstances, a conversational bone, albeit a depressing one, thrown out to chew over at our leisure.

My default position is always going to be that we love each other to total distraction and should stay together, no matter how hard it is. That's what great love's about, isn't it?

And I do love him. His beauty on the outside always pierces my heart but it's the beauty on the inside that keeps it beating. I don't care what he says he was never a monster. And our life together isn't totally shallow and pointless, even now, we laugh and have fun, whenever we can. And we've worked so hard together for what we have, made so many sacrifices.

It shouldn't matter that I can't take him to the diner with me, or to dances, or that Charlie can't bask in our love around the dinner table, or that Mike doesn't know how close he comes to dying every time he accidentally brushes a hand across my breast.

Maybe it would be easier if we didn't have to hide from everyone, maybe the important the people in my life _should_ know about Edward and I? Sue and Billy know, what harm would it do if Charlie did?

"Wandering alone in the dark forest?" A familiar voice asks, landing behind me with a deliberate thud.

"Just brooding, I can't run up and sit on top a mountain the way you can."

He laughs softly, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on the top of my head and we rest like that for a while, always happy to be together.

"I've had an idea." I offer eventually.

"You always were the clever one."

"Why don't we tell Charlie about us?"

"_Bella_ . . . ."

"Pfft. Ask Alice before you reject it out of hand."

"So much quicker than asking." He chuckles, releasing me so he can fish the vibrating cell out of his jeans. "Alright. She wants to talk to you."

He hands me his cell and I walk a few steps away with it.

"I told you to be careful." She says quietly.

"I'm sorry, it was fine."

"Fine." She snorts derisively. "No its not but okay. Charlie won't freak out and we're not in any danger but he's not exactly going to start saving for your wedding."

"I wasn't expecting that."

"I still can't tell you what's going to happen Bella." She says even more quietly. "But 'not all of them' has narrowed down to only a few of them."

Cheery news. Not.

"So we shouldn't tell Charlie?"

"Bella, follow your heart."

"But what if it's not the right decision?"

"There's no right or wrong Bella, stop trying to guess the end game and do what you feel. Put me back onto Edward."

I hand him his cell and retreat even further down the path toward the house.

"Okay. I will. Love you too." He ends the call and joins me, taking my hand in his.

...

Sue helps me get Charlie into bed and then she leaves.

"You off to bed Bells?" He asks, TV remote at the ready.

"In a minute, there's someone I want you to meet first. Edward?"

Silence as Edward appears beside me and takes my hand.

"He's . . . ."

"I know who he is Isabella, I didn't get shot in the head. What I'm wondering is why he's among us?"

"Sir . . . ."

"Shut up Edwin, I'm talking to my daughter."

"Yes Sir." Edward chuckles, releasing my hand and stepping back to place his on my shoulder.

"It's a long story Dad."

"SportsCenter is on in ten minutes. Condense."

"I'm not sure I can."

Charlie puts his remote aside with heavy symbolism.

"Do I get a beer for this?"

"Maybe a small one?"

"I'll get it Sir." Edward offers, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

"There wasn't a sheet for this Bells."

"I know. We'll manage."

"Thank you Edwin." Dad says politely as a magically re-appeared Edward hands him the cold can. "You may proceed Isabella."

...

"Are you sure he's okay?" I ask I curl up in bed beside Edward.

"He's fine, though it's possible he likes me even less now than he did before."

"He'll get used to it."

"Yes he will. Is it okay if I wait a few days for my own amusement before I tell him that dousing me with holy water will only be good for getting my clothes wet?"

"By all means." I laugh, feeling lighter than I have in a while.

...

"Where's Dracula?" Charlie asks as I breeze into his room early the following morning.

"Making your breakfast."

"Weird."

"We Swans are good with weird. Bathroom break?"

"In the worst possible way."

"You know Edward could help you with this he's very strong."

"Let me see." Charlie considers, his newly emerging stache twitching. "Daughter or supernatural daughter molester . . . ."

"Okay Dad." I laugh. "I wasn't expecting miracles."

...

When Sue arrives for the afternoon shift Edward and I are watching a fishing programme with Charlie.

"Not as weird as I thought it would be." She says with a shrug.

"You knew about this, um, stuff?" Charlie asks her, indicating Edward with an expressive sweep of his arm.

"You didn't tell him?" She asks me, seeming surprised.

"Not my story to tell. I didn't know if I should."

Sue shakes her head for a moment and then takes a deep breath.

"Charlie, there are some other things you maybe should know."

Charlie closes his eyes for a moment and leans his head back against the chair.

"Bells, will I need more beer?"

"Maybe another small one?"

Charlie nods, his eyes still closed and Edward blurs away to fetch it.

"We'll, um . . . . go for a walk or something." I tell Sue with a hug. "It'll be fine."

She nods and then moves past me, curling herself gracefully onto the floor at Charlie's feet.

...

When we get back Sue is leaning back against Charlie's legs watching the TV with him and his hand his gently stroking her hair.

"Are they okay?" I whisper to Edward as we wave and head into the kitchen.

"Yes. He processes things slowly, the way you do, but very methodically. He's shocked and trying to convince himself that vampires and werewolves are a by-product of his meds but deep down he accepts it's true. He's like you were, wondering what else is out there but in no way disposed to judge us purely on what we are."

"Thank god." I sigh, leaning into him.

"He's also planning how he's going to kick Billy's ass when he gets out of his wheelchair."

"It's good to have a motivation." I snicker. "And you? How does he feel about you?"

"He's your Father, he's marshalling a lot of questions."

"Anything I should be worried about?"

"No Love, nothing you need to worry about."

...

Sue leaves after dinner and Charlie sends Edward away so we can talk.

"Has he gone?"

I shrug since I have no way of knowing, though I doubt he's gone far.

"Tell me everything." Charlie commands.

So I do. Almost. And with the obvious questions he asks that takes us up to midnight, at which point I'm summarily dismissed from his presence.

...

The next morning a brusque knock at the door announces the arrival of a sour looking Jake and amused Billy.

"I'm here for my interview with the Chief." The latter chuckles.

"Interview?"

"Chief Swan would like his best friend to explain why he wasn't informed that 'things that go bump in the night' have been running around his town without his knowledge."

"Ah. I had to tell him about Edward, sorry."

"Don't be." Billy responds, patting my arm as he wheels himself past me into the house. "It's kind of a relief to have it all out there. Jake, wait outside."

Sour Jake turns into scowling Jake and muttering about the 'stink' as he takes himself off to sit on the hood of his Rabbit.

Billy's still in with Charlie, the pair of them talking in low tones, when Sue arrives.

"How's it going?" She asks.

"No shouting. I hope I didn't get you in trouble?"

"No." She sighs. "I love your Dad, I've wanted Billy to let me tell him for ages, at the very least it explains Leah."

"Leah?"

"She's a wolf too, didn't you know?"

"Um, no, I thought it was just some of the men."

"It usually is." Sue sighs. "That's why she's not happy. Well that and a few other related things."

"Oh. I don't know what to say, it doesn't sound like it's a good thing?"

"Not for Leah, and not for some of the men. There's no choice, some take to it, some don't."

We clasp hands for a moment, we lovers of supernaturals and then its my turn to sigh.

"I'd better go, I'll be late for work, I don't want Mike giving me another pep talk."

"Is he still bothering you?"

"A bit, nothing serious."

"Well if he is let me know, the wolves will sort him out."

"Um . . . ."

"They won't eat him Bella but a bunch of hefty Quileutes has been known to deter unwanted behaviour in the town before."

"I'll, um, see . . . ." I hedge.

She's still laughing at me as I grab my bag and head out the door.

"Where's the leech?" Jake growls as I pass him and climb into my truck.

"Fuck you Jake."

The _leech_ has gone to Boston for a couple of days to talk to Carlisle about Charlie and I'm more anxious to be apart from him than I'd usually be. Edward and thinking time aren't always productive friends but I understand why he needs to do it, every human that knows about them is another risk that needs to be managed and I'm not the only one that's keeping secrets from my own kind. Humans aren't supposed to know vampires exist until they get eaten by one, it's about the only actual 'law' they have.

...

When I get back later there's only Charlie in the house, disconsolately flicking the TV channels in desperate need of sports.

"Nothing on?"

"English soccer league." He snorts. "That's not a sport, at least not a manly one."

"Okay then, how about some manly physio?"

"When's The Boy Dracula back?"

"Saturday morning and please don't call him that."

"Fangs?" He suggests as I haul him out of his chair.

"No."

"Leech?"

"Hell no."

"The Walking Dead?"

"No. Bend your legs Dad for god's sake . . . ."

"Like it's that easy . . . . Dead Ed?"

"No."

"Ouch."

"Wuss."

"Sadist."

"Eric?"

"His name is Edward Dad."

"Fine. Ouch. I couldn't lift it that high before I got shot, what are you trying to do to me? Edwin it is then."

"Dad." I warn. "I love him, be nice."

"This _is_ me being nice. And we'll talk about the rest of it when you're done torturing me . . . ."


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 10 Charlie Horse**

**BPOV**

I make us lasagne, one of Charlie's non fish related favourites, I tried it with fish once, and no, just no. Anyway, I'd have cooked fish but with no one actually fishing the freezer was finally bare and Charlie won't countenance store bought.

"There's nothing wrong with your appetite." I observe dryly as he clears his plate.

"Shot not dead." Is his only comment as he mops up the sauce with the bread Sue made.

I clear the plates when he's done and sit back down opposite him at the kitchen table, hoping I'm ready for whatever is coming . . . .

"He doesn't eat?" Charlie asks, stroking the outside of the only beer I'm going to allow him.

"Not human food, no."

"Well I guess that explains how thin you are."

"I'm not thin."

"Seriously Bells? When we're done, go upstairs, strip off, and examine yourself in the mirror with a new eye."

"I'm not thin."

"Fine. Ask Sue. Or Billy. Or Jake. Or anyone in Forks. You're skin and bones. And more so every time you come home. So he doesn't eat, doesn't mean you don't need to."

"I eat Dad, and plenty of crap too, Edward's a fantastic cook, I'm never hungry."

"Okay, just promise me you'll think about it. You scraped half that lasagne into the bin. I'm guessing you've gotten used to eating little and quickly so you're not doing something Edwin can't share."

Jesus, Dad.

"So, you told me what really happened in Phoenix and Edwin saved your life?"

"Yes. Why?"

"From what you told me last night he could have taken that opportunity to make you like him. Forever."

"He could have."

"So why didn't he?"

"He doesn't want to take my soul away."

"Jesus, Bells, does he play soccer in an English league?"

"Its not that simple Dad, he loves me."

"Pfft."

"If he'd let me change he'd have taken me away from you, he knew, knows, how much I love you."

Silence, Bella wins again . . . .

"If that would have kept your mother by my side I'd have bitten her in a heartbeat." Charlie mutters, inspecting his empty place setting with undue attention.

"Don't lie to me Dad, this is my life we're talking about."

He fixes me with his best brown eyed stare.

"Alright Isabella Swan. I love, loved, your mother with every fibre of my being. Enough to want her to be happy, to let her go on and live her life, your life, without me. But if she'd asked anything of me to make her stay I'd have given her it."

"Edward and I compromised."

He snorts.

"I'm not you Dad. We're not you and Mom, we make it work."

"Your Mom and I could have made it work, lots of couples do. You think that would have ultimately made either of us happy?"

Silence.

"Is he completely dead?"

"What?"

"Am I going to get grandkids?"

"No."

"And you don't want kids?"

"Jesus Dad, they're not the be all and end all of a happy life."

"I didn't say they were. But you sure enhanced mine. And you're here, now."

"Edward looks after me Dad, he'll always be here, he's immortal."

"No he's not."

"Dad . . . ."

"This James vampire, he's dead ain't he?"

Fuck.

"What are you going to do Bells when Edwin ends up dead and you're in your sixties? You'll have wasted your life."

"No! I won't have! I love him. And that's no different from any other couple. Cancer, accidents, disease, we all die sometime."

"Yeah, but most of us live in the meantime."

"I'm alive. Don't you dare judge me!"

Charlie sighs and inspects his place setting again, worrying at the edges of the rattan mat.

"You broke up with him the first year of college Bells. And you've just officially broken up with him again. I realise now that he never went away, just stayed hidden, but I don't care what you call that, it ain't living."

"Dad . . . ."

"Bells you were never a stupid child, quite the opposite, is he going to stay hidden forever or are you going to start introducing him as your Son at some point in the future? Nephew? Grandson? You gonna spend your whole life hiding too?"

...

I got him into bed, eventually, and then collapsed into my own, with no Edward to comfort me.

Charlie hasn't told me anything I don't already know, even the skinny part, but I don't like it and I'm going to reject it. There are few alternatives.

I'll live my life as an old maid, as long as I have to, with Edward. He'll change me when Charlie's mended, I know he will. Its hard right now but other people have had it harder. We just need to be strong.

...

"Bellski."

"Arthur, what the hell are you wearing?"

"A lumberjack shirt, I thought you'd appreciate the show of solidarity."

There are no words, even a man as good looking as Arthur can't pull off that shirt, not even with the slightly suspect resolution of a webcam.

"Anyway, I'll need to fit in when I come visit you."

"You're coming here?"

"I sure am. Greg has a pitch that needs working on with a corporation in Seattle and he thought you might like to freelance on it with Ty and me."

"Ty?"

"Yup Mr Perfect, I bet he can carry off a lumberjack shirt."

"Wow."

"I didn't realise you liked him _that_ much." Arthur snickers.

"Not Ty you muppet, the freelance idea. I don't know how it would work though, I have Newton's and Charlie . . . ." And Edward.

"We'd only need you for a few hours a day, Ty and I can do the rest while you're flogging tents and being selfless."

"I don't know."

"Come on Bellski, you're bloody good at what you do, you don't wanna get ring rusty do you? Greg wouldn't normally do this, he likes his team where he can see 'em but he trusts me and he trusts you, and, for some reason, he seems to like us. Be rude not to accept his offer."

"Maybe, if I talk to him . . . ."

"Good girl. He's calling you tomorrow, I said I'd soften you up first. So, tell me, how's our moustachioed hero healing? I can't wait to worship at his feet."

Jesus, first Edward and now Arthur, Charlie's gonna pitch a fit . . . .

...

"It's a good idea Bells. Best of both worlds, you won't be stuck here with me forever and it would be a shame if you had to start all over again from scratch when you've already worked too hard and done so well."

"I'm not sure . . . ."

"Charlie's right Bella." Sue interrupts gently. "Between you, me and Edward we can take care of Charlie."

"I am not a house pet." Charlie objects.

"Shut up Charlie." Sue says easily, swatting his arm. "It doesn't sound like the kind of break most of us get, you really should go for it Bella, we'll make it work."

"I guess. I should ask Edward, I don't want to make any decisions without him."

"I'm sure Edwin only wants what's best for you too Bells, but if you need his permission then go ahead and ask for it."

"Dad, it's not like that."

"Good. Sue, is that stew ready yet, healing and physio are doing wonders for my appetite."

...

"Of course it's a good idea Love. And of course we'll make it work. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks." I sigh, settling back on my bed, relieved for some reason. "How are the others?"

"The same." He chuckles. "Carlisle and Alice are happy we're in no danger from Charlie knowing about us but Rose is having a conniption."

"She's very protective."

"Yes she is, it's one of the reasons we all tolerate her behaviour when she gets bent out of shape. Alice is threatening to visit, she loves Charlie."

"And he loved her, that's a brilliant idea."

"Is it okay if I bring her back with me? She's desperate to see you."

"Yes she is." A faint voice agrees.

"Hi Alice, I've missed you too. What about Jasper?"

Edward laughs again, such a warm musical sound, even a cell connection via some satellite or aerial network can't dim it.

"He says he can survive for a couple of days and Em's promised to keep him occupied."

"Oh dear . . . ."

Another laugh.

"That's exactly what Esme said."

...

Charlie does seem somewhat cheered by the idea of a visit from Alice, I always wondered if maybe he had a bit of a benign crush on her, she has that affect on people when she wants to.

So now I only need to get through tonight and Edward will be home, with my favourite sister in tow.

I can't wait . . . .

Which is probably why I completely fail to sleep.

...

"Are you alright dear?" Mrs Newton asks as I stagger into work for my shift. "You look absolutely exhausted, is looking after Charlie too much for you? There's always help available you know . . . ."

"No, Mrs Newton, I'm fine. I just didn't sleep very well last night."

"Well if you're sure, there's no shame in asking for help you know."

"I know that Mrs Newton, thank you." I assure her as I struggle into my tabard.

I'm sure, somewhere in the mists of time, some Newton ancestor deliberately picked this color in the full knowledge that it would make look like I've got jaundice.

"Mike!" She calls, clacking away in her heels.

How can she even walk in those things, never mind stay upright on this shiny floor . . . .

Customers suck, really, how is it okay for you to waste an hour of my life looking at fishing poles you clearly can't afford? And to be obnoxious about it too? You sound like you swallowed one of Charlie's fishing journals but I know more about it than you do . . . . just fuck off and ruin some other sales clerk's day . . . . and use deodorant, for the love of god . . . . I'll even buy it for you . . . .

My cell vibrates and I pluck it out of my pocket while he's pretending he knows how to cast . . . .

'Two hours out. What time do you finish?'

'Noon.' I tap back.

'We'll hunt and meet you at home'

'Okay x'

'xxx'

"Excuse me." My customer huffs. "I said this one doesn't feel right."

That's because it's like Harry's wand, it knows you're an asshole and it wants to be picked by someone worthy.

"In what way Sir, what difference are you looking for?"

"Something lighter."

And we're back to the carbon poles again.

I hate you. I don't know you but I have decided to hate you anyway. This makes me a bad person, but what can you do?

"Certainly Sir, would you like to try the carbon poles again?"

...

Edward and Alice emerge from the trees as I pull onto the drive, engaging in a brief fight, which Alice wins, to get to me first.

"I've missed you so much." She growls into my neck.

"Me too."

"And me." Edward drawls.

"Sorry." Alice says with no hint of actual regret. "But you get to see her all the time, I'll let her go in a minute."

...

Charlie's in his favourite chair when we eventually get inside.

"Well color me happy." He chuckles, opening his arms. "Its Mini Dracula."

She hugs him very carefully but has probably punctured his remaining ear drum with her happy squeals.

"Chief." She sighs when she lets him go. "Looking good."

Oh my god, he's blushing like a twelve year old, any minute now he's going to say 'aw-shucks'.

"Aw-shucks."

"Jesus, _Dad_ . . . ."

...

We eat dinner, well Charlie and I do, and then retire to watch SportsCenter.

"Alice and I need to catch up and she'll take care of me." Dad announces. "Why don't you two go on a date or something?"

"Dad . . . ."

"Oh right, you can't. Shame that. Still, I'm sure you'll find _something_ to do."

Jesus, _Dad_ . . . .

"Off you go then, don't worry about staying out late, its Sunday tomorrow."

My mouth and brain are still flailing when Edward pulls me gently outside.

"Come on." He urges. "I've missed you and the Bachelor Cabin is ready and waiting. Just for us."

"Okay, let's go . . . ."


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 11 ****Kalnienk Vision**

**BPOV**

"Fine." He laughs as he sets me down on the threshold. "You stay out here in the dark wilderness and I'll go inside and check for spiders."

"You do that." I huff.

I loathe spiders.

Em thinks this is hilarious since my extended family could kill me in a heartbeat and most American spiders couldn't kill me if I went looking for them and specifically encouraged them to have at me.

Edward tries to be nice about it but I know it amuses him too.

"Come on." The man in question laughs, re-appearing. "Not a recluse in sight."

"We don't have those in Washington Edward." I drawl as I sweep inside.

...

We start off well enough, watching a movie I've been meaning to see for ages and snuggling on the bed but it isn't long before I'm overwhelmed with the desire to touch and to kiss him . . . .

_And_ that's when I realise how far we've regressed.

It's worse than our first fumbling attempts at intimacy and more like our first fumbling attempts at straight up kissing.

Oh well, I lock my disappointment tightly away and just revel in the fact that he and I are getting some quality time together, since it's been in such short supply recently.

...

Alice is waiting for us when we get back.

"He's fast asleep." She twinkles, laying aside the magazine she was reading. "Did you have fun?"

"Yes and thank you for looking after him. Um . . . ."

I don't know what we do now. If we were normal people I'd be making up Charlie's old bed for Alice though that's clearly not necessary, but it's late and I'm tired . . . .

"Go to bed Bella, I have a mission from Esme to complete."

Edward starts laughing.

"A mission." She confirms waspishly. "Esme would like Ninja Alice to make a full evaluation of her precious house while the occupants are in the land of nod."

"Are landlords allowed to do that?"

"Not human ones."

"Well be careful." I warn her. "Principal Jaruzelski is just the type to attempt to blow your head off."

"Pfft Bella, like he'll ever know I was there . . . ."

...

"Tell me the truth Alice, did you see Charlie lay into me about Edward?"

"I might have."

"A little warning next time?"

"Hardly." She giggles, enjoying my ire. "Who told me not to watch her every decision like a hawk because its creepy?"

"Yet you do it anyway."

"I know, its irritating to be loved by me, what can I say? At least admit its often useful."

"Fine. Occasionally your supernatural nosiness is quite useful."

"You're welcome. And since I have banished Edward from our presence what you like to do today?"

"What did I decide?"

"Hair, nails, facial. Chick flicks and junk food. Oh, and now yard work, seriously Bella you know I'm not afraid of a little manual labor, but if that's what you want I insist it's before I begin the beautification process."

...

If Charlie was impressed with the speed by which Alice rid his yard of leaves he kept it to himself so we left him to his TV and took ourselves off to my room for a couple of hours.

...

"Yes." She's emphatic. "Too thin."

I sigh and pull one of Edward's shirts over me.

"When the mental timer in your head goes off, the one that's terrified Edward's going to get bored, put it on snooze and finish your dinner. Trust me, he's never going to get bored. And while we're on the subject why don't you re-train yourself to sleep through the night like a normal person? Again no boredom, the sap actually loves watching you sleep as much as he says he does."

"Okay."

She rolls her eyes.

"Okay I'll try."

"Sometimes." She growls. "This gift of mine is a curse. Please try Bella. Looking after Charlie is already putting a strain on you and if you keep trying to keep up with Edward you're going to get sick."

"Maybe I shouldn't do the freelance thing . . . ."

"Oh yes you should young lady." Alice growls softly. "You just need to take care of yourself properly and you'll be fine."

"Okay, I really will try."

"Better. Now how about you let me dip dye your hair?"

"Oh god."

"You're going to love it but if you ask me if Edward will I'm going to beat you with this brush."

...

"Nice." Charlie comments as come back down to make his dinner. "Did Alice get bored before she got to the top?"

"No she didn't." The lady herself informs him. "And it happens to be extremely _chic_ at the moment. Perhaps you'd like me to do something with your tired old mop?"

"Over my dead body." Charlie huffs which sends Alice off into peals of laughter.

She can be a little strange . . . .

...

Our last night together is fun but a little poignant.

It's been so lovely to see her, I really do love her even if she sometimes drives me crazy, but it's a shame we had to hide out in the house, especially since we got so little time back together in Boston. Though, to be fair, entertainment options are somewhat limited in Cutlery.

I wave them off with a sad smile but at least Edward will be back in a few hours, he's only running with her as far as the airport in Portland.

...

Arthur and Greg are arriving in PA on Wednesday and Mike gave me a stupidly hard time about changing my shift, if we didn't need the money for therapy treatments Charlie wants to try I'd have rammed his ankles with the floor buffer he had me using. His Mom's away on a buying trip and clearly the power has gone straight to his head. In short Handsy Mike has been replaced by Hitler Mike.

I'm nervous and excited about this project and I'm starting to wonder if it's just one more thing that's going to end up giving me grief. It's kind of pointless really. Sure Charlie's going to get better and not need me to look after him but it isn't really going to be practical to go back to my job is it? First off that means going back to hiding Edward and my family. And second, he _is_ going to change me when this is over, I'm done waiting. And I'm done compromising. We both should be.

...

"Where's Edwin?" Charlie enquires as I push and pull him through his exercise.

"Gone to Seattle to see about getting a piano for his Bachelor Cabin."

"Does he play well?"

"Like a maestro."

"Who is he gonna play for out there in the woods?"

"Me sometimes, and himself, he composes, he's very talented."

"Is there anything he's no good at?"

I shake my head with a wry smile. "No Dad, nothing."

"Humph. Alice says he's not good at making decisions."

"You talked to Alice about him?"

"Of course I did. I wanted someone else's opinion on him and this crazy situation."

"Its not crazy Dad, it's just complicated."

"When's he going to make you a . . . . vampire?"

"I don't know Dad."

"You want that?"

I sigh and lower his leg so we can see each other properly.

"There are things that scare me about it, lots of them, it's not as easy as the Cullens make it look and I don't want to be a murderer."

He's silent for a long time, studying my face.

"It seems a bit much, to want to die for him, despite the obvious problems of him not ageing."

"I suppose it does." I confess. "But I love him and I want to be with him, forever."

"Even if it means leaving me and your Mom behind?"

I can't answer that I realise, without hurting him, so I opt for silence, which is probably just as bad.

"Whatever you do you'll be giving something up for him."

"Isn't that what love is all about?"

"Maybe, but it doesn't have to but what life is all about."

"He's already given up plenty for me."

"Has he?"

"Jesus Dad. His family? The lifestyle he could lead, you've no idea how rich they are . . . ."

"Seems to me he's still got those things, he hasn't exactly renounced them has he? And they'll all still be there when you're dead."

"Dad." I sigh. "I don't know where you're going with this."

"Neither do I." He admits. "Just trying to get my head round it all I guess, you've had longer to chew this over than I have."

"True. But I made up my mind pretty early on."

"So Alice says." He observes with just a hint of attitude.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"_You_ don't have trouble making decisions, you think them through and then you follow them through. You're like me, scarily stubborn and focussed at times."

"Dad . . . ."

"Bells. Just because it was what you wanted at seventeen doesn't mean you have to rush into it now."

And I laugh, of course I do, you can't rush Edward, this I know.

...

Edward's enchanted with his new piano. He had them ship it to a gas station and then hauled it to the Bachelor Cabin himself. And this is a good thing because I'm off to PA to meet Arthur and Greg today and I _do_ worry about him getting bored.

...

"Bella, lovely to see you." Greg seems to mean it. "How is your Father, on the mend?"

"Yes, thank you and its lovely to see you too. He's starting Hydrotherapy next week."

"Excellent. Arthur's around somewhere collecting the baggage although there was a pretty lady on the flight so we might have to go and roust him out of the melee . . . ."

I peer past Greg but Arthur is already on his way, pushing his huge trunk on a trolley and hefting Greg's carry on.

"Bellski!" He shouts far too loudly as he sweeps me into a hug. "So much better to see you in the flesh, loving the new hair."

So am I, it makes me look younger and Edward's obsessed with playing with the lightened ends.

We load their stuff into my truck which makes stately progress through PA to the hotel they're staying at. Arthur will be here for a couple of weeks but Greg's only staying for one night. It means I have to schlep backwards and forwards but there really aren't any comparable facilities in Forks and at least this hotel can offer us an office for the duration, I really can't see Arthur and me toiling away at Charlie's kitchen table, and certainly not Ty when he comes.

My doubts about this exercise have been wiped out by excitement and it's almost midnight when Greg sees me out to the truck and I head back to Forks, or Cutlery as I'm increasingly calling it in my head, damn Arthur and his stupid word games.

...

Thursday is all about the pitch. I've heard of the Lamttesep Corporation but maybe only because they're local and based in Seattle since I'd clearly got no idea how enormous they were. Billions. Of course I've met oil company execs in Alaska but that was to assist Greg with a pitch that I'd only assisted with producing. The trust he's placing in Arthur and I is awe inspiring and frankly terrifying, but as he keeps saying if we make a mess of it we can always go back to the drawing board, yeah, even confident Arthur is looking a bit cowed. Besides, as Greg points out, they've come to us to enhance their social and ethical responsibility, not the other way round.

Despite my nerves and earlier misgivings I'm so pumped when I get home that a laughing Charlie and Sue have Edward take me out to let off some steam. I can't exactly throw trees and rocks the way he can but even riding on his back while he runs is exhilarating, especially when it's cold and the wind stings your cheeks. And of course kissing Edward in the top of a mighty fir is an experience that can't be beaten.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 12 Two Worlds**

**BPOV**

"Arthur, do you think I'm too thin?"

"Bloody hell Bellski, you know there's no way a man can answer a question like that without getting his knackers squished."

"Arthur." I warn.

"Fine. While it is conceptually possible that no woman can be too thin with regards to the media on a personal preference level I'd say you're a tad bony."

Bony. Okay. I guess I'll have to live with that.

We click away on our keyboards for a bit.

"Arthur?"

"Yes Bellski."

"Do you think I'm pale?"

"Like an English rose."

"Is that a compliment?"

"It is where I come from."

"Hmm."

More clicking.

"Arthur?"

"You really are going for the jugular aren't you?" He sighs.

"Sorry Arthur, I just, do I look tired and old to you?"

"Ah Bellski, is that what MDB said when you broke up?"

"What? No!"

"Bella I know he was a bit younger than you but if that was his excuse, in this century, he really needs his head examining."

Good grief, time to change the subject.

"When does Ty get in?"

"About noon tomorrow. A flying visit apparently, he's bringing us a couple of hundred weight of documents to trawl through and then flying off to hug trees in the Amazon basin with some of his political buddies."

"Nice."

"I doubt it." Arthur shudders. "All that muggy heat and all those bugs? No thanks, lovely trees but there are plenty of people other than me to defend them."

...

"Hi." I murmur, moving up behind Edward and wrapping my arms around his waist so I can breathe him in. "That smells amazing, what is it?"

"A recipe Esme sent me for Charlie, she says you'll like it too."

"I already like the smell." I confirm, releasing him and grabbing a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "How's the piece coming along?"

"Not bad, it's just a bit more melancholy than I was aiming for, I need something to liven it up."

"Tambourines?"

"Possibly not."

"Maracas? A drum solo? Seasick Steve?"

"One of the things I love about you Bella is your broad range of musical tastes." He chuckles, adding a pinch of something to the pot.

"Or complete lack thereof." I sigh, dropping into one of the kitchen chairs.

It's true. I'm not tone deaf, far from it, but I have no musical discipline whatsoever and there's no rhyme or reason for what I like. Edward says this is why I like Fat Boy Slim.

"Wow." Sue gasps as she comes into the kitchen heading for the trash with the detritus that collects in Charlie's room by some sort of magic spell. "That aroma's been calling me for an hour now and Charlie's actually drooling, what is it?"

Edward and Sue start talking food and I take myself off for a shower and change of clothes.

...

Arthur has fallen in love with my truck, says it reminds him of one of his Dad's tractors back home, and has insisted on driving it to the airport to collect Ty so I pull up at Newton's in his rental.

"Wow. Bella." Jessica whistles as I step out. "We must be paying you too much."

"Its not mine, it belongs to a colleague, he's borrowing my truck."

"Then there's some other sales clerk here who needs a pay cut."

Nice, but I restrain myself to a shrug and she follows me into the store, prattling away some rubbish or rather till we part ways at the employee lounge. You wouldn't catch Jess in there if her life depended on it, she's 'family'. I hope my life never becomes that pathetic.

...

Ty and share a light hug and then I survey the very large number of boxes he's brought with him.

He laughs at the look on my face.

"You flew with this lot? How much did that cost? And do I have to read all of it?"

"That's what I said." Arthur drawls as leans back in his chair.

"Quit complaining." Ty huffs, pushing his black hair back off his forehead with annoyance. "Its everything I have on Lamttesep and on similar initiatives other corporations have in place."

"Can't you keep it on a computer like a normal person?" Arthur enquires.

"I don't like them." Ty shrugs, going a bit pink.

Okay, so they're not friends, duly noted.

"So, what have we got?" I ask, hunkering down in front of the stack.

Ty crouches next to me and we start going through them.

"I'll get us a fresh pot of coffee." Arthur announces, slouching out of the room.

...

My truck starts with its usual roar of defiance.

"I wouldn't have pegged you for a rusty truck kind of girl." Ty observes as we pull out of the parking lot.

"My Dad bought it for me when I moved back to Forks years ago, it's the only car I've ever owned, I guess it's gotten under my skin. And don't hate the truck."

"I'm not hating it." He laughs. "It's got presence."

"Exactly."

Eventually we fall to chatting about his Amazon trip which is fascinating me.

"You should come on the next one, it's all about the networking and being seen to do the right things, Greg would probably be happy to put up Foundation money for it. He used to do them but he says he's too old for life in the field these days."

"I'd love to but I have to admit to not being a lover of bugs, I'm not sure how I'd cope."

"They invented bug spray a few years ago now Bella, it works pretty well."

"That's not very environmentally friendly of you." I point out.

"No." He sighs. "I've tried all the 'natural' ones and guess what?"

"They don't work?"

"No they don't, bug spray is one of my personal sins."

I'm still chuckling at the depth of his shame when we part company with a hug at the gate.

...

The days roll on. Taking care of Charlie, Newton's, Edward, mundane human tasks and reading and drinking coffee till the early hours with Arthur.

It takes us a while but we're finally done with Ty's mother lode of information.

"That's it." Arthur announces, shoving aside a file. "I have read and inwardly digested, tomorrow is Sunday and I need a break, what's to do around here?"

I know I should invite him over for dinner, he's a friend after all and he's already said he wants to meet Charlie, but I have my reservations and they're Edward related. It's another time he's got to hide, which isn't fair and it could be awkward if Arthur mentions him to Charlie.

I pretend to read on for a moment and then admit defeat to the inner Bella who wants to have her friend over like a normal person.

"Why don't you come and visit Forks, I've got steaks for tomorrow night . . . ."

"Bellski, I thought you'd never ask. It was okay here last Saturday, quite the kitsch shopping mecca in fact, but Sunday really blew chunks."

I hope that's not another one of his expressions I'm going to pick up, Sue looked at me gone out yesterday when I said bloody hell, and there I go again . . . .

"Not a lot goes on in Forks either."

"Oh now." He laughs. "I bet _that's_ not true, the quiet ones are always where it's at."

...

I kiss Edward goodbye in the yard as Arthur pulls into the driveway.

He's laden with packages and grinning from ear to ear.

Oh dear. Charlie's dealt with vampires and werewolves, I'm sure he can deal with the British . . . .

"Chief Swan! Lovely to meet you at last, I come bearing gifts!"

Charlie raises his eyebrow at me and I shrug, too late now . . . .

"Bells said the British were coming but I'm afraid I didn't have time to load my gun." Charlie growls.

"Jolly good, in that case let's start with beer."

"Beer?"

"Real beer."

"Dad's not supposed to drink." I point out.

"Pfft. Bellski. The Monks used to brew the beer to kill the bugs in the water, a little bit won't hurt, will it Chief?"

"What's it brewed with?" Charlie asks as Arthur produces a bottle. "Mud?"

"Not quite but I doubt your weedy American beers have prepared you for these little beauties."

"Bring it on." Charlie instructs.

"Just one." I growl as I depart for the kitchen, suspecting that I'm wasting my breath.

I can hear them laughing as I peel the potatoes and prepare the salad.

"Bells! Come and try this one, it tastes like bananas."

"_Jesus_."

They've about a dozen bottles open already and I've only been gone ten minutes.

"Oh stop scowling." Charlie admonishes. "I'm only tasting them so I can pick which one to use my daily allowance on."

"She giving you a hard time Chief, want me to have a word with her?"

"She's all right Arthur, leave her alone, and call me Charlie. Here, try this."

I take a careful swig and then smile, it really does taste like bananas, not that I'd drink it, still too beery for me.

"One sip." I insist, handing the bottle back to Arthur.

"Yes ma'am." The pair of them respond in perfect unison.

Jesus . . . .

...

By the time I serve dinner I'm pretty sure the one taste rule hasn't been followed to the letter, Charlie's a little too relaxed around a new person, not to mention flushed and somewhat giggly.

"You." I growl at Arthur, poking him in the chest. "Will be helping me put him to bed later."

"Yes Bellski. Sorry Bellski."

It turns out that Arthur and Charlie have more in common than beer, fishermen, seriously, I might as well not be here.

And I'd better make plans for next Saturday because Charlie's invited him over to meet Billy.

It's not all bad, they do remember to thank me fulsomely for the steaks and to make appropriately appreciative noises over the homemade dessert.

And then we retire to watch Sunday night football.

Arthur doesn't know anything about football so Charlie takes him under his wing and I tune out, thinking about what to do with all the information Ty's given us for our pitch.

"Right." Charlie announces, shaking me out of my thoughts. "I need my bed. Bells, will you help me?"

"Sure Dad."

"And you." Charlie says turning to Arthur. "I like you Son but I'm still a cop and you won't be driving on these wet roads with all that beer in you. He can have my room Bells."

"Okay Dad."

I sort Charlie out and then scamper upstairs to make up his bed for Arthur.

When I come back down he's in the kitchen doing the washing up.

"Sorry." He says sheepishly. "But your Dad's probably right."

"It's not a problem Arthur, I've laid out some of his old man PJs to punish you with, I will require a photo to send to Stephan though."

"Fair enough."

I dry and put stuff away while he wipes down the countertops and takes out the trash.

"You've been well trained." I snicker.

"At one point." He admits. "I was pretty useless until I left home but one of my girlfriends wouldn't accept my inadequacies and I was rather fond of her so I learnt fast."

"I can't imagine you with a girlfriend." I admit as we flop down on the couch.

"What are you trying to say Bellski?" He asks with feigned offense.

"Nothing, I just always pictured you as a bit of a player."

"I prefer the term serial monogamist thank you very much. Any good films on?"

"Movies Arthur."

"Whatever, you knew what I meant."

"World War Z?"

"Sunday night zombies, sounds perfect, please Bellski may I have another beer?"

"Yes Arthur, you may."

"Want one?"

I pull a face.

"Try the cherry one, live dangerously."

"Okay."

Edward's cool fingers on my face wake me up a few hours later.

Someone's wrapped me up in a blanket and removed my sneakers, leaving me to snore drunkenly on the couch.

"Is Arthur asleep?"

"No, he left a few minutes ago. Come on Love, let's get you up to bed."


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 13 Safety Bear**

**BPOV**

Newton's is interminable in the morning. Firstly I have a beer hangover which I will swear to my dying day is the worst kind. Second I am furious with Arthur and really only focussing on what I'm going to say to him on the subject of his stupidity when I catch up with him. And finally the rain has frightened all our customers away and Mike is driving me _crazy_.

No, I don't want to have dinner with you and Jess. I don't actually _like_ either of you.

And why would you even suggest it when you've been taking every opportunity to hit on me?

No, Arthur is none of your fucking business and I will not be introducing you to him.

I can have as many jobs as I like and what is it exactly you think I need to be able to focus on here? I can line up shoe boxes on shelves without having to think about it thank you very much. I have a college degree.

...

Sue has to work this afternoon so Edward and I are keeping Charlie amused, not an easy task since he clearly has a bad head too. However I eventually manage to distract him with the topic of his new therapy session tomorrow. He's really excited about it and absolutely pinning his hopes on it getting him back on his feet faster than the classic muscle manipulation Sue and I have been doing with him while he wounds heal.

He's even letting Edward take him since the center is in Seattle and I have to work. It's a long drive for Charlie in his condition, even as a passenger, so even though Edward wouldn't break a sweat they've agreed to stay overnight.

I've mixed feelings about that. It's my selfish desire to do this project for the Foundation that means I can't take my own Father on this important trip. I'm thrilled that the two of them are getting on well enough to have agreed to do it together. And I'm going to miss Edward, again.

...

Mood this morning?

Tempestuous.

Probable target?

Drink and Drive Arthur.

He's going down.

"Morning Bellski . . . . ow . . . . shit . . . . what the fuck was that for?"

"You could have gotten killed. And you could have killed someone else. It's dangerous and stupid to drive when you've been drinking!"

"I was fine . . . ."

"You were not fine, you even admitted it yourself. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I metabolise alcohol quickly, I'm lucky like that and it was only beer . . . . oh no you don't . . . ." He screeches, skipping behind his desk to avoid another slap.

"Do you have any idea how stupid you sound when you say that?" I demand, collapsing into my chair.

"Um, no, it's the truth."

"Jesus Arthur. I'm a cop's daughter, he had a whole collection of photos ready for me to look at when I started taking Driver's Ed. And I lost a friend that way in college, he was like you. 'I metabolise alcohol quickly' they didn't even find all of him, Edward . . . . never mind. Just, please, don't do it."

"Okay Bella." He says quietly. "Whatever you say. I'm sorry. Coffee?"

"Please."

...

We work through the day and I gradually unbend, it is hard to stay mad at Arthur and he does seem genuinely sorry.

"Ty's back tomorrow." He announces eventually. "Care to have dinner with me before he rains on my parade?"

"Why don't you like him? He seems harmless enough."

"I have my reasons."

"Jesus Arthur you sound like a girl when you say things like that."

"I know, don't you just love it? I'm so metrosexual sometimes I give myself goosebumps."

I shake my head at him and return to my work.

"Maybe in an hour."

"It's a date."

"Oh Arthur, it's so not."

"Bellski, that hurt more than your very girly slap did."

I flip him the finger and carry on.

...

"How did it go?"

"These people are sadists Bells, even Edwin thought so, and he's a qualified Doctor, did you know that?"

"Yes, but did it do you any good?"

"Ask me tomorrow. They're letting me have another go in the hydrotherapy pool before we come home."

...

"You still working?"

"No, Arthur's about to buy me dinner to make up for being a dick."

Edward laughs and I sigh like the addict I am.

"Don't stay out too late, you have to drive home."

"I won't, it's still hurling it down, I can't even see across the parking lot."

"I love you, see you tomorrow."

"I love you too."

...

I shriek again as Arthur prods a lobster claw in my face.

"Stop it." I hiss through my helpless laughter . "You're going to get us thrown out."

"We come in pieces." He giggles, doing it again. "The aliens are coming, the aliens are coming . . . . don't be scared Bellski, I'll protect you . . . ."

...

He throws his arm around me, tucking me into his side and warming me up, as we hasten down the street in the sheeting rain.

"I can't believe you got me ejected from the best fish restaurant in Port Angeles." I complain.

"Me? They told _me _to be quiet." He pouts. "You're the one they threw out."

"It was your fault."

"I don't believe I hit myself over the head with a lobster claw Bellski, I'm pretty sure that was you. Which means it couldn't possibly be my fault that the posh lady behind me got showered in lobsterised butter."

We arrive at my truck.

"Go on, get inside." I urge. "You're soaked."

"So are you and I'm afraid we Brits are pathologically disposed to see a lady safely to her door."

"Fine. I'm in. Now get inside before you drown."

"Drive carefully Bellski."

"Not much choice in this truck, it won't go above forty."

...

"Wow, this really is crap." I grumble as I shift down again.

The wipers on the truck aren't brilliant at the best of times but they're really not coping with this onslaught. Where the hell does all this water come from? Surely you can't hold it in a cloud, there's gotta be someone up there with a reservoir or something.

Sighing I pull off the road, might as well wait and watch the lightening while the worst of it passes. No signal out here, can't even call Edward or surf the net to wile away the time.

Maybe I'm being a wuss?

Other drivers are still swishing past me, even trucks.

No, better safe than sorry, there's at least an inch of water cascading down the blacktop already.

Another car comes up, losing grip briefly in the turn but managing to recover, sensibly he pulls off the highway a hundred yards or so in front of me.

Branches are floating down the road now. Entertaining but not a good sign for getting me back to my nice warm bed any time soon. If I hadn't experienced this before I'd be freaking out about now.

More lights appear around the bend.

Coming a little fast.

Weaving erratically.

Shit, he's lost it.

I pull my hood up and leap out of the truck, certain he's going off the road and wanting to get there as quickly as possible when he does.

He's sideways on as he slides toward me.

White sedan, new by the look of it, he's going to be pissed he didn't drive slower or stop tomorrow.

Oh shit.

I realise the danger a little too late and hastily start moving out of the way but my feet tie up with a sailing branch and I go down into the cascading water.

Squealing. Screeching. Crunching. Tearing. Dragging. Growling. Screaming. Black.

...

Warmth. Comfort. Beeping. Light.

Ouch.

Too much light.

"Bella?"

"Mom?"

"Oh thank god. They said you were okay but . . . ."

"What did I do this time?"

"Don't you remember?"

"I got run over didn't I?"

"Almost."

"Almost feels bad enough."

"I love you Baby."

"Thanks Mom, I love you too."

...

Eventually they're done prodding and poking me and I drift back to sleep.

When I open my eyes again it's Edward that's hovering over me.

"Oh thank god. Love. Are you okay? I'll call the Doctor . . . ."

"I'm fine, really, and thank you."

"You're thanking me?"

"Of course, for being there and pulling me to safety like you always do, but I wish you didn't need to take care of me like that."

"Bella. It wasn't me that pulled you to safety."

"Then who was it?"

"Jazz and Em say all they could smell was bear and the other human from the accident."

"Well then I guess the guy in the other car must have done it. I'll need to thank him."

"No. Bella. You don't understand. The guy in the car that had pulled over, he said a brown bear dragged you out of the road."

My eyes widen.

"Love." He groans, pressing his face into my neck. "I could have lost you, you could have been killed . . . . a bear . . . . . Bella . . . . Damn, I have to go Arthur's coming . . . . I love you Bella."

"I love you too."

"Bellski? You okay?"

"Yeah Arthur, pretty good under the circumstances."

"Here." He proffers me some flowers and I wriggle upright to accept them.

"They're beautiful, thank you."

"I should have got you a room and made you stay." He says, dropping into the chair.

"There wasn't any need."

"That's not what your Dad said downstairs."

"Charlie's here?"

"Yes. He let me come and see you first so I can grovel and apologise for my lack of chivalry."

"Don't mind him Arthur. He's very protective."

"That's what your Mom said."

"How is she even here, how long have I been out?"

"Two days."

"Shit."

"Yeah, you whacked your head pretty good on the tarmac . . . ."

"Huh?"

"Blacktop, asphalt. I'd better go, Charlie gave me a hard time limit."

"Sorry Arthur."

"Don't apologise for people that love you Bellski, they're what makes the world go round."

...

Two days unconscious and one day getting stared and I was passed medically fit with orders not to overdo it and report back if I get any headaches, dizziness, unexpected mental problems etc . . . .

Mom stayed for another day and I was sorely tempted to tell her about Edward but Charlie and I snatched a few quick words on the subject and he persuaded me against it.

I couldn't however keep her away from Arthur who dazzled her with his British charm, yes he has some when he wants to, and even inveigled himself an invite to visit her in Florida.

By the time they'd all cleared out of the house Charlie and I were exhausted, falling asleep in our respective chairs.

But I still woke up in the morning cocooned in Edward's arms.

"Sorry we had a full house, I missed you."

"I missed you too, its hell to be away from you when you aren't well."

"I was okay, head's as hard as nails."

"Thank god for that." He sighs. "Only you could get rescued from an oncoming car by a bear that wanted to eat you."

"He didn't do a very good job Edward, there isn't a tooth mark on me."

"And thank god for that too."

We snuggle up for a few more minutes until my alarm goes off and I decide to chance my arm a bit.

"If I was a vampire I could have just walked home."

"I know. But if you were a vampire you wouldn't have been there in the first place."

"Edward . . . ."

"You won't just be able to go out to dinner with friends Bella. You won't have any, not that you could enjoy a meal with them if you did."

Instead of countering like I usually do I sigh but stay where I am.

Then I decide that I need to be somewhere else and wriggle out of his arms.

**A/N Okay, so. There was a bit of a mistake yesterday when I accidentally posted chapter 14 instead of chapter 12. Only one person has actually admitted to getting a sneak peek and she's sworn to secrecy. Something's coming . . . .**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 14 Big Bird**

**BPOV**

Arthur and Charlie are driving me nuts, Billy isn't due for another half hour and the pair of them are behaving like toddlers, I swear one of them is going to ask me if he's nearly here yet.

Edward's already left, he's got inspiration on the piece he's composing and a few hours to focus on it are just what needs sometimes.

Me? I have a whole afternoon of beer fetching and snack provision to look forward to. Not that I mind that much, at least I like the three of them and I'm extremely curious as to how Arthur is going to win over Billy. He arrived with packages again, and his overnight bag. Good boy that he is.

Of course one of the down sides is that Jake brings Billy.

He manages to smile at Charlie, frown at Arthur and scowl at me before he departs in a cloud of tire smoke. Yes, it's dry in Cutlery.

"Nice boy." Arthur drawls. "Did you turn him down for a date once Bellski?"

"Billy." Charlie interrupts. "This idiot is Arthur, come in and talk to him about fishing before he says something _really_ stupid."

"Ouch." I protest as two sets of wheels roll over my foot in rapid succession.

"Sorry Bella."

"Sorry Bells."

"Would you like me to step on it too?" Arthur asks solicitously as we turn to go inside.

"No. Fuck off."

...

I busy myself in the kitchen cleaning and descaling the fish Billy brought while they get rowdy next door. It's actually quite nice and Charlie's laughter makes it all the more so. Chore done I make myself comfortable at the kitchen table with a book I've been meaning to read for ages and the bottle of red Arthur brought me.

The only able bodied one at the moment its Arthur that treks back forth with the beer and salty snacks, not that he disturbs me, he just throws me a cheery wave and sorts himself out.

I've given up on Charlie and drinking and so has Sue, he's off all this meds and it's not like he's at it all the time. He likes a beer or two sometimes with his friends and his sports, what harm can that do when he's working so hard to regain his mobility and we're making sure he eats well.

The house phone rings and I snatch it up.

"Hello?"

"What time does Dad want picking up?"

"Why Jake, how lovely to talk to you."

Silence.

"Please, will you ask him?"

I lay the handset down on the counter, Charlie's so old fashioned, and traipse into the other room.

"Billy, Jake wants to know what time you want picking up."

"What time's dinner?"

"Half an hour."

"Nine then."

I shuffle back into the kitchen in my fluffy slippers.

"He says nine."

"Fine."

Click.

Charlie says we used to make mud pies together when we were little. Sweet. One of us would probably try and choke the other with them now.

...

"Um?" I ask as I go to call them for dinner.

"Arthur's gone for a 'fag' and Billy's gone with him."

"Please tell me you're never going to say that at the station."

"Have no fear of that Bells." He intones with a meaningful nod.

After ten minutes I decide to go in search, I'm not having dry fish blamed on my cooking, not in this house.

They're deep in conversation, nose to nose, when they spot me.

"You know you don't have disappear into the hinterlands to smoke, the back porch is more than far enough, dinner's ready."

"Sorry Bellski."

"Sorry Bella."

...

"Did you have a good day?" Arthur asks after he's helped me put Charlie to bed.

"Surprisingly yes. I finished my book."

"Well done you. I have another package."

"You do?"

"Champagne."

"Bubbles? Not such a good idea."

"Bellski, this is proper champagne, not the crap they serve in DC."

"Okay, but I don't need another hangover."

"Sure you do, you're a healthy young single woman aren't you? It's Saturday night."

"You are a very bad influence on me."

"I can but hope Ms Goody Two Shoes. Fire up a movie while I hunt for champagne flutes."

"You won't find any." I observe as he trots into the kitchen. "What sort of movie do you fancy?"

"I don't want to ruin the sanctity of Zombie Sunday, pick something different." His voice floats back through the arch.

"Rom-Com?"

"Please. I've been a good boy. Have mercy."

I flick through a few more channels.

"Vampires?"

"If we must." Is his only response before he reappears with two tall glassed full of pale yet glittery liquid.

"This is a beer glass."

"Yes, you colonials are woefully lacking in the social graces, it was the best I could do."

"Have you had your ass kicked many times since you've been here?"

"Once or twice Bellski, once or twice."

"And yet you still make jokes like that?"

"Alright, easy tiger, I'm sorry. Drink your champagne and watch the silly vampires."

"You don't like vampires?"

"Isn't the theme of these things always the strong immortal that's been alive for centuries getting staked in his sleep by some High School oik?"

"I guess."

"Then fictional vampires are silly."

...

We progress from vampires to terrorists attacking the White House talking the whole time while I make my way slowly down my champagne, the bubbles aren't so bad if you sip it and they do spread a warm rosy glow through your veins.

Or maybe that's Arthur, it's a long time since I've shared a movie marathon and a couch with anyone who wasn't cold.

"You're falling asleep." Arthur points out a little while later as I tip into him once again.

"Tired." I confirm with a sleepy smile.

"Want me to put you to bed?"

"No. Totally inappropriate. Will put myself to bed. Do you know where everything is?"

"In this tiny house? I think I've got a good grip on the basics."

"Rude." I huff, heaving myself upright.

"You're adorable when you're all sleepy." He chuckles.

"That's what Edward always says." I reply without thinking.

"I'm sure he does."

...

Once again for some reason Arthur borrows my truck to collect Ty from the airport, I'm not going to see them until the day after tomorrow since I'm determined to go to Seattle with Charlie, I just hope they don't kill each other while I'm gone.

Mike's given me another lecture on changing my shifts around and my therefore obvious lack of commitment to a career at Newton's.

A career? At Newton's? He does remember that I have a college degree? That I actually finished my course because I _didn't_ get my girlfriend back home pregnant? That I'm only here for Charlie? I was so offended by his patronising tone I applied for a part time job at the Bowling Alley. The hours aren't so great for Edward and me but I figure he'll happily trade that off for not having to listen to whatever's going on in Mike's head while I'm at work.

...

The center in Seattle was every bit as amazing as its reputation suggested, and the other thing that was amazing about it is that I could go there, with Edward, like a normal person.

They are tough though, Charlie's Physio barks at him like an army drill instructor.

Not that you can argue with the results, it gets him walking, albeit between horizontal bars and before we leave for the day he's issued with a set of crutches and strict instructions on where and when to use them.

The day's exhausted Charlie so Edward and I get to enjoy a quiet dinner together in the hotel.

We talk about Charlie and the family for a while and then lapse into comfortable silence, holding hands across the table, content to just be.

...

"I don't fish."

"And? I need someone to bait my hook."

"Arthur, I quit doing that when I was seven."

"Please Bellski, come with us? Charlie and Billy are planning to out fish me and I need some moral support."

I groan.

I would quite like to go, they're having a cook out on the beach afterwards and I haven't been to one since I started dating Edward. But if I go I won't get to spend any time with Edward, again. And if I go I'll have man-wolves glaring at me all night and complaining about the stink.

"No Arthur, I can't, think of this as a day off for me, I've got stuff I need to do."

Which I have, including carrying my weight on this pitch, Arthur and Ty got a lot of work done while I was in Seattle. Not that either of them seemed to mind. Ty took me to dinner before he left and as well as telling me all about his Amazon trip he assured me, repeatedly, that I wasn't a slacker and they had in fact, incorporated quite a lot of the work I'd already done in the draft they'd prepared. Nevertheless Greg's coming to look over it next week and I don't want to disappoint him.

...

Since I trust Edward with my life and it won't take long I ask him to read over our draft while I take care of my human beauty regimen, I've been a bit lax on the exfoliation since Edward has retreated to over the clothes only action, but hope springs eternal . . . .

"It's very good." Is his verdict. "I can tell which bits are yours and which bits are Arthur's but the styles complement each other really well."

"Thanks. So, what's the plan for today?"

"If you dress up warm and don't mind riding on my back I thought we could go to Vancouver for the day, I could run us to Mt Vernon and we could pick up a car there."

"It works for me."

...

Ours is a happy house that night.

Edward and I had a great day in Vancouver, we hit most of the museums in Kitsilano and he took me to see some of the locations used in famous movies. And Charlie got himself down to La Push to fish and catch up with his friends.

Sunday night is my first shift at the Bowling Alley but apart from the smell of 'shoe' it's already shaping up better than Newton's and I will always treasure the look on Mike's face when I quit.

Edward's so relieved to have me away from Mike nefarious thoughts that our kissing tonight has included his long fingers sliding up under my top to caress my ribcage, filling me with elation and lust in equal measure . . . .

"Please, don't stop." I beg when they slide back down to my waist and he chuckles, shaking his head as he transfers his kisses to my neck.

I know better than to get my hopes up but they soar anyway when he slides them down over my butt and uses them to pull us against each other. If I keep completely still and completely quiet, then, just maybe, we might gain back some valuable ground . . . .

His cell starts to vibrate on the nightstand.

"Leave it." I practically whimper.

He sighs, placing a kiss on the tip of my nose as he climbs over me to retrieve it, oblivious to the fact that he's effectively flaunting his massive erection in my face. Down girl.

"I needed to stop anyway, I'm sorry Love." He says as he picks up his cell, smiling at the caller ID, and then his smile slips.

"Are you sure Alice?"

"What is it?" I ask, crawling up the bed to try and listen in.

"Alice says our futures have disappeared."

"Our future together?" I gasp, my one and only concern in life

"No." He says, giving me a funny look. "Both our futures, whatever the variations, they're gone, blanked out."

"What? What does that mean?" I ask, I can tell he's talking to Alice again but it's too fast for me to hear.

After another minute of leaving me stewing he ends the call.

"They're coming."

"Who?"

"The family. Alice is freaking out."

"So am I."

He shakes himself and then gathers me into a tight embrace.

"Don't worry Love, Alice's visions aren't a precise science, she's lost them around specific things before. Carlisle thinks there are some situations or types of people that interfere with them. Its only ever temporary but she always freaks out because she's so used to keeping tabs on the safety and happiness of the people she loves."

"And they're all coming here for _that_?" I ask sceptically, he knows I don't like being 'protected' from the facts, or at least he should do by now.

"She saw something first." He sighs.

"What?"

"Even Alice said it was crazy."

"_What_ was crazy?"

"A golden eagle the size of a man."

"Nice try Edward. What was this giant ass eagle doing that was so scary?"

"It was sitting in the tree outside your bedroom. The one I used to sit in."


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 15 Screwing the Pooch**

**BPOV**

Apparently it's only taken a day for the Cullens to extend the Bachelor Cabin to The Stake Out Cabin as Em's now calling it.

I can't deny that it's nice to have them close again.

But neither can I deny that it's freaking me out.

At Edward's insistence one of them is following me wherever I go and at mine one of them always stays behind to keep watch over Charlie.

I had to tell him they were coming, and why, his lips went thin, but he didn't say anything, at least not to me. I get the impression he may have hauled off at Edward but neither of them will say anything on the subject.

I feel like we're under siege, unsurprisingly enough, though I'm no clearer on why. Alice could only tell me what Edward had, and that nothing had changed, we were still 'gone'. And yes, she saw a big bird in the tree outside my bedroom.

Carlisle has theories.

Our disappearance may have something to do with our proximity to the wolves since close contact has fritzed out Alice in the past. Though they're here and she hasn't lost anything else. He also thinks that maybe the eagle is a sign rather than a normal vision. An eagle is considered in many cultures, ancient and new, to be a sign of great power and strength. Which is great except that no one has a remotely sensible idea why she'd see one outside my bedroom window.

His other theory, that there actually was or will be a giant golden eagle appearing in a tree near me soon is going down like a lead balloon, on all fronts.

...

It's a little disconcerting to prepare for Greg's arrival with Edward perching on the hotel roof.

I don't know why it should be, it just is, and its making me different with Arthur who eventually asks me what the matter is.

"Nothing. I'm sorry, I'm just . . . . out of sorts today I guess."

"Will an Enchilada from the kitchen help?"

"Always."

"Then just give me a minute . . . ." He says, scurrying out.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

'Its not raining but the wind is trying to whip me off the roof!' Edward texts back to my cell.

"This is ridiculous." I say out loud again.

'I know, humour me.' Text.

"Okay, for now. Seen any giant eagles?"

'Nary a one.' He texts back with a smiley face.

...

"Dinner?" Arthur asks when we're done for the night and as ready for Greg as we'll ever be.

"I can't, I'm sorry, I need to get back."

"You got a boyfriend in Cutlery you're not telling me about Bellski?"

"Of course not, Charlie . . . ."

"Is with Sue tonight."

Damn him for wheedling himself into a half of my life.

I unplug my laptop from the wall and stuff it in the bag and when I look up again he's right in front of me, smelling of expensive cologne and cigarettes.

"Then have dinner with me."

"I can't . . . ."

"Or won't?"

"Won't?"

He takes my laptop case out of my hands and gently lays it on my desk.

I can feel the heat radiating off his body, why have I never noticed anything like that before? It's like a warm aura or something.

"Have dinner with me Bellski, please?" He asks as I close my eyes and breathe him in.

"I won't . . . ."

His long warm fingers ghost over my face and into my hair, a prelude to his lips descending on mine. And though I may be screaming in my head my lips part of their own accord, allowing his tongue a deep probing access my mouth has never known. It sucks the breath out of me, a process that randomly starts in my toes and immolates every cell in my body on its way out my mouth . . . .

I collapse against him, seeking his support even though I've just decided to hate his guts until the day I die.

"Fuck. Arthur." I complain breathlessly to his tie. "You've no idea what you've just done."

"That's not true Bella. Not true at all."

...

We drive home in frosty silence.

Very frosty, even given the cold body set like stone in the passenger seat.

"Edward. I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck happened."

Silence.

...

"I'm sorry Bella." Edward murmurs, kissing my cheek as I shut down the engine.

"For what . . . ." I ask pointlessly as he disappears into the trees.

My hands rub my face without me consciously asking them to.

And when I remove them Alice is standing in front of my truck, looking as miserable as I am.

"What happened?" She asks as I slide out wearily.

"I kissed Arthur. Well technically he kissed me but I didn't exactly push him away if you know what I mean. I think I'm in shock."

"Poor Bella. A fine sexy man kisses you and the best you can manage is shock."

"What's that supposed to mean, I've hurt Edward, he's furious with me."

"I doubt it's you he's furious with." Alice sighs, pulling me in for a hug.

"What am I going to do?"

"Make dinner for Charlie and go to work, Edward will come home when he's ready."

"He will?"

"I don't need a vision for that Bella."

...

At least I can't worry myself sick at work, tonight is league night and the Alley is heaving with people, workers and waitresses. The boss did warn me but if this isn't organised chaos I don't know what is, how are there even this many people _in_ Forks? I have to admit though, the atmosphere isn't conducive to moping, which is what I'd like to be doing.

Edward and I have faced many issues but never one like this. It's not like it's ever going to happen again but still, I kissed another man, I'm a terrible person, after everything he's sacrificed for me . . . .

"Bella!" A voice interrupts me. "That pitcher ain't gonna refill itself just cos you're starin' at it."

"Sorry, Harve, zoned out there for a minute."

"Less zone more beer." He chuckles, turning back to his friends.

What is it with hardworking men and their beer?

...

Alice, Sue and Charlie are playing Canasta, of all things when I get home. Alice is playing two hands against Sue and Charlie's pairing, I'm pretty sure that's an unfair advantage but nobody seems to mind.

"Where's Edward?" I ask as soon as I've shrugged out of my coat.

"Upstairs waiting for you." Alice answers, studying her cards.

"Okay."

I feel a bit like I'm walking to the gallows as I drag myself upstairs, he's going to be so hurt, so mad at me . . . .

"Hi." I murmur, closing the door behind me.

"Hi."

He's sitting in the rocking chair.

"I'm sorry Edward. Truly, truly sorry. I don't know what happened, he just kissed me and . . . . I'm sorry."

"Lots of men would like to kiss you Bella." He says quietly, his face inscrutable. "You never notice."

"Did you know, he, um, liked me?"

"I knew he found you attractive, it was pretty obvious to everyone but you."

There's something not quite right about that answer.

"Did you, um, I can't believe I'm asking this, see it in his thoughts?"

"No."

"I don't understand."

"I can't read Arthur's mind, not properly."

"What? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It didn't seem important, he's patchy and hard to get a grip on, like Charlie. But he's only a human so why would I have worried about it?"

He laughs bitterly and shakes his head.

"Why would I worry about an ordinary man? I'm a vampire, a perfected immortal . . . . what would I possibly have to worry about?"

"Edward . . . ."

"He's better for you than I am."

"Oh no. No way. You can knock that shit off right now. You do not get to decide what's good for me on your own. _Ever_. We _agreed_."

"He could give you things I can't Bella. He could make love to you . . . ."

"_That_ is never going to happen. And you could make love to me if you'd just turn me into a fucking vampire already!"

"You're shouting." He says, sounding surprised.

"No shit Sherlock!" I storm, irrationally angry considering I'm the one in the wrong here. "I'm sorry I let Arthur kiss me I really am but let's be honest if I were a vampire I'd never even have met him, never mind gotten friendly enough with him for him to think it was okay."

"You're right, this is my fault." He sighs.

"And there you go again with all the 'my fault' stuff. You didn't kiss him Edward. I did."

"I shouldn't be the only boy you've ever kissed. That's not a full and happy human life." He murmurs.

"Do I look fucking happy right now Edward?"

He focuses back on me.

"No."

"I'm never going to be truly happy until we're equals! If you want me to be happy you'll change me the minute Charlie's back on his feet!"

Silence.

This is not at all going how I thought it would.

"Just fuck off Edward." I sigh, collapsing onto my bed and burying my face in the pillow, the one that smells so strongly of him. "I can't go sulk on a mountain top like you did but I would like to think in private."

"Okay." He says quietly and I hear the window slide up though I know he hasn't left yet.

"Mind the giant eagle doesn't get you on the way out."

And _now_ he's gone.

Jesus but being totally in the wrong makes me bitchy, more guilt, but I'm not calling him back, even though he's probably hovering in the yard waiting for me to.

No, instead of doing the right thing and calling him back so we can talk about this sensibly I cry myself to sleep like a baby.

...

In the morning the house is vampire free and I'm momentarily afraid that I've driven them all away, until Alice appears suddenly and makes me scream.

"Jesus. Sorry. You scared me."

"It had to happen sometime Bella, you've been reasonable with him long enough."

I shake my head, fresh tears sliding down my cheeks.

"He needs to make a decision."

"I wasn't trying to force anything, I just . . . . my timing sucks."

"It is a bit off." She admits with a small smile.

"Is he alright?"

"He'll live, I think it might have done him good to realise that you're a grown up on top of everything else he learned yesterday."

I blow out a breath and scrub the tears from my cheeks.

"I hurt him." I admit sadly.

"He hurts you too."

"He does everything for me." I insist. "Everything."

"Except the things you really want."

"Wow, that's depressing, thanks."

She pats my back.

"I'd better get Charlie up." I sigh.

...

"Any sign of the big giant eagle?" Charlie asks as I help him out of bed and onto his crutches.

"Nope."

"Any sign of Edwin after you tore him off a strip last night?"

"Not yet."

"Hmm. I know a Dad's opinion doesn't count in matters of his daughter's heart but he's had that one coming for a while I think."

"The complete bitch attack or the kissing another man?" I sigh, preparing to close the bathroom door and give him some privacy.

"Both. Was he any good?"

"What?"

"Arthur, was he a good kisser?"

"Ew, Dad, not a topic for conversation. I'll be out here if you need me."

...

I stare at my cell for a few minutes while Charlie tucks into his eggs and then text Arthur.

'I won't be in today, not feeling well'

'You giving up without a fight Bella?'

'What the hell is wrong with you?'

'Single man kisses single woman? We've hardly committed a crime, or is there something you're not telling me?'

'Fuck you Arthur'

'See you tomorrow Bellski, hope you feel better then'


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 16 To Err is Human**

**BPOV**

The day crawls by, slowly and painfully.

I need to see Edward, I'm desperate to see him but there's no sign of him.

Em's hanging with Charlie, regaling him with probably not so tall tales about life as the world's most awesome vampire.

I mope about getting my chores done and trying to think, but my brain is sluggish and uncooperative today, either that or I can't focus on anything beyond Edward's continued absence. Everything I did yesterday was a mistake, all of it, and I don't know how to make it right.

Not that there's anyone here to make it right _with_. That annoys me even though it was me that turned on him and sent him away.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Esme visits for a while but I must be lousy company because she doesn't stay long, hugging me and then leaving to me to have another good cry in the kitchen.

Still no Edward at bed time.

Figures.

Mentally exhausted I curl into a ball and will myself to sleep.

...

The first time I wake up I'm still alone.

The second time I wake up cold strong arms are holding me tightly and I smile as I slip back into the world of dreams.

_Charlie and I living in Forks High with a load of people I seem to know but don't recognise, there's a 'Falling Skies' feel to it. I even have a rifle and a shopping cart filled with random items of the kind you might scavenge in a post apocolyptic world. There are a lot of sanitary products in there for some reason. It all feels weirdly normal as we go about our business doing whatever it is we're doing. I'm looking for someone, I don't know who, but I'm worried I won't find them. Not badly worried, just concerned, that maybe they're avoiding me . . . . yes, I feel like I'm being avoided . . . . Now it's dark and we're all eating dinner, I'm not sure Duck a L'Orange is normally what you'd have in these situations but we all seem to be enjoying it so I'm not going to judge . . . . he's here, the one I was looking for . . . . but . . . . now he's here I'm not sure if it's a good thing . . . . and I'm leaving . . . . and he's following me . . . . hands grab my shoulders, spinning me . . . . and a hard mouth slants down over mine . . . . his tongue forcing its way inside . . . . my hands tangle in his hair, pulling at it, fastening him to me . . . . his hard body presses me roughly against the wall . . . . I like it . . . . I like the feel of him though I vaguely feel I shouldn't . . . . lips suck at the skin of my neck . . . . teeth scraping down the column of my throat . . . . hands lift me and I wrap my legs around his waist . . . . pushing back as he presses his hardness against me . . . . I don't care that my rifle is between me and the wall . . . . so good . . . . so good . . . ._

I wake with a start to find myself wrapped around an Edward who is gently by determinedly trying to escape my dry humping.

"Shit. Sorry." I gasp, drawing away immediately, embarrassed. "I guess I shouldn't watch Falling Skies before I go to bed."

He gives me that odd look again and then draws me back for a much safer cuddle.

"I'm sorry about yesterday." I murmur into his chest.

"So am I." He replies, kissing the top of my head.

...

Am I aware that we haven't talked?

Yes.

Am I worried about it?

Yes.

Am I relieved that he came back?

Yes.

...

"Oh dear." Arthur drawls as I enter the office. "You're wearing your serious professional heels, that can't be good."

"I am not talking to you about anything that doesn't appertain to work." I inform him as I set up my laptop. "What time is Greg getting in?"

"Just after ten, he's catching a cab. Coffee?"

"Yes please."

He pours me a cup and I grit my teeth. So he smells nice, so what?

"Must you stand so close?"

"Sorry, I'll go and stand over there shall I?" He asks with enviable sarcasm.

"Please, you stink of cigarette smoke."

"As my lady wishes."

I glare at him for a moment and then pull up my email.

"Is this the final draft of the pitch?" I ask, noting the one from him.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry you had to do that on your own." I admit.

"Not a problem, you prepared everything in your usual thorough way, there wasn't much for me to do but correct some of your more intriguing spelling."

My lip curls but I manage not to say anything.

"You know Bella, as soon as you escape the perceived safety of that desk I'm going to kiss you again. Angry Bella is a very attractive woman."

"Thank you for letting me know, I'll superglue my ass to the chair right this minute."

He laughs, of course he does.

So I decide to ignore him.

I read and re-read the pitch until Greg arrives.

...

"This is very, very, good." He says when Arthur and I are done presenting. "The two of you make quite a formidable team."

"Thank you." Arthur and I say in unison.

"Alright then." Greg announces, clapping his hands together. "Let's get a late lunch and talk about next steps."

...

I haven't exactly got rid of Arthur permanently, Greg has asked up both to make the pitch with him acting in support, but at least we're done here and I only have to see him once more in Seattle.

"Ready to get back to Boston?" Greg asks Arthur as we linger over coffee.

"Absolutely." Arthur chuckles. "But I've a couple of things to tie up here, is it okay if I get back into the office on Monday?"

"Not a problem. What about you Bella, what are you going to do with all this free time you're getting back?"

"I don't know." I admit. "Take care of Charlie. Work my shifts at the Bowling Alley."

"How long do you think it will be before you're ready to come back to Boston?" Greg asks, studying me closely.

"I don't know." Is my dishonest / honest answer.

"Well, we miss you but there's no rush, I'm sure there are other projects like this one you can work on as a freelance. The pair of you have done an excellent job."

"Ty helped." I point out because it will annoy Arthur.

"Yes he did." Greg allows, sipping his coffee and grinning slyly at Arthur because he seems to know him as well as I do.

Arthur just rolls his eyes.

"Right then." Greg decides. "I'd better get going, I'll let you know when Lamttesep confirm a date."

"I'll drive you to the airport." I offer, eager to be away from Arthur.

"No need." Greg says happily. "I'll just get Reception to call me a cab, you two have an office to breakdown, that place looks like a bomb's hit it."

"That's Arthur." I growl.

"Well then I'm sure you can get him to do most of the work." Greg laughs, swooping in for a hug and then shaking Arthur's hand.

"See you both soon."

Dismissed I spin on my heel and scurry back to the office, aware of Arthur loping easily along on behind me on his long legs.

I feel like I'm being stalked, it's eerily reminiscent of my dream and, stupid human that I am, I can feel adrenaline hyping me up.

He is so gonna get his face slapped and his 'knackers squished' if he tries anything.

I'm barely through the door when he's slammed it behind us and he's trapped me against it, his forearms resting on either side of my head.

I glare up at him and he laughs quietly.

"Fairs fair Bella, I did warn you and you didn't carry out your superglue threat."

I try to knee him in the balls but he's too tall and all I get is his thigh.

"I'll make you a deal." He says softly, leaning down so he's practically breathing into my open mouth.

Warm, so warm, ghosting over my lips . . . . .

"If you kiss _me_ I'll never corner you like this again."

"I am not kissing you Arthur, are you insane?" I huff, needlessly breathless.

"Why not?" He asks, nudging me gently back against the door until all I can feel is the hard wood and his warm body . . . .

"I don't want to."

"Don't lie it's beneath you. Why not?"

"I can't."

"You most certainly can." His lips almost touch mine as he says this, almost. "You woman, me man, it's very, very, _basic_."

Jesus, when did his voice get so sinfully deep and silky, no wonder he's a serial monogamist . . . . I'm surprised he hasn't monogamised himself half to death . . . .

"I can't." I almost whimper. "Arthur, _please_ . . . ."

"Alright." He murmurs, his lips actually brushing mine this time. "I'll go first again . . . ."

My protest dies on my lips, in fact it doesn't get that far because apparently I can't kiss and talk.

Holy shit! What am I doing?

My tongue slides with his, he tastes of coffee, and his hitching breath sucks all mine out of my body so that I have to hang onto him to stay upright, the door protests as he pushes me hard against it with his body . . . . holy shit . . . . I can feel the bulky muscles in his upper arm sliding under his sleeves as his hands tangle and flex in my hair, tugging at it . . . . hard . . . . his thigh slips between mine, pressing, and my eyes cross with lust . . . . but . . . . it breaks the spell.

"_Stop_." I gasp, ripping my mouth away from his.

And he does, immediately, though he's doesn't pull back much, which I'm kind of grateful for since I'm pretty sure my knees have become non-functioning units.

His forehead rests on mine, both of us breathing hard.

"I won't apologise Bella." He says softly, pressing a much less steamy kiss onto my flushed skin. "Though I know I probably should. Forgive me. I'll tidy up here if you want to go. And I'll see you in Seattle."

I summon the strength to push him away, grabbing everything off my desk and yanking the door open without looking at him once . . . .

...

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I wanted him, I wanted him so badly it made me nauseous and quivery and . . . . jesus . . . . _wet_ . . . .

I'm halfway home before I'm even vaguely aware of where I am and then there's a crash in the back of the truck that pulls me back to reality with a raw scream.

Its only Em, he used to love doing that to me back in the day, I'm surprised he never killed the truck.

I don't bother slowing down as he opens the passenger door and swings himself inside.

"Phew Bells." He laughs. "Once is an accident but twice, little sister, when you're bad you're _very_ bad."

"Shit Em, I don't know what's fucking wrong with me!"

"There's nothing wrong with you Bells. You're only human."

Yep, anger rising again where there should only be guilt. There _is_ something seriously wrong with me.

"He's going to be so hurt." I sigh, because Em and I both know I'm going to fess up.

"Yep. Not gonna lie to you Bells. But maybe he needs to be. Just don't make a habit of it, okay?"

Oh haha.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 17 Pressing the Self Destruct Button, Repeatedly**

**BPOV**

"He's inside, brooding." Em informs me as he jumps out of the truck.

"Okay." I reply, taking a deep breath.

"Talk." Em suggests, giving me a surprisingly gentle hug. "It works."

"Okay."

I wave pointlessly as he disappears into the trees, no doubt in search of Rose.

"I'm home." I call as I enter.

"In here." Edward's voice comes from the kitchen.

"That smells nice, what is it?"

"Something I got from the Food Channel, no peeking it's meant to be a surprise."

"Okay."

I take a seat.

"Where's Dad?"

"Sue's taken him to the diner so he can show off his crutches."

"Cool. Good."

"How did today go?"

"Good. Great. Greg loved the pitch, he wants Arthur and I to present it to Lamttesep."

"Well done."

"He's leaving. Arthur, obviously, I'll only have to see him again once for the pitch."

Edward nods but doesn't say anything.

"Are you, um, how do you . . . ." I trail off, not sure how to ask him what I want to know.

"Burning with it." He confesses. "Absolutely _green_ with it."

I nod, that's good, I guess? Normal. Means he cares.

"I did it again."

His nostrils flare.

"I was hoping his scent on you was an innocent good bye hug." He says quietly, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No. And I've no excuse this time. Not that there was much of one last time."

"You're only human." He says eventually, as if that explains everything.

I will not get angry. I do not deserve to be angry.

"What do you want from me Edward?" I ask instead.

"I don't understand the question."

"What do you want from me? I want you to change me, to make me yours forever."

"I want you to be happy."

"That's not an answer. I didn't ask how you want me to _feel_."

"I want . . . ." He can't say it and instead his hands ball into fists.

"Whatever it is, why can't you just say it?"

"I want to, but I can't, it's wrong."

"You want to bite me, drink my blood, give me your venom, change me, keep me forever?"

His adam's apple bobs but he doesn't respond.

And the knot that's been forming in my stomach turns to lead and drops to my feet.

"If that's what you want but you can't even say it then I can't see when you're ever going to make it happen. I don't have forever Edward."

He makes a noise in his throat but doesn't speak.

"And if it's something else that you want then I'm sorry, the only things I can guess at are all bad."

"There isn't anything else that I want!"

Progress?

Maybe. Or maybe it's just another blind alley that I'm going to happily skip down in search of my own personal nirvana.

I can't pinpoint when I actually started thinking these things but I can't ignore them any longer.

"I love you Edward. I always have and I always will but I'm beginning to see that it isn't enough, that you don't love me enough . . . ."

"You do not get to say that." He thunders.

Whoa! That's a first. A violent outburst from Edward.

"I love you more than you will ever be able to appreciate." He growls, visibly calming himself.

And therein lies the problem. He can never really be himself around me. And I can never really be myself around him.

"Please, Love." He murmurs, advancing on me carefully. "Don't cry, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry, I should never have shouted at you."

"Yes, you should have Edward. We're having a fight because I've been stupidly and needlessly unfaithful. You are very much entitled to be angry with me."

"But I . . . ."

"Can't really be because I'm only a human and it's dangerous?"

"Bella . . . ." He stops just short of touching me, always in control, always having to be because he loves me.

"Do you remember when you said I could live without you?"

He nods, his adam's apple bobbing again.

"I think we need to put that to the test, for a bit, for both our sakes."

Silence. A long terrible silence where even I can hear and smell the tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I can't leave you Bella, not while you're in danger."

"I'm not asking . . . . and . . . . We . . . . don't . . . . know that I am." I stammer out as I begin to sob, backing up so it's clear that I don't want him to hold me, to comfort me.

"The others won't leave you either."

"Ed – ward . . . . I . . . . can't talk about it . . . . now . . . ."

"_Bella_."

"T-t-tomorrow . . . ."

"I love you." He says clearly and succinctly, so there's no misunderstanding.

And that completely undoes me.

_Completely_.

The pain is indescribable, like something's ripped a hole in my chest . . . .

...

I'm still trying to hold myself together against it when Sue and Charlie get home, noisily putting themselves to bed and enjoying one of the 'sheets' he was given by the Physio.

Bed's somehow colder without a cold body in it, wonder how that works . . . .

...

Oh great. I look like I died in the night and that's not _remotely_ melodramatic or situationally ironic.

I drag myself downstairs and start my own coffee, not something I usually have to do.

I fear I may have given Edward the get out clause he wanted and consigned myself to hell.

Nice one Bella.

...

Sue and Charlie drag me down to La Push with them.

Not that I resist much. My shift at the Alley has been cancelled so they can fumigate the place and if I stay in the house I'll be a threat to my own health and sanity by dinner time. Besides, I can't face any of the Cullens right now.

Running and hiding is okay for today I have decided.

...

I've barely killed the engine before I'm aware of all the man-wolves glaring at me.

"Fuck off." I mouth, flipping them the finger while Sue and Charlie aren't looking.

Whoa, look at that, I've never seen Jake look that pissed, this could be fun.

Mood this afternoon?

Downright dangerous apparently.

...

The men wheel Charlie and Billy off for manly stuff and I help Sue and the other women get ready for the cook out.

Mindless manual labor and fire starting, just what I need today.

I know she wants to talk to me, help me, and I'm grateful that she's just said her piece to that effect and then left me to make my own decision.

I'm not sure what I'd say, so I'd rather say nothing.

Just for today.

I made a resolution to stick to beer but I've never tried the 'shine they brew down here, though the kids at school all did, but living's about trying new experiences, right?

For the record it tastes disgusting but I'm going to persevere, living requires effort after all.

None of the men other than Billy seem to want anything to do with me so as night falls I'm quite happy to laugh and joke with the women. Sam's wife Emily fascinates me, she's such a beautiful woman and so strong, it seeps out of her pores like an invisible mist. They all seem to know I know, so to speak, so they're talking quite frankly about living with wolves. I had no idea about imprinting or myriad other things about them. Though I do now understand why Leah's so much trouble and Sue was so pissed about Seth's girlfriend. He could imprint one day and then, child or no, he'll leave her, he won't have a choice.

Eventually it's full dark and the smell of cooking draws the men to the fire with us.

Kids think they are running wild under the watchful eyes of the grown-ups as tales are being told, Quileute legends along with friend and family shaming anecdotes.

I'm not the only one getting absolutely wasted.

Charlie's already informed me that we'll be sleeping at Sue's.

I don't mind, Seth's the only male under forty here that doesn't look like he hates me. Mind you, he wasn't there when I flipped his mates the bird.

In fact they're starting to get on my nerves, particularly Jake.

So I love a vampire? So what? At least he doesn't lick his own balls.

"What are you laughing at?" Sue asks.

"Nothing. Sorry."

"Be careful Bella." She says quietly. "Sam has them on a very tight leash but Jake can be _unpredictable_."

"Sorry Sue, I'm just . . . ."

"Drunk and miserable?" She says with a knowing smile. "I've been there, when Harry died, and with Leah. We're both still hanging in there. One of us happy now and one of us fighting to be."

"I don't think I'm that strong." I confess.

"There's steel in you Bella Swan. You'll be fine. Eat something though, I don't think Charlie's quite ready to see you pass out drunk."

"What's good?" I ask, suddenly ravenous.

"Anything I made." She says with a wink.

I love Sue. She's awesome.

And it's not my fault Jake hits up the food at the same time I do.

"You stink." He growls.

"You know." I drawl, piling my plate high. "You need to work on some new insults. That one's nearly five years old now."

He departs with a snarl and I giggle as I wend my way back to my seat.

I am so bad.

And possibly quite drunk.

Oh well. Kiss goodbye to Ms Goody Two Shoes Arthur. Oh no, you already did, my bad . . . .

"Bells?"

"Yeah Charlie."

"You might want to switch to water."

"Do I have to?"

"No, you can tie one on if you want, you're a grown woman, it's just a suggestion from your old man."

"I love you Dad."

"I know."

"I love my Dad!" I yell, which gets me a round of applause and an amused shake of Charlie's head.

"You're gonna be sorry in the morning."

"Sorry already." I sigh, collapsing into the hard sand beside him.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not here."

"In that case make yourself useful and push me up to Sue's, I need a potty break."

"Sure thing!"

It isn't easy, sand and wheelchairs don't mix, kudos to Jake for being 90 percent muscle.

"You did the right thing." Charlie says as we start on the return journey.

"Did I? I love him."

"Sue's magazines say that a relationship in trouble can benefit from a break."

"What if it's not a break?"

"Then it's probably not a relationship."

"The magazine say that?"

"No, Chief Swan, Father of one 'say' that."

"I love you."

"Yeah, we've established that, thanks."

I deliver him back to Sue, did I mention wheelchairs and sand don't mix? And then head off to reward myself with dessert and 'shine.

Once again running into glowery Jake.

"What?" I ask him as he steals the last slice of cake from under my nose and shoves it in his face.

He says something I don't catch and I make a great show of wiping the resultant crumbs off my face.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that? Your mouth was full. And I stress the _was_."

"Why are you here?"

"Sue and Charlie invited me."

"Vampire sympathisers." He snarls.

"Jesus Jake, we're not Nazis, quite the opposite in fact. We're equal opportunities supporters of the supernatural."

I reach for an apple as a cake alternative but he knocks it out of my hand.

"You're not welcome here."

"I don't seem to be welcome anywhere, do I look like I give a shit?"

"You've brought this on yourself, consorting with murderers."

"They might be murderers Jake, though let's be honest they've never murdered anyone around here, but at least they know how to be polite and treat people with respect."

Oops.

Ouch, his hand is clamped around my upper arm like a vice and my feet are barely touching the ground as he drags me into the dark recesses of the beach.

Rude.

"What now Jake, you gonna prove me wrong? Apologise for behaving like an animal? Or attack me like one out here where no one can see?"

Jake slaps me and I stagger back a few steps but miraculously retain my balance.

Which is astonishing, and funny, since I normally can't walk across a flat stable surface without tripping over my own feet.

Oh dear. Jake is not as amused as I am and he raises his hand again, in a fist this time.

Not good . . . .

"I wouldn't if I were you." A familiar voice growls.

I squint my eyes but I can't really make him out through the darkness and the booze haze.

"You going to stop me?" Jake scoffs.

"Oh yes, although I _am_ trying to make a good impression around here."

There's a cacophony of tearing popping noises and then . . . . fuck me . . . . giant ass eagle . . . . I am _so_ drunk . . . . better lie down before I fall down . . . .


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 18 Band of Brothers**

**BPOV**

I open my eyes, very, very carefully.

I don't recognise this ceiling but I'm guessing its Sue's.

And I'm in pain.

A 'shine hangover is way worse than a beer one, for my gathering record.

By the quality of light I reckon it's just after dawn and though I'm afraid to move the idea of getting wind scalded on a lonely beach is somehow appealing.

I'll think about it for a minute.

Though a glass of water could be a more pressing need. My mouth is so dry . . . .

Gingerly I ease myself upright, yep Sue's, and someone has very kindly left out a pitcher of water, some glasses, and a pack of Advil, which I'm going to make ample use of as soon as I can get up.

I need to get my head straight. I remember being drunk enough to wind Jake up, which probably wasn't a good idea, and I remember . . . . that I 'found' the eagle from Alice's vision. I just don't know what to do with that nugget of information. And I was drunk, so maybe she 'saw' me hallucinate it? Seems slightly more plausible.

La Push is quiet as I drink my water and stare out the kitchen window. There's just a lone dog, I wonder how he gets on with the man-wolves, trotting down the road like he owns the place.

I need to get home. I need to talk to Alice. And to Edward. I can come back for Charlie later, he won't wake up for hours yet, no sensible person would.

I yank the door open, fishing in my purse for my keys and run straight into an obstruction.

And now the 'shine is out of my system the result is inevitable, down I go.

"What the . . . ."

Paul. One of the glowerier man-wolves.

And he doesn't look happy.

"Going somewhere? Leech Lover?"

"Home."

"I don't think so. Not after the trouble you've caused."

"Me?"

"You."

Eep.

"Get up."

Okay. Give me a second . . . .

"Ouch." I gasp as he grabs my upper arm, right where Jake did last night, and jerks me the rest of the way upright.

"Let her go." A voice instructs.

"Make me." Paul growls, tightening his grip so I cry out.

"So stupid." The voice groans with evident exasperation.

"Paul!" A new deep voice commands. "Let her go! Now!"

He does, abruptly, but I manage to stay on my feet, peering round him to confirm whose speaking.

There are two figures standing in the muddy road.

One in cut-offs and nothing else, who I recognise as Emily's husband, Sam. And one in a rumpled business suit, but no shirt, with a really big feather sticking bizarrely out the breast pocket.

Arthur.

"I promised." He says to no one in particular as I barrel down the porch steps and across the grass to my truck. "But I have my limits."

And no one says anything else as I let myself into the truck and fire it up.

I've no desire whatsoever to brandish my finger at the man-wolves who I realise are watching. None. I just want to get home.

But nevertheless a realisation brings me up short and has me slamming on the brakes.

Charlie.

I'm supposed to be looking after him, not leaving him to sort out my shit.

I take a deep breath and jump out of the truck.

"I want my Father."

"Of course you do Bellski, of course you do. Sam?"

Arthur and I stare at each other while an eruption of activity brings a confused and irate Charlie to my truck.

"What the fuck?" He demands as I shove him in.

"We have to go, now."

"Bells, I'm not even awake, what's going on, is this about Jake?"

"I don't know Dad." I growl as the back end of the truck struggles for traction under my heavy foot. "We just need to go home."

"What about my chair?" He asks as my determination wins and we bump away around the bend in the road.

"We'll get it, don't worry about it."

He's silent for a minute as I heave the truck onto the blacktop and manhandle it round the bends like a race driver, or a vampire, and then he decides he's had enough.

"Bells, this is worse than drunk, holy shit!"

I slam the brakes on, stopping just short of the row of Cullens waiting for us at what I presume is the treaty line between Forks and La Push.

"I found the eagle." I gasp as I throw myself out of the truck and, after a moment's pause, onto Edward.

"Where?" Alice demands.

"At La Push. There was a bit of trouble last night and Arthur turned into an eagle."

"What trouble?" "What?!" "He did what?" "Jesus Bells you sure know how to pick 'em!"

"You'd better explain." Carlisle says sensibly, cutting through the hubbub.

"Can she do that at home?" Charlie asks. "Because I've just been hauled unceremoniously from my beauty sleep by a group of large angry men and I have needs to attend to."

...

Everyone surges into the house but I hang back with Edward.

"You went to La Push." He says heavily, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. "You know I can't go there, be there with you, not even in the background."

"I didn't think about it like that. I just needed to get away, do something other than wallow."

"You can go where you wish Love, always. It's just, I felt . . . ."

He sighs and I sigh, sorely tempted to forget everything and embrace the status quo, my arms are itching, _itching_, to wind themselves around his waist so my face can find its comfy spot on his chest.

"Bella." Jasper calls from the doorway. "The Good Mrs Whitlock is turning herself inside out with frustration, would you mind?"

"Yes. Sorry Jasper." And more quietly. "Sorry Edward."

After an awkward pause he offers me his hand and I take it.

"Start at the beginning." Carlisle suggests as Esme starts frying bacon and eggs and Jasper tries to restrain Alice to merely bouncing on the spot. "And try to cover off every detail."

I release Edward's hand and collapse into a chair.

"So, they had a cook out last night and I may have drunk too much 'shine . . . ." I begin as Charlie arrives and lowers himself down beside me. "Jake and I got into a fight and he, um, hit me."

"What?" Charlie and Edward thunder together.

"It was just a slap, I didn't even feel it, and in fairness I was winding him up."

"That's no excuse." Charlie growls. "Billy said Jake had done something stupid but he didn't tell him he'd raised a hand to you."

"Anyway." I hasten on, deciding not to tell them he was going to hit me again. "That's when I met the eagle. Arthur."

"What happened?" Several of them want to know.

"I don't know. He turned into an eagle and I think Jake turned into a wolf and that's when I passed out."

"Billy said Jake got his ass handed to him last night but he didn't say anything about Arthur or giant birds. Did you see Arthur at the cook out Bells?"

"Not until then, no."

"Neither did I."

"I saw him this morning as we were leaving."

"Did he say anything, explain anything?" Carlisle asks.

"Thanks Esme." I murmur as she places a plate in front of me. "Not really."

"So he did say something."

"Well as I was leaving I ran into Paul, there was some unpleasantness, and um, Arthur seemed to be warning him to back off. And Sam backed him up. That's when I decided it maybe wasn't a smart move to leave Charlie behind so it's my fault they dragged you out of bed, sorry Dad."

Charlie and tuck into our breakfasts while they digest all that.

"Obviously we need to talk to him." Carlisle decides finally. "Find out what his intentions are."

"He's not supposed to know about you, it'll have to be me or Charlie that talks to him."

"If he's a shape-shifter Bella he will more than likely know that we are still in your life, and even if not have to assume the wolves have told him. We do need to be cautious though, most of us have been around him at one time or another without realising what he was, I only have the wolves to go on but I would say that's unusual, wouldn't you Edward?"

Edward nods.

"I saw nothing at all about it in his mind, though he is difficult to read, and until a few days ago he's had no impact whatsoever on Alice's visions. He doesn't smell like a shape-shifter and he doesn't act like one."

"What do you mean act like one?" Charlie asks.

"The wolves always complain to Bella that she stinks." Carlisle explains. "They find the scent of vampires unpleasant, hardly surprising since we are natural enemies. And we don't find their aroma very pleasing either, whatever form they are in."

"Wouldn't eat one." Em quips, getting himself withering glares from both Charlie and Carlisle.

"Arthur smells like a completely normal human and, someone correct me if I'm wrong, he's never shown any sign of hostility towards one of us or of any awareness of our true nature."

There's a round of nods.

I don't nod because hindsight is twenty-twenty. I think Arthur was perfectly aware that Edward and the Cullens were still in my life. And that means he knew Edward was on the roof when he kissed me, the conniving little shit . . . .

"That isn't normal." Carlisle continues. "The wolves are the only shape-shifters I have met but I have heard of others and they were all less than _fond_ of vampires."

"Eagles?" Jasper asks.

"No. But bears, yes."

"You think it was Arthur that pulled me away from that wreck?"

"Perhaps, I have heard tales, _old_ tales about shape-shifters that can take any extant form."

"Peachy, so every time I see a frog I have to worry about it being Arthur?"

"Not unless it's a really big frog." Carlisle chuckles. "They can't change their size, only their shape."

We lapse into silence for a while and I risk a glance at Edward. Tense. Or maybe coiled tightly like a really powerful spring. I want to talk to him, I want to tell that everything's going to be okay, massage the tension out of his muscles, which of course I can't actually do . . . .

"So we need to find him then?" Em decides.

"Yes." Carlisle agrees. "And we need to find out what Billy knows."

"I'll talk to him." Charlie offers. "Bella, you can drive me back to La Push, it ain't something I wanna ask him over the phone."

"No."

"Edward." Carlisle says gently.

"No. We can't protect her in La Push and we don't know if the wolves are dangerous to her now."

Charlie looks at him for a moment, apparently ruminating on something.

"Bells, fetch my guns and ammunition out of the cabinet, you know where the key is."

"Yes Dad."

"No!" Edward almost shouts.

"Edward." Carlisle tries again. "I don't believe that the wolves are a danger to Bella and we have no evidence that Arthur is either. Charlie's thinking is sound."

"These people are my friends Carlisle I'm not going down there and waving guns in their faces."

"I understand Charlie, just in case."

"No." Edward says again, but with less determination.

"Wait at the boundary line Edward. You'll hear if anything happens and I will permit your incursion onto the Reservation to retrieve Bella and Charlie only. Acceptable Chief Swan?"

"Acceptable Doctor Cullen."

"Edward?"

He pinches the bridge of his nose and I can't stand it any longer, I fly to him and wrap my arms around his waist.

"I'll be fine Edward, I promise."

"I can't . . . . I'm not . . . . Love, please don't do this."

"I have to Edward, we're all in this together, though there's probably nothing for us to be 'in'. And I can defend myself with a gun, you know I can, you've helped me practise often enough."

"She's right Edward." Jasper says quietly. "She's a crack shot."

"But what if she doesn't have time to reach for it . . . ."

"You let me worry about that Son." Charlie interjects. "I didn't come up the Sol Duc on a cookie."

"Oh Bella." Edward sighs, giving in.

I wish that would happen slightly more often, but what can you do, you can only work with what you have.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 19 Lamttesep**

**BPOV**

"You clear on the plan?" Charlie asks as we turn off the blacktop for La Push.

"Yes. We stay in the truck, I keep the gun ready in my lap."

"Your Jasper man, scary individual Bells not sure what Mini Dracula sees in him, said they'd be able to smell it but we can't help that."

"Dad, they're your friends, your girlfriend . . . ."

"And I love and trust them Bells, but you're my daughter and though Edwin ain't my favourite person in the world I respect his concern for your wellbeing."

"Okay. I'm sorry about all this Dad."

"You can't help who you fall in love with Bells. Shit happens."

"Thanks Dad. I think."

"Think away Bells. There's Sam Uley, stop here."

"Chief Swan."

"Sam. Sorry about all this but I've a mind to protect my daughter and I'd like to know what the fuck's going on. Sorry Bella."

"I'll take you to Billy."

"Not so good with the walking this morning Sam, I'd appreciate it if he could come here."

They have a silent conversation with their eyes and eventually Sam relents.

"Quil!" He yells. "Fetch Billy."

Charlie turns and offers me a brief smile, which doesn't quite reach his eyes. Poor Dad, how much trouble can your only daughter be?

Quil pushes Billy up to Charlie's side of the truck.

"I'm sorry Billy."

"As am I Charlie but we've known each other almost all our lives and been friends for as long. I understand."

"Thank you. What happened to Jake last night?"

"He disrespected your daughter, my apologies Bella . . . ."

"He _hit_ my daughter." Charlie interrupts.

"It won't happen again Charlie I promise. To any woman and certainly not to Bella."

Charlie nods.

"What happened after that?"

"There was a fight."

"What sort of fight? Fist fight or Eagle on Wolf fight?"

"The latter." Billy confirms with a sigh.

"Is Jacob okay?"

"Wolves heal quickly Charlie, he will be."

"You tell him he needs to come and see me when he is, he and I need to have a _long_ talk."

"I will."

Charlie nods.

"So Arthur, he an eagle?"

"Arthur is a true shape-shifter, he can take many forms, the eagle is only one."

Charlie nods like this is perfectly normal. Like either of us can remember what perfectly normal feels like?

"Why is he here?"

"He said he came here to work with Bella and then realised there were other shifters nearby. There aren't many of us left apparently."

"He tell you that?"

"He did."

"He know about the Cullens?"

"He did."

"Say anythin' about 'em?"

"No Chief." Billy says with a small smile. "He didn't."

"He mention Bella?"

"Only when he said he'd kill Jake if he ever touched her again."

"Interesting."

"I thought so." Billy's eyes slide to me and then back to Charlie.

"He dangerous Billy?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to cross him Charlie but I didn't get the impression he was bent on world domination or wholesale slaughter."

"He here now?"

"No. He left right after you did this morning."

"Know where he went?"

"No." Billy shakes his head. "Folks here were a little reluctant to ask him."

Charlie nods and we sit in silence for a while.

"He say if he was a one of a kind or part of a group?"

"He said he was the last of his line."

"Interesting."

Silence again.

"Thank you my friend." Charlie says eventually.

Billy nods, extending his hand which Charlie reaches out of the cab to shake.

"I'm sorry." I murmur as they release each other.

"If you're referring to Jake getting a pasting from your friend rest assured he was only saving Sam the job Bella. We don't tolerate violence against women here."

Okay Billy, message received.

"Billy, mind if we swing by Sue's?"

"Not at all. She's got your wheels."

"Okay. See you later Billy. Bells, quick stop."

I pull up outside Sue's and she's out in an instant, dragging his chair with her.

"You okay?" She asks him.

"Yes."

"You okay?" She asks me next.

"Um, I think so?"

She heaves Charlie's wheelchair into the truck bed.

"I'll be by in the morning Chief." She growls. "Nothing's getting in the way of your Physio."

"I love that about you Sue. I really do." Charlie chuckles.

"Good. You be a good patient and I'll fry you some fish."

"Temptress."

"You know it."

"That was nauseatingly cute." I observe as we drive away.

"Watch it young lady."

...

Arthur was gone and they rapidly exhausted all supernatural lines of enquiry, finding no trace of him anywhere.

But no one would relax because Edward and I were still gone.

In more ways than one.

When we can be we are together again but I don't think either of us is quite as comfortable with that as we used to be. We haven't even kissed. Arthur's are the last lips that have touched mine.

Less supernatural lines of enquiry have revealed Arthur to be back in Boston and going about his normal business.

And Jasper's spies, it turns out, are more productive than the Boston PD.

Though not necessarily more informative.

Arthur pays his rent on time. Has a private though modest income from his family on top of his Foundation earnings and pretty much nothing else. Nothing out of the ordinary about his life, his car, his actions, his spending or his home. His friends, his travel, or his romantic history.

Who is this guy?

Enquiring minds want to know so a 'posse' of sorts is preparing to return to Boston when Greg rings and confirms our meeting with Lamttesep.

For Monday.

Positions in this war council are predictable.

Edward doesn't want me to go.

Carlisle thinks I should, with suitable 'back up'.

Em thinks we should all go.

Charlie is listening intently and keeping his own counsel.

And I'm, well, I'm blowing in the supernatural wind as always seems to be the case.

Part of me wants to go do the job I'm good at and part of me wants me to up the drawbridge and retreat behind the castle walls.

And I'm just a slow human so it's a while before I realise that Esme and Rose are trying to attract my attention.

...

"Um?"

All eyes turn to me.

"I need some fresh air, I'm sorry, this is all, getting to me."

"We'll come with you, won't we Rose?"

Rose growls but gets to her feet, dropping a kiss on Em's enormous bicep as she rises.

"Be careful." Edward growls.

"Pfft." Rose snorts. "We'll bite her in anything goes wrong."

"Rose." Esme admonishes before Edward can properly react. "Come on Bella, if you don't mind riding the moon is beautiful at Ozette Lake this time of year and the air is as clear as you can find."

...

It feels all kinds of wrong to ride on Esme's back but we reach the lake in no time and she lets me down gently.

Edward used to bring me here sometimes, it's beautiful, and she was right about the moon.

Shame there's more to this trip than relaxing the human, though I'm grateful that they let me try to, for a while.

"You ready?" Esme asks finally.

"I guess."

"Lamttesep. You did your research?"

"Yes. Venture capitalists. Set up about forty years ago by a trust fund for a family in New England. Grew rapidly but only by investing in environmentally and ethically sustainable businesses. Well respected as a 'vegetarian shark' organisation. Wants to make sure it's investing and protecting its people the same way it says it tries to everyone else."

"You're very good at what you do Bella."

"Thanks."

"It's an odd name though isn't it?"

"Virgin is an odd name for a corporation." I shrug and Rose laughs.

"Lamttesep is a company I set up over sixty years ago although we had a few name changes before we hit pay dirt." Esme states.

What? The fuck? I don't . . . .

"Lamttesep is an anagram of my maiden name. Esme Platt."

"I . . . . don't understand."

"I'm sorry Bella." She sighs. "I'll explain but I want you to know we only had your best interests at heart."

"Who is we?"

"Let me explain, _please_ . . . ."

...

Rose has always been very upfront, sometimes too upfront, about her objections to me becoming a vampire. I know them, I understand them, and I've come to respect them. Though not necessarily support them.

Esme's true feelings have come right out of left field though.

I know she loves me, and I know she was filled with motherly hope over my relationship with Edward. But apparently the operative word is _was_.

She thought I was just what Edward needed. His other half. His soul mate. His Mate, as vampires often refer to their loves. And she hoped, she hoped so much it hurt. But over the years the mother in her has watched me hurt and started to wonder . . . .

I've grown she says.

Not that she thinks I'm normal. Just that I've grown as much as is likely to be possible bearing in mind the limitations of my boyfriend and his family.

And she decided that she might have done me wrong, encouraging my relationship with Edward.

She didn't, doesn't, want to destroy it, but the mother in her wanted to be sure her daughter was making the right choice. So when I joined the Foundation, which she assures me she had nothing to do with, they hatched a plot, she and Rose. And when Charlie got shot and I had to come back to Forks, they enacted it.

To encourage me to explore the normal, happy, human life, Edward wanted me to have.

To encourage me to realise my potential and to decide if that was more important than my teenage love.

To give me a chance to _think_ about my choices and what they actually mean. Children for example. Esme is the archetypal mother but I had no idea she's struggled with her inability to have them in 'this' life as much as Rose has.

They let me be silent, for as long as I wanted, which turned out to be quite a while since the sun's coming up now.

"Did Alice know?"

"Yes. She only allowed it to continue because she couldn't see it having an effect of any of your possible futures. Yours or Edwards."

"Does Edward know?"

Silence.

"It's very difficult to hide things from a mind reader."

Holy shit.

"Has he known from the start?"

"Pretty much." Rose answers because Esme clearly isn't going to.

"And has he done anything to stop it?"

"No." Rose again. "He wants you to have a 'happy human life'."

"Can I walk back from here?"

"Not if you want to get home before you hit the menopause." Rose snickers.

"Esme, would you?"

"Of course. Bella, I'm sorry, we never intended to . . . . but with the Arthur situation, well, Rose and I knew it was time to confess."

"I need to go home Esme, please . . . ."

...

The house is quiet when we return, just a vague hint of Charlie snoring softly.

But of course vampires don't have to make a noise if they don't want to and Edward is waiting in my rocking chair.

"It's not what you think." He says quietly.

"I don't know what to think." I confess, collapsing on my bed and stretching out. "But I do know that I don't want to talk about it at the moment."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"You do what you want Edward." I sigh, closing my eyes.

And after a few minutes he does leave.

...

Esme assures me she has no influence over our pitch as I pack my bag and prepare to leave.

Charlie and Carlisle have informed me that Em and Alice will be joining me as soon as I arrive in Seattle and the pain in my chest is testament to the fact that I can't even _look_ at Edward as he hovers silently in the wings.

...

The truck makes slow steady progress to Seattle and a few miles short of the hotel the toot of a car horn makes me aware that Alice and Em are now following behind in a rental.

I order dinner in my room. Not that I bother to eat it.

And in the morning I trot downstairs to meet Greg and Arthur for breakfast. Because that's what my itinerary tells me to do.

...

I kind of hoped, thought, he wouldn't be there. But he is. In all his perfectly normal seeming Arthurness.

Well, okay, I can be perfectly normal too.

...

When you know, and maybe it's just me, there's an awful lot of Esme in the Lamttesep building.

Does it make the people we're pitching to any less scary?

Hell no.

But do Arthur and I carry it off?

Hell yes.

Like we've been doing it for years. Greg barely even needed to open his mouth.

...

"I'll meet you both for drinks at seven?" Greg asks as the three of us wend our way across the hotel lobby.

I nod but not because I'm looking forward to it. I'd happily up sticks and drive home now, but I can't. I have talk to Arthur before we leave tomorrow. Whether I like it or not. But as he and I enter the elevator together and he pushes the button for our floor I'm sorely regretting attempting to pull my weight and not letting Alice and Em do it.

"You mad at me Bellski?"

"Furious."

I see him nod in the polished steel of the elevator doors.

Which open.

"I'll see you downstairs at seven." He says quietly.

My turn to nod as I step out first.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 20 Arthur, And Other Things I Don't Like**

**BPOV**

Dinner takes forever and I realise that Greg's aware that there's something wrong between Arthur and I.

Anyway immediately after dessert he excuses himself and asks me to walk him to the elevator.

"Everything okay?" He asks as we wait for it to descend.

"Yes."

"I'm very fond of Arthur but I'm a father to daughters." He says, inspecting the advertising board to our right. "So that doesn't mean I won't kick his butt if he's done something to upset you."

"Thanks Greg, but its okay, I think. I just need to talk to him."

"Okay." He says as the elevator dings and the doors open. "Well done today, I'm very proud of you."

"Thanks Greg. That means a lot to me."

"I'll see you for breakfast."

"Night."

"Goodnight Bella."

The doors close over him.

Right.

Arthur.

...

"Bellski. Looking determined. Have a seat and this enormous rum and coke. There's lime, just the way you like it."

I sit down opposite him and accept the drink, it _is_ my favourite.

Silence. Awkward. Where to start?

I've had a couple of mental goes at this but first question isn't what I'd had planned.

"You knew Edward was on the roof, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"So you kissed me deliberately?"

"I did."

"Even though you knew perfectly well _why_ I didn't want you to?"

"I'm not always a good boy Bellski."

_Jesus._

"And what were you expecting to achieve?"

"Well, I wanted the gratification of kissing a woman I find extremely attractive for one. And for another I wanted to let my rival know I have 'game'."

"You and Edward are _not_ rivals."

"Yes we are Bella."

Alright, abort line of questioning.

I take a slug of my drink.

"Do you know what he is?"

"Apart from stupid?"

"Arthur." I warn.

"He's a vampire Bella. And a mind reader."

"Have you always known?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't say anything to me?"

"Hey Bellski, see you're dating a dead dude, wanna talk about it?"

"He's not dead."

"That's a technical distinction at best, but okay, he walks, he talks. Deadish."

I give my rum some more attention and a totally pointless stir with the cocktail stick they always garnish it with.

"Are you a danger to him?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Silly question Bella."

"Why?"

"Why is the question silly or why am I danger to Edward?"

"Both."

"I'm a shape-shifter, vampires are my immortal enemies. That's why it's a silly question."

"Yet you haven't done anything to hurt him, or the rest of the Cullens."

"Oh I've hurt him Bella, trust me. And the rest of them? It's quite possible that I have already sealed their fates too."

"I don't understand."

"The world is not supposed to revolve around you Bella Swan."

"It doesn't."

Arthur shrugs and we fall into silence, so he summons the waiter to refill my drink.

"Can I ask _you_ a question?" Arthur enquires once he's gone.

"I guess . . . ."

"Why do you love him?"

"Edward?"

"Duh, Bellski, yes, Edward, MDB."

"He's perfect . . . ."

Arthur erupts into laughter before I can continue and I scowl at him until he stops.

"I'm sorry Bellski, tell me about this perfection."

I try, I really do, but there's no way I can justify Edward as perfect. Because he isn't. He's beautiful, inside and out. And he's done more for me than anyone else ever has or will. He loves me and he wants only the best for me. And he goes out of his way to give that to me, whether I want it or not. He's my shelter in a storm, the place on earth, wherever we are, that I belong, am most comfortable.

Or was. Is. I don't know . . . .

Arthur however is not one to mince his words.

"Yet he won't change you, _or_ 'make love' to you?"

"How much have you heard?" I demand, going cold all over.

"Enough."

"You're stalking me now?"

"Sitting in the tree outside your bedroom window. The same one I used to sit in." He mimics Edward's voice with eerie perfection.

_Shit_. How much has he heard, seen?

"Why are you doing this to me?" I groan.

"Lamttesep? Just who is doing exactly what to who Bella?"

"You know about that?" I gasp.

"I knew who owned it. I assumed it was nepotism, but it wasn't quite that simple, was it?"

"I'm not talking to you about that." I snap, not when I can't even talk to Edward about it.

Silence.

I down my drink.

I'm done with this _weirdness_ I'm not good with.

"You're going back to Boston tomorrow, right? You're going to leave us alone?"

Silence.

He downs _his_ drink. Scotch I think.

"Arthur?"

"Yes Bellski, I'm leaving in the morning."

"And you're going to leave us alone?"

"Good night Bellski."

I watch him stride out of the restaurant and Em sliding out from behind the table he's sharing with Alice to follow him.

I get up too, hustling to join Alice, we can see Arthur and Em talking by the elevator.

"What's he saying to him?"

"Em's making sure that Arthur understands that you're family and we _will_ protect you."

"And what's Arthur saying?"

"That if we wanted to protect you we should have changed you a long time ago. Em's asking him what that's supposed to mean."

"And?" I ask as Arthur turns on his heels and strides out onto the street, his usually animated face a composed mask.

"Arthur's just told Em that if anything happens to you he'll be a wrestling a bear that fights back."

"What the fuck?"

"Come on." Alice urges me, taking my arm. "Let's get you up to your room out of harm's way."

I go with her, of course I do, because that's what I do. They're strong supernatural beings and they love me enough to want to take care of me. But as we approach Em my steps get slower and slower until Alice lets me go and looks gives me a quizzical look.

"Are you alright?" She asks and I shake my head.

"Is there something you need?"

I shake my head again, fighting back tears.

I don't belong with them, I never did, not like this. And they must have all realised it, why else the Lamttesep thing? Even Alice, my absolute best friend in the whole wide world, my sister . . . .

I know it's churlish, childish even, but I just want to be on my own, truly on my own.

The pain my chest rolls over and settles again, stealing my breath and holding back the tears welling in my eyes so I have to blink to clear my vision.

Jesus but I'm getting melodramatic in my old age.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asks gently, apparently understanding at least part of what's happening.

"No." I choke out.

"Bells?" Em asks with brotherly concern.

"I need to get away, I need to go . . . ."

"You can't just wander around Seattle with Arthur out there." Em objects.

I shake my head again, pushing past them into the elevator, that's not what I meant.

...

Not sleeping is exhausting.

And the pain in my chest, that's exhausting too, it drags at me, sapping all my strength and I'm a silent withdrawn shadow of me as the valet pulls up in my truck.

Alice touches my arm briefly as I move to climb into it and I manage to give her a wan smile.

My eyes keep darting back to her and Em shadowing me in the traffic until we eventually part ways when they stop to drop off their rental. They're running the rest of the way.

...

"Swan."

"You alone?"

"As I ever am these days. Jasper has taken Edwin hunting, he was wearing a groove in my floor."

I close my eyes for a moment and then open them again when I remember I'm driving in city traffic.

"I, um."

"What's up Bells? Arthur isn't causing you trouble is he?"

"Um, no Dad, I just um. I could do with a little time, Edward and I, you know."

"Take what you need, Mini Dracula told me about Lamttesep. Sue's off work for a couple of days and I can almost fend for myself now I'm on the crutches."

"Dad, are you sure?"

"I'm sure. But Bells, you should talk to him, tell him what you're doing, he's very worried."

"Okay, I'll call him."

"You text me, so I know where you are."

"Okay."

"You keep that gun close."

"Okay."

...

I turn away from the ferry approach and double back into the city, heading south.

Edward's cell goes straight to voicemail, the network wasn't designed for vampires hunting in the backwoods.

"Edward, it's me. I, um, just need a bit of time, don't worry about me, I'm fine. Um, sorry."

I throw my cell down on the seat and then retrieve it so I can turn it off.

...

I drive for hours, my thoughts scrolling through a loop, until my stomach demands my attention. I might be wallowing in my perceived misery but my body isn't cutting me any slack for it.

Unwilling to stop I detour through a drive-through.

I have no idea where I'm going. I'm just going 'away'.

I don't know how this works, but I'm kind of hoping that I'll have some kind of epiphany and everything will become clear.

Edward knew that Esme and Rose were encouraging me to cling to my human life and yet he did nothing to stop it.

I know he loves me, I know he does, but it just . . . .

It just doesn't _feel_ like it.

It feels like he couldn't leave me honestly, well if we're talking about honesty, semi-honestly, and so he was happy to let someone else find a way to split us apart. I know why. I know him.

But.

He _promised_ me.

He promised me he wouldn't do that.

What can I do though?

I can't break up with him, send him away, I love him.

But I can't see how I can forgive him either.

Or carry on the way we have been. That horse has run its race. Something has to change.

I feel bad about ditching Alice and Em.

But . . . .

It's kind of nice to be 'off the grid'.

God my life's strange . . . .

...

A full day's driving, and a couple of coffee stops, eventually gets me to Boise, Idaho.

It's nice and I book myself into a modest hotel.

Another day's driving will get me to Phoenix and for a moment I'm tempted, but then my childhood memories are overtaken by the memories of my last visit. Escaping the Cullens once before I almost got myself killed there trying to save my Mom. And I almost became a vampire. No, not a place I want to go at the moment.

Instead I eat a modest dinner in the hotel dining room and retire to bed to read the Idaho Statesman from cover to cover.

And then I try to sleep because I've just remembered that I have to be at work tomorrow night and I'll have to be up at the ass crack of dawn to get there in time.

...

The hotel very kindly sends me off into the breaking dawn with a carry out 'continental' breakfast and a huge draught of coffee.

Grimly determined I get all the way to Portland before I stop for lunch and a break.

This morning I've mostly been wondering what my life would be like if I went back to Boston to work for the Foundation. I liked Boston and my job. I don't know if I could be 'happy' there without Edward, but I could be 'okay', I think. Lots of people make it through life on 'okay' don't they? Look at Dad . . . . he coped without Mom, in a place he loved, doing something he loved. Of course Charlie's got friends but I could have friends, couldn't I?

Just thinking about it makes my chest constrict.

I am, I think, a bit of an emotional car wreck right now.

And unwilling to cry in front of the nice diner patrons I high tail it to the restroom, staring at my grim reflection in the mirror while tears slide down my cheeks.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do.

"Oh sorry." A deeply accented voice apologies as the door swings open. "I didn't realise this was the Ladies, I'll just . . . ."

I smile at him in the mirror and then go cold all over . . . .


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 21 Trip of A Lifetime**

**BPOV**

My shoulder is dislocated, I'm sure it is, its smouldering with heat and every time I'm bumped or jostled it flares into searing flames and I whimper.

I'm pretty sure I'm in the bed of my own truck but I can't tell for sure because there's a scratchy burlap sack over my head and my hands and feet are tied behind my back.

He had me out of that bathroom and trussed up like a turkey in an instant once he'd made sure I was alone, I'd barely time to register what he was before it was all over and he'd gagged me and thrown me in the back of the truck.

At least he hasn't killed me, that's got to be a good thing, I hope.

Fear and pain can only keep you awake for so long when you're already exhausted and have no concrete information to go on.

I don't really sleep, more drowse, but every time I come back to awareness nothing has changed, I'm still tied up in the back of a truck, going somewhere, and I can't tell if its light or dark or how much time has passed . . . .

...

Eventually the sound of the truck door slamming wakes me properly and I wait for something to happen, becoming aware of how cold I am.

But nothing happens.

And nothing happens for quite a while longer.

Done waiting I start wriggling around, I'm not sure what I'm hoping to accomplish since whatever's binding me is pretty tight but I can't just lie here any longer.

It hurts but I persevere for a while before giving up.

It's hopeless . . . .

...

When I wake up again I instinctively stretch, whimpering around the gag as pain shoots through every limb.

And when I open my eyes I can see too. Just about.

I'm lying on a cold concrete floor a few yards away from the truck, my hands are still bound but at least my legs have been released. I can't see anything else, the room seems to extend quite a distance in every direction.

After about ten minutes of stretching and groaning I manage to roll myself onto my knees and then stagger to my feet, pressing my uninjured shoulder into a huge steel girder to steady myself so I don't fall flat on my face.

The feeling of vast dark space around me is terrifying.

And so is the sensation that I'm not alone.

It's so cold, if I could see I'm sure I'd be able to see my breath.

After a moment I take a deep breath and move slowly away from the truck, and after about twenty paces a concrete wall emerges in front of me. When I reach it I look up but it disappears above me into the gloom.

With nothing else to do I start following the wall. In some places there's equipment of some kind bolted to it, or metal work sticking out of it, but I've turned two corners and walked hundred or so paces before I encounter a door. It's huge and made of heavy steel, and of course I can't get it to budge, but I can feel fresh cold air scything through the gap underneath it.

Disappointed I move on until I find another much smaller steel door, also sealed shut.

I keep going but eventually realise I don't know where I started and I've lost sight of the truck somewhere in the middle of the cavernous room, a factory of some sort I'm guessing.

I slide down the wall and draw my knees up to my chest, closing my eyes, scenes from a thousand late night torture porn movies scrolling behind my eyelids.

I wanted to be alone but this is _so_ not what I had in mind.

And it's pathetic to cry, I know.

But I can't seem to help it so I stretch out on the cold gritty floor and let myself have at it until mental exhaustion carries me away again.

...

A loud booming sound wakes me up and I struggle to sip up, my shoulder flaring from smoulder to fire as I do.

I'm sure someone's just opened one of the doors but I can't hear anything and I can't see anything.

But suddenly I'm hauled to my feet and the bindings on my wrists are snapped.

And then nothing again, until the heavy door bangs shut again.

Spurred on by any kind of change I remove the gag from my mouth and set off carefully for the center of the room where the truck eventually looms out of the darkness. Beside it is a hold all that definitely wasn't there before. And inside that are couple of bottles of water and assorted bags of salty snacks.

Okay so. Whatever's going on here it doesn't look like they want me to starve to death.

Done eating and drinking, I set off around the perimeter of the room again, this time investigating everything carefully in case there's another way out. In one of the corners there are some metal rungs set into the concrete and after some deliberation I start up them, aware this possibly isn't the smartest move I could make with only one good arm.

And indeed the inevitable does happen as the door slams open again.

The pain of landing on my dislocated shoulder causes a temporary bout of Tourette's which renders me deaf and blind to anything else that might be going on.

Until . . . .

"Bella!"

"Edward?"

"Oh thank god." He groans as he gathers me carefully in his arms. "Love, I'm so sorry . . . ."

"Sweet." The heavily accented voice drawls. "But as you can see she is fine."

"She is not fine!" Edward hisses, placing me behind him and dropping into a crouch, his arms spread wide.

"Carlisle. Please explain to the one you call your Son why he is going to do as we agreed."

"Edward, please, for Bella, for all of us."

"Fine." Edward growls. "But she's staying with me until we get there."

"No." Arthur drawls from somewhere in the darkness. "I think you'll find she will be travelling with me."

I reach forward, touching Edward's back with my finger tips as he growls and shifts on the balls of his feet. I have no fucking clue what's going on but a strong feeling that a fight of any kind of fight is a very bad idea right now.

I can't see anything beyond Edward and it's disconcerting to say the least.

But I can hear Arthur well enough.

"Doctor Cullen, you will attend to her shoulder please."

Edward relaxes slightly as Carlisle appears silently beside him.

"I'm sorry Bella." He murmurs. "This is _really_ going to hurt."

"Where's Charlie?" I whisper as he takes my arm in his hand and places the other on my back.

"Safe. Deep breath."

I comply and then howl in pain as he whispers "The Quileutes have him." And manipulates my shoulder back in place at the same time. Multitasking vampire style.

The pain settles to a dull ache almost immediately and Edward wraps me in his arms again, kissing the top of my head as I shiver.

"Want me to warm her up for you Edward?" Arthur chuckles.

"I'd rather freeze to death." I growl through clenched teeth.

Which of course Arthur finds extremely amusing.

"I admire your spirit Bellski, I really do, but I had a feeling you'd say that so Mama Cullen's brought you a nice warm coat."

"Are we nearly done here Arthur?" The heavily accented voice enquires. "I am bored and the woman will either become food or a vampire, neither of which means she is worth a great deal of nurturing at this point."

"We are done my Brother." Arthur replies. "Let's go."

"Where are we going?" I whisper as Edward and Carlisle help me forward.

"Volterra." Edward replies.

"Italy?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because you, my dear little morsel." The heavily accented voice chuckles somewhere ahead of us. "Are not supposed to know we exist and the Cullens have been very _very_ naughty in trying to hide you from us."

"I don't understand . . . ."

"Oh catch up Bella." Rose growls nastily from somewhere behind me. "Your feathery kiss buddy is a Volturi spy."

I hiss as Esme helps me into my coat and then we're outside and being herded into separate vehicles, though it's dark and I still can't really see who by.

There's a bit of a scuffle and its Jasper and Em that force Edward into the second SUV while Arthur and the vampire who kidnapped me order Alice, Esme and I into the first one.

...

I've never been on a private jet before, it should be the trip of a lifetime, shouldn't it?

And maybe it will be.

The _last_ trip of my lifetime.

I've wanted to become a vampire for so long it's a bit of a shock to discover that the shine has gone off the idea although I'm at least still sure it's better than the 'food' option.

The Cullens are escorted to the back of the plane while Arthur guides me to the front, with the unknown red eyed vampires in between us.

And you don't have to a genius to work out why.

One bit of trouble from the Cullens and the human gets it.

They should have changed me. Or they should have left me.

But they did neither and now we're all going to suffer for it.

And I should have let him lie to me that day in the forest.

I should have let him go.

...

Italy is warm and sunny and, in this bit of it at least, full of hooded cloak wearing vampires. The Cullens get issued with them too while Arthur and I get to bask in the sunlight. A fleet of SUVs speeds us all to the ancient city of Volterra with its mellow stone walls.

There's another scuffle when Arthur propels me up the steps into a tower while my kidnapper, Demetri, herds the Cullens downward into the darkness and once again it's his brother's that subdue Edward, not the Guards.

We're in deep shit.

Arthur opens the door to a beautifully furnished room with streaming sunlight and a delicious smelling meal laid out on the table.

"Your suite my lady." He drawls, sweeping an arm majestically. "You'll find everything you need in here, try to relax and make the most of it."

"Yeah right." I huff, moving away from him to look out of the tall narrow window until I hear the door close behind me.

Of course I rush over to try it and it's locked.

There's a bolt on my side so I slide it home, pointless I know, and head off to explore the bathroom, call me pessimistic _and_ vain but I don't wanna die dirty and gritty.

Wrapped in a towel I give into temptation and tuck into the pasta dishes that are waiting for me, moaning in pleasure because it's so tasty, and it's probably safe. Anyone here could snap me like a twig, why would they bother poisoning me?

While I eat I fret equally about Edward, the family, and Charlie, eventually killing my appetite no matter how good the food.

I don't want to put my own clothes back on so I investigate the ornate closet.

It's stuffed with beautiful expensive clothes, all of them from centuries past unfortunately but I finally pull out a relatively simple blue velvet dress with a narrow skirt and a high waist that seems like the less frivolous option. Very Jane Austen.

Then I try the door and check the window again before finally giving up and laying down on the bed, it's much more comfortable than a concrete floor, desperately trying to recall everything the Cullens have told me about The Volturi . . . .

...

Hard rapping on the door wakes me up some time later with only the moon lighting my room.

"The door, my dear little morsel is a great deal older than you are, I would be obliged if you did not force me to break it."

Demetri.

"I'm coming." I groan.

His eyes rake over me as I open the door to find him standing in flickering torch light.

"This way." He says after a moment, starting down the stairs.

And I follow him, what else am I going to do?

At the bottom of the tower he leads me down a deserted torch lit stone corridor that I hadn't noticed earlier until we reach a high wide set of carved wooden doors.

"After you." He says, indicating for me to open them.

They take some pushing and they creak alarmingly but I manage to swing them open to reveal a huge beautifully domed chamber ringed with vampires in the ubiquitous hooded cloaks. All of them staring at me . . . .


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 22 Finito**

**BPOV**

My eyes go round and then latch onto the only friendly face, Carlisle, standing alone in the center.

I hurry to him and he tucks me into his side and returns his attention to the three vampires sitting on gothically carved wooden thrones. The Volturi. Aro, Caius and Marcus, though I don't know which one is which.

"So." The dark haired vampire in the center of the trio chuckles. "You are the cause of all this trouble Isabella Swan."

I stare back at him, unsure if I'm supposed to say anything.

"Bella." Carlisle says quietly. "This is Aro, leader of The Volturi."

"It is a pleasure to meet you Isabella, I have heard and seen a great deal about you this afternoon. All of it absolutely fascinating. I have never known a human and a vampire to fall in love before. Edward has entertained me greatly with your story."

Carlisle isn't smiling so I'm guessing where ever this is going it might not be good.

"And for him to resist you for so long, such restraint, such strength. Or is that a weakness? We have not yet decided that, have we old friend?"

Carlisle stays silent and still.

"Did you know Isabella, that Carlisle and I are old friends?"

I nod since a response seems to be expected.

"It is why you are here rather than already consigned to a mortal's inevitable fate. I wanted very much to understand why my old friend would allow a human to know of our existence and live. You can understand our caution around such matters I am sure, it really would not do, especially in this day and age, for humans to know of the world of vampires.

Anyway, I will not bore you with our complex rules and requirements, they really do not concern you at this point. But suffice to say that Carlisle and I have reached an accord this afternoon on how this transgression will be addressed, which just leaves us with the question of what to do with _you_, Isabella.

I must admit that my brothers and I are still not completely decided."

The blonde on the right snorts in derision and Aro chuckles.

"Well, not all of us. However I am not opposed to having you made vampire and this was, I think you will support me here Carlisle, very much Edward's preference given the options."

"It was." Carlisle confirms, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

Not working Carlisle, really not working.

"I have a fondness for gifted vampires, as anyone here will tell you Isabella. The gifts of your Edward, Alice and Jasper, they all interest me and will be of use to me for the foreseeable future. But you, you are an unknown quantity. I understand that Edward cannot read your mind, is this correct?"

I nod.

"Speak up Isabella." He chuckles. "Nobody here will bite you. Yet"

There's a round of sycophantic laughter that would chill me to the bone if I weren't cold with dread already.

"No, Edward can't read my mind."

"Fascinating. Carlisle and I were wondering, while we waited for you join us, if you were a shield. He has a great scientifically enquiring mind, I admire that about him. So we agreed to a little experiment, did we not Carlisle?"

Aro and I both look at the man in question who smiles at me encouragingly.

"Come here Isabella, I want to hold your hand, do not be afraid."

"Aro has a gift similar to Edward's." Carlisle assures me. "But he has to touch you. He wants to see if he can read your mind."

Aro extends his arm, hand out palm down and Carlisle gently urges me forward. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do but as soon as I'm close enough Aro curls his fingers around my wrist with surprising gentleness.

His fingers are icy cold, far colder than Edward's, and I shiver involuntarily.

Time slows down as I stand there, alone and exposed but eventually he laughs joyfully and releases me.

I waste no time scurrying back to Carlisle who wraps his arm around me again.

"It's true." Aro practically giggles. And jesus that's fucking scary. "As silent as the grave. I could not hear thing. Fascinating. I suspect she may be quite a powerful mental shield. Jane my darling, would you like a try?"

"Aro!" Carlisle says sharply, scaring what's left of the living daylights out of me. "That's not what we agreed."

"Pfft Carlisle, it is not like she is going to come to any lasting harm from Jane's gift, her heart sounds perfectly strong to me."

"Aro, please . . . ."

Aro's indulgent smile slips and Carlisle wraps both arms around me, hugging me as tightly as he dares.

"Carlisle, what . . . ." I attempt to ask.

"Jane? Would you mind?"

I lift my head to look into Carlisle's golden eyes as he stares down at me, his brow furrowed.

"Carlisle, what's happening?"

"Apparently nothing." He says, looking immensely relieved.

"Jane?"

"Master?"

"Well?"

"She is blocking me Master, potentially a very powerful shield."

All the faces I can see look intrigued by whatever just didn't happen. Assuming nothing happened. Maybe it's some kind of mind control and I've just sung The Star Spangled Banner and lifted my skirt or something?

"Intriguing." Aro muses. "She could be a great boon to us. Or a great danger. I do not very often come across a being whose mind I cannot read and when I do I am inclined to remove the potential threat. The only one I have tolerated with such a gift is Caius's agent since my brother has other controls to exert there. Hmm . . . . what would _you_ do Carlisle?"

"I would change her Aro and help her develop her gift willingly in my service."

"Such a collaborative soul you are." Aro chuckles. "But I am not sure that would be practical. If I keep her here as a human it is possible that it will help focus Edward's mind on his new role. However, what if her presence here instead focuses his mind on rescue? That would be most inconvenient. Besides, accidents happen, we do keep human's here but there are mistakes made from time to time.

If I have her changed she may make a fine addition to my Guard but then again she may simply be a viper in bosom. I cannot read her mind and I will never know.

However, if I drain her, the only problem I have is Edward's hatred. And I can work with that. After all I have plenty of other people here he cares about, do I not Carlisle?"

"Bella is a member of our family." Carlisle states. "If she is changed we will take care of her and ensure her compliance, not that it will be needed, she would want no harm to come to any of us either."

I nod vigorously. I'd be ever such a good vampire to keep everyone safe. I promise.

"The hour grows late." Caius growls. "Make your mind up Aro."

"She smells delectable." The leader muses. "And I am thirsty."

"No." Carlisle objects, tightening his hold on me until I squeak.

Aro's amusement disappears abruptly.

"No? Carlisle, really?"

"Please Aro . . . ."

"You have other people you 'love' to protect too Carlisle." Aro reminds him. "Let her go."

"Please Aro."

"Let her go Carlisle."

"Aro, I can't . . . ." I can feel Carlisle's pain.

"Felix. Fetch the good Doctor's mate would you please?"

"Carlisle." I find my voice, unable to get it above a hoarse whisper. "No. Let me go."

"Bella . . . ."

Felix has gone, vanished through the huge double doors which he's left standing open behind him.

"Carlisle, Esme, please, let me go."

Cloaked and hooded vampires are closing in on us from all sides.

"Carlisle Cullen." I growl. "I love all of you. All _seven_ of you. Let. Me. Go."

"Bella, I . . . ."

"Carlisle!" Esme screams as Felix throws her into the center of the room, sending vampires skittering out of the way.

"Choose." Aro suggests with an evil glint in his eye.

Esme tries to scramble toward us but Felix plucks her backward and hurls her to the floor, cracking some of the stone.

"Carlisle." Esme whispers. "Protect Bella."

"I can't." He chokes. "Esme, even if . . . ."

Their eyes meet and that pain in my chest comes back so hard I'm certain it's about to kill me anyway.

But I'm still able to take momentary advantage of Carlisle's suffering, wriggling out of his arms and lunging away from him.

Esme screams and Carlisle howls but two hands have already lashed out of a cloak, fastening painfully round my upper arms to jerk me easily off my feet.

The sudden noise in the chamber is like screeching thunder and I'm tossed around in the maelstrom like a leaf. Unable to distinguish any particular sights or understand any specific sounds in the seemingly endless chaos.

Then there is a bright burst of complex pain and it's over, all of it fading away into silent darkness . . . .


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 23 Not Dead**

**BPOV**

If it's possible to be surprised not to wake up dead, then I am.

In a panic I flash back to when Demetri kidnapped me but I'm neither trussed up nor gagged, in fact I'm stretched out on a comfortable bed that smells of freshly laundered cotton.

"Ouch." I groan as I sit up.

Headache.

"You're awake."

"Arthur?" I enquire into the darkness. "Where are we? Where are the Cullens? Edward? What happened? Why aren't I dead?"

"That's a lot of questions Bellski." He chuckles, emerging from the gloom. "Here, drink some water and I'll update you."

He sits on the bed beside me and I instinctively shuffle away from him, taking the bottle of water with me.

"Aro's sense of the dramatic delayed things long enough for your boy to lose his last shred of sanity and escape his captors. The resultant chaos gave me a chance to grab you and make a run for it."

"Edward? Is he alright? What happened to him?"

"One track mind." He observes. "And I don't know. We left just as things were getting interesting."

"But . . . ."

"I only saved you Bellski, deal with it."

"I don't understand."

"I wish I didn't. Drink up, we have to move, Demetri will come after us."

"I still don't understand."

"Demetri's a tracker. Finding people is his speciality, we have to get somewhere where I can ambush him so I can kill him. We might stand a chance then."

"A chance to what?"

"Survive Bellski."

"At the risk of repeating myself I still don't understand."

"And I don't have time to explain. Get up, let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Fine stay here and get drained." He says, getting to his feet and moving away.

"Where _is_ here?"

"Not nearly far enough. Come on Bellski, survive now, worry about everything else later."

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"You don't but if I meant you any harm it would have been easier to leave you where you were than cart your unconscious self halfway across Italy."

I hesitate, clutching my bottle of water like it can somehow protect me or point me in the right direction.

"Bella." He sighs. "I just destroyed my life's work to save you. I don't expect you to understand it or appreciate it but I will ask that you respect it by not throwing it away so quickly. Demetri _will_ find you and he _will_ kill you. We have to go. Now."

...

He stole a car and I became an accessory by getting into it with only a moment's hesitation.

"Where are we going?"

"Africa."

"What? Why?"

"Shape-shifters tend to congregate in isolated areas where they're less likely to be found. We'll need help and I have friends there."

I sink down into the seat and sip my water, trying to get some traction on my scattered thoughts.

Edward and the Cullens might be dead. I'm escaping into the night with a man I used to think I knew but clearly didn't. I don't really know what's happened to Charlie and I sure as shit don't know what's going to happen to me. Isn't it odd then that I can't cry?

Maybe it's just all too big for such a simple action?

After a few hours I became an accessory to the theft of an airplane and many hours after that we stole a shiny new Land Rover Defender and I barely batted an eyelid.

We didn't talk except when he wanted me to do something and I didn't have anything to say.

I can't, at the moment, imagine what I would ever say to anybody again.

...

I wake up later on another bed, this one smells nothing like freshly laundered cotton, though it isn't an unpleasant smell, far from it.

I vaguely remember arriving here, wherever here is, last night and Arthur carrying me into a long low building and making rapid fire explanations to all and sundry while a doctor examined me.

Then a very nice lady took me off and helped me into bed, since I could barely move by that point, stiff and sore all over as I was.

I stretch.

Still am.

Carefully I pull back the silk sheets and sit up. My legs are a mass of flowered bruises but there doesn't seem to be a bigger problem. Likewise, my arms bared by the simple shift I'm wearing, will live to fight another day. The jury is still out on the rest of me.

My life, which looked for so long like it only had two forks, seems to have veered off at a totally unexpected tangent.

I get up and open the shutters, staggering back from the onslaught of bright sunlight bouncing off the white walls of the courtyard my room looks over. Down below is a mass of greenery which exudes 'cool' in a way that urges me to get down there, despite the ceiling fan and my short shift its stiflingly hot in here.

I swing round as a door opens behind me and the dark haired petite woman from last night enters.

"You are up." She observes, her soft lilting voice sounding pleased. "How are you feeling?"

"Battered and confused."

"Rest will deal with the battered." She laughs. "And perhaps I can help you with some of the confusion?"

"That depends how far back in my life you're prepared to go." I laugh, amazed to discover that I still have a sense of humour, even after . . . .

"Here." She says handing me a bundle of clothes. "Make use of the bathroom and I will fetch you some breakfast."

"Oh thank you . . . . um . . . . that would be lovely."

"My name is Rasika." She laughs, shaking my hand.

"Bella."

...

Rasika sits with me while I tuck into the massive platter of fruit she brought back.

"Is it alright if I ask you questions?" I ask, clueless about the etiquette of a situation like this.

"Of course, I will answer what I can."

"Where is Arthur?"

"He and some of the Fighters have gone in search of this Demetri, the tracker."

"Ah. That's, um, very dangerous."

"There should be enough of our men, unless they send the whole Volturi Guard, which Arthur believes in unlikely since they do not know about the rest of us."

"Us?"

"Arthur and his Father have spent their lives scouring the globe for the remnants of the shape-shifter communities The Volturi sought to destroy. Those of us that are willing come here, or to places like this, where we can rebuild until it is time to take back our right to exist freely."

I study her carefully as she says this. There's a zeal to her words and face that I find fascinating. And a little worrying. Does she know that Arthur works for The Volturi? What if Arthur has taken their fighters away to a trap? Then at least his rescuing me would make some sort of sense.

"How well do you know Arthur?"

"I have known him nearly all my life."

"And do you, um, know what he does, when he's not here?"

"Bella." She laughs, thoroughly delighted with me for some reason. "Of course I do, he risks his life working for The Volturi so that he can protect us."

Relief, lots and lots of complex relief, floods through me.

"I don't think he can do that anymore." I point out when the feeling's finally drained away, leaving me heavy again.

"No. I heard him explain what happened to my Father but he did what he had to do, there is no one here that will not understand."

I nod as if that makes any kind of sense to me and fall back into my thoughts.

"You should not worry about him Bella." Rasika says gently. "Arthur is the strongest of us. He will return."

She's so nice that I smile at her and don't tell her that I wasn't even thinking about him, had already lost track of the fact that he is in danger, absorbed as ever in thoughts of Edward.

Edward who might be dead. And who might never get to explain to me why he broke the promise he made. And the rest of my family, Cullens and Charlie. What's happening to them?

"Come on." Rasika urges, breaking into my thoughts. "Let me show you around, it is better than sitting here worrying about things you cannot affect."

She's a very relaxing tour guide as we walk around what I realise is a huge but very isolated and secure compound deep in the Libyan desert. They have a medical facility, which I saw last night. An administrative wing converted out of the main house, a school, several community spaces, some for eating and some simply so they can spend time together and let the children run free and rooms and rooms converted into accommodation. There are garages, a firing range and a dojo as well as a large corral which Rasika explains is for them to practise their skills in animal form.

"Are you all shape-shifters here?"

"Most of us yes."

"And, um . . . ."

"I'm a tiger Bella." She laughs, gesturing to her tiny frame. "Though only a very small one."

"Oh."

She's still laughing when she guides me through to the courtyard I saw from my room.

"It's beautiful." I breathe, turning on the spot to take it all in. The blue tiled fountain, the trees with their low hanging branches, the flowers of every color, the heady aroma.

"Isn't it." She sighs, sitting on the edge of the fountain and gesturing for me to do the same. "This is what I will really miss when we leave."

"You're leaving?"

"We have to. Even if Demetri tracks Arthur first, which he is sure he will, he will know where you were and there is always the risk that he will have told someone in Volterra."

"I'm so sorry, all these people, the children . . . ."

"We are used to it Bella." She says, laying her hand gently on my knee. "We would have had to move eventually anyway, it is not safe for us to stay in one place for too long."

"But . . . . what if Demetri comes here instead?"

"Then he is going to be in for a very nasty surprise." She says with steely determination. "And we will move anyway."

...

With nothing else to do I get Rasika to make use of me preparing for their departure.

Everyone seems friendly enough as we scurry about loading food and possessions into trucks, cars and carts. After a while I even manage not to be startled by the occasional wild animal strolling about the place or the men and women with machine guns patrolling the perimeter.

The sun's going down when someone shouts. "They're coming!"

I hurry out to the gated entrance peering at the horizon where long low figures are loping toward us our of the sun.

"It's all of them." Someone says, the collective mood lifting.

The figures slow and somehow turn into the shapes of men, pausing to pull on some clothes before walking toward us, supporting one in their midst.

They bring him straight to me and then leave him to stand on his own two feet, which seems a little optimistic.

"Evening Bellski." Arthur says cheerfully.

"Arthur. You're bleeding."

"Yes, yes I am. Loving the capri pants and work boots you're sporting, very desert chic, if you'll excuse me I'll just collapse here so I don't get blood on them."

And down he goes.

...

Nadir, the doctor from last night, checks him over and pronounces him salvageable.

A group of burly men then heft him to my room and deposit him on the bed.

"Rasika, do you have something I can clean him up with?"

She nods and glides away as I study his shirtless prone form. He's a mass of cuts and bruises, interlaced with some deeper lacerations and hell of a lot of dirt and sweat.

Rasika returns and hands me a bowl that smells vaguely of antiseptic and a wash cloth.

"Thanks."

"He will be fine in the morning, he heals very quickly."

"Okay."

"We will be leaving fairly early, I will wake you in plenty of time." She promises, closing the door behind her as she leaves.

Arthur's not a small man and it takes me a while to get him stripped down to his jeans and, jesus, Santa Claus boxers, so I can wash him down.

The smaller cuts and grazes close up as I clean them, the deeper ones merely looking less threatening. He groans a couple of times but otherwise doesn't wake so when I'm done I cover him with one of the silk sheets and curl up beside him on the fortunately very large bed.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 24 Icosagon**

**BPOV**

When Rasika gently wakes me in the morning Arthur's already gone, though he's left his Santa Claus boxers folded neatly on the pillow.

With no active part to play in the departure I sit on the ruins of an old wall, deep in the shadows, and watch.

At first glance its chaos but if you sit here for a while you start to realise that everyone knows what they're doing and if they don't they ask. Often they ask Arthur. The devious, irritating, amusing and confusing person who brought me here. They respect him. They love him. And the children idolise him, there's a pack of them who've escaped their mothers dogging his every step. How do you reconcile this man with the one who betrayed your family?

Vehicles are starting to leave, the chaos thinning down to a dull roar, when he finally finds time to come and sit beside me.

"You okay?" He asks.

"I have no idea how to answer that question."

"That's fair I suppose, you've had a rough week."

I laugh, I can't help it, though there's no mirth in it.

"Are you okay?" I ask automatically.

"Oh yes Bellski, I have a fast metabolism, I believe I've mentioned this useful feature before."

That makes me sigh, _before_ is a very long way away at the moment.

"Come on." He says, nudging me with his shoulder. "We're heading south, there are lakes."

"And then what Arthur?"

"Well then we can swim of course. Those among us of a fishy persuasion haven't exactly been enjoying the desert."

"There are shape-shifters that turn into fish?"

"There are. But keep them away from Charlie, they won't fit on his dinner table and they'll probably snap his expensive pole if he hooks one."

"Is he safe, Charlie?"

"The Quileutes have him. And I never told Caius that he knew."

"But Rasika said . . . ."

"Caius won't be interested in them. They're trigger shifters."

I raise my eyebrow.

"Some of us are born to shape-shift and some of us only shift in response to certain stimuli. Werewolves are stimulated by the phases of the moon. The Kalahari Lions were stimulated by the encroachment of Victorians with guns. The Quileutes only start to shift when they're exposed to vampires. No vampires, no risk, The Volturi will leave them alone, they're nasty but practical."

"There's so much I don't know."

"Look on the bright side Bellski. Until this week you were in a state of unconscious ignorance, at least you've advanced to a state of conscious ignorance."

"And what good is that going to do me?" I ask.

"You're alive Bella. For some of us that's a miracle to be eternally grateful for."

"I don't understand you." I confess. "You've got too many sides."

"Well I think I can help you with that."

"You gonna turn into an icosagon?"

"No, I think they became extinct during the Jurassic period."

"You're a funny man."

"I should hope so, you're about to be stuck in a jeep with me for a couple of hundred miles."

...

We're one of the last vehicles to leave.

And it's sad to look in the rear view mirror and see the detritus of life we're leaving behind. Washing left out. Overturned crates. Dropped food. dumped cars. Doors open on abandoned homes. Toys stamped into the dirt . . . .

...

"Are you going to tell me what happened with Demetri?"

"I knew he'd come for me first, he thought we were friends."

"And were you?"

"As much as we could be. I liked him, as a person, but I have hundreds of people to protect from the ideology he supported."

"Which was?"

"That vampires are the dominant species and all else, human or other, is theirs to do with as they please."

"Did you . . . ."

"Did I kill him Bellski? Yes I did."

"So they can't track us now?"

"You catch on fast. No they can't, at least not easily. And he never got to tell them there were shape-shifters in Libya so we should be safe, for a while at least. Aro won't stop looking for you and me but we've eliminated his most powerful weapon in that search."

"Did he . . . . did you?"

"Find anything out about Edward and the Cullens? No, I'm sorry Bellski, it was a vicious fight, not an opportunity to trade information. But if it helps I'd be surprised if Aro had them killed in spite of Edward's stupidity, he'd value their gifts too much to waste them. And he's got more than enough experience to control them."

I nod, my feelings about Edward and the Cullens too complex to express. I love, loved them, and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them. Ever. And certainly not because of me. But, I don't know what to do with the anger toward them that I'll never got to express, I feel bad that it's there, under the circumstances, but it is and I can't push it down.

...

I never would have imagined I'd get to camp out in a desert.

It really does get cold at night and Arthur rises from his cot several times to laugh at me and give me his blankets.

...

Ordinary mortal that I am I need to sleep for much longer and when he rousts me from my cot everyone else is already on the move and we end up eating breakfast alone among the dunes.

"It's . . . ." I manage eventually.

"Savage beauty?" Arthur asks. "Miles and miles of nothing but death, yet strangely exquisite?"

"Yes."

We lapse back into silence while he cleans his assault rifle.

"What's that for?" I ask.

"The Volturi aren't the only bastards that roam this planet. It's expedient."

More silence as I help him pack our stuff into the jeep. It's very silent out here.

He hops into the driver's seat and I hesitate on my side.

"What would happen to me if you left me out here?"

"You'd be dead within twenty four hours."

I nod, trying to imagine what that would be like.

"I'm not going to leave you here Bellski."

"I don't think I want to be left here."

"Good. Get in, time's a wasting . . . ."

...

When we eventually reach a road, or some semblance thereof, Arthur lets me drive.

The jeep reminds me of my truck and in a bizarre way that cheers me up.

Speed also brings vaguely cooling wind. I missed the heat of Phoenix when I moved to Forks. But there's heat and there's heat.

We're pretty spread out now as a convoy, Arthur and I very definitely bringing up the rear. Though we're not exactly out of contact, that man can speak many _many_ languages on the radio without pausing for breath.

"Shit." I growl, easing off the gas.

"What's the matter?"

"I don't have a passport."

"Yes you do. Here."

He fishes it his pocket and hands it to me.

"No Arthur, I don't _have_ a passport. I've never left home."

"Conscious ignorance Bells. We forge shit. Your name is Isabella Stevens, not that they'll care. They'll be more interested in this passport." And he produces a roll of paper money.

I sweat and stammer like the amateur I am but Arthur's right, the border guards really don't give a shit.

...

"Wow."

"Pretty isn't it?"

"It's so green."

"Bellski, you sound like a tourist."

"Fuck you Arthur."

"I have stuff to do, you okay for a while?"

"Sure, I'll have a stab at the tent."

"Okay, I'll sort it out when I get back."

"Fuck you Arthur."

"You keep promising Bellski."

I flip him the finger and he laughs as he walks away, leaving me to contemplate the tent. No, no fucking idea, but I'll give it a go.

"Can I help you?" Rasika asks, appearing beside me.

"Only if you promise not to tell Arthur."

"I promise." She says, crossing her heart. "We women have to stick together."

"Is everyone here?" I ask, trying to gauge the throng around us.

"We are about a third, the others are several hours ahead, divided into two groups."

"And is everyone okay?"

"Philip pulled a muscle releasing one of the trucks from the mud but otherwise we are all fine Bella. This pole goes here, let me help you . . . ."

"Thank you, what about your tent?"

"Pfft. I only had my Father and I to worry about, I had it done in a moment."

"Rasika . . . ."

"Come on Bella, let us get this tent done so that you can relax tonight, you have been able to spend so little time with Arthur."

I'm beginning to sense a pattern here and I'm not sure when I should go about disabusing her, them, of the idea that I actually want to spend time with Arthur. He saved my life and I have questions for him, questions about how it came to be in danger in the first place, but I'm not exactly here voluntarily, I've just got nowhere else I can go at the moment.

...

"Bellski, tent up and a fire started, you're quite the little camper."

I shrug, stirring the pot over the stove. Tonight's rations are two tins of curious smelling stew with bread and fruit.

He plonks himself on the other side of the fire to watch me.

Which gets real old, real fast.

"What?" I demand.

"I sense that you are feeling more like yourself." He observes dryly. "That little crease is back between your eyes, the one that usually signifies when someone's in trouble."

"Can you blame me?"

"No."

"Would you care to explain yourself?"

"Not particularly, no."

I can feel that little furrow getter deeper as I glare at him. Fucking supernaturals and their fucking belief that they're the only ones who need to know anything. And something inside me snaps, before I know what I'm doing I've ripped the pot off the fire, burning my hand in the process, and flung it at his head.

Complete waste of time, he's not human and the grinning shit even manages to catch it and set it back on the fire with barely a spillage.

Which just makes me even angrier but I'm still casting round for something else to throw at him when his arms capture me round the waist and he lifts me off my feet. I kick and scream as he carries me, laughing, into the tent and throws me down on one of the cots, squatting down beside me so that we're nose to nose.

The air between us is fairly crackling with electricity and I'm so sure he's going to kiss me that I think my tongue may have licked my traitorous lips in anticipation even as one of my hands balled into a fist.

But he doesn't, he leans back instead, putting space between us.

"I'm sorry Bella." He says. "As much as your temper does wicked things to me there was no call for that comment. And I will give you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. You can have access to every thought in my head if that's what you need. But please at least try to understand that you're not the only person whose life has irrevocably changed here. Or who has lost something.

I'm not your perfect little dead boy. I don't deal with difficult situations by writing sonnets and composing music on my piano. I am quite often not a particularly nice person and to protect my people I have done things that I can _never_ be forgiven for.

I am already not _your_ favourite person but we are stuck with each other and I am not looking forward to exposing myself to you any more than I have done already."

"What do you mean 'stuck with each other'? You're keeping me here?"

"Where are you going to go Bellski, you going to go home to Forks? Back to Boston? Stay with your Mum in Jacksonville? Or just trot yourself back to Volterra like a good little entrée?"

"I really don't like you." I grind out through my teeth.

"Fair enough." He says, rising to his feet. "But try to remember I didn't bring you into this mess, your Edward and his family did that."

"You sold us out to The Volturi!"

"Yes I did. But that was a long time ago and by the time I'd realised my mistake it was too late."

"What 'mistake'?"

"Our gourmet dinner is burning, come and get something to eat."

He offers me his hand to help me up and I look at him gone out.

"Time Bella, just give me a little time."

"Why, so you can fabricate some crap for me to swallow?"

"If that's what you want to believe."


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 25 Levelling Out**

**BPOV**

I don't know where he went when stomped out of the tent and I didn't care because the genie was out of the bottle.

Everything I'd been bottling up and trying not to think about for the last three days hit me like a ton of bricks.

I nearly ended up dead, and not happy ever after dead either. And Edward, I don't know what happened to Edward. _He_ might be dead. I can't . . . . that's just not . . . . it can't be true . . . . it just _can't_ be . . . . And Esme and Carlisle and Alice and . . . . I was so _angry_ with them . . . . that was all I could think about . . . . and now . . . . I don't know what's happened to them . . . . and . . . . instead of being with them . . . . instead of knowing . . . . I'm here . . . . and I don't even know where here is . . . . and . . . .

It's too much, I blunder out of the tent, struggling for breath, shaking all over and falling to my knees, just about getting a hand out to catch myself . . . .

"Bella!" "She's having a panic attack." "Bellski, you need to breathe, come on." "That's it Arthur, take her to our tent." "Alright then, just put her down, deep breaths Bella." "Bellski?" "No Arthur if she wants to walk let her. That's it Bella, breathe. Deep breaths. Just breathe. Rasika, walk with her, keep talking to her." "Come on Bella, this way, its quieter, keep taking deep breaths, that's it. Good. Deep breaths. Everything's alright. Or not, sorry, Father says that does not help. I'm here. I'll help you. Just keep walking. And taking deep breaths."

It's terrifying, so terrifying and I just want to run, but I don't have the breath . . . . can't breathe properly . . . . got to focus on breathing . . . . in and out . . . . it hurts every time I suck in a lungful of air . . . . that's good right . . . . means I'm not dying or anything . . . .

I don't know how long we walked for but eventually I was able to focus on Rasika's soft gentle voice and steady my breathing, even the violent trembling began to recede, leaving me . . . . I don't know exactly . . . . but not like I'm about to fly apart into a million pieces.

"Here. Let us sit. Good. Keep taking the deep breaths Bella. Are you okay?"

I manage to nod.

"You had a panic attack."

I nod again.

"You have been through a lot. If you want to talk about it . . . ."

I shake my head. I don't even want to _think_ about it . . . . I _can't_ . . . .

"Alright breathe." She instructs me calmly. "We can do anything you want. Do you want to walk some more?"

I don't respond because I don't know, I don't know anything right now . . . .

"Father says that petting an animal sometimes helps in situations like this."

Please don't turn into a tiger, _please_ don't turn into a tiger . . . .

"And normal situations can be very comforting."

Oh dear god . . . . normal . . . .

"That is it Bella, deep breaths. When I have problems I like to clean."

I nod, me too . . . .

...

The mess tent lived up to its name and camp was dark and quiet by the time we were done.

And I felt . . . . trapped . . . . panicky . . . .

So we went for another walk, past the sentries and back out into the night.

"I'm sorry." I kept repeating.

And Rasika kept telling me not to worry about it, that I wasn't the only person around here to have a panic attack, not by a long shot.

Exhaustion carried me away in the end and I woke with a strangled cry on lips, but not to the sight of my own somewhat sorry, glow star stickered ceiling in Forks.

The tent cloth above me sends me right back into my nightmare.

I've lost him. Them. My worst fear made real. Whatever actually happened in Volterra.

And I miss him. Them. So much it hurts.

But I still can't cry.

Light floods in as Arthur enters and we survey each other unhappily.

"We should get going." He says eventually.

"Okay."

...

"Nadir said it was bound to happen at some point." He says as we bounce away over the ruts in the jeep. "That you're suffering from shock."

I don't even bother looking at him, instead I curl in on myself as much as the seat will allow and for a while at least he gets the message.

"Nadir says you need to talk about it."

"I don't want to."

Silence.

After a while it becomes clear that some of us are splitting off from the group to pick up supplies. And it's not like any trip to a grocery store I've ever made, there are a great deal more guns on show than I'm used to for a start, even the little kids have them.

"Here." Arthur says, handing me his. "Stay with the jeep and don't let anyone steal it."

I don't even have it in me to be surprised and I accept it, automatically checking that the safety's on and its loaded. It is. Jasper let me fire an assault rifle once, Edward had a fit when he found out, always trying to protect me, but Jasper was unrepentant, even the indestructible Alice was proficient with fire arms, just in case. I'm pretty sure I couldn't shoot anyone despite what Jasper said about being able to if I had to.

I don't have to today and when Arthur returns I remain 'on guard' in the jeep while he and some of the others load up the supplies.

"Do you want to drive?" Arthur asks when we're ready to go.

"Please." I need something to do.

I hand him the rifle and scramble across into the driver's seat starting the engine so I can pull away as soon as he's in.

By the time we've caught up with the other's they've made camp and I hop out of the jeep to help distribute the supplies.

"Don't forget this." Arthur calls, pulling me up short and I turn to find him proffering the rifle. "It's yours now, keep it with you."

I hesitate and then take it, slinging it over my shoulder as I hurry away from him.

...

A couple of hours later it's dark and I've finally run out of things to do but I'm not ready to go looking for our tent.

Instead I wander a little way from the group until I find a big flat rock to sit on.

My thoughts are all over the place. What ifs. Memories. Charlie and Renee. Edward. And I'm angry and scared and sad. But curiously immobile, zombie like almost.

"Coffee." Arthur says, jumping easily onto the rock to hand me the cup.

"Thanks."

"Mind if I sit down?"

I shrug.

So he sits.

"We'll be at the new compound tomorrow." He says.

Its meaningless information to me so I sip the strong brew.

"The scouts have reported back that everything's fine."

Again, nothing to say on that.

"You really do need to talk about this stuff, it isn't good to bottle it up."

Silence.

"But Nadir did say that you should take your time if you needed to."

More silence.

"They probably _are_ still alive you know."

"What good is probably to me?"

"Not a lot I suppose. It's hard not to know. Hard to know how to feel, what to think, how to act."

"What do I do?" I ask.

"Survive. Live. Wait. Carry on."

I stretch my legs out in front of me.

"What you have been doing."

Silence.

"I'm going to get some dinner. Come back when you're ready."

"Because I've got nowhere else to go."

"No. Because we're here and we'll take care of you until _you_ decide you have somewhere to go."

"Why did you save me?"

"Tomorrow Bella, we'll be at the compound tomorrow, safe. That's a talk we can have then."

...

I sat there until I got cold and then I went back to the tent.

Arthur wasn't there.

...

Another day dawned, bright and clear.

I knew this because after lying in my cot for a while, staring at the canvas I got up and went out and sat in front of the fire instead.

Arthur appeared briefly to hand me another cup of coffee and then melted back into the night.

Rasika arrived with the sun to deliver some breakfast and for lack of anything else to do, I cooked it.

Like the only other human men I've spent any time with Arthur proves to have an uncanny ability to turn up when food is available. So at least it got eaten.

He didn't try to talk to me and for that I was grateful, so we broke camp and hit the 'road' in silence.

My mind was still going at a million miles an hour but if you'd asked me what I was thinking about I wouldn't have been able to tell you, so I'd have summed it up with just, _Edward_. It covers a lot of ground. Edward was my life and I loved, love him . . . .

And when the inevitable happened about an hour into the journey I dreamed of him too.

...

Our group is the last to arrive at the compound, a collection of huts on stilts and low stone buildings ringed with a high wooden fence and sentry towers. Just like when we left Libya its ordered chaos and Arthur pulls up in front of the hut we've been directed too and hops out of the jeep.

"I need to . . . ."

"Go. Do whatever you have to." I need to keep busy anyway.

I unpack the jeep, stowing everything away in the hut, in an orderly pile mostly, and then wander off in search of Rasika to see if I can help with anything. Thankfully there's plenty.

The older kids are building a huge bonfire and someone's obviously been hunting because a feast, at least compared to the last couple of days, seems to be in the offing. In fact something of a party atmosphere seems to be building around the central space in the compound.

No one seems to mind that I don't have much to say for myself as we toil away, acceptance seems to be the thing here. Or maybe they already know everything about me. Not that there's much to tell. The human girl who fell in love with a vampire and nearly ended up dying for it. That's it, life story over.

Story over . . . .

"Beer?" Rasika asks, waggling one in my face and making me jump. "It's cold . . . ."

"Thanks." I murmur, pressing the miraculously cold condensed glass to my cheek.

"Savour it." She advises. "They only had time to cool enough for one each, the rest of it depressingly warm and the generator is on the blink, there was a nest of birds in it apparently."

She sits down on a weathered bench, gesturing for me to join her and we sip away in companionable silence.

"How long have you been here?" I ask after a while.

"About three hours, the same as you."

That gets a laugh out of me and I'm rewarded with her stunning smile.

"We joined the group when I was very young, almost twenty years ago. My parents had known about them for a long time but they were happy living a human life and had never had any problems with vampires. My mother was killed in a car accident, nothing supernatural about that, and after a while my father just decided that it would be better to raise me amongst our own kind. He was lonely I think and raising a shape-shifter is a full time occupation if you want to live among the humans."

She pauses, laughing.

"I shifted once at school, I do not remember much about it but my father said it was chaos. The school was closed for two days while they searched for the tiger cub the teacher's swore blind they saw."

"I knew some shape-shifters back home, wolves, but the women didn't normally shift."

"There are similarities between all of us but differences too. We are animated by different types of magic I think."

"You believe in magic?"

"I don't know what else you would call it." She shrugs, looking around us. "Here we are, an extended family, drawn together from all over the world. Living in harmony. Drinking cold beer in the jungle while children turn in and out of animals as they play."

I look around too. I guess magic is a word for it, and who am I to judge?


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 26 You Sorry You Asked Yet?**

**BPOV**

Not really in a party mood I finish my beer and head back to the hut. Determined to will myself to sleep in the comfort of the bed I made up earlier.

I dream about cloaked vampires, screeching noises and Edward, Edward, Edward, Edward . . . .

And I wake up drenched in a cold sweat, reaching over for the light, my hand scrabbling across the nightstand, but when I find it there's only a click. They must still be having trouble with the generator.

Its dark in here with the shutters closed against the bugs so I shuffle over and open them slightly, breathing in the warm night air.

The party seems to be over, it's very quiet.

"Bad dream?" A voice asks, making me jump.

"Fuck! Arthur, did you have to do that?"

"Sorry, I thought you knew I was here."

I can barely make him out, leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest.

I turn my attention back to the window as the silence stretches out.

"I can't deal with you right now Arthur." I admit after a while. "I don't want any more bad stuff in my head."

"I suppose I understand why you'd think anything I'd tell you would be bad." He sighs.

"So it's all good news? I'm starring in some reality TV show and I've just won a million dollars? Edward and my family are going to burst through the door any minute now to share in my good fortune?"

"No. But I told you, they're probably still alive, Aro loves his toys."

"_Jesus_, shut up Arthur."

"You want sugar coated?"

"I want it all to go away."

His laugh is bitter at best.

"Not happening Bellski. This is it. Your life. My life. Their life. You have to deal with it."

Saying I don't want to will make me sound like a twelve year old, but that's what I'm thinking, _wishing_.

But I can't ignore this. It happened. It's real. And he's right. I have to suck it up and deal with it. There isn't another choice.

"Alright." I sigh eventually, closing the shutter and moving to sit cross legged on the bed. "Explain it to me Arthur. Explain why I'm sleeping in a tin hut in the jungle instead of at home with the people I love and why I shouldn't just pick up my new rifle next time _you're_ sleeping and put a bullet in you?"

"Bellski . . . ."

"_Don't_ Arthur. My name is Bella and you're an obnoxious prick when you're being defensive. You owe me better than that."

"Warts and all?"

"Warts and all."

"Spying is a tricky operation. The best spies are basically doing something they'd be doing anyway. Caius needed to keep tabs on the shape-shifters and having one on his side was the best way to do it. He wanted me in the US and because I'd already worked a lot with charities and aid agencies it was easy to get a job at the Foundation. He didn't care what I did as long as I was where he wanted me to be and as you can see I've a vested interest in helping the downtrodden. Doing what I do makes it easier to look for other shape-shifters and to help the ones I already know about. Working for Caius helped me to keep them hidden from him.

It was just a coincidence that you rocked up in Boston with the Cullens.

Caius had briefed me on them before I left. Aro actually does like Carlisle but he didn't get to be where he is by trusting anybody. The Cullens might seem harmless but from where Aro sat they were a powerful coven, all those gifts bound together as a 'family'. Caius asked me to keep an eye on them.

I've been doing this a long time Bella, I had no reason not to report that they were in Boston."

"Did you tell them about me?"

"Yes, I told them Edward was in love with you and you weren't likely to be a threat. I thought he'd get round to changing you eventually."

_Jesus_. If only he had. Deep breath.

"Then what happened?"

"For a long time, nothing. I got to know you and them to a degree and I suppose I hoped that they'd forget about you all for a while. That happens sometimes when you live for millennia. It didn't work out though, Aro's interest in the Cullens was stronger than Caius let on and your existence was just the excuse he needed to act. Caius called me while we were in Forks and said they were planning to take you all into custody."

"And you did nothing to stop them?"

"Of course I didn't Bellski, I asked them if they could hurry the fuck up so I could get back to Boston!" There's a pause followed by a deep sigh. "What would you have had me do Bellski? You don't disobey The Volturi. I reiterated my position that you weren't any kind of threat. Do you want to know what he said, Caius? He said that wasn't my decision to make and I should remember who was pulling the strings on my particular puppet show."

"You could have warned us."

"I could have, but like I said the other night you weren't the only one with something to lose."

"Explain to me what you lost Arthur." I snarl, full of righteous indignation.

"I lost a position that allowed me to protect my people. And I lost my Father."

"What?"

"Caius isn't terribly big on trust. He works better with insurance. He's been holding my Father hostage, to ensure my compliance, for years."

"I don't . . . . _what_?"

"As soon as he realised it was me that took you he'd have had him killed."

I can't speak for a moment. Fabrication? Manipulation? Truth? I have no reason to trust Arthur, but . . . . I'm _appalled_ . . . .

"Then for the love of god, Arthur, _why_? Why didn't you let them kill me? I was ready to die to protect the Cullens anyway."

Silence. One I'm just about to break when he speaks again. Oh so quietly.

"I couldn't. And he would have understood."

"Well I fucking don't. You talk about the sacrifices you've made and the terrible things you've done to protect the people you love. You sold the Cullens and me down the river for just those very reasons and yet you just _suddenly_ decided, at the last minute, to throw it all away for some stupid little _girl_ who fell in love with the world's most indecisive vampire?"

"When you put it like that it does sound crazy doesn't it?" He says with an unhappy laugh.

"What the _fuck_ Arthur?"

"You think I'm happy about this? You think I'd _want_ to trade a man like my Father for _you_?"

"I don't know what to think. I'm just trying to work out what the fuck happened."

In the darkness I can just about make him out as he slides down the wall and drops his head into his hands.

"_Fuck_." He breathes quietly.

Quite.

"You're a beautiful woman Bella." He whispers after a while. "And I admired your quick mind and your dedication to a cause you believed in. And I would _never_ have kicked you out of my bed. But you were _nothing_ compared to what my Father and I were trying to achieve. Nothing.

But my saving you wasn't exactly last minute.

I hadn't known about the Quileutes until I came to Forks and then suddenly it looked like The Volturi were going to get you, the Cullens, and an innocent tribe of shape-shifters all in one go. I didn't know what to do, if I could do anything, and I was still trying to work a way out of it when Alice saw me sitting in the tree outside your bedroom window."

I gasp.

"You were there, _then_?"

"Yes. I found out later that shape-shifters could interfere with her visions, that's when I understood why you and Edward disappeared from them. When I couldn't pretend it wasn't happening any longer."

"What wasn't happening?"

"Complications."

"I'm not the mind reader Arthur." I growl impatiently.

"I'd known you months by then Bella, _months_. It shouldn't have happened."

Silence.

"What shouldn't have happened?" I prompt.

A quiet laugh.

"Your eyes were closed. Your hair, I fucking love your hair, was fanned out over the pillow. Your body was arching off the bed, into his."

Oh _jesus_ . . . .

"Do you want to know what happened in Volterra?" He asks abruptly, pulling me out of my memory. "Warts and all?"

"I . . . ."

"I honestly thought that Aro would have you changed. And I was hopeful, I really was. You wouldn't be dead and maybe I'd be free. And I'd like to think . . . . but I couldn't take the risk.

So I went down to the dungeon, to the Cullens. And I spoke to your Edward. And I told him the _worst_ things they'd do to you. And when I left I loosened some of the bricks in the ventilation shaft so he'd be able to hear the chamber better.

And then I donned a cloak and I waited. I waited for your silly little dead boy to give me the distraction I needed."

"Arthur . . . ."

"I used him, his devotion, to save you Bellski. You're alive now because he loves you."

Now I can cry apparently. Silent tears. Warm and dripping onto my shirt. Running down my neck and curling under my ears.

"Why?" I choke out. "_Why_?"

"Dad described meeting my Mum as being severed from his world, the ties that bound him being sundered and replaced by a million steel cables that connected only to her. Sounds romantic doesn't it? I bet you could use words like that about Edward."

I shake _and_ nod my head as the tears roll down.

"He loved the absolute fuck out of her. And she left him. Us. I thought it was my fault, hell it probably was. I wasn't exactly an easy child, always turning into something I shouldn't have.

He wasn't the same after that. And it was worse after she died. Somehow. That's how Caius got him."

"I don't . . . . I'm sorry . . . . but I don't understand."

"He imprinted on her."

Holy shit! What?

"We're not supposed to be able to do that, our particular brand of shape-shifter, it's usually the trigger shifters that do it, he thought maybe it was because he was the last of his line, about to become extinct. Whatever it was it didn't make anybody very happy."

My mouth opens and closes but nothing comes out.

"So here we are Bellski. You and me. You might have lost your boyfriend and your family. And I've lost my Father and . . . ." He stops talking and rubs his face with his hands. "_Everything_."

"I'm sick of saying this but I still don't understand."

"_I_ imprinted on _you_ Bellski. A woman who is in love with a vampire. It's your turn now. You explain to me how that's going to work out, because . . . . I'm sorry, but I've got nothing."


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 27 Suck it and See**

**BPOV**

"So, what, you're in _love _with me now?"

"Oh god, no offence Bellski, but I fucking hope not. How much worse would _that_ be?"

I don't know . . . . I can't . . . . how has it gotten so hard to just _think_ . . . .

Don't say it, don't say it. Oh hell . . . .

"I don't understand what it means."

"And you want me to tell you?"

"Fuck you Arthur."

He pulls in a long breath and exhales slowly.

"You _own_ me Bellski. You took the puppet strings from Caius. Only you can make me dance now."

"That's not really an explanation . . . ."

"I know Bellski and I'm sorry. I only have my parents' experience to go on. You're better off talking to Rasika's Dad, he's the scholar and historian among us."

I don't try to stop him when he lunges to his feet and lopes out.

And I still can't think.

...

The following morning I take my new best friend, the assault rifle, and go in search of Rasika's Dad.

"Good morning Bella." He greets me brightly when I find him in what will clearly be the school.

"Morning Suki."

"Looking for something to do?" He asks hopefully, waggling some battered text books at me.

"Always." I confirm, setting my rifle down next to his against the wall. "What are we doing?"

"Filling the supply cupboard so the children can wreck it during their first lesson."

"Okay then."

We toil away for a bit and then my stomach decides to embarrass me.

"I'm so sorry."

"Time for breakfast? I have not eaten yet either. The cookhouse is up and running and there is always something to eat there, we shape-shifters are a greedy bunch. Would you care to join me?"

"Okay. Thanks."

The compound is a hive of activity as we pass across it, the only people not engaged in work the kids, who are in seventh heaven.

"They will not be so happy tonight when I tell him they have school in the morning." Suki chuckles as we dodge a group of them rampaging toward us.

Stew is a strange thing to have to have for breakfast but when was the last time my life wasn't strange?

"So." He begins as settle down at a table. "How are you settling in?"

"I'm not sure I am, if I should be." I confess.

"I can understand that." He allows. "Think of this place as a microcosm of the world. Find a place to fit here. Find your place in the wider world."

"What if I don't have one anymore?"

"Then perhaps the place you find here is the one where you belong. Either way there is nothing wrong with looking Bella. I am trying to encourage Rasika to do the same. I brought her here for very good reasons and I could not be happier with the results, but that does not mean she has to stay here."

"She doesn't want to leave." I observe.

"She is happy here." He agrees. "But I am her Father, I would like her to be sure that she could not be just as happy, or happier, somewhere else."

"I can understand that." I murmur, thinking of Charlie and his words on the subject of Edward.

We eat for a while, I don't know what's in this stew but it's certainly hitting the spot, spicy yet sweet.

"Suki?"

"Yes Bella."

"What can you . . . . Can you tell me anything about imprinting?"

"I can tell what I have heard, what I have read, but I am not an expert on it. I do not believe anybody is."

"Would you? Would you mind?"

He nods, mopping up his stew with some bread and smacking his lip in appreciation.

"Let us go back to the school, no one will bother us there."

...

"So." He says as we busy ourselves with the supplies again. "Arthur has told you that he imprinted on you, yes?"

"Yes."

"And you want to know what that means?"

"Yes, please."

"Imprinting is something of a legend among shape-shifters and it has long been believed that only trigger shifters do it. Understandable I suppose, they begin to change in response to danger, the greater the danger the greater the numbers required. The greater the, um, biological imperative.

I am not entirely sure how I feel about it to be honest but many do believe it happens, and Arthur certainly does, after what he perceives happened to his Father. And after what happened with you.

The two of you actually have a few things in common, he feels he has had is life ripped away from him too. And he is afraid. Afraid that somehow because he saved you he has damned the rest of us. Afraid that you will be like his Mother, that you will destroy him."

"I'm pretty sure I don't like him at the moment but I don't think I want to destroy him."

"That is good to hear." Suki chuckles. "He is a good man and he has sacrificed much for us, and others like us. But he does not deal with fear very well. It makes him unpredictable, when his Father was captured . . . ."

He shakes his head.

"You do not need to worry Bella. If he has imprinted on you it means nothing that you do not want to give. Whatever imprinting magic is it has no affect on you, you are human, your decisions and your actions will always be your own. For Arthur it is not so simple. You are his life now. If you wish to walk away and attempt to go back to your old life . . . . Please do not by the way, not yet, The Volturi will be watching for you, and him . . . . he will let you, he will help you, do whatever it is you need him to do, whether you have asked him to or not.

He is already doing this I think."

"What?" I ask as Suki gestures to my rifle.

"Your panic attack. You need to feel able to protect yourself. To have a degree of control over your own fate, to not be so weak. Having a gun gives you that, the feeling at least. Ask Arthur or Bashir about the special ones by the way.

You need time to process things. He is giving you that. You do not want anything to do with him at the moment. He was also giving you that. Whether he realises it or not."

He lapses into silence and I take the chance to mull it over.

"You're not telling me everything you know, are you?"

"I am not telling you everything I have heard _or_ read." He says gently. "Because this is not a science. It is lore, legend, a belief system, speculation and supposition. But I am telling you what you both need to hear. That whatever this is, it is yours to work out between you."

He falls silent, looking to his left and I follow his gaze.

Arthur.

Who looks about as cheerful as I do.

"Arthur, a most timely arrival. Bella and I were just discussing your situation."

"So I heard."

"All I am saying is that the two of you have been friends before. You have a lot in common. Talk to each other. Let Bella get to know the real you Arthur, share your fears and feelings with her. She is a very understanding young woman. This does not have to a defining or limiting thing for either of you. Find a way to make it work _together_."

He gives us both a meaningful look that has both Arthur and I squirming slightly.

"Start now." He says with finality, disappearing into the supply cupboard.

The silence is broken by Suki chuckling to himself in said cupboard.

Arthur rolls his eyes and I manage a wan smile.

"Some of us are going to pay our respects to the local Chief, Chisolu, want to come?"

"I guess."

...

Apparently respect down here warrants all of us being armed, not that anyone but me bats an eyelid.

They've obviously lived here before because Chisolu greets Arthur like an old friend and then proceeds to fleece him like an old pro. We depart an hour later with our truck loaded with random items and much back slapping and smiling.

"What was that all about?" I ask as we bump away down the rutted track.

"If we trade with him well and make him look good in the eyes of his people then he's a very useful added layer of protection and he'll keep our secrets. The fewer people know we are here the better, even the governments down here are not above a bit of hostage taking and there are people from many rich western nations in our group."

"Oh. Conscious ignorance."

"You're learning something new every day Bellski."

"And why was he so interested in me?"

"He thinks you're too skinny for me, he was trying to trade me one of his more 'well rounded' daughters."

"Trade what?"

"You of course, he said you'd take up less room in his bed."

"_Ew_."

And everyone on the truck lets out the laughter they've clearly been holding in for a while.

...

When we get back Arthur takes me with him to a summit meeting of sorts. What to do about the new situation.

I stammer out an apology and everyone waves it off. They're very pragmatic these shape-shifters, it is what is. The question is though, what to do?

There's an element of 'do they need to do _anything_' but Arthur quashes that, explaining that they're blind now, with no idea what The Volturi know or are planning.

But there don't appear to be any options to correct that. Nor to find out definitively what happened to Arthur's Father or the Cullens. Everyone, even me, had to admit that going to Italy to try was suicidal.

Eventually we, yes they included me, decided that the best thing to do was talk the leaders of the other groups hidden away around the world and agree a new strategy with them. So far all they had been told was that Arthur's position with The Volturi was 'blown' and everyone should tighten up their security in case Caius sent someone to try and trace Arthur's movements the old fashioned way.

The summit broke up with Philip being despatched to finish getting their sophisticated communications equipment up and running.

And since he pronounced himself starving I went to the Cookhouse to rustle him up some dinner.

"Ah Bellski." He says, when I appear. "You are the Sheila of my dreams!"

"Jesus Philip, don't you start calling me that too."

"Sorry, Arthur's little quirks rub off after a while. Thanks for fetching me some grub."

"You're welcome. Um . . . ."

"What sort of shape-shifters come from Oz?" He asks with a crinkly smile.

"If it's not a rude question."

"The best ones naturally Bellski, though I'm not actually a shifter. My wife was."

"Oh, I'm sorry . . . ."

"Most of us have got a story to tell here love, don't be embarrassed, we'll tell you if we don't want to talk about it." He puts his plate down and leans back against the table. "Now me, I like a chance to talk about Mandy, helps keep her alive. I met her when I was serving with the UN in Bosnia. She was bear. A beautiful creature, really soft fur . . . . Oh, sorry. Anyway, we fell in love and got married, all the good stuff. But she didn't tell me what she was until she found out she was pregnant. Scared the shit out of me to be honest and the shape-shifter thing was a bit of a shocker too."

He laughs to himself, his eyes far away.

"Anyway, once we'd worked through _that_ we came here. We both wanted to start our family some place safe and I wasn't exactly a run of the mill soldier so we joined this group. Best decision we ever made. My little Fay, you'll meet her, she loves it here and she's safe. And I'm finally getting to fight for something that makes sense. If you can make sense of a world with shifters and vamps in it."

"I know that feeling." I sigh and he laughs.

"My Mandy, she died protecting us, died for something she believed in. I miss her everyday but I hold onto that, it helps."

I nod. I know what he means but I'm not sure I'll ever be where he is. I don't think I have it in me. And though I'm ashamed to think it, maybe he didn't love Mandy as much as I love Edward . . . .

...

The kids are very quiet as I make my way back to the hut on leaden feet, I guess Suki's spread the good news about school.

Maybe I'll make a deal with myself. During the day I'll survive, live, try to make my way forward in this new reality . And at night. At night I can wallow in what I've lost and nurture the hope that it's somehow only temporary, that someday I'll get it all back.

Yeah, it's not a great life plan. But it's a start . . . .


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 28 The Jungle Book**

**BPOV**

Time has passed alarmingly quickly and I've divided it neatly into three sections.

Life in the jungle.

Life without Edward.

And Arthur.

Or at least I've tried to, they keep bleeding into each other.

Suki has me teaching English Literature in the school for a few classes a week, the kids seem to enjoy it and I know I do. They're taught self control and responsibility at an early age, for obvious reasons, so they're fairly easy to teach for a novice and usually an actual pleasure to be around. That's not to say that they can't be naughty and I have repeatedly told Philip that his darling Fay is the ringleader, which he finds highly amusing.

I also persuaded Bashir to put me on the guard duty roster. That was after he introduced me to the "Aussie Specials", Philip's frankly amazing ballistic invention. He found a compound he could make shells out of that could slightly, briefly, pierce a vampire's skin and combined the casing with an incendiary charge. Or as Bashir put it. "What's that tickling sensation? BOOM!" The charge allegedly ignites the venom and effectively blows them to smithereens. He said they'd tested it and I did _not_ ask questions. Anyway, it requires a direct hit so after he'd assessed my Jasper trained skills he issued me with a clip and told me to hide them in my underwear draw. Which I will, if I ever own more than two pairs again.

It wasn't hard to start seeing vampires as an enemy that required such a weapon. The Cullens are nothing like the other vampires I now know about or have met. I still wake up quite regularly in a cold sweat with images of cloaked vampires dancing before my eyes and the sensation of cold skin on mine. Shape-shifters and vampires are, as Arthur puts it, natural enemies and the reason for all the security here is not just to keep the less than pleasant humans out, it's to keep nomadic vampires out too. Philip's wife Mandy was killed by a group of them. So was Suki's cousin, little Jia Li's parents, Bashir's brother, the list was quite long.

Not everyone here is here all the time if that makes sense. Like Arthur used to several of them divide their time between here and lives elsewhere. Thierry for example runs a successful business in Paris, some of the profits of which are used to help meet the group's expenses, and he's not the only one to do something similar. Suki's brothers in India send money regularly and some of the group, like Arthur are just rolling in it in their own right. It isn't cheap this life but we don't want for much in the grand scheme of things and slowly but surely since we arrived life's little luxuries, of the kind I saw in Libya, are making their way into our lives. The cookhouse now boasts a satellite TV hook up for heaven's sake and at any given time of the day or night you will find a large group of people in there, eating, drinking and watching the 'goggle box'. Including me. Its bitter sweet that TV and the news are so normal, when nothing else is.

I've tried my hand at pretty much everything since I've been here and I like sentry duty and cooking the best. I know why I like being a sentry, its useful and a legitimate excuse for solitude. I'm not sure about the cooking, maybe it's because it's the polar opposite of solitude since the cookhouse is the center of the camp in so many ways. Even though most of us can cook in our own accommodation we still come here at least once or twice a day. I'm not sure how any of this translates into the outside world the way Suki suggested, I'm still trying to work that out, though I suspect it's hard because I keep hoping that I won't need to.

Arthur and Philip have been able to ascertain through human intelligence channels that Charlie and Renee are safe and well and though they left it up to me, for the safety of everyone else, I decided not to contact them. Philip, god love him, brings me little updates from time to time. Charlie's back at work part time, desk duty only, and Renee and Phil are starting fertility treatment. Not sure what to make of that, I love Mom, but she's not made up of an awful lot of Mom material, if you know what I mean. But it helps to know that at least some of the people I care about are okay.

Have I daydreamt about taking an "Aussie Special" and rescuing the Cullens? Absolutely. Arthur and Philip even very kindly sat down with me one night over a bottle of scotch and helped me plan it. Didn't matter what we did, I still ended up dead which I had to admit defeated the object of the exercise. They even talked about adapting some of the plans they'd made to attack Volterra but it was easy to see why they'd never done it. Lots of vampires. Vampires with gifts. Volterra was chosen specifically for its value as a defensive position. Not every shape-shifter turns into something you'd consider an offensive weapon. It wouldn't exactly be stealthy and The Volturi _would_ kill any human who witnessed anything they shouldn't have done while the shape-shifters were being wiped out. And Suki had already explained to me about the power vacuum, The Volturi at least exerts some control over their kind, what would happen if they were suddenly wiped out? The shape-shifter's freedom shouldn't come at the expense of everybody else. And though I'm pretty sure Arthur and Philip weren't being serious about an assault it wasn't what I wanted either, I'd do anything for Edward but in the words of the song 'I won't do that'.

So slowly has come acceptance of Arthur's words, that if I want to see Edward and the Cullens again I'm going to have to survive and wait for them to rescue themselves. He doesn't seem to think that is an impossibility and so that's what I've been clinging to, that one day _he_ will find _me_. And that I'm not old and senile when he does. And I've had to wonder, what then? Keeping me human is no longer an option but what would we do, where would we go? We'd be on the run and hiding. Whatever happens now nothing is going to be like it was before, or I imagined it would be, and I'm finding that disturbingly upsetting. Of course I'll still take an eternity with Edward over anything else, but . . . .

The consensus of opinion when we contacted the other groups was that they needed a meeting to discuss what to do next. Arthur wasn't keen, not so soon, he wasn't convinced The Volturi wouldn't trace us from Libya. Eventually it was decided that we'd wait another month and then they'd come here. Arthur still wasn't convinced until Philip pointed out that The Volturi attacking _us_, out here, was a fight slightly more stacked in our favour.

I have been slowly but surely getting to know Arthur properly, learning to decipher all his faces. Or masks, to be more accurate. And I had the temerity to call Edward 'complex'. He's got nothing on Arthur. He's been showing so many different faces to the world for so long I don't think _he_ knows who he is anymore. And though I tried to hold onto my anger with him, I couldn't. And not just because I'm not naturally a grudge bearer. These people look to him for leadership and protection and it's hard to hate someone that takes that responsibility as seriously as he does. Though he ribs me mercilessly and I snipe back with increasing confidence he and I are, I think, becoming friends. It wasn't easy at first. I didn't trust him and I somehow felt that allowing myself to be comfortable with him was a traitorous act against the Cullens. Plus he went out of his way to make it as difficult as possible with his stupid comments, innuendo and plain old avoidance tactics. I'm not sure which of my 'needs' he was fulfilling by getting me to chase him halfway across our little part of Africa but in the end I ratted him out to Suki who threatened to arrange supervised 'play dates' if he didn't pull on his big boy panties and talk to me properly.

We talked about Edward and he really did try to understand why I loved him and was prepared to give up my life for him. But, and possibly because of the imprinting, he couldn't understand why Edward, if he loved me, wouldn't give me what I wanted and _needed_. He had me there. No Edward, no answers to impart. Other than the fact that he always said he didn't want to damn me to life as a monster, that he wanted me to have a happy, normal, human life. Arthur raised his eyebrow at that and pointedly surveyed the camp around us.

Arthur is trying to explain imprinting as he's experiencing it to me and I'm trying but failing to imagine that in terms of Edward and I, but nothing really fits. Arthur doesn't love me and I don't love him. He doesn't have the same desire to be around me that Edward always did and though he doesn't like me doing anything risky he won't stop me if that's what I want. And though he's often repeated that I have his puppet strings I'm pretty sure that doesn't mean he'll do whatever I tell him. He does however seem to have an uncanny ability to know what I need, whether its cup of Thierry's lethal coffee, space, a bottle of shampoo I recognise, or a stand up dress row to release the tension. He swears blind he's not even aware he's doing it.

The other thing he says is that he's always aware of me, he always knows where his steel cables are tethered to the earth and that the sensation is getting stronger over time. That now for example I wouldn't be able to give him the slip the way I did him and the Cullens in Seattle.

And that's all fine and dandy. But our biggest issue is the biological imperative. Apparently imprinting on me has rendered his libido, of which he was a very proud and regular indulger, immune to all stimuli but me. And I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he told me about his abortive attempts to self pleasure with the aid of one of Bashir's porn mags. That _has_ put a strain on our relationship, when we get those occasional 'heavy' moments between us, the ones where he looks like he wants to kiss me and I won't slap his face for a moment or two if he does. We both pull back, both of us aware that he needs something from me that I'm never going to give him. And I'm weirdly sorry for that, maybe, if it weren't for Edward . . . . not that I'd have any intention of becoming a brood mare for little shape-shifters but . . . . it's complicated . . . . he's a strong, worthy man, and fatally attractive to me in some strange way . . . . and that makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.

Which is what makes me think, that when the others come, I should leave with them. Not necessarily to join one of their groups, just to put some space between Arthur and I, so he can get on with what he needs to do and I can . . . .

He's neither pleased nor displeased by the idea, he says he wants me to do whatever _I_ need to do.

Suki thinks it's a good move however, especially now that Rasika has agreed to come with me. She _will _join another group but she wants to help me settle into something first and see a bit of the world herself.

And I can't help wondering about Alice, that maybe, if I'm away from Arthur and the shape-shifters she'll be able to see me again. Know where to find me . . . .


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 29 Meet and Greet**

**BPOV**

Our visitors are finally due to start arriving, which is just as well because excitement in the camp has reached fever pitch. Suki is giving the kids a day off school tomorrow to mark the occasion and half of them seem to have gathered under my guard tower to pepper me with questions. Where _are_ their parents . . . .

"No, I haven't met Oleg but apparently he's a very fine Russian Bear."

"I don't know Fay, you ask her."

"No, Charles, Bolivia is not a part of the Eastern Bloc, it's in South America."

"Yes, they have mountains in Nepal but I don't think Richard or Freda are goats, I think they work as climbing guides."

"I don't know Fay but it would be very rude to ask."

"This is not a WWE Smackdown Xavier, I doubt anyone will be fighting to prove which is the 'hardest' animal."

"For the love of . . . . get off the ladder, your Mother will kill me if you fall off."

"I have no idea what the mating rituals of jaguars are and you don't need one either, you're seven. Is it time for dinner yet?"

"Bella!" "_Bella_." "Bella!" "Bella." "Bell-ah . . . ."

Oh thank god . . . .

"Oi!" Arthur yells as he approaches. "Lasagne is ready and the footie is starting, you lot had better make tracks if you want any . . . ."

He stands still to let the wave of shrieking children break round him and then hops easily into the tower.

"Thanks." I murmur.

"Don't thank me Bellski, I may have embellished the truth and they _might_ come back . . . ."

I punch his arm and he laughs.

"You all set for tomorrow?" He asks.

"I'm going to sleep through most of it." I remind him.

"Oh yes, you managed to get Bashir to roster you on for tonight and tomorrow night, and the night after that . . . ."

"Don't start, it's just got nothing to do with me."

"No? Bellski you're all over the place. You admit that you appreciate that we don't exclude you from anything, you helped set this meeting up . . . ."

I shake my head.

"Don't deny it, your negotiation and organising skills were key, otherwise we'd be waiting till spring. And don't try to distract me. You want to be involved, you love it when you are, and then you exclude yourself deliberately. What's that about?"

I don't belong here. This isn't my problem. Edward . . . .

"Arthur . . . ."

He gently takes my shoulders and turns me to face him.

"Bella you can belong here whether you want to admit or not. These people are coming to love you as much as you won't admit you love them. And you have a vested interest in how this goes whether you want to or not because it affects us, me. Be a part of it or don't, but don't pretend it doesn't matter to you."

"I feel so guilty." I admit after a long pause.

"I know Bellski, I know." He sighs, pulling me in for a hug. "But you can't survive if you detach yourself from everything, I know, I tried. It's okay to be lucky enough to find another way you can be happy, why else do you think I would have _wanted_ to be around the people at the Foundation?

You're here now, with us and its okay not be miserable enough to cry yourself to sleep _every_ night."

I nod against his chest and then pull myself away from him, I'm on duty and I have a job to do.

"I'll send you up some lasagne before it's all gone." He says, launching himself over the railing with one hand.

...

One of the reasons I like sentry duty over night is because it sends me off into a deep and mostly dreamless sleep. Bone tired I collapse into my bed and drift away as I watch the sun rise. Arthur and I have an odd bed share in operation, as in we're never in it at the same time but we each make it up or change it ready for the other. I kind of like his scent on the bedclothes, it's not unpleasant but it so far removed from Edward's it doesn't give me any problems.

By the time I wake up nearly everyone has arrived. I know this because an extremely overexcited Rasika woke me up to tell me.

She also shoved me in the shower and made me 'breakfast'.

Then, because tonight is party night and all I own is a pair of capri pants and some badly fitting jeans, she wound me into one of her 'best' saris and fixed my hair.

"I'm supposed to be on duty." I object while all this is going on.

"No need." She laughs. "Antonio is a recovering alcoholic, he does _not_ want to attend any party Oleg has brought vodka to."

She tries to usher me out the door and I stop to retrieve my rifle, which makes her smile that special smile of hers.

She and I slide into the cookhouse and take station in one of the dark corners.

"So." She murmurs as we sip our drinks. "The giant bear of a man who looks and sounds like Brian Blessed is Oleg. I adore him but he has no middle gears if you know what I mean. His group are in Siberia, it's very cold, there is a lot of snow and they constantly have problems with Werewolves. The blonde beside him is Yulenka, his daughter, she is _very_ dedicated to the cause but inclined to be hot headed.

The tiny woman is Ataksak she heads the group in Nunavut, Northern Canada. She is very nice and very sensible but terribly quiet.

The little man standing with her is Uturuncu who heads the group in Bolivia. He makes Ataksak seem loquacious.

The two blondes talking to Arthur are Richard and Freda from Nepal, we should visit them on our travels, I would love to climb a Himalayan mountain.

My Father is talking to some of our supporters. The tall blonde woman is Candace from Greece, she is the oldest of us. Then there is Graham, the elderly gent, he is a financier in London and the dark haired man next to him is Klaus from Frankfurt, the two of them supply much of our funding, along with Malachi who hasn't arrived from New York yet. Neither has Morne from Johannesburg nor Naresh and his son Milan from Mumbai.

Philip is talking with Hong-li from Beijing and Thierry's Father Étienne, they were all soldiers once so tend to gravitate together. Thierry calls Étienne 'The General' but not to his face since he is a little scary."

I know the backgrounds on most of these people and have spoken to a lot of them to arrange their visits so it's nice to put names to faces. Especially Oleg's. And wow, I'm not convinced he _isn't_ Brian Blessed. He's about the same age as Charlie and pathologically incapable of sticking to the point, I know everything about him from the toe he broke as a little boy to the first time he 'banged' his wife. Our long conversations even got to the point where he offered to take me on as one of his mistresses and put me up in my very own Dacha. Philip thought it was hilarious and thanks to his big mouth so does everybody else.

...

I'm not sure what to make of the night as it rolls on. This is more like one of the infrequent college parties I attended than the prelude to a serious conversation about the future. Oleg has indeed brought 'much' vodka with him and everyone that's not on sentry duty is rapidly getting as drunk as a skunk. The music is loud enough to wake the dead, though not the children who have long since been sent to bed.

Rasika eventually leaves my boring ass to dance with the others and Arthur slides easily into her place.

"You okay?"

"Yes thanks, just treating the vodka with caution."

"Very wise. Why aren't you dancing?"

"Two left feet, clumsiest human known to mankind."

"I haven't seen any sign of that for a while." He chuckles. "You seem to have outgrown it. Come and dance with me? "

I haven't even finished shaking my head when Oleg's daughter descends on him, dragging him away.

"Come Arthur, dance with Yulenka."

"You want to watch that." Richard laughs, filling Arthur's vacated spot. "She's had an unrequited crush on him since she was six."

"So Oleg told me." I snicker, remembering his stories about her single minded determination in pursuit of their first kiss.

"Richard." He says as we shake hands. "And this is my lovely wife Freda."

"Hi." I murmur, shaking hers.

"Rasika says you're coming to climb with us?" Freda observes.

"She is." I laugh, shaking my head. "I'll be waiting for you when you get back."

"We'll see." Richard laughs as we turn our attention to the dance floor.

Yulenka is all over Arthur like a cheap suit and it isn't long before the three of us are laughing our heads off.

"You going to rescue him?" Freda asks, burying her smile in her vodka cocktail.

"In a minute, I'm not quite done enjoying the show yet."

"_Ooh_." Richard winces as Yulenka makes a less than playful grab for Arthur's man parts. "That's gotta smart."

"For god's sake Bella." Freda almost chokes, wiping her eyes. "She's going to unman him in a minute, help a brother out."

The look on Arthur's face is priceless.

"Excuse me." I snicker, taking my sari in hand and sashaying out onto the dance floor.

"Arthur!" I yell, ducking back to avoid Yulenka's wildly flying hair. "Can I borrow you for a moment?"

"Sure Bellski, sorry Yulenka, stuff to do . . . ."

I grab his hand and drag him back to the safety of Richard and Freda who are still howling with laughter.

"Fucker." He growls, punching Richard's bicep.

"Hey, we sent her out to rescue you man, don't go abusing me."

"Yeah, though you might as well yield Arthur." Freda sniggers. "She's gonna get you in the end."

"Please Freda, she's barely _eighteen_." Arthur shudders. "And sexually aggressive enough to be forty."

"I don't suppose he told you we went to school together?" Richard asks as he rubs his arm.

I shake my head.

"We'd spent years keeping secrets from each other and then our Dad's turned up to visit on the same day and we found out we were both shape-shifters."

"And that's when all the trouble started." Freda laughs.

"Hey." Arthur objects. "You husband was the one who got caught on camera and started the whole loose 'panther' scare."

"Panthers rock." Richard says, nodding his head sagely.

"No." Freda corrects, slapping his injured arm. "Snow leopards rock."

"This could go on for a while." Arthur drawls, snagging two vodka cocktails from the bar beside us and handing one to me. "Come on, I'll introduce you to everyone properly."

No one mentions the elephant in the room but it's obvious that the subtext in the introductions is 'this is Bella, my imprint, don't really need to tell you anything else' as everyone seems to know who I am, even the late arrivals.

They're all gracious and welcoming, despite the upheaval I've accidentally caused but as the party roars on my energy begins to flag and the desire to be safely tucked up in my bed and alone with my thoughts becomes irresistible.

Out of politeness I find Arthur to let him know I'm leaving.

"I'll walk back with you."

"I know the way."

"I need some fresh air."

"Okay."

The party noises recede behind us as we stroll through the camp.

"There are going to be some serious hangovers in the morning." I observe.

"Oh, Oleg has that affect on people, fortunately most of us will be able to shake it off fairly quickly."

"That must be nice." I sigh.

"There have to be some advantages to being the way we are." He says lightly. "Richard and Freda seemed to like you."

"They're nice."

"Yes they are, good friends to have in the outside world if you're really intent on leaving."

"Arthur . . . ."

"Its okay Bellski, we don't have to talk about it tonight."

"You know why I want to go."

"Yes I do." He sighs, stopping in his tracks.

"What?" I ask, stopping to and turning back to face him.

"I know why you're leaving." He says quietly, closing the gap between us and leaning into my personal space.

"This." He murmurs as his lips brush mine. "Is _really_ why you're leaving."

"Yes it is." I admit, backing up to give the alarming tingle on them a chance to dissipate. "Even without Edward _this_ wouldn't be something I'd be comfortable with, you know that."

"I'm sorry Bella." He sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's just . . . . I don't know . . . . I don't want you to leave just because of _that_."

"And kissing me is a good way to communicate that is it?" I ask.

"No. It's not. Your existence really fucks with my head Bellski, I'm sorry, ignore me and go to bed."

If I could ignore you Arthur I wouldn't be leaving, I manage _not_ to say as he turns away and heads back to the party.


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 30 Living Dangerously**

**BPOV**

I'm not sure if it's the gunfire that wakes me or Arthur's weight pinning me to the creaky floor of the house.

"What's happening?" I gasp, my heart threatening to leap out of my chest.

"Humans."

"What?"

"Chisolu must have sold us out."

"Go." I order.

"Will you be alright?"

"I'll be right behind you dumbass."

His eyes bore into mine and then he shakes his head as his weight lifts.

"Fine. The children will go to the school, they could use your sniping skill, just don't get shot Bella _please_."

"Not planning on it." I growl and he throws me a smile as he darts out the door.

Jesus, the noise is disorientating, but I grab my rifle and peek out into the darkness.

No sign of any movement.

I can't believe I'm doing this . . . .

Keep low I remind myself as I scurry across the compound to the school buildings.

"Bella?" A voice calls as I approach.

"Rasika?"

"Here."

I home in on her voice.

"Is everyone okay?" I ask as I squat down beside her.

"All present and accounted for." She says, nodding to the children gathered quietly behind her.

Jesus, I hadn't realised there were so many of them.

There are four of us adults here, with guns, one on each corner of the building. Though it isn't much of one, low walls with a thatched roof over the top . . . .

"What do we do?" I whisper.

"If it moves shoot it."

"Rasika, I'm a human, my eyesight isn't as good as yours."

"Sorry Bella." She giggles, checking her own assault weapon. "If it makes it this far in human form it is not friendly, shoot it. If it is an animal or bird, hold your fire."

"Oh god." I groan.

"Sithemba wena Bella." One of the children whispers behind me.

"We trust you Bella." Rasika translates.

"Oh god."

"Arthur says you are a good shot."

"Arthur is full of shit."

She laughs quietly and we hunker down to try and make sense of what's going on.

The muzzle flashes and gunfire are coming from all around us now, it's a bit like being in the eye of a storm since nothing is moving _here_.

"They are going to break through." She murmurs. "Be ready."

Oh god. Oh shit. Oh god. Oh shit . . . .

"There." Rasika breathes as a human shape emerges between the buildings in front of us.

"Wait." I whisper. No sense shooting him if we don't have to.

One of the children sneezes and he looks our way.

"Too late now." Rasika murmurs, squeezing off a shot.

She misses by a wide margin but he goes down anyway, flattening himself into the compacted dirt and opening up on where he thought the shot came from. Which is fortunately the cookhouse, god I hope no one is in there.

Without thinking I lift my own rifle and take a shot.

He stops firing.

But before I have time to consider what that means a new group of human shapes emerge through the gap behind him spraying the center of the compound with gunfire.

Shooting back is automatic though I've got no real grasp of what's happening.

The noise is deafening, the light in the darkness blinding, the smell acrid and the firelight erupting around the camp disorientating. The screams and shouts all around me are terrifying . . . . and my only conscious thought is the children.

"Get them into the hospital building." I yell at Rasika as she attempts to reload her rifle. "The walls are solid."

"But . . . ."

"Just go Rasika. Go!"

She spins away and I can vaguely hear the sounds of movement behind me as others join me at the wall to pin down the enemy.

"Bellski."

"Philip! What the fuck's happening?"

"Government troops, slightly better trained than your average marauder. Just keep shooting the fuckers 'cos they'll sure as shit shoot you!"

Noise, light, recoil, adrenaline, shouting, terror . . . .

Beside me Philip cries out, falling back.

"Shoulder." He groans as I scrabble back and wrap my arms under his shoulders.

"Leave me!" He shouts.

"I can't."

"Then at least get the fucking rifle!"

Oh.

I drop him unceremoniously and crab walk back for it as a human form rears up over the wall, preparing to fire. I scream but his chest explodes, splattering me with gore and he falls back with wide eyes.

Animal snarling and roaring is now mixed with the other chaotic noises as I wriggle back and hook my arms under Philip again. Jesus but he weighs a fucking ton . . . .

Suddenly arms warp around me, moving me deftly out of the way.

"I've got him." Nadir gasps. "Defend."

"Go Sheila." Philip groans. "We've got this. Don't let 'em anywhere near the hospital."

I scramble back to the low wall, suddenly alone with only the now blazing roof for company, but I know I'm still between the hospital, the children, and whatever's coming.

Not that I can work it out anymore. There are myriad shapes struggling against the backdrop of burning buildings.

Calm. Concentrate. You only need to worry about anyone trying to get past you . . . .

Another human rears up in front of me and I've just got time to register his green uniform and meaningless insignia before I pull the trigger. He keels over backwards with a plaintiff wail . . . .

Normal happy human life my ass, my fucking _terrified_ ass . . . .

And again, but his time my rifle clicks uselessly and he's on me, reaching down and producing a knife . . . .

Hand to hand combat? Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit . . . .

But I don't want to die . . . . I don't want to die . . . .

I scream as the knife grazes my side and lash out with the first thing that comes to hand, one of Suki's hefty text books.

There's a satisfying 'wumph' noise as his head recoils but it doesn't deter his assault, so I whack him again, with all the force I can muster. And again and again as fiery bits of roof start raining down on us.

His knife grazes me again but the written word and I aren't done.

The spine of the book catches him at just the right angle and he falls sideways.

And I grab the knife from his temporarily unresponsive hand, plunging into his heart without a second thought.

Warm blood oozes around my hand and wide vacant eyes stare across into mine . . . .

I'm sorry, I'm sorry . . . . but . . . .

More fiery debris rains down on me.

I don't want to die, I don't want to die . . . .

I crawl away, oblivious to the pain until a heavy boot comes down in the middle of my back and a gun cocks with a surprisingly loud click given the mayhem going on around us.

I still don't think I want to die so I roll over, with difficulty, to look up into the dark soulless eyes staring down at me.

And . . . .

Do you know what? Shoot me. You are in no way the scariest motherfucker I've ever seen. But I'm done. The kids are in the hospital wing, with Philip, and something big and hairy with teeth is going to eat you for breakfast. Shoot me and move on, nothing to see here. No loss to anyone . . . .

"American?" He asks.

"Not in any way that helps you."

"We rescue."

"By shooting at children? I don't fucking think so. Pull the other one. I won't be doing your cause any fucking favours by appearing on TV."

I bypass the end of his pistol to focus on his eyes as they narrow and his trigger finger tightens.

The animal sounds are way louder than the gunfire at this point.

We're winning.

And the written word makes one more appearance as I throw it in his expressionless face.

He lurches backward his shot going wide, and I lurch forward, the knife in my free hand surging upwards with my body

There's more warm blood, more wide eyes.

And I'm _done_, slumping back to the ground with my new dead friend resting, oozing and warm, on top of me . . . .

...

"Bellski. Come on sweetheart, wake up for me, there's a good girl."

"Wha . . . . where . . . ." I try to struggle up, a little wild, but firm hands push me back down.

"Careful Bella, steady, you're alright, you're safe. It's over."

I take a deep breath, instantly recognising the smell.

"Oh god blood!" Panic sets in. "Get it off me Arthur! Get if off me! I'm covered in it. I can't stand it. I can't stand it! Help me!"

My tirade continues as he lifts me easily off the bed, carrying me, kicking and incoherently protesting into the bathroom where he turns on the shower, wraps me in his big arms and stands us underneath.

"Shush. Shush. Bella, I'm going to wash your hair and clean you up. Just close your eyes and relax. That's right. Just relax."

"The smell, oh god Arthur, the smell."

"Its alright, your strawberry shampoo will soon get rid of that. Relax."

One arm stays banded around my waist and the other begins to massage my scalp while he talks nonsense to me . . . .

And gradually I start to calm down until I make the mistake of opening my eyes and looking down. I'm covered in blood, covered in it . . . . dark red smears of it bleeding out into rivulets of pink.

I start wriggling and squirming, desperate to be rid my clothes and he seems to understand, urging my arms up so he can lift my short off and then bending to help me out of my wet cloying jeans. I don't see what he does with them but immediately I start to feel better, relaxing back into his warm embrace under the steady stream of water.

I lose track of time as we stand there, images and memories I don't want to acknowledge threatening to breakthrough.

And though his warmth gradually seeps into me chasing away the chill I can't stop shaking.

Because I'm alive. Against all the odds I'm alive. Vibrating all over with it. Every nerve ending firing. Every endorphin and hormone rampaging.

I want to live. I don't want to die. Or live like I'm dead.

Being alive is a fucking miracle.

I twist in his arms, looking up into his dark hooded eyes.

"I thought I'd lost you." He groans, attempting to put some space between us.

"I'm still here." I whisper, reaching out for him.

"We can't, you don't, not like this . . . ." He swallows thickly, his Adam's apple bobbing.

And I kiss him.

And after a moment's hesitation he picks me up, pushing me against the wall, kissing me back with a matching desperation that _exactly_ meets my need to feel alive without thought.

My hands find their way inside his shirt, grasping and pulling him closer. There's no reluctance this time, still devouring me with his mouth and tongue he helps strip it away until we're pressed skin to skin.

I'm not sure what you call this, lust? My body is burning and I can't get enough of him, my hands are all over him and after a moment his hands slide down to my thighs, lifting them up and securing them over his hips. My head falls back as he attacks my neck with his mouth and presses himself into me, the buttons of his jeans creating the painful pleasure I'm seeking.

I rock back against him with what I hope will be my last moment of clarity.

Am I taking advantage of him, using him?

Yes.

But right now I need something only he can give me, I need to _feel_ and I need to not _think_ . . . .

He works his way back up to kiss me again, harder, our teeth clashing. And then he picks me up and carries me back into the bedroom, ripping away the soiled bed clothes, laying me on the mattress and then following me down to press me into it, hard, and I moan and thrust myself up into him.

"Bella." He groans, rolling himself into me in a thrilling echo of what I actually want him to be doing. "Please, don't let me, stop me . . . ."

In answer I slide my hand between us and into his sodden jeans, ghosting it over his warm wet tip so it can wrap around his cock.

"You want me." I growl into his mouth, nipping at his lip as I squeeze and tease.

"I've always wanted you." He hisses.

"Then have me." I command, twisting my head to use my teeth on his neck.

"This isn't what you want." He moans, pushing himself unconsciously into my hand. "It isn't an uncommon . . . . fuck . . . . reaction to a . . . . near death . . . . oh god, _Bella_ . . . . experience . . . ."

"Don't tell me what I do or don't want." I growl, using my teeth harder and then pressing my lips to the shell of his ear as my hand moves faster and tighter. "I'm _sick_ of it. I just killed three people, I'm not a fucking child that needs to be protected. Fuck me or don't fuck me Arthur, it's your decision."

"Your hand is on my dick." He observes in a low voice, thrusting into it now. "And I'm a man who wants _you_ with every fibre of his being, I hardly think that's _fair_ Bellski."

Momentarily stung I release him, watching as he gets to his feet and strips slowly out of the rest of his clothes, allowing myself to appreciate the view for once, but neither my ardour nor the fog in my mind is cooling with the distance between us, quite the opposite. I need his body to block out everything but the sensation of _life_ and I rub my thighs together, literally squirming with base desire.

"It takes two to tango Bellski." Arthur drawls as he comes back, spreading my legs to kneel between them on the bed. "You're a little over dressed for what you say you want."

Holding his eyes I remove my bra and wriggle out of my panties, lying back as his dark eyes travel all over me appreciatively. I should be embarrassed but I'm not. I want him to want me. I _need_ him to . . . . and I feel only a spike in those desires as he swirls an exploratory finger gently between my legs.

"I will fuck you Bellski." He promises in his sinfully deep seductive voice. "Because I _want_ to and I'm not your nicely behaved little dead boy, but I won't be the only one that regrets it in the morning."

I gasp and arch off the bed as his finger slides inside me.

"So this is your last chance to stop me." He goads as he slides in another.

"Oh god." I groan, clenching around them. "Please Arthur, I don't want to stop you, I _want_ you, I _need_ you . . . ."

His body covers mine immediately, his tongue plunging into my open mouth, his arms spreading and lifting my thighs. My back arches again and I gasp as he enters me, stretches me, fills me. This, _this_ is what I need.

And then it's his hand that's between us, stroking my clit lightly but maddeningly in time with his hard thrusts, his harsh hot breath on my neck . . . .

There is only warmth, desire and sensation, thrumming through my veins and nerves. No room for thought or anything else but this . . . .

I scream as I'm blown apart in his arms my body clenching around his until he follows me over the edge, his mouth once again covering mine as we eke out the last few moments of our world obliterating pleasure.

And as I lay spent in his arms I find that, so far, despite the silent tears scrolling down my cheeks, I regret nothing . . . .


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 31 Night Time Patrons of the Arts**

**EPOV**

The fight was brief and Jane's gift resulted in Esme, Carlisle and I being painfully and deliberately dismembered, our parts separated and returned to the dungeon. I would have gone irretrievably mad there and then, if I hadn't know from the minds around me that _he_ had taken Bella and vanished into thin air.

In the dungeon the rest of my family had already met the same fate, courtesy of Alec's ability to render them deaf and blind.

And there they left us, until we were weak with starvation, the only other way you can subdue a vampire.

Then I was slowly and painfully fused back together and taken upstairs to see Aro.

"Ready to talk?" He asks as I sway unsteadily before him in the Audience Chamber.

"I am talking to you, rather than Carlisle, because I already understand his motivations and priorities. And I am aware that your motivations will sway his. Hence I will deal with you first.

You love the members of your coven, your family. And you love the little human, am I correct?"

I nod, he's already _seen_ all this, and there is no merit in hiding it.

"I cannot trust you, or by extension them, not to do something extremely foolhardy as a result of all this 'love' in the air but I would not like to 'waste' such talented vampires. That would be criminally negligent of me. All of you are of use to me, gifted or not."

I wait, keeping me reactions to myself.

"So I ask myself Edward, what do I need to do to motivate your dedicated service to me?"

"You will not corrupt me." I growl feebly through my dried out vocal chords.

"I do like a challenge." Aro laughs. "But I am not currently seeking to do that. Your morals and beliefs are of no interest to me when your body and mind are serving mine. But, and this is the question of the day, how do I get you to do that?

Torture, imprisonment and hostage taking are all labour intensive and time consuming, I am hoping that your keen mind will allow us to reach a mutually satisfactory alternative without the need for it.

So what is that you want Edward, more than anything in this world?"

Bella. My mind screams, though my mouth stays closed.

"I could of course promise to find your little human and change her, I know how much you _really _want that. She would undoubtedly make a fine vampire, and of course an excellent hostage."

I refuse to allow myself to react. I have seen clearly in several minds that Demetri was sent after them but never returned. And that gives me hope, of a sort, Aro has no other tracker.

"But I am disinclined to change my mind. If only Carlisle hadn't used the word 'no' to me. So very silly of him when he already knows better."

Silence as I fight the desire of my knees to give out on me and pitch me forward at his feet. I will _not_ give him the satisfaction.

"So what do I need to do Edward, to motivate you and your coven to stay here and serve me?"

"Guarantee Bella's and the safety of my family_._"

"I believe I have alluded to my decision that Isabella's life is forfeit."

"If you want my cooperation then you will guarantee that no hard comes to her wherever she is and whatever she is doing. You and I are the only ones that ever need to know that, that's why we're alone, isn't it?"

He chuckles for a moment.

"Oh Edward, you have so much potential, I am giddy with the possibilities. But how am I to do that if I do not know where she is?"

"You won't let Caius go looking for her, or him."

"That could be tricky, my Brother is _very_ annoyed that his puppet has cut the strings. I had thought he would keep the Father for a little longer just in case, but no, off with his head, within minutes. My Brother does so _loathe_ to be crossed."

"Then kill me now Aro because I won't serve you any other way."

"You are a very stubborn young man. As discussed I have other methods for ensuring compliance. What of your sister, The Seer. Like all of you her weak point is love."

"Love is not always a weakness Aro. She won't serve you any other way either."

"Not even if I threaten her mate?"

"Not even if you threaten her mate. You've seen it in her mind Aro. You know what's going to happen, you'll end up killing us all and have nothing. We both know that isn't what you want. Bella is nothing to you and nobody is going to believe her if she starts telling tales about vampires, which she won't. This is an easy trade, you get everything you want and you give up nothing tangible in return."

"And you speak for your entire coven in this?"

"I do."

"I will consider your words."

"Thank you." I croak.

...

I released and re-fused my equally weak family, no one stopped me.

Though we couldn't talk much their thoughts remained predictable.

Carlisle blames himself for this whole mess, for not insisting that we left Forks as soon as it became clear I was forming an attachment to Bella. For not subsequently insisting I change her, for everyone's safety, for attracting Aro's ire.

Esme is just overwhelmed with worry and sorrow, for all of us.

Em is a ball of unfocussed anger.

Rosalie's anger is very focussed. On me. On my weakness. My indecision. My every flawed action and word.

Jasper is harder to read. He is struggling with everyone else's emotions here, including the less than peaceful emotions of the other occupants of Volterra. He has also not dealt very well with being dismembered and will have to be watched closely. His anger is the one least likely to be contained. In fact, if he weren't so weak I think he would already have vented some of it on me.

Alice is the least affected, focussed as she always is on searching the streams of the future and taking care of her husband.

I am back in her visions. Bella appears not to be. I wish Alice would look harder for her but I understand that her current focus is on what will happen to _us_. The future I saw before, where Aro ends up killing us all is still there and she is working hard to find a way out of it. One thing is clear though, for the time being resistance is futile.

...

Used to spending our time with humans it drags slowly here and Aro leaves us to suffer our painful thirst for another eleven days before summoning Carlisle and I back to the Audience Chamber.

"I have considered young Edward's words Carlisle, are you willing to support his offer?"

"Yes Aro. For _all _of my family." My Father grinds out painfully.

"Then let us end this unpleasantness and shake hands like the friends and family we will become."

Carlisle and I approach and allow Aro to read us.

I already know he has manipulated Caius into worrying about something other than Bella and the shape-shifter for a while, he is clearly broadcasting the conversation to me. Caius has sent his spies off to look for suspicious werewolf behaviour in Siberia based on a piece of information Aro has been saving for just such a distraction.

Apparently satisfied by our thoughts, and a little amused, he releases us and returns to his throne.

"Cheer up dear friends." He exhorts. "It need not be this way forever, we are always grateful for the service given to us, Eleazar is fine example of this, is he not? Now! You will need to feed. Fortunately, as Carlisle is aware, we maintain many legitimate ventures in the area, one of which is a farm. I trust cattle will meet your current requirements? Your new comrades in the Guard will escort you in small groups and I will see you shortly."

Dismissed we shuffle back to the dungeon where Esme and Rosalie are taken away to feed first.

And once we have all fed so begins our induction into The Volturi.

...

Not everything here is bad we are coming to reluctantly admit.

The Brothers take their self appointed role as guardians of all things vampire very seriously and though their methods do not always sit well with us The Volturi as a whole are a surprisingly well read and well rounded group.

Emmett, Jasper and strangely, Rosalie, have embraced becoming part of the Guard and Caius is particularly enamoured of Jasper's strategic military abilities. Felix more so of Em's brute strength, the two of them make quite the pair schooling the other Guard in hand to hand combat.

Aro has set Carlisle to a task he loves, research in Volterra's extensive archives. I have helped him once or twice, the material is fascinating, but it is Esme that is his research assistant of choice.

And that just leaves Alice and me, the ones Aro coveted most but seems disinclined to put to use.

The months are passing very slowly for us and Alice is becoming increasingly withdrawn as she searches for an end to our time here. From time she flashes on something that we decide it is safe to inform Aro of and it seems to have become my job to communicate with him. He is always polite and solicitous, sometimes even expressing his gratitude but his thoughts are curiously devoid of any hints to what our futures might hold.

And there is still no sign of Bella.

But eventually I am going to need to know that she is alive and well, living the happy human life I envisaged for her. I _have_ to know that all this pain and suffering haven't been for nothing.

I picture her sometimes, just as she was when I first met her, which I know is ridiculous. Going through college. Getting that job she really wanted. Being successful. Meeting a good man, falling in love, having children, grandchildren. I see her soft smile, her mischievous smile, the little 'v' between her eyes when they flash with anger. And my heart twists in my chest because surely it's too late for all that now, I stole it so painfully slowly away from her, a day at a time from the moment we met. And I left her with nothing, she can't even go home to start again . . . .

If she is even alive.

I have diligently searched every head here, but not even those who had the most contact with the shape-shifter have any idea why he would have taken her. So when I do go to the Archives it is information about _them_ that I search for.

...

Finally things are beginning to change, all of us now have been given our opportunities to do more than visit the farm outside the Castle although Caius is still very cautious to ensure that some of us always remain behind.

Jasper and Emmett were allowed to accompany Felix on a mission to South America to search for a coven that were allegedly turning and failing to properly train a large number of newborns. Being able to feed on something other than domestic animals was a form of release all of its own they claimed, never mind being able to run, really run, for the first time in many months.

Aro has also started summoning Alice to the Audience Chamber regularly, holding her hand through every meeting, which she admits is creepy. He has also begun sending her with others on short missions to large cities, where she can shop. He knows his 'family' well.

Not all trips away from Volterra are about punishment and the removal of threats. Although they don't visit what Aro still calls 'the new world' very often the rest of the vampire world especially in Europe, Africa and Asia are the frequent recipients of what I can only describe as diplomatic missions and these soon seem to become where he sees me adding the most value. Not only am I, as a vegetarian, inherently less threatening than the Guard, but my ability to hear what they are actually thinking is a distinct long term tactical advantage.

...

Moscow. Sydney. Cape Town. Bucharest. Reykjavik. Shanghai. Beijing. Bangkok. Lhasa. Kathmandu. Our travel itinerary for the next few months is something I can, in a way, look forward to.

I have considered, since I can't be supervised every second of every day, taking the chance to search for Bella. But I can't risk Aro seeing any information I uncover in my mind. Not yet anyway. And so I will have to wait, and hope.


	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 32 Shadow Puppets**

**EPOV**

We visited Moscow and Bucharest first. I have visited Russia before with the Denalis, but a lot has changed since the fall of Communism. I have never been to Romania before and having met the Romanian Coven, Stefan and Vladimir, former rulers of all vampires, I am disinclined to go back. I dislike The Volturi, but _their_ thoughts, their treatment of vampires and humans. Just, no. Aro will be fascinated by what is in their heads, though he is unlikely to feel threatened by it, I believe their time has passed.

After a brief return to Volterra, where nothing had changed, we flew to South Africa and then onto Sydney via Dubai. All places I had never been. They say that travel broadens the mind, in my case it simply gave it something else to focus on for a while. The South African vampires were respectful of our place with The Volturi, the Australians, not so much. Hardly surprising since The Volturi's only two visits here so far were more demonstrations of force than diplomatic overtures. Jane and her twin Alec will find no friends here. And Aro's desire for my service, and Alice's, is beginning to make sense. His style of rule will need to change if it is to be successful in the modern world.

From Sydney we flew to Singapore. And then onto Beijing.

As I suspected Felix was gradually relaxing his control over me as it became more and more obvious that I would do nothing to endanger my family. And when we returned to Volterra for the second time I was even allowed to visit the farm alone.

Alice seems better now that she has more do, somewhat purposeful in fact. And I admire that all the family are finding ways to make this situation work. The jury is still out on me. I love each and every one of them but, without Bella I am easily slipping back into my old role of being the 'outsider' in our family. She gave me 'warmth' and a sticking point . . . . and I'm saddened that it is now leaking slowly away . . . . to be alone among people that love you is harder the second time around . . . .

Though I am unlikely to meet the Dali Lama, considering he is in exile, I am still intellectually excited by the idea of Tibet and Felix is amused by the sudden burst of animation in his 'little' TV Vampire. Though he isn't fooling me, he is looking forward to being a vampire at large on the world's greatest mountain range too, we won't be flying to Nepal, we'll be crossing the roof of the world on foot in a way no one else can . . . .

...

Lhasa was everything I imagined, even if the Chinese presence there did remind me a little of The Volturi.

Felix and the others hunted as we crossed Tibet but I was saving myself for Nepal and the carnivore I hoped awaited me. As a family we are cautious about hunting endangered species, but surely one Bengal Tiger, if I can find one, is allowed?

If not any of their carnivores will work for me. I am sick of domestic animals and I will never be attempting Kangaroo again, though it was fun to chase . . . .

...

The Himalayas were majestic, we ran the length and breadth of them, all us somewhat awed.

And then we reached Nepal.

There are a surprising number of animal scents here and Felix releases me to indulge my own desires while he and the others slake their myriad ones on the thriving tourist traps.

I take my time, determined, _desperate_, to enjoy the experience. To store the memory to be savoured later.

And for once fate and patience are on my side as I home in on the carnivore I am hoping for . . . . male tiger . . . . strong and healthy . . . . I shouldn't hunt it . . . . but it's been so long . . . . and at least it isn't a human . . . .

Closing my eyes I savour the aroma, pulling it deep into my nose and mouth before reluctantly releasing it with a quiet moan.

Oh yes . . . .

There is a difference between running and hunting.

Running is joyful, hunting is something else entirely, every sense alive and focussed entirely on one thing . . . . blood . . . .

I'm fast and I'm silent, my prey doesn't know I'm coming yet, but he will, when I want him too . . . .

It takes a lot to break even the oldest of vampires out of a hunt.

Or in this case just the faintest hint of freesia.

I skid to a stop, disinclined to trust my infallible senses under the circumstance. I've conjured that scent so many times . . . .

Bella?

It is her, her scent as clean and clear as the last time I savoured it.

My higher brain functions are screaming for my attention but my hunt is now focussed on something other than blood.

So fresh, so tantalisingly fresh, she _must_ be here, no matter how unlikely . . . . and I have to find her . . . .

The sight of a vast encampment at the foot of the mountain brings me crashing to a stop again, this time on a rocky promontory.

Shape-shifters, over a hundred of them, and humans.

What?

Implications run through my mind until a soft sound behind me refocuses my rampaging senses.

My dinner appears to be stalking _me_ and I spin around, ready to repel its advances. But the lambent silver eyes of the _huge_ tiger bore into me and before my eyes it morphs into _him_.

I hiss, dropping into a defensive crouch instinctively.

"What are you doing here, dead boy?" He drawls, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Where is she?" I demand.

"She's around."

"Is she . . . ."

"Is she safe?" He asks with a lifted eyebrow.

I nod, rising out of my crouch, I don't want to provoke him until I have my answers.

"She was. The jury is now out on that one. You'd better explain yourself."

"I don't have to explain anything to you." I growl, instantly angry. He may have saved her life but he put it in danger in the first place, and she is _mine_, he won't keep me from her now I have found her.

"Oh I think you do." He says quietly, unimpressed with my show of bravado. "The last time I saw you Jane was having her wicked way with you and yet here you are, running around the 'Roof of the World' like you own the place."

I force myself to relax, taking deep calming _unnecessary_ breaths that help to restore my sanity, my focus . . . . _shit_!

Aro might ignore my finding Bella but he isn't going to ignore this, I glance back at the camp, stupid, _stupid_ . . . . what a time, the worst time, not to over think . . . .

"Since that cat has got your tongue I'll précis what we know, shall I?" He offers with wry amusement. "I betrayed your family. Then I stole your girlfriend, saving her life in the process, something you _couldn't_ do. You don't like me and I don't give a _fuck_ about you. Caius has killed my father and Aro has struck a deal with you, probably via similar threats, for _your_ service and that of your entire family.

Demetri is dead, I killed him.

Bella is alive and well and living in Nepal with a group of shape-shifters that includes _many_ innocent children.

Aro is going to see that in your mind when you go back, whether you're inclined to tell him or not, and he will unleash Caius on the have people I have spent my life trying to protect.

You tell me what I've missed."

"My family . . . ."

"Have already enjoyed more than their allotted time span. Don't appeal to my better nature dead boy, I haven't had one since before you shat your first pair of velvet knickerbockers."

Silence.

Time to mentally regroup. It is hard though, Bella's proximity is pulling at me like a lodestone, I've already picked her familiar heartbeat out of the throng behind me. If I could only see her, talk to her, hold her, tell her I love her.

I still can't read his mind but many things are obvious now. What he was hiding. Why he followed his Father into the service of The Volturi. Caius's memory of him rebelling makes sense now, his decision to imprison _his_ Father. But nothing, nothing, in that reality makes sense of his destroying it all to save Bella. There is no way that could have been to his benefit . . . .

"Painful, isn't it?" He laughs dryly as I pinch my nose in frustration. "Trying to work out all the angles, what's the best thing for everybody? Realising that you might have to pick something to sacrifice. Will you choose your family over the children? Or Bella over everything? Or will you prevaricate until it's too late and the decision is taken out of your hands?"

Alice, I need her right now . . . .

"And let's not forget that Aro is going to know everything you now think _you_ do."

"Shit!" I groan.

"Shit is right dead boy." He observes. "And you are right up to your neck in it."

"At least let me see her."

"Before I kill you?"

I nod, it's not hard to calculate that disposing of me is _his_ best option. And really, if he leaves my ashes for Felix and the others to find then it's possible that my family won't be punished.

He shakes his head and I tense, that is something I am prepared to fight for at this point, I have to know that she's okay. She has to know that she has access to money and documents that can help her . . . . and there are so many things I never told her . . . . so many things I have to apologise for . . . .

"You underestimate her Edward, you always have. She's more than capable of seeing the big picture here. You think she is going to let me walk you out of her life again on some trumped up excuse that Aro will find out we were here a long time after we've left? Once he knows how many of us there actually are he isn't going to let it go. He might not have Demetri anymore but the world is still an increasingly small space, he'll find us if he's motivated enough. Do you want Bella to have to choose between you and the children? Or you over your family?"

"You bastard." I groan. I don't. That's not what I want for her at all. Nothing like I ever wanted. She should never see this side of life, should never be exposed to it.

He waits while I break down, apparently as confident as the day is long.

I have to make a choice. And I choose _her_. I love my family, but if he kills me, there's a chance, maybe the best chance for them . . . .

I brace myself. I don't know if he _can_ kill me. Or if I'll let him. I don't know anything all of a sudden. Except that this is the end of my season in hell and something is about to change.

But he just laughs, disdainfully.

"You might be happy to make her decisions for her dead boy but I'm not."

"You'd subject her to _that_?" I gasp.

"To life?" He shrugs. "Yes I would. She'll either deal with it or she won't. That's how it works."

And now I'm ready to kill _him_, the callous, _uncaring_ . . . .

But her scent billows suddenly around me, trapping me in place.

"Arthur?" She calls, as she approaches.

"Here Bellski." He replies, damning me, her. "Your dead boy's found you. Isn't that nice?"

"What?" She snarls, breaking through the trees.

And suddenly what I _know_ plummets to zero.

"Edward?" She gasps softly, lowering the pointless weapon that was aimed directly at my heart.


	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 33 In The Forest**

**EPOV**

It is her. But. The softness has gone from her eyes and her face. Even her body has changed, the soft rounded curves giving way to long though elegant muscles.

The image of the girl I've been carrying around in my head . . . . she's gone . . . . no matter that she'd been slipping away slowly over the years before any of this happened . . . . I can't . . . . I did this . . . . and _he_ did this . . . .

My eyes snap to his but like his mind they give absolutely nothing away.

Instead they turn to hers and I _hate_ the silent communication that passes between them before he shifts easily into a tiger and lopes away.

And then everything is as it was as I rush to her and fold her in my arms, the sigh that escapes me heartfelt as she relaxes into me, wrapping her arms around my waist and breathing me in.

"_Edward_." She chokes, hot tears soaking my shirt. "Edward you're alive."

"Oh Bella . . . ." There aren't words and my desire to see her, hold her again, it wasn't enough, it will never be enough . . . . if I could cry from the happiness . . . . and the pain . . . .

"Love, oh love, I'm so sorry, so very sorry . . . ."

"Alice . . . . the others . . . . are they . . . ."

"They're fine Bella, they're all fine. And you're alive and you're well and . . . ." I hug her tighter.

Careful, I remind myself as her bones creak slightly, careful. I'm long passed being tempted by her blood, but it's been a long time and I haven't hunted so when I finally have to push her away to draw some clean air into my lungs. It feels like I'm tearing myself in two . . . .

And as we look at each other I find my tongue tied. I don't know what to say to her. I know what I need to tell her but that _isn't _the same thing . . . . and I have so many questions . . . .

"What happened to you?" I manage eventually.

"He grabbed me and we ran." She says quietly, tightening her hold on me and resting her face over my heart, where it's spent so much time. "We travelled south through Africa, that's where Demetri found us."

She shudders.

"We moved many times and when no one else followed us we came here, to Nepal, to join the others."

"Bella, I can't read your mind, you have to tell me everything." I remind her gently.

"That is everything Edward, we moved around, a couple of times we had to fight for our lives. But we made it, we survived and we're here now. You don't want to know the details, trust me."

"You're carrying a gun." Is all I can manage.

"Oh sorry." She says, pulling away from me to lay it carefully on the ground. "It kind of goes with the territory."

"Bella . . . ." My heart twists in my chest.

"It's okay Edward. I'm okay. None of it matters. Against all odds we're alive, _that's_ all that matters."

We study each other awkwardly. There are secrets between us all of a sudden, and it's _killing_ me.

"What happened to you after we left?" She asks, settling herself onto a rock, patting the spot beside her which I occupy in a flash, taking her hand.

"We came to an agreement with Aro, we had to. He treats us pretty well but our safety, yours, those are dependent on our service."

"Arthur said that's what would probably happen. I'm so sorry Edward."

"Bella, why did he take you?"

She blows out a breath and turns my hand over in both of hers, inspecting it carefully, tracing the lifeline across my palm which she always said told beautiful lies.

"He imprinted on me."

What? No. He can't have. Why? Is that why, did he . . . . I read about it in Volterra . . . .

There are so many ways I could deal with this, ask questions, but what comes out of my mouth has only the white hot lava of jealousy behind it.

"Is that why you're pregnant?"

"What?" She gasps, yanking herself away from me to get to her feet.

She moves faster than she used to, with more surety.

"I can't be, that's not possible." She whispers, wrapping her arms around her middle, the way she always does when I cause her pain.

"I can smell it." I inform her harshly, despising myself for the words but unable to stop them.

She backs away from me, her eyes wide, and I hate myself a little more. I am a monster. But I don't know how to apologise . . . . I _really_ don't know anything anymore . . . .

"I can't be." She repeats, turning in on herself, escaping me . . . .

"So you haven't slept with him?" I snap, desperate to use any method to have her back with me.

"I . . . . oh god . . . . Edward." She slides to her knees, still holding herself together and I'm beside her in an instant.

I love her, that is my defining element and so I wrap my arms around her again, needing to comfort her.

"Edward." She sobs, not relaxing into me this time. "I'm so sorry . . . . it's been so long . . . . and he's a good man . . . . he loves me . . . . and I needed to live . . . . and it's complicated . . . . but I can't be pregnant, I can't be . . . ."

I stifle my groan and close my eyes. Whether he loves her or not he's obviously taking care of her, she is alive and well, and she doesn't seem afraid of him . . . . and I don't know what to do . . . . what I can do . . . . I wanted this for her, but not like this, and not with him. There is no normal, no human, no happiness here . . . .

We kneel there for an age. Together but not. While she cries and I wish I still could.

"I'm so sorry Edward." She says eventually, finally collapsing into my arms in a sodden heap, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. "I love you and I always will. But you have to go."

"_Love_, I can't . . . . " How could I? There's so much I don't know about what's between them, what life is like for her here. How can I just leave her?

"Edward, he'll kill you, as soon as you try and leave here. He won't see he has a choice. These people, they're everything to him, they always have been and he will do anything to protect them. You have to leave and you have to leave now, run as fast and as far as you can. For your sake, my sake and the family."

"It's too late for that Bella. As soon as I go back to Volterra Aro will see this, us, in my mind and he'll know. He won't rest, Caius won't rest, until they're all destroyed, the children too. And if you're with them, now . . . . Bella . . . . there's no point to my life if you're not safe and well."

"There's no point to my life if you're not safe and well either Edward. You never got that but it's always been true nevertheless. I can't let him kill you, not even to save the lives of these people, who _are_ my family now Edward. They've protected me, clothed me, fed me, welcomed me into their lives. But I can't let you die for them. We won't be here when Aro comes and it won't be that easy for him to find us without Demetri.

Arthur won't take that risk but I _will _Edward, that's my choice. For you, for Alice, for Em-Emmett . . . . the others. You have to go and you have to go _now_ before he comes back. You have to try Edward, for me!"

"Come with me." I decide quickly. "I have to go back but there's time, I can get you far enough away from here tonight. We have money, and fake IDs already set up for you, just in case. All you need are the contact details . . . ."

"No! Edward, you're not listening. There's still a chance you can get out of this but if you try to take me Arthur _will_ kill you. I need you to live Edward, that's all I need. I can cope with everything else."

"_Bella_ . . . ." Her desperation, her certainty, they're seeping into me with her scent and her warmth.

"Go now Edward _please_. I'll be fine, he won't hurt me, he can't, and we'll be long gone when they come."

"I can't . . . ."

She twists in my arms, fastening her lips to mine and I can't resist, I kiss her back with everything I can risk giving her . . . . fighting . . . . as I always have, my desire to sink my teeth into her and make her mine forever . . . . I can't . . . . couldn't . . . . and not now . . . . for so many reasons.

So soft and warm, so perfect. Isabella Swan, my one, my _only_ love.

So much has changed but I still don't want her heart to be breaking the way mine is. For once, finally, I will do _anything_ she wants me to do . . . .

And she wants me to go.

I force my mouth away from hers so she can breathe and it hurts, deep in my chest.

"I love you Edward." She gasps against my neck, fighting for breath. "But I need you to go now, before it's too late, if we live there's always a chance."

I snap to my feet, her tear filled brown eyes stabbing at me once again as she gazes upward.

"Give my love to Alice, Es-Esme, shit Edward, give my love to them all . . . . tell Emmett he was always my big . . . . brother . . . . but fucking go . . . . while you still can . . . ."

The air is thick with the scent of tiger, more than one, as I take to my heels. Running with all the strength in my legs, fuelled by all the pain my heart and Bella's desire for me to take a chance for us to live.

Her sobs, real or imagined, take a long time to fade from my ears.

Though the memory never will . . . .


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 34 Woman in Chains**

**BPOV**

I slump onto the cold hard ground as Edward blurs away, wiping the fat tears from my cheeks.

After what seems an age the tiger returns, rubbing its huge body against me as it pads in circles, butting me with its giant head. Eventually I rear up up to wrap my arms round its neck, seeking comfort, and it morphs into Arthur. Who hugs me back tightly, tucking my head into the crook of his neck.

"He's gone." He murmurs. "Rasika and Suki are going to chase him all the way back to Felix and the Guard so he doesn't get a chance to change his mind and double back. Richard is making sure they only have one direction to escape in after that."

"I hated lying to him."

"You didn't lie to him Bellski." He murmurs. "You told him what he had to hear to do what we needed, and hopefully enough to save his life, all their lives, too."

"I've hurt him. And I did lie. I had to."

"I'm sorry."

"What if I never get to see him again Arthur? There's so much that still needs to be said, what if this doesn't work? He wanted me to leave with him, get away before anything bad happens."

"I can understand that. I want exactly the same thing."

I sniff, snuggling into his warmth, using it to calm me. I am nothing if not a stubborn woman, we both know this.

"I can make a difference here."

"Yes you can." He sighs. "But I wish you wouldn't try."

I won't tell him that Edward thinks I'm pregnant. He's got enough on his plate without dealing with that too, especially since it will change nothing of what's about to happen, its already too late for that. But, assuming we're both alive when this is all over, he's going to pitch the mother of all fits.

But, my poor Edward . . . .

More big fat tears roll down my cheeks and Arthur, who understands me perfectly, picks me up bridal style and carries me slowly back to our chalet.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asks quietly as he lays me down on the bed.

I shake my head. He doesn't need to see this. I hurt him enough already.

"I'll be around here, somewhere, if you need me." He sighs, kissing my forehead.

"I'm sorry." I whimper, just about keeping it all in.

"You don't have to be Bella." He says gently as he hovers in the doorway. "None of this is your fault. You're dealing with it as best you can. I . . . . I'll see you when you're ready."

I nod and the door closes quietly behind him.

I hope this room is strong enough to contain all the pieces because I'm going to come apart . . . .

I can smell him on my shirt . . . . Edward . . . . oh god Edward . . . . I love you so much . . . . and I'm sorry . . . . for everything . . . .

...

It's Freda that brings me the news, finding me flat on the bed staring at the ceiling, my tears long since dried to crusty scabs.

They're on their way back to Volterra, alive and well.

The last thing I want to do now is get up and function like a normal person but I have to.

There has to a point to all this pain.

I have to try . . . .

Richard's spies informed us when The Volturi landed in Lhasa and we started planning. When we found out Edward was among them we adapted those plans accordingly.

We need him to let Aro know what he found.

And I need Aro to see that he shouldn't be punished for it.

Maybe I should be amused at how our roles have reversed now. But I can't be. Instead I only realise the breathtaking depth of what he tried to do for me after my eighteenth birthday.

And how much it must have fucking hurt him to try . . . .

Arthur is used to playing a part, this was easy for him. For me though . . . . Edward can't read my mind but he can read _me_, like a book, so the trick with him is not to give him time to think, but it wasn't easy. Not when I was suddenly hurting him more than I thought I would have to . . . .

If this works, then one day, maybe, I'll get to explain myself to him.

And he must be mistaken.

Arthur and I, it was only supposed to happen once.

We fled our camp after the attack. Many of our group splitting up to hide amongst the humans, those from other places returning home by stealthy means. The rest of us came here, to Nepal, with Richard and Freda. Suki, Rasika, Philip with Fay and little Jai Li. Bashir.

But I turned out to be weak and in need of him in some strange way. The second time he used a condom. And the third.

It's very different here to Africa. This is a commercial enterprise with a prolific throughput of climbing and hiking guests and what we're really about is well hidden, there is no strolling about here with a rifle slung over your shoulder, at least not while the 'guests' are awake.

And I kind of like it, the best of both worlds, I'm even learning some new languages. At least the basics. Good morning. Good night. How may I help you? Oh dear, let me fetch Freda, or Richard. What would you like to eat, please point to it on the menu, I'm afraid I only speak English. And other such basic gems. Though I can curse up a storm in German, they seem to like to teach you that for some reason . . . . odd people who like to get naked a lot . . . . I'd be freaked out if I hadn't spent so much time around shape-shifters, who get through clothes like they're going out of fashion.

By the fourth time I had to admit that there was more to 'us' than a simple 'whoopee we're alive lets fuck' phenomenon.

So we talked, and I went on the pill, there's a clinic near here, we're not the only tourist camp in the area. I cried for a week. Wracked with guilt. And he held me while I did. Making sure I understood that he supported me, that I could do whatever I wanted and he wouldn't judge me, that he never _ever_ wanted to trap me. Making sure I understood that he wanted me for more than my than my brood mare potential.

And so I've been on contraception for over _six_ months.

I can't be pregnant.

That would be a cruel twist of fate heaped on an injustice. Especially now.

Arthur loves me. He's not allowed to tell me and he's not allowed to show me because I can't deal with it.

I am the _worst_ fucking person in the whole wide world.

...

By the time I make it outside the last of our guests are leaving. We've cancelled the next lot, probably destroying the business forever but some things are more important. The children won't be far behind them on the way to the airport, and Oleg and the others should be arriving in the next few hours.

We don't know how long we'll have to wait. But we'll be ready.

I've loved it here.

I lived. Mountain climbing, base jumping. I taught English at the local school and somehow became the Chief Instructor for White Water Rafting. And then there was Arthur.

And now, for better or worse, it's coming to an end . . . .

I've done the best I can for Edward. And the family.

Now I have to do what's best for everyone else. These people, my friends, they deserve not to live their lives in fear, slowly being picked off by random vampires, The Volturi and the human monsters I barely knew existed before.

And if I can't . . . . we can't . . . . if it all goes wrong . . . . then everyone's going to die.

"Oof." I huff, bending over and wrapping my arms around myself.

"You okay?" Arthur asks, appearing out of nowhere.

"I feel sick."

"Here, sit."

He guides me to a bench.

"What if I can't do it?" I whimper, my head between my knees as I stare at the compacted dirt.

"Sithemba wena Bella." He chuckles. "And if not? Philip is right, there will still be too many of us, this doesn't sit on your shoulders."

"Arthur . . . ."

"Bella, you are the strongest person I know, we've been through all this. Have a little faith in yourself. Now buck up, Jai Li isn't going to leave without a Bellski hug."

...

The children leaving made me cry.

The others arriving safely made me cry.

Edward, Arthur, maybe being pregnant.

It all made me cry.

But it's bloody difficult to shoot straight with tears in your eyes.

So I had to woman up and stop.

Put it all aside for the greater good.

I don't know what's going to happen if we survive this.

But if we don't survive then nothing good _can_ come of it . . . .

...

"Make love to me Arthur." I whisper as we come together in the velvet dark of the night.

"Bella." He groans, covering my face with gentle kisses.

"You can't tell me, I'm not ready, but I need you to show me. _Please_."

"Oh _Bella_. I can show you . . . ."

His mouth slants down over mine, kissing me deeply but gently. His hands roving equally gently over my body, caressing all the parts that he can make sing . . . . my arms, the backs of my thighs, the small of my back . . . . the back of my neck . . . . my scalp . . . . my face . . . .

And I do sing, humming into his mouth, helping him strip us out of our clothes, pulling him onto the bed with me, wrapping my arms and legs around him.

Moaning as I welcome him into my body and as he twists and writhes against me.

Making love to me for the first time . . . .

Slow and sweet.

His hands clenched into my hair as his body rolls into mine time and time again . . . .

I can feel it.

Filling me. Breathing on me. Rubbing against my skin. In every controlled movement of his muscles. Every scrape of his whiskered jaw against mine. I can taste it in the salty sweat on his neck. I can feel it in every flex of _him_ against the nerves inside _me_.

His desire. His adoration. His love . . . .

And I can't help it, I cry . . . . my tears mingling with his as we cum together.

And as dawn breaks we get up together, cleaning our rifles, walking out into the blue light, hand in hand, to face the consequences of our choices . . . .


	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 35 The Aussie Special**

**BPOV**

This plan has been percolating for some time, ever since Philip planted the seed in Arthur's head with his comment about us having a better chance of defending ourselves if The Volturi came to us. There are over a hundred fighters here now, many times more than Arthur estimates Aro and Caius will send. And I understand Philip's position that there will be too many of us for them, but I am not a soldier and the idea that a few us will die to achieve victory doesn't sit well with me.

Hence my, now ridiculous seeming, idea.

Arthur is sure that either Jane or Alec, or possibly both, will be sent with The Volturi's offensive. But he isn't as sure whether or not their gifts can be used against everyone at once. We know Jane can't affect me and we're assuming that Alec can't either, and since I'm as good a shot as anyone here, better than most. Well it was obvious really wasn't it?

Bella Swan. Weak human. Potential secret weapon.

That's not something I ever thought I'd think . . . .

"Here." Philip hands me another cup of Thierry's rocket fuel coffee and a plate of chicken in Suki's secret masala sauce. One of which I'm hoping will cancel out the affects of the other.

"Thanks. Where's Arthur?"

"Repeating himself to anyone who can't get away fast enough."

I laugh quietly. Suki was right, Arthur doesn't cope with fear very well. And he's afraid. Not that I can blame him. This was his idea and I can tell him till I'm blue in the face that we _all_ signed up for it, it won't make any difference. That man's sense of responsibility has no off button.

Philip, my fellow human, is my wingman for tonight. The two of us are hiding in plain sight in the tower at the center of the camp. The guests used to learn or practise their abseiling skills on it, they never realised it was designed to give us a commanding field of fire over the camp and surrounding area. Nor that a vampire would have to put a bit effort into knocking it down, not that anyone's planning on giving them time if they show any interest in the two apparently least lethal people here. Our critical communications gear is up here too. Whatever happens we need to let the others around the world know.

"Is it always like this?" I ask, watching everyone pretending to be going about their business below us as I eat and drink.

"Yeah Bellski." He chuckles. "Sorry to say but the enemy don't send you a text asking if you're ready to be attacked. One of the patrols will let us know when they're coming."

"Philip . . . ." I begin, worrying at my lip.

"Fragile human. I know. But powerless? No. Everything we do matters, makes a difference."

"I don't have your skills."

"Bellski, you are my favourite sheila after Mandy, you want to know why?"

"If it's got anything to with fur then no . . . ."

"And that there, my love, is just it. Despite everything that's happened you're still you. You don't change, you adapt. And if this does go wrong? I'll have been bloody proud to know you."

"Likewise." I choke out.

"Less crying more focus." He instructs looking uncomfortable. "You can't bloody shoot straight if you're blubbing."

"I can out shoot _you_."

"Which is why _I'm_ defending the tower and _you're _looking for the evil twins."

"What if they move too fast and I don't see them?"

"Arthur says they both have to concentrate to use their powers so if they're here and they're working against us, we'll find 'em. And if not, and we've been through this already more than once little worrier, there are still too many of us."

"I don't want anyone to die."

"Then it's simple Bellski. Anyone in human form, shoot, you and me are the only two bona fide humans here."

"I'd never make a soldier." I sigh.

"Ah Bellski?" He chuckles. "You're up a sniper's tower with three high powered assault rifles and _five_ boxes of ammo, waiting to be attacked by the most lethal force known to mankind. You're already there love."

I manage a smile. What would Charlie say if he could see me now?

And then the smile fades, this was a really, really, stupid idea . . . .

...

It's just getting dark when Philip's radio crackles into life.

"Spotted the advance, they're coming through Gaurishankar now. Over."

"How many?"

"Five in the advance, looks like one's a 'friendly'. Over"

'Who?' I mouth at him.

"Do we know which one? Over."

"Looks like Emmett. You got about ten minutes, we'll be coming in behind them. Over."

"We'll be ready. Over and Out."

Philip leans over the side of the tower.

"Oleg! Ten minutes. Five in the advance. One of 'em looks like a Cullen. Plan A. Spread the word."

"Da!"

"Looks like we copped a break Bellski."

"Oh god . . . ." I groan. I'd trust, have trusted Em, with my life, but it's been nearly a year . . . . and we have no idea what happened after Edward got back to Volterra.

The noise, when it happens, somewhere off to our left is indescribable, like a localised thunderstorm but the only thing Philip and I can actually see is the swathe of broken trees that's advancing slowly toward us . . . .

And then, after an interminable wait, I can make out a huge familiar shape backing slowly towards us, his massive arms kind of up in the air as the circle of vicious animas herds him in our direction.

Philip covers him with the rifle and I set mine down and lean over the tower wall.

"Emmett!" I holler. "Up here! Quick!"

He does a double take but the circle breaks for him and he streaks through, scaling the tower in a mere heartbeat.

"Bells!" He booms, crushing me. "You are not supposed to be here. Eddie was most _insistent_ that you wouldn't be here. And why is this guy pointing a gun at me like it might do something?"

"Oh Em, I'm so glad you're okay." I croak.

"You might wanna let the woman breathe." Philip drawls.

"Sorry, I always have to be reminded." The big oaf laughs, releasing me. "But seriously, Bells, what the f.u.c.k is going on?"

"That." I sigh as the shadow of a giant golden eagle crosses the camp. "Is going to take some explaining."

There's a thump as it lands on the roof the tower and then Arthur swings down to join us.

"_You_." Em observes darkly. "I do not like."

...

We're just about done with explanations when Philip's radio crackles into life again.

"Incoming. And they're in a hurry. Over."

"How many? Which direction? Over."

"About two dozen, looks like Jane is with them and possible another friendly. Gaurishankar again. Over."

"Nothing if not predictable." Arthur observes.

"So Jasper says." Em shrugs. "He's trying to break them of the habit but they're so used to being un-opposed . . . . I guess that's gonna change though huh?"

"Will you help us or not?" I ask, aware from Arthur's coiled tension that we're pressed for time.

"Only Jasper is here Bells, everyone else is trapped in Volterra with the rest of the Guard. Jazz and I will have to go back."

"We're all going back." Arthur growls and I nod vigorously.

Em nods.

"Its still a risk though isn't it Bells, my family, Rose."

"Either way you'll have to get Jasper up here when the fight starts." I point out.

"You wanna save us Bells?"

"Of course I do Em. Please don't tell me you want to fight and die with The Volturi?"

"Hell no Bells." He chuckles, looking me up and down with something like respect in his gold eyes. "Some of them are alright but I do not agree with what they stand for. None of us do."

Then he sighs, looking Arthur up and down with less respect before gazing out over the camp.

"Alright. We're in. But if anything happens to my wife Bird Man I'm going to pluck you and roast you over an open fire."

"Duly noted." Arthur shrugs. "Bellski, you got this?"

"I've got it." I promise as we lock eyes for a few seconds.

"Then I'll see you when we're done."

He hesitates and I step forward, wrapping my arms around him.

"Be careful." I whisper.

"Likewise." He sighs, dropping a kiss on the top of my head.

I watch him hurl himself out of the tower, changing and swooping away just before he hits the ground.

When I look up Em has a strange expression on his face and I feel the strongest urge to explain myself, but we don't have time for that now.

"So we've been through all this." Em says. "But I still don't understand what the two of you are doing here, because I don't think any more bait is required if you know what I mean."

"Philip?"

"What you know about munitions big man?"

"Nothing except they tickle when some idiot shoots at me."

"Then come and have a look at one of these little beauts and I'll explain . . . ."

I leave them to it, focussing my attention out over the camp, no one is in sight since we're done with looking harmless and attackable. The task now is to kill every single one of them and critically weaken The Volturi. Two dozen, that's half the Guard. And Jane, half their deadliest weapon. It's about what we expected, hoped for if this is going to work . . . .

Em's laughter captures my attention, not that I can afford to look.

"You're kidding me? That's never going to work!"

"I've tested it big man, it works like a dream."

"You can't be serious? You're gonna _shoot_ vampires?"

"Yes we are." I growl, getting tenser by the second. "Or more specifically, Jane."

"This I have to see."

"You worry about your jazz musician mate and let us worry about Jane, you don't wanna be picking bits of him out of lion shit for the next week do you?"

"Hell no." Em snorts, thoroughly amused. "That's what wives are for. Alice loves puzzles."

I shake my head slightly.

Only Emmett McCarty Cullen and Philip could make a crazy situation crazier yet calm me at the same time.

We lapse into silence.

"Here they come." Em says quietly, pointing off toward the already decimated trees to our left. "I'll wait till it kicks off and grab Jazz. I can't help you with Jane Bells, that bitch _hurts_."

"Thank you Em." I say, holding his eyes for a moment, and he nods.

Philip lifts his night scope to _his_ eyes and we wait.

The noise is worse this time more like an endless roiling explosion than thunder. And they're closer so I can hear the animal noises. And the screams.

"I'll get Jazz." Em murmurs. "And we'll try and get close enough Jane to reveal her location."

His cold hand touches my shoulder briefly and then he's gone.

"I wasn't expecting _that_." Philip drawls as something over by the Orientation Center explodes violently into sheets of flame and hurtling stone. "Just keep scanning Bellski, you'll find her."

"Philip . . . ." I whimper because I can't pick anything out, just the odd blur, and the screams are _killing_ me . . . .

"Mandy used to make one hell of a bloody pot roast." He says nonsensically. "I should have got the recipe but I never did. Fay asks for it sometimes, when she's feeling low, you got a pot roast recipe Bellski?"

"Yeah, a really good one, I'll make it for her."

"She'll love that."

An extra loud bang grabs my attention and I swivel my rifle toward it automatically. One of the chalets has collapsed, still spewing dust into the air and on the roof, clinging to the stone chimney breast, is Jasper, pointing . . . .

I follow his finger, slowly, remembering what he taught me when Edward wasn't around to stop him . . . .

There she is, tiny and blonde, her eyes dancing in the scope, but not in a good way.

Bashir said to aim for the eyes . . . .

Shit. She moved and I missed . . . .

Slow, I remind myself.

Another piercing scream almost destroys my focus, almost. But there she is, she just shifted 'aim' for want of a better word. I never felt her gift, or saw it used. But the evil smile on her face and the renewed screaming is enough to convince me to pull the trigger. And the blinding flash makes me pull back from the scope.

"Target destroyed." Philip confirms to me with quiet satisfaction, and then with more gusto into his radio.

"_Fuck_." I breathe.

"Less fuck more looking for another one." Philip advises. "We're still in the middle of a war zone."

I return to slowly tracking across my field of vision, still struggling with all the blurring and wondering if I should move the other side of the tower. And then my patience is rewarded by another target. He's big, stood on the promontory where I met Edward, watching and frowning, arms folded over his chest. I don't know who he is but that can't be good . . . .

I zone in on his face and for a moment it's eerily like he's starting straight at me.

And then I squeeze the trigger, once again pulling back from the blinding flash.

And that's when the very earth starts to shake, the tower swaying madly . . . .

"Oh shit!" Philip howls as we realise that the fight is now beneath us. "You got your harness on Bellski?"

Yes I have, for all the fucking good it's going to do . . . .

Another crash and another alarming sway. Philip and I lock eyes, how far can this thing lean before it collapses?

"This is when it sucks to be human." He confesses with an apologetic smile. "We did our bit, we made a difference."

"We did." I admit, still surprised about it as we snap back in the other direction with an ominous cracking sound.

Suddenly two bodies surge over the wall . . . .

"Leave me." Philip commands. "Get the communications gear, you'll all be fucked without it!"

"Philip!" I scream as the world tilts on its axis around me.

"Fay, Bellski, my baby bear . . . ."

"Philip!" I scream again as I hurtle through the air . . . .


	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 36 The Italian Job**

**BPOV**

"Put her down!"

"No."

"Em, bro . . . ."

"I will shred you and shit you out!"

"Arthur! Vampire! I am the Doctor here, my examination table is a good place for her to be." Nadir interrupts calmly.

Yes, please, put me down, I feel sick.

Ah, hello horizontal flat stable surface.

One hand enveloped in a warm one and one in a cold one.

"I cannot examine her like this."

"Em, drop." Jasper drawls.

"Why should . . . . okay . . . . fine. I'm here Bells, I've got your back."

Cold gives way to blazing warmth and I drift away . . . .

...

My eyes open slowly and I roll sideways instinctively, feeling stiff and sore.

"Holy shit! What happened to you?" I gasp, taking in the two black eyes and multitude of matching bruises on his visible skin.

"Nothing much." He groans, waking and straightening out in the chair. "I'm almost healed already. Are you okay?"

I perform a quick inventory, feels like it, so I nod.

"We did it."

"We did?"

He nods, taking my hand.

"Philip?"

"Phil the Dill is in mint condition. Jasper crash landed him _and_ the communications gear in one piece before the tower went down, but I think he may have developed a bit of a crush on his rescuer. He's quite the military man your Major Whitlock."

"Youngest Major in the Confederate army." I snicker, recalling Alice's intense pride in that fact. "What happened to me?"

"You hit your head like you always do." Arthur laughs, shaking his own. "Emmett was most contrite."

I reach up with my free hand, easily finding the lump just above my left temple.

"Hardest substance known to man after vampires according to Carlisle." I sigh.

He sighs too, the amusement fading from his eyes.

"We leave for Italy at first light. I don't suppose I can persuade you not to come?"

"You know why I have to." I reply, thinking about Alec.

"Yes." He sighs again, thinking about someone else.

"Arthur . . . ."

"Arturo!" Oleg shouts, bursting through the door. "Stop making nice with Oleg future mistress and get on here, we haf work to do and blonde vampire who look like American movie star has sensible suggestion."

"I'd better go Bellski." Arthur chuckles, getting up to press his lips to my forehead in a long lingering kiss.

"Out Oleg." He orders, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to take him with him. "It'll be a cold day in hell before I give you a chance to work your Russian charms on her unsupervised."

"Goodbye beautiful Isabella!" Oleg calls as Arthur herds him out.

I collapse back for a moment, frustrated, and then resign myself to the fact that Arthur and I aren't going to get a chance to talk until this is over.

But before I can get up Nadir bustles in and goes through the whole shining light twenty questions routine. Then he hands me my rifle and throws me out of his one and only private room with unneeded instructions for the recently concussed. I am, after all, something of an expert.

...

I tour the camp.

Amazingly no one was killed. I can't quite believe it. Though there are quite a few walking wounded in the restaurant, fuelling themselves back to health with copious quantities of hot food. Nadir has it reasonably easy I guess, reset broken bones, stitch where appropriate, prescribe painkillers and a five course meal.

Not true of the vampires. There is still a pall of purple smoke clinging to the valley and I have to remind myself that they are, were, people too.

After a shower in one of the undamaged chalets I go in search of the plotters and, unsurprised to find them in the bar, I settle into one of the armchairs to listen.

Our original plan was simple. We don't want to eradicate The Volturi, we simply want to weaken them and force them to accept that we have a right to exist and that we are strong enough to oppose them if we wish. But a fight inside the city of Volterra will be a very different proposition to what happened here, despite our superior numbers.

"So who is coming with us?" Jasper asks as they survey the makeshift model on the table that I'm guessing is supposed to be Volterra.

"A hundred of us." Arthur answers.

"All shifters?"

"All except Bella." Philip answers. "I'm off to one of our other camps to co-ordinate communication."

"Bella is a human." Jasper points out, probably thinking like me, what Edward's reaction will be.

"Bellski a magical creature in her own right." Arthur drawls. "And you try stopping her."

Jasper glances at me and I waggle my rifle at him, which makes him smile in a way that lights up his normally guarded face.

"Okay. Bella comes with us. Alec's gift will be severely limited inside the Castle, though just as troublesome to our attack, so if a group of us can get her to him that will undoubtedly give us the advantage."

"Will they be expecting?" Oleg asks.

"No." Jasper shakes his head. "It simply will not occur to them that the reason they haven't heard from us is because we've been beaten. They don't use cells or much technology so being out of contact for a few days won't even faze them."

Arthur nods, that's what he'd said when we started talking about this months ago.

"With Felix gone." Jasper continues. "It would also be prudent to concentrate our efforts on taking out Caius."

"What happened to Felix?" I ask, aware of his importance.

"We think you shot him Bells." Em laughs. "Like Jane there weren't enough pieces left to be entirely sure but it smelt like him."

"Oh."

Jasper winks at me and returns to his original point.

"Caius. Aro will see the sense in treating with you, but Caius will not, he will continue to be a danger to you, and to us."

"Caius is _mine_." Arthur states quietly.

"Understood." Jasper nods. "But like all three brothers he will be heavily guarded. You will not be able to go after him alone. And you will be needed to engage with Aro. I think we should plan to herd them into the Audience Chamber, there we can address all our requirements in one go."

"What about Alec?" Em asks.

"That's where Bella comes in." Jasper says quietly, transferring his attention to me briefly before focussing back on Arthur. "Gun or no gun it will not occur to anyone there that she is a threat. If we can get the survivors there, with Bella, and she can use her ability we will have accomplished everything we need. Removed Aro's last mass offensive weapon. Proved our point that they are no longer and never will be again invulnerable. Forced him to deal with you. And given you the chance to take your revenge on Caius without splitting and weakening our forces during the critical stages of the attack.

It is important that none of us touches Aro before then or he will know about the bullets. That might be easier said than done, all fighting is usually left to the Guard but considering the numbers they are facing it is possible that he may enter the fray.

We also need to make sure we kill Chelsea and Corin. Their gifts are insidious over time, we have already felt them. Enforced loyalty and addictive contentment. No one should command such long term weapons."

"What about your family?" Arthur asks.

"They will help, but Emmett and I must find them and brief them first."

Arthur just stares at him.

"You will have lost nothing by letting us try." Jasper points out reasonably. "Your numbers are superior and you _will_ prevail. The rest of the family may be useful with Aro since they know nothing about The Aussie Special."

Arthur continues to stare and Jasper sighs, finally giving in.

"I want only what you want shifter, to protect my mate, and my family. For them to be able to live freely and in peace."

Arthur glances at me but there's no way I'm going to attempt to influence this. I trust the Cullens but I've learned a lot about sacrifice, compromise and consequences in last twelve months and I'd be a fool not to bow to his superior experience.

"Alright." Arthur decides, casting his eyes around our own group. "What do the rest of you think?"

...

"One day." I mutter as I strap myself into my seat. "I'm going to go to Italy as a fucking tourist."

Arthur just laughs, patting my knee.

A military transport plane, no matter which mercenary you hired it from at what exorbitant cost, is nothing like an airliner. And this isn't a movie so you can't just land a plane like that in a European country, we're parachuting into the countryside.

Em and Jasper watch with strange expressions on their faces again as Arthur checks my 'shute, and I suppress a smile. I've jumped a few times now without the need for a giant eagle hovering over me.

...

"I'll see you in Volterra." Arthur murmurs as he leads me a little way from the others who are milling about and burying parachute gear. "Be safe."

"You be safe too." I sigh, moving in to wrap myself around his warmth.

"I'll do my best." He says softly into my hair. "If anything happens . . . ."

"I know what to do."

"I'm sure the Cullens will look after you if that's what you want." He says, rubbing his nose in my hair.

"Arthur . . . ."

"Arthur! We need you!"

He moves me out of his embrace slightly and looks down at me with a far from happy smile.

"Later, okay?"

"Okay." I whisper as his mouth crashes down, hard and desperate over mine.

And I respond to it with every fibre of my being, kissing him just as hard and just as desperately, welcoming his tongue into my mouth, hands fisting in the shoulders of his shirt, trying to climb him like a tree . . . .

"Arthur!" Someone else calls.

He releases me with a sigh and a more genuine smile, then I watch him walk away, filled with a mixture of emotions that leave me sick to my stomach. He's going ahead to scout in eagle form . . . .

...

It makes sense to let Em carry me to Volterra, it's faster than our original plan to drive.

Vampire speed is not conducive to conversation with a human and so I arrive there with little more information than I set out with.

Edward returned, Aro learned of our existence, Edward wasn't punished but has been barely seen by the family since, choosing to brood alone instead.

I had hoped and feared as much. I know him as well as I know myself. So much so that I really don't need to ask him any of the questions that have been burning inside me this last year.

"Bells?" Em whispers as we gather downwind of the city to wait.

"Yeah Em?"

"I'm kinda proud of you, is that a bad thing?"

"I guess not Em."

"And Bells. Arthur? I get it."

I have no words to answer that so I just nod.

...

We hadn't originally planned for me to go in with the first wave but now, with Em offering to protect me from falling masonry and other crush hazards, I can. So I don my new flak jacket, protection against vampire shrapnel, and follow Em down through a not very inviting looking sewer grating, the rest of our group, rifles strapped to whatever their backs currently are, following.

The other three groups are all taking different routes in. Including Arthur's who will be strolling in through the front door, who would they lock it against, at any moment.

This sewer entrance isn't normally guarded, again who would they fear, and we're quite a way down it when pandemonium breaks out and Em cages me against the wall. The sound of fighting is amplified in the close confines and the noise is so great I'm rendered effectively deaf until it stops.

Em releases me to peer around him into the darkness.

Someone is whimpering but otherwise all is quiet.

I rush forward when I realise that it's Thierry.

"What happened?" I whisper, bending over his naked body.

"Leg is broken." He grinds out. "You carry on."

"Here." I hand him his rifle and he takes it with a grimace. "We'll send someone back for you."

And with a quiet touch from everyone as they pass his prone form we move on.

"Two down." Em whispers as we emerge from the sewer into a rough stone passageway that ends in a set of spiral steps. There is electric light here, but I imagine it hasn't been upgraded for a century, its little better than candlelight and almost as flickering.

The walls shake as I set foot on the first stair and then settle with a little downpour of dust.

"Don't worry." Em says, urging me on. "They knew how to build back in the day, it'll stand through a lot more abuse than this."

"Can you hear what's happening?" I whisper as we climb upwards, shape-shifters in front and behind.

"Some. Jasper has found the family but not Edward. They're all okay and have joined the fight. Aro, Caius and Marcus are with their bodyguards, wives and attendants in the Audience Chamber. It sounds like everyone else is falling back to join them, just as we hoped . . . . some Guard and hangers-on are trying to escape but your shape-shifters are chasing them down . . . ."

Vicious snarling erupts in front of us and Em presses me against the wall again as a body in a black cloak tumbles past us to fall among the teeth and claws below. I can't watch, the metallic tearing sounds are bad enough.

And then we're climbing again, through an unlit patch, the darkness oppressive, at least to me.

I can hear more now.

Growling, snarling, metallic shrieking, incoherent shouts. , bangs, crashes . . . . and then suddenly we're emerging into a wide, well lit, marble corridor and an immediate storm of ferocious noise and blurred movement.

"No stop!" Em orders fiercely. "It's Edward!"


	37. Chapter 37

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 37 Little Humans and Other Things to Fear in the Night**

**BPOV**

It is like the world has come to a stop, literally.

All is temporarily silent, at least to me, as our eyes lock.

His are red. Oh _Edward_ . . . .

But he doesn't rush to me and I don't rush to him.

And then there's a long plaintive scream somewhere deeper inside the building and the spell is broken, and I'm in his arms. My rifle and my flak jacket serving to keep space between us.

"We have to go bro." Em growls and I fight my way out of Edward's embrace, casting him an apologetic look as I hurry after the others. I promised myself, I have a job to do here before anything else.

We turn a corner at the end of the corridor and I recognise the heavy double doors ahead, except they're broken now and hanging from their hinges . . . .

And inside everything has changed too. There are holes in the once pristine ornate ceiling. There are body parts scattered on the floor. Instead of vampires lining the walls there are animals. And in the center, scattering the vampires gathered there in random directions, is a blurred fight that plummets my stomach to my feet . . . .

I wouldn't know Caius from Adam, but I can't see Arthur here anywhere, in any form.

Instead the only thing I can focus on is Aro, smiling, like it's _us_ that have fallen into _his_ trap. There's a woman in a black cloak standing beside him, her hand on his elbow, she must be Renata, the shield. Arthur says her gift can repel any attack on Aro, bending it away onto something else.

I raise my rifle and level it at her.

The flash is less blinding than through a night scope but the resultant explosion far more impressive.

The whole milieu freezes, at least to me.

And then Arthur wraps his hand around Caius's neck, slamming him to the floor and tearing part of his throat out with a metallic shriek. I didn't know he could do that in human form. Not that is stops Caius, who shakes Arthur's grip off and surges to his feet, sending Arthur flying into a group of vampires who grip him tightly, eliciting a scream of pain as they almost rip him limb from limb.

"Stop! Brothers." Aro commands as I level my rifle at him. "There is much we need to understand here."

"Let him go." I growl.

"That would be a foolish command for me to give." Aro observes.

"Let him go or you're next."

Our eyes lock.

Old, dead and red to bland brown.

Bodies, vampire and animal, close ranks around me and I shift my aim, picking out the diminutive Alec easily from descriptions and from his Jane matching sadistic grin. He explodes as I squeeze the trigger.

"Let him go." I repeat when the barrel of my gun has swung back to Aro. "Or you _will_ be next."

We stare at each other for what feels like an age and then he capitulates.

"Let the shape-shifter go."

Arthur falls to the floor, pitching forward onto his knees.

"Aro!" Caius objects with difficulty through his ruined throat.

"There is a time for diplomacy brother. Have _patience_ and let us exercise it."

I _must _concentrate, if I can keep Aro's right eye in my sights . . . .

"So." Aro begins with his amusement back in place. "Here we are. Caius's puppet. Myriad shape-shifters. Edward's little human. What an odd mix we make."

In my peripheral vision Arthur rolls to his feet.

Jasper, Philip and Bashir, they all taught me to focus on the target. But Arthur taught me to see the bigger picture. And so I swivel my rifle to a random vampire, squeezing off a shot that deliberately drills a hole between the eyes of the stone cherub centimetres behind his ear.

"No!" A woman screams, abandoning her post to rush to his side. "Afron . . . ."

Chelsea. I've got your number I think to myself even as I scroll my rifle back to Aro's right eye.

I watch that eye dart around the chamber. That's right dickhead, I'm not the only one here holding a gun now. And none of us are going to miss much at this range, that's why you're all in the middle . . . .

Arthur coughs up some blood and then unfolds himself to his full height, wincing and swaying.

Focus Bellski. Focus. I don't care what they've all said about the power vacuum, you hurt anyone else I love and _you_ are shrapnel Aro Volturi. I fucking _hate_ you for all the pain you've caused.

You could cut the tension with a knife as Arthur advances, visibly growing stronger, and Caius, visibly growing cowardlier, retreats to join his kin.

"Are you done with the insults Aro?" Arthur asks. "Because I am sure 'Edward's _little_ human' has a few more bullets in her clip."

"What do you want?" Aro asks sensibly, placing his hand on Caius's arm as he growls.

The other brother, Marcus, the one who doesn't speak, reaches out slowly to take Aro's hand. He sees relationships and ties Arthur told me. God knows what he's going make of this mess . . . .

"I want only the right of my kind to exist in peace Aro." Arthur states. "I have no interest in _your_ destruction. However, if you are not already aware, please know that the Guard you sent to Nepal will _not_ be re-joining you."

"I would like to see that in someone's mind." Aro observes. "But sadly it does not seem that is about to happen. However if you speak the truth I will mourn my sweet darling Jane."

"No free picture shows here Aro." Arthur snorts. "Though you may wish to try for one."

"Not at this moment Arthur de Montfort." Aro concedes, his right eye roving again.

"We will leave you, with most of what you have now, in exchange for a treaty between us."

"Vampires can be made quickly, there are only so many of you, and you breed so slowly."

"Oh Aro, this." Arthur drawls, sweeping his arm around the walls. "Is only the tip of the iceberg. We are done hiding from you but we _do_ share you desire to hide from the humans."

"You are more vulnerable to them than we." Aro points out confidently.

"Not anymore." Suki growls, waggling his rifle. "These are not the only forms of weapon we have against you. If you force our hand we _will_ share. And there are so many more of _them_ than there are of us."

"We want our freedom Aro." Arthur states. "And we have already weighed the risks and consequences. We haven't undertaken this action lightly. Your continued dominion over vampires serves both our purposes well."

"You will _allow_ me to rule?" Aro snorts in disbelief.

"Yes, we will 'allow' it. If our conditions are met."

"And they would be?"

"You never expand the Guard over the number you have remaining to you now.

You cease all attempts to attract or extort gifted vampires into your service.

You will move your base from Volterra to somewhere more conducive to our mutual requirements. The desert in Libya is nice and I am sure you will love it.

You will work with _us_ in the proper governance of vampires.

And Caius, Corin and Chelsea are forfeit."

"You ask too much!" Aro exclaims as his brother growls and cries from some of the other vampires ring out.

"He's not asking." Jasper chuckles from somewhere behind me.

I watch Aro's right eye dart over my shoulder. Do their eyeballs just move slower than everything else, or am I missing something? Either way I fancy I can see his brain working. And if your name begins with C I'm betting it's not a pretty thought process. There are survivors and then there are survivors, he's always going to be plotting and planning, but I suppose its better the devil you know.

"I cannot agree to those terms." Aro states finally, quietly.

"We both know you will." Arthur drawls. "This is just a question of how long it is going to take you to admit to it."

"Aro!" Caius objects hoarsely.

"Quiet my brother, I must think. We cannot win here as things stand."

His roving right eye comes to rest on me, speculatively, and my desire to shoot him escalates tenfold. It would be quite useful if he could read my mind right now because if he says anything about what he's read in Edward's, hoping we'll turn on each other long enough to provide a distraction, I _will_ shoot him. His eye moves to my finger tightening on the trigger and then reluctantly back to Arthur.

"Survive or die Aro." Arthur says quietly. "Those _are_ the only choices you have."

The silence is very long but finally Aro dips his chin briefly and all hell breaks loose . . . .

A slender pair of vampire arms pluck me off my feet, whirling me away and against the wall for protection, and I don't even try to struggle as we're jostled and bumped by the vicious battle that's erupted behind us.

"Ouch." Alice mutters.

"Are you alright?" I shout above the cacophony.

"Of course." She giggles, the pressure of her body covering mine easing with the noise.

And finally she lets me turn . . . .

"Jesus." I groan, my poor human mind taking a moment or two to make sense of the devastation.

The only human figures left standing are the Cullens and I, everyone is else is down, either in or recently released from, the jaws of a wild animal. Caius's severed head is hanging by the hair from the hand of an enormous silverback gorilla that I can only assume is Arthur. Jasper has Chelsea's head and Rose the head of another woman who I'm hoping is Corin.

"I saw this." Alice chirps happily, bouncing beside me. "Well not you and not the shape-shifters. But I saw this battle and The Volturi being defeated. You can't imagine how frustrating it was to watch something so pivotal unfold and only see a handful of the people involved. But it gave me hope Bella, so much hope."

"Oh Alice." I sigh as we hug each other. "I'm so glad you're okay, I missed you so much."

"Likewise." She laughs, releasing me just short of cracking a rib.

The silverback hurls Caius's head across the chamber where it lodges itself firmly in the wall and then beats its chest, a sound almost as loud as the fight. The others respond with howls, roars and athletic back flips. And for now, at least, it seems to be over.

There are so many things that need to be said and done now but first there is one thing I _need_ to do. I am the only one who knows what he's been through and how much he's suffered to get to this point, how much he's sacrificed. How much it must mean to him and so ignoring all the carnage and the eyes following me I make my way over to him.

"You did it." I say quietly, reaching up to stroke the soft fur on the side of his face. He leans into my hand, closing his dark brown eyes. "I'm so proud of you Arthur. Your father would be proud of you too."


	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 38 Consequences**

**BPOV**

Philip and Jasper have a plan for everything, and a role for all, and so there is little time to celebrate or reconnect as dawn approaches. We have to load the trucks that have arrived and get clear of Volterra before the humans wake up. But it hasn't escaped my notice that both Arthur and Edward are avoiding me. Particularly as Esme is dogging my every step, helping me with anything she can. I keep trying to talk to her but she just shakes her head and moves us on to the next task.

We help Nadir and Carlisle tend the wounded and load them into the trucks. Mercifully so few . . . .

At Suki's request we denude the Volturi archives of anything that a human shouldn't see. None of us can face burning a book, and so into the trucks they go . . . .

And while we're doing that the vampires, dismembered, that are coming with us are loaded in their steel cages.

And I have to take a moment as we watch. I never, in all my association with vampires, would have been able to envisage this.

The flames of the Castle in Volterra flicker in the eyes of everyone around me as we drive away.

It's a three hour drive to Rome where a cargo plane is waiting to take us to Libya.

I so want to talk as we fly but my human body fails me and I'm asleep before the wheels have even left the tarmac . . . .

...

The compound in Libya, reached hours later, is just as we left it, down to the last discarded toy or long desiccated food stuff.

We won't be able to stay here long, the desert doesn't provide well for vampires or shape-shifters but it's a good starting point and, as harsh as it sounds, starvation will keep the vampires weak.

This also going to be true of the Cullens, who have come with us.

I have no contribution to make to the re-reconstruction of vampires, and since Arthur is busy and Edward is still avoiding me, I take myself off in search of Alice. Eventually finding her in the quiet cool beauty of the courtyard, trailing her hand idly through the water and obviously lost in thought. To my surprise I'm almost on her before she even realises and she jumps, which is a bit of a shock to both of us. But she pats the low wall next to her and I sit down.

"So." We both say at the same time, which breaks the slight awkwardness with mutual laughter.

"Are you all okay?" I ask into the short silence.

"Yes." She says, nodding. "For some who have had more exposure to Corin there will be a bit of a hangover but it will fade quickly now that she is gone. Some of The Volturi, the wives, they are going to find it hard and that will make them difficult to control."

"And . . . . Edward?"

Alice sighs.

"Edward is still Edward. You are going to have to _make_ him talk to you."

I nod, thought as much.

"What will . . . . you all do now?"

"I don't know Bella." Alice says with another sigh. "So much has changed and there are so many potential futures. I think that is one of the reasons my brother is avoiding _me_ too."

"I'm sorry." I murmur, inspecting the toe of my combat boot, recognising the stone dust from Volterra still clinging to it.

"None of this is your fault Bella." She says softly, taking my hand. "Many threads and decisions have made this future and now we all have to find a way to live and prosper in it. We are all alive and _that _is the most important thing."

If she notices that I haven't asked whether or not Edward will make me a vampire she doesn't comment and we sit there for another hour or so, talking about her time in Volterra and my time with the shape-shifters. Edward and Arthur only being mentioned in passing.

Edward, it turns out wasn't that hard to track down, he's up in one of the watchtowers, glittering like diamonds in the blazing sun.

I'm deathly afraid of this conversation and so I hover indecisively at the foot of the stairs for what feels like an age. Knowing it's my responsibility to make the first move but paralysed regardless. I know where to start, that's the easy part. And possibly I should put this off until my head is clear. But I don't see how I can clear it unless I talk to him. And then there's Arthur, maybe I should talk to him first? But he's busy and so I'd have to wait. Maybe I should wait? No, what I really should have done was put more thought into what would happen after this if we were successful. Oh _jesus_ . . . . he knows I'm here and if I walk away now I'm going to hurt him even more than I have already . . . . and make him a hundred times more difficult to talk to.

The view is amazing as I reach the top of the tower, Edward's clenched, hunched, shoulders, not so much.

"Edward . . . ." He doesn't move. "I'm _so_ sorry . . . ."

His shoulders lift infinitesimally as he sighs.

Great, that's the opening line done with. Now what? Well, I wasn't expecting this to be easy.

I reach out to touch his arm and then change my mind, my hand dropping back to my side.

"I need to . . . . explain . . . . "

"Why?" He asks quietly. "You lied to me. You betrayed me. What is there to explain?"

Okay, I wasn't expecting that, but it's fair never the less.

"The 'why' I guess."

"I know why you lied to me. I tried the same thing myself once if you recall, you were just a lot more successful. And I'm sorry Bella but if you think I want to know _why_ you've been warming the shape-shifter's bed then you are very much mistaken. My imagination has already supplied more than enough material for me to work with on that particular subject."

Ouch.

"Edward, we need to talk . . . ."

"About what? You're carrying his child. You want to make me a godparent for old time's sake?"

Now it's my turn to sigh.

"Edward, _if_ I'm pregnant then . . . ."

"You _are_ Bella. We can all smell it in your blood and in another week or so your shape-shifter will smell it too. Congratulations by the way." The bitterness in his voice is unmistakable.

"I, we, never intended for that to happen."

His silence speaks volumes about what a pointless comment _that_ was. And even though he has every right to be angry with me and I should take it like a 'man' I can't, stupid tears are already sliding down my cheeks and splashing onto my collar bones.

"I thought that was what you wanted for me?"

"It was and so I am ecstatically happy, can't you tell?"

This time I do manage to command my arm all the way to touching the back of his, the coldness of his skin immediately apparent through the thin material of his shirt. He doesn't shrug me off but he doesn't turn to look at me either.

"Edward _please_." I whisper. "Don't do this, don't shut me out."

"Bella I was afraid to change you and take away your options even though I loved you with all my heart. Now fate and your actions have conspired to take that choice away from me forever. Whether you knew it or not you've made your decision and there is nothing I can say or do to change it. So please, just leave me alone."

"Edward, please, at least look at me." I beg, plucking at his shirt.

"There's no need." He says quietly. "I already know what you look like when you cry."

...

It's Rasika that finds me stumbling around in floods of tears and herds me off to Arthur's old room. Ever practical she shakes out the dusty silk sheets and then hustles me into bed, combat boots and all.

"I will stay with you if you do not mind." She says quietly. "Arthur was worried about you being alone, some of the vampires are very hungry and I am afraid you are the only thing to eat for miles in any direction."

"And suddenly I'm back to being the weak human that everyone else has to protect." I sigh, closing my eyes.

"You are far from weak Bella. And no one has to protect you, we do it because we love you, and because when _we_ need it, you do the same for us."

My hand snakes out of the sheets and takes her dainty warm one, the only gratitude I can manage in my current condition.

...

When I wake up it's still dark and Rasika has been replaced at my bedside by Esme, her nose buried on one of the books we rescued from Volterra.

"You're awake." She says softly, putting the book aside.

"I guess." I croak, sitting up. "What's happening?"

"Talking and negotiating, it's liable to take a while."

I nod.

"Carlisle is helping."

"I hoped he might."

"Do you need anything?" Esme asks as I get out of bed, working the kinks out of my muscles.

"I was going to take a walk down to the kitchens, I'm starving and I don't think I've eaten in over twenty four hours."

"I can fetch you something if you'd like?" She offers.

"No that's fine Esme." I respond, slinging my rifle over my shoulder. "I need to get up and do something. Will you come with me?"

"Of course."

...

Shape-shifters are very good at prioritising and the kitchens are already running at capacity, the dining area an oasis of normality. Being that its full of people eating, drinking, and practically shouting at each other, the only things missing are the children.

I grab a bowl of stew and a steaming mug of coffee and lead Esme over to a quieter table at the back, stopping several times to exchanges words with the people I know, all the time conscious of her eyes on me.

She lets me eat for a while and then can't contain herself any longer, bless her, she _so_ wants everyone to be happy.

"Bella, about Edward, I know he was difficult. But you do understand why?"

"Of course I do." I sigh. "He has every right to be angry with me but he's going to use it to make me think he doesn't love me and I should stay with Arthur. Or move on to some other form of happy human life."

"Oh good." She says. "Well not good, but well its Edward and you know how he is. I can't, I won't, interfere, I've learned my lesson but I wanted to be sure you weren't going to let him get away with it."

"Perhaps I should." I confess. "Maybe he'd be happier . . . . "

"Please Bella." She says, going all 'Mom' on me. "Don't you start. What you did for him, us, to keep us alive and give us a chance to escape, that was wonderful and none of us will ever be able to thank you enough. But Bella, it is not acceptable for you or him, to spin or accept anymore lies. For both your sakes whatever happens between you now has to be based on _complete_ honesty. Living a lie, even a noble one, comes with consequences that neither of you should suffer."

I nod.

"And Bella, I am telling _you_ this because you understand that, even if Edward doesn't, yet. If you love him then don't let him leave without knowing and accepting the truth of his choices."

"I do love him." I sigh, pushing my stew away, appetite gone and she smiles at me in sympathy. "But what if he was right when he said I haven't left him with any choices?"

"Because you're pregnant?"

"I am?"

"You are."

"I don't know how to feel about that." I confess.

"Most of us don't." She laughs quietly. "It's often quite the shock, even if it was something you were hoping for."

"But doesn't that change everything?"

"It's a miracle, not a death sentence Bella." She points out, amused. "And Edward shouldn't be allowed to use it as an excuse to walk away from the woman he loves."

"He'd have every right though, wouldn't he?"

"Yes he would." She says. "But circumstances were difficult for you, and it was a long time, don't beat yourself up about taking your happiness where you found it. And, he seems like a good man. But Bella, if Edward decides he can't live with that that is _very_ different and far healthier than making a noble sacrifice based on half truths."

I nod, stirring my coffee.

"And Bella." She says gently, re-capturing my attention. "Don't forget that you have choices too and you _are_ entitled to be happy, even if that comes at the expense of someone else. None of us deliberately created this situation and none of us deserves to carry the weight of it on our shoulders for everyone else. We have to be grown-ups about it."

I sip my coffee in silence, my assaulted taste buds detecting the hand of Thierry in the brewing process. What _does_ he put in this stuff . . . .

She waits as long as she can and then has to ask.

"If you don't mind me asking, won't Arthur be pleased?"

I laugh bitterly.

"Under the circumstances? No."

"Doesn't he love you?" She asks, studying my face carefully.

"Yes." I admit. "He does. And _that _is going to be the problem."


	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 39 No Right Turn into Easy Street**

**BPOV**

I've barely even glimpsed Arthur and so when I wake up the next morning with his warm body attempting to smother the life out of me in its usual way my first reaction is contentment.

My second is totally uncalled for . . . . as I scramble away from him like he's electrocuted me.

Fortunately he hasn't woken up and my heart twists as I watch him sleep.

Fuck!

What am I going to do?

I can't just . . . . but Edward . . . . but then Edward doesn't . . . .

When he starts having one of his nightmares the indecision is taken out of my mind and I hop back into bed, cradling him against me until it passes.

And then when he starts dry humping me and murmuring my name I slide out of bed again, wondering if I should just go shoot myself now . . . .

...

Work is the only solace.

I cook.

I clean.

I take my turn guarding the morose Italian vampires.

I wash, because I stink.

And I fall into bed again, exhausted.

...

We're moving today, to a compound in South Africa, close enough to 'civilisation' to meet all our needs. An 'open prison' if you will.

The Cullens are coming, since they've committed themselves to helping build what Carlisle called the 'New World Order'.

I'm glad about that, I think, at the very least it fits with what I've always known about them.

And Arthur finally seeks me out.

"You okay?" He asks we stare at each other.

No. I shake my head.

"Want to talk about it?"

I nod.

And without another word he helps me into one of the trucks.

But I guess this is hard for both of us because we're almost at the airport when he finally speaks.

"Your little dead boy giving you a hard time?"

"He's entitled."

"I'm sorry Bella." He sighs, staring out through the windshield.

"This isn't your fault." I assure him. "_This_ is all on me."

"I can understand how you'd see it that way but we all played a part in getting to this point. You didn't exactly do anything wrong under the circumstances."

"I didn't exactly wait for him either."

"You did. You might not have waited with his peculiar lack of _passion_ for life but we both know you _were _waiting for him."

"I'm sorry." I murmur. "I haven't been fair to anybody."

"You were always honest with me Bella, you couldn't ever have been any fairer than that. What happened, my . . . ." He stops himself and my heart twists again because I know he's correcting himself before he says the 'L' word. "The way I feel about you, it would have happened anyway, because of who you are, the way you are."

I swallow, willing back the tears.

"Arthur . . . ."

The radio crackles into life and he snatches it up.

...

Of course we're separated again at the airport and since he's flying the damn cargo plane this time it's going to be hours before I get to talk to him again.

And that makes me unreasonably annoyed with him, despite the fact that he has responsibilities and an excuse not to talk to me.

Edward on the other hand, has no such excuse, and has been the recipient of my glower since we took off. Not that he's acknowledging it in any way, although Rosalie _has_ had to slap Em a couple of times to stop him sniggering.

...

Its beautiful here, lush and verdant without being overly hot or muggy.

Philip told me I'd love it and he was right.

Although I'm pretty sure I love the sight of his grinning face in the open gateway even more . . . .

"Sheila!" He shouts, swinging me round Em style until I'm dizzy. "You made it. And in some style I hear."

"Oh Philip." I sob, bursting into tears.

"What did you do?" He asks Arthur as he passes by us, his hand resting on my heaving shoulder briefly.

"Me? Nothing. You're the one that made her cry with your ugly mug."

"Ah, Bellski? Please? I'm not equipped to deal with this. I'm a man . . . . . and an Australian one . . . . um . . . . we could . . . . um . . . . fuck, I've got nothing . . . ."

And so he gives in and pats my shoulder ineffectually.

...

Of course my stuff, and Arthur's, is in the same hut.

Of course it is.

Because we're a couple and have been for over six months., where else would it go?

And of course that doesn't make me cry, at all . . . .

...

I shower and change quickly but then I'm at a loss as to what to do.

What would I have done?

I'd have gone to see Bashir to get my sentry assignments.

Okay.

There are two sets of towers here, the ones that face in and the ones that face out. Bashir directs me to one that faces outward.

...

I don't know what to do.

Well, one thing at least is a no brainer, I need to tell Arthur I'm pregnant.

Unfortunately I know him well enough that I can imagine the conflicting emotions that will pass across his face before he escapes behind a mask and tells me that I have to do what's right for me. The thing is though I don't know how he _actually_ feels about having a family. Imprinting and biological imperative is one thing but we've never talked about it and it's very hard to _imagine_ Arthur living in a cape cod and changing nappies. Or playing baseball. Or going to piano recitals. The man's been at war his entire life.

What if one of the emotions I see is happiness before the reality of the situation hits him? What if for one fleeting moment I get to see that laughing child being swung safely in his arms through his sliver eyes? He could be such an awesome Dad . . . .

And what about me for that matter? I grew up not wanting a child, never mind that I met and fell in love with a boy who was never going to give me one. I've got no idea how to be a mother, _jesus_, what if I turn out like mine . . . . And a shape-shifter, I've got no idea how to take care of a human baby, what am I going to do with one that could turn into its own cheetah at Show & Tell?

I'm pregnant.

A new life is growing inside me.

One that Arthur and I have made.

I throw up into the corner of the guard tower, quite a feat considering I haven't been eating properly.

Esme's wrong I think, I've lost the chance to think about what's best for me.

I have to consider what's best for the child.

What did I want most as a child?

Other than a My Little Pony?

I wanted my Mommy and Daddy to be together. That was all I ever really wanted, until I got old enough to understand why they weren't.

When was that? What age would that make me? Would Edward wait . . . . oh fuck . . . .

Could I do that? Mom did, when I was seventeen. And honestly, though I understood, how did that make me feel?

Worthless.

I throw up again, the last of my food followed by bile and cuckoo spit . . . .

That's how it was so easy for me to fall in love with Edward. He _saw_ me, he chose me over everything else, at least at first . . . .

I gag but my stomach has nothing left to give up this time so it punishes me with crippling pain instead.

Fuck, I'm supposed to be on sentry duty, and I fight my way upright, turning to look out over the open ground leading up to the compound.

But I feel so nauseous, so torn, it's hard to concentrate.

I don't not love Arthur.

He makes me happy and I miss him.

I miss talking to him since he is the only person I've ever told everything, without censorship.

And god help me, I miss the way it feels just to be _with_ him.

Edward never made me feel that loved, alive, he _couldn't_ because I'm a human. If I was a vampire, maybe . . . .

I double over, heaving again, my rifle dropping out of my hands as my stomach attempts to rip itself to shreds . . . .

And Arthur surges into the tower behind me.

"I'm sorry Bella." He growls, gathering me into his arms. "I know you need space right now but I can't fucking stand it anymore. First all the tears and now this. Come back to the hut, rest and get something proper to eat and if you're not better in the morning let Nadir or Carlisle take a look at you."

...

He wraps me up in a blanket and feeds me dry toast and sips of water.

Like a baby.

Which just keeps the silent tears rolling down my cheeks.

Then he secures me in his big arms and rocks me gently, trying to get me to sleep, but I can't . . . .

"I'm sorry." He admits after a while. "I've been so busy trying to give you space to work things out with _him_, and in your head, that I haven't been looking after you properly."

"You shouldn't have to look after me." I point out weakly. "I'm meant to be a big girl."

"Bellski." He sighs. "How do you think I feel when I wake up screaming in terror to find your arms around me? You wanna talk about who is the biggest girl?"

"Yeah." I admit. "You can be quite girly when you scream."

He growls at me but doesn't rise to the bait.

"So what happened when you talked to Edward?" He asks.

"You got the general gist." I sigh. "He's not happy with me."

"He made you cry."

"Like I said, he was entitled. And I think, maybe, he still thinks he's doing the right thing by me, driving me away."

"I don't understand him." Arthur confesses. "He loves you and you love him. Why would he not be able to put what's happened aside and make you both happy?"

"I don't deserve you." I whisper.

"Nobody deserves the awesomeness that is me." He chuckles. "But you're fucking stuck with me. One way or another."

"Another?"

"I'll always be here for you, no matter what you choose to do, or how unbreakable you become. Just like the sun always sets in the west."

"Arthur . . . ." I start wiggling so he releases his death grip and I can turn to face him. "I don't know what to do. A part of me, and I can't believe I'm saying this, just wants to let him go. To stay here with you."

"Because you're carrying my child?"

I gasp.

"Bella, your dead boy has a very loud voice."

"I can't . . . . I wanted . . . . _why_ didn't you _say_ anything?"

"Because I knew that you needed to work things through in your head. Because I knew you'd need to be able to tell me."

"Then . . . . _Arthur_ . . . . why now . . . ."

"Because you can't pick me just because I knocked you up. Because what I want _pales_ into insignificance beside what _you_ want. And because I'm not letting that little prick you love off the hook. He tried to break your heart Bella. And he tried to use our child to do it. And yet he's still hanging around here watching you suffer when all he really wants is to comfort you. I wasn't the only one under that guard tower while you puked and cried and he's still hovering around outside now."

"_Edward_ . . . ."

"I know you don't want to hear this but I love you and I _will_ let you go _if_ he's man enough to take you. But if he's not then I will keep you, and our child, and I will do everything I can to make you both happy. "

"But Arthur, our baby?"

"Will always be ours no matter what you choose. I know you and I trust you implicitly. We can find a way to make anything work, you and I, if we need to."


	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 40 Disorder**

**BPOV**

I don't know how long we talked for, quietly, in our little cocoon but eventually exhaustion pitched Arthur over into sleep and the steady rhythm of his breathing dragged me down with him.

I woke up alone.

Clear about some things, but not others.

Arthur might want what's best for me but he won't manipulate me in order to get it. Though it might be easier for me to pretend to be oblivious he told me the truth when I asked him. That he wanted me to choose us. That he wants, more than anything, for _us_ to be a family. But he repeated that we'd find a way, together, to make anything work.

I gave him nothing in return except my tears and my apologies.

I had thought, mistakenly, that he'd go all Edward and Bella on me. He's been so careful with me and my feelings. I honestly thought it would end up with the three of us lying to each other about what we really wanted. But he's a better man than that. And so I'll need to be a better woman.

But all I can think about right now is how hungry I am. My stomach thinks my throat's been cut and I _need_ to eat.

...

Showered and changed I grab my rifle and make my way to the dining hall.

I've slept in and so it's mercifully quiet, nevertheless there are a multitude of greetings to get through before I can take my heaped plate of jollof rice to one of the tables at the back.

I'm actually quite surprised how hungry I am, though perhaps I shouldn't be under the circumstances. What's that phrase? 'Eating for two'.

I try to sink inside myself to think but it's strangely difficult, everything and everyone seems louder this morning. Even Rasika's quiet voice, in the kitchen telling Denzel how to make naan bread, is cutting through my brain like she's using a bullhorn.

I grab my breakfast and bid everyone goodbye so I can look for somewhere quieter. But everything is more vibrant and in my face this morning and after a few minutes fruitless wandering the need to escape becomes overpowering. So I search out Bashir who gives me the keys to one of the Land Rovers and warns me to keep my gun with me.

I don't have to drive very far to reach the savannah and a modicum of the peace and quiet I was seeking. After drifting lazily for a while I select a big, lion free, tree to park under and sigh with relief. It's beautiful here, humming with color and life, but totally devoid of people so I devour the rest of my breakfast and then sink down in my seat. Keeping one eye on the wildlife since it's important not to forget that not every ferocious animal considers me a friend.

A couple of hundred yards in front of me two giraffes are snacking on another tree. They fascinate me with their long legs and long necks. Arthur is quite a short giraffe but the kids love it when he stalks around threatening to lick them with his long tongue.

I snicker to myself, thinking about something else his tongue is good for.

Jesus, and now I'm horny.

What the _fuck_ is wrong with me?

The giraffes lope off and I switch my attention to a cheetah sunning herself on a rock while her cub practices its hunting skills on her twitching tail. Eventually she's had enough, stretching out a paw and effectively flattening the cub into the rock beside her where it promptly settles down to sleep. So cute.

The warmth does make you drowsy so I pull out my water bottle and squirt some on my face to perk me up.

I'd both hoped and feared that I'd find Edward on my doorstep this morning. But no. I need to talk to him but maybe I ought to sort my own head out first.

Edward.

For seven years, eight now I guess, my life has been about Edward.

Sure, I went to college, I went to parties, I went about starting my career. And I went about all those things with all my focus, because I don't know any other way to be and he was always there with me. And when anyone asked me, I always told them, that I was doing it all for Edward. To appease his concerns. And because one day, not too far away, he was going to change me and make me his forever. And because a girl needed something to do with her life in the meantime.

I had every faith that he'd get there eventually, because he loved me as much as I loved him, and I couldn't, wouldn't, allow myself to believe anything else.

But it didn't happen.

And now I don't know where that leaves either of us.

Had I had enough of waiting, before?

Yes. But did that mean I thought it wasn't going to work out eventually?

No.

I know I've betrayed him in the worst possible way but he betrayed me too. I was so _angry_ with him about Lamttesep. He promised me that he wouldn't make decisions without me, that he'd never shut me out of his head. But he did. And now he's doing it again. I guess I don't really have the right to be angry about it this time, but I am. And despite what Esme said maybe this time I _owe_ it to him to let him get away with it.

I sigh, shifting in the saggy seat. All this time away from smart phones and computer screens has done wonders for my eyesight, everything is so clear. I wish that worked on my head.

He said I could live without him and I reached the point where I wanted to try it, for a week or two, maybe.

But it didn't work out that way. I lived without him for a year. I made a new life, no matter how strange. I found a new place to belong, other than merely at his side. And I found a new love, no matter how hard I fought it.

It's Arthur that's given me everything I ever wanted. Made me an equal, a partner. Allowed me all the way into his heart and his head. Who encouraged me to learn to fly with his actions and his support, rather than by withholding what I said I wanted in the hope that I'd change my mind. No, he hasn't made me a vampire, but then being a vampire was only ever about having those things with Edward.

I am not a stupid woman by any means, so why then, am I sat here wondering how to get Edward to talk to me? How to get him to give me what I want? Wanted. What I _wanted_.

Because I love him. Because I gave him my whole heart. And because without it I don't know how to be anything to anybody else.

What do I want from this conversation with him?

If he offers to change me now, which is unlikely, there is no way I could allow that.

My hand drops to my belly.

No way.

If he offers to wait?

How long would he wait? A year, two years, ten years, twenty years? What am I supposed to do in the meantime, divide my time, live like a nun?

Just . . . . _no_ . . . .

He's been trying to set me free for our entire relationship and it still hasn't worked. Maybe it was never supposed to. Maybe we really are destined for each other alone and there's no other way for us?

And maybe that idea only causes me physical pain because my weakness has fucked that up for both of us. Potentially forever.

I can't ask any more of Arthur. He's already done everything he can for me. Everything I could have asked for and more. He told me everything he wants and everything he feels and now he's leaving it up to me.

But I can't . . . .

It _isn't_ up to me. I know it should be but I don't think I'm just dodging my responsibility. Esme's words and Arthur's approach make perfect sense. None of us can be truly free to move forward until Edward and I have been completely honest with each other.

As much as I would like to slide down the path of least resistance and let Edward leave believing he's done what's best for me. And allow myself to believe I've done what's best for him in the process. _Jesus_, this is complicated. That would free no one. I'd still be yearning for him. He'd still be yearning for me. And Arthur, who deserves so much better, would be left to shuffle the pieces into a pile he may or may not be able to convince himself he's happy with.

He told me, eventually, about his Mother. Vivienne. And . . . . holy _shit_ . . . . I'm a fucking idiot . . . . but I digress . . . .

I don't want him to live the way his Father did. I want better for him. I don't want to slowly break his heart. But I might, no matter what happens with Edward. Because mine _is_ going to break, I can feel it happening already. Not a rapid tear, just a slow painful inexorable _ripping_ of the very fabric of it . . . .

_Jesus_ . . . . we're all so _fucked_ . . . .

No. We can't be. We aren't the only ones involved in this stupid drama I've created.

I scrub at my cheeks, annoyed that I hadn't even noticed I was crying.

That is not going to work.

There might be no way out of this mess for us grown-ups but my child. Our child. Will not suffer for it. Ever. Arthur was right though he omitted the depressing facts. Both our hearts might be broken but we will ensure that it doesn't affect our child. We can do that. Together. Because we're strong enough.

And so Edward and I need to talk, _really_ talk.

Judging by the angle of the sun it's taken me until noon to come, via several routes, to this rather obvious conclusion. Go me.

I should head back. I'm hungry again and nobody should be hungry after jollof no matter how many they're eating for . . . . it's just not normal . . . . holy _shit_ . . . .

...

The camp is in uproar as I approach, I can hear the shouts, see the purple smoke, smell it . . . .

And I unsling my rifle as I abandon the Land Rover, rushing toward the commotion, coherent thought beyond defence and offence an impossibility.

I ignore the damage to the fabric of the camp as I hustle past it. Already picking up what I need to know.

Afron, Chelsea's mate, has been on a suicidal rampage.

I reach the source of the smoke surprisingly quickly.

And my eyes are drawn, by irresistible magnetism, through the purple haze, to Edward's.

And I realise, suddenly, that whatever you resolve in the quiet of your head, it's never that _fucking_ simple in real life . . . .


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 41 You Have Been the One**

**BPOV**

"Bella?" Arthur's voice in my ear and his hand on my elbow, break the spell. "Are you okay?"

"I . . . . um . . . . what happened?"

"Afron went mad, set off after Alice seeking revenge for Chelsea. A mate for a mate. No one's hurt through, thank god, Jasper made mincemeat out of him when he caught him."

I look him up and down. Arthur the hero. His definition of no one hurt and mine are completely different. His clothes are ripped in several places and there's blood dripping down his face from a cut above his eye that was probably horrendous a few minutes ago. Funny how I've gotten used to the sight and smell of blood . . . .

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Of course. Nothing one of your lasagnes won't cure."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I observe, patting Arthur's extremely muscular one.

"You said it." He chuckles and then his eyes drift over to Edward, who is watching us.

Arthur sighs.

"Go, talk to him. I need to go and sort this mess out with Aro anyway. But please, promise me you'll come and find me when you're done?"

I reach up to cup is bloody, stubbly, cheek with my hand.

"I will Arthur. I promise."

He nods, once, and then turns his face to kiss my palm.

"I'll be here Bella. When you're ready. For whatever you need of me."

"I know. Thank you."

And I withdraw my hand and walk away, following Edward back to the Land Rover.

He drives it much more sedately than I do. Rasika has likened riding with me to inadvertent dental surgery and I once accidently bumped a sleeping Bashir right out of the one in Nepal, no doors . . . .

By coincidence or design he takes us back to the tree I spent my morning under, parking the other side to keep us out of the sun.

We sit in silence, staring out over the savannah.

"It's beautiful." He comments eventually, still looking straight ahead.

"Yes."

Silence. I wish I didn't know how we've become so awkward with each other. This was so much _easier_ in my head . . . .

"I'm sorry Edward. For Arthur. For everything."

"I am sorry too. I shouldn't have turned on you like that. It wasn't fair. I just hoped . . . . well, you know what I always hope for."

"That I'll live a normal, happy, human life."

He nods, still staring ahead and so I let myself study his profile.

"I'm not angry with you for Arthur. How can I be? You chose life and that's what I always wanted you to do."

"I should have waited. I should have been strong enough to wait. I betrayed you."

"I don't think you did. You didn't even know if I was alive. Love, I only said the things I did because I hoped . . . . I hoped that it would help you let me go."

"_Edward_ . . . ." That _ripping_ sensation cuts off my words and he finally turns to face me.

He's the same beautiful boy I first laid eyes on, of course, but his face is as familiar to me now as my own. And his eyes, I know all their different colors. They're a warm gold again now, always my favourite on him, they suit his coloring in a way I can't imagine his green human eyes ever having done. And I try to recapture the ability to lose myself in them, but I can't, because I see so much more there now.

When he opens his arms to me I slide into his lap as much in search of cold comfort as to escape them. So old, in such a young face.

_Rip_.

There is no middle with Edward, he's both the boy who Carlisle changed and the man with over a century of sometimes bitter experience. I wanted to be able to make that middle for him, when he changed me . . . . free the person he was meant to be . . . . the one the rest of us could see . . . .

Tears are already sliding down my face when he starts talking.

"I never told you, though I realise I should have, all the reasons why I wouldn't change you."

Our arms tighten around each other.

"I said I couldn't take your soul. And you, quite rightly, shot that down in flames, it took me a while to see, through your eyes and your love, that I'm _not_ a soulless monster. But Bella, the soul is a complex thing and I never explained all that I was really afraid of.

We're none of us truly happy with our existence. Not my family. Not The Volturi. Not James and his coven. And we all deal with it in different ways.

For us, we try to recapture what it's like to be alive. School. Medicine. Hobbies and interests that consume us. Alice's fashion. Esme's interior decor and antiques. Rosalie and Emmett's sex life. My music . . . .

And children, love, there is not wanting them, being unable to have them. And being _unable_ to have them. _Ever_. Esme, Rosalie, even Alice. Their pain Bella . . . . all our pain . . . . Emmett would give his _life _to be able to give Rosalie the child she so desperately craves. And Alice would give _hers_ to give Jasper the huge family fate and Maria denied him.

We compromise. We make do.

And that's why it wasn't so hard, in the end, for us to settle into life in Volterra. Because it was _different_, it was _new_, it was a _distraction_. Even for me.

There are only so many times you can travel the world. Only so many new wonders to see, books or music to discover. So many new skills to acquire. So many hours to fill with so few new sensations to feel. Alice copes better than any of us, possibly because she can't remember her human life, but she gets frustrated too Bella. That's why she's always asking you how things feel, how they taste.

It's difficult to explain to you how _desperate_ we all get on occasion.

What we'd give up to be human again.

It's painful sometimes love, to be stuck in these stone bodies, no matter what love surrounds you. In many ways we truly are the dead who walk the earth. And I couldn't condemn you to that."

I hug him tighter, as if that can protect me against the ripping in my chest as his heavily spoken words sink in.

I never knew, never realised. How could I not have done? They were all so happy, so in love. And Edward . . . . I wanted that for him, us, too . . . .

In the silence he strokes my back gently, the pads of his fingers icy cold through my blouse and eventually I ask the only question I can form coherently.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?" You should have told me . . . . I would have been able to help you . . . . I would have _made_ you change me so that I could . . . .

He sighs.

"Because I _know_ you. Because I know your propensity to sacrifice yourself for others. Because it would have made you even more determined to be like me so you could share my suffering."

I laugh bitterly and force my head up so I can look at him.

"You're right." I admit in a whisper as our eyes meet. "But you still should have told me. It was my choice to make. You promised me Edward, that you wouldn't make decisions for me, that you wouldn't shut me out of your head. But you did. For all our time together."

"I know."

My eyes fill with tears again and my face retreats to the safety of his chest, the damp warming it against my cheek.

"I would only ever have changed you to save your life." He confesses, his words twisting me as I rip. "It was selfish. But I couldn't have borne it love if you'd come to hate or resent me."

"I would never have done that." I object.

"You don't think I've never felt that way about Carlisle? Or that Esme hasn't? No matter how much we love him?"

"No." I shake my head against him.

"I love you. I never wanted you to go through what we have. None of us did. Once you were changed, there was never going to be a way back, and there was never anything I was going to able to do to help you. We all hoped. Hoped that you'd grow and change your mind. And Alice saw it, in so many ways, every one of them bittersweet to me."

"_Edward_ . . . ."

"I can't fight for you Bella. I won't. You love him and he loves you. Your place is here. You both deserve to be happy. Your children deserve to bask in that happiness. That's life Bella. That's what it's all about. Love. Family."

"Edward . . . ."

"We've been drifting apart since Boston love because I'm _incapable_ of giving you what you need. You _know_ that."

I nod, unable to speak.

"You have to let me go Bella."

"I c-can't . . . ." I can't and I clutch onto him tighter _ripping_. "I l-love you Ed-dward . . . ."

"And I love you. But it isn't enough now Bella. We both know that." He whispers as he bends over me, stroking my hair and my back in long sweeping motions.

"But E-dward, what ab-bout you? I c-can't . . . ."

"Well, now  
If little by little you stop loving me  
I shall stop loving you  
Little by little  
If suddenly you forget me  
Do not look for me  
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life  
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots  
Remember  
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms  
And my roots will set off to seek another land"

"Pablo Neruda." I moan through fresh sobs, recognising the poem and his meaning.

"You have to let me go. And I am not Afron love. I will never forget you and I will always love you but please believe that I can live, and prosper, if I know that you are happy."

I love him. My love for him pretty much defined who I was. But I'm not that person anymore. And now it just a part of what defines who I've become. He made me, in a way . . . . and now he's losing me . . . . _jesus,_ this _hurts_ . . . . but he has to, we both know it . . . . I just need to say it . . . . and I can't . . . .

He senses that I want to get up and releases me.

And I can't look at him as I climb out of his lap. Not that I'd see him clearly if I did. The tears . . . .

I stumble as I jump to the ground and he leaps out catching me automatically.

And I let myself lean into him for a moment.

"_Edward_ . . . ." I stop, my chest too congested with torn shreds to let me speak until I've swallowed them down repeatedly.

"I love him. Never more than you. And I need you to understand that. But I do love him. And I have to choose him. For both of us. And our child."

He doesn't even flinch. Because he already knows? Because he's a vampire and there really is a degree of stone I hadn't appreciated? Because he's hiding himself from me again?

I don't know but our hands reach toward each other, fingers twining with aching familiarity.

And I wish I wasn't crying so much and I wish I could look at him properly but maybe it's for the best. Maybe it's even possible that my weak human memory will soften this for me one day . . . . but his won't . . . . oh _Edward_ . . . .

"I . . . ." I stop again, not sure what I was going to say and his free arm snakes around my neck, the forearm pulling me to him so he can place a long lingering kiss on my forehead.

"I have to go Bella." He murmurs into my skin. "But I . . . . I love you . . . . never forget that."

"Edward." I wrap my arms around his waist.

I can't believe this is really happening. It doesn't seem possible. It _isn't_ possible. But the ripping pain and the distance I'm about to put between us says otherwise.

And it's the hardest thing I've ever done or will ever do, when I release him and step back . . . . letting him go . . . . leaving some of the shreds of my heart behind to adhere to his . . . . whether he wants them there or not . . . .


	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 42 Happy**

**BPOV**

There's still so much I should say to him, so many questions I have to ask but I don't, I just watch him walk away until the savannah's swallowed him up.

My tears dry and I drive back to camp, robotic, numb.

Arthur's in our hut when I get there, making lasagne. Comfort food.

Without a word he steers me into the bathroom, handing me a fluffy white towel and the top of his very British blue and white striped pyjamas. They're great to lounge about in, even with the cuffs rolled up.

So I take a shower and wash my hair.

When I emerge he turns down the bed for me and I hop in obediently, might as well, it's not like we have a couch or anything but a couple of rickety chairs at the table.

Then he hands me a cold beer.

"Am I supposed to be drinking this?" I query as it's on its way to my lips.

"I don't think one will do much harm."

I nod, taking a sip. The cold liquid is instantly soothing and I realise that one way or another I've been out in the heat all day.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks.

I shake my head.

"Rosalie and Emmett have taken him hunting."

I nod.

"Why don't you take a nap while I finish the dinner?"

"Okay." I sigh, swigging down some more beer and setting the bottle on the nightstand.

He's changed the sheets, they're cool and crisp, and I wrap them around me as I drift away.

Mentally and physically exhausted.

...

It's dark when Arthur wakes me up.

"Hungry?" He asks as I sit up and rub my eyes.

"A bit?"

"A bit is all you're going to get." He laughs, fetching me a bowl.

He sits beside me on the bed and we eat together for a while in silence, sipping our beer. He's a surprisingly good cook, though I guess he's had to be . . . .

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" He asks eventually.

"It was pretty horrific." I sigh.

"I'm sorry." He says automatically. "What are the two of you going to do?"

"There is no two of us any more Arthur."

"Bella, I'm so sorry. Did he . . . . was he?"

"Unpleasant? No. But we're done. I chose you. I chose us."

His smile is small and strained as his hand finds mine between us, and my shredded heart heaves pathetically in my chest, because making the right decision magically makes no one happy. My heart's still broken and no matter what I say and do Arthur's going to believe that I only chose him because I'm carrying his child, and that I might come to resent him for it. And I don't know how to make him understand that I would have chosen him anyway, eventually.

His thumb gently strokes the back of my hand and I take another swig of my beer.

"It tastes different." I observe.

"Yeah." He sighs, his hand squeezing mine. "It will."

Vivienne.

The other reason for Arthur to be cautious.

Mother Nature is nothing if not practical. It doesn't expect an ordinary human to be able to raise a shape-shifter and so to ensure that the continuation of the species and the survival of the young she imbues the mother with some 'benefits'. I will never be a shape-shifter. But gradually I will become faster, stronger and develop sharper senses than a human. So that I can keep up with Arthur in his human form, so that I can care for a child that would otherwise be stronger and faster than me. It's happening already.

Arthur's mother didn't cope very well with those improvements. She wasn't content to be an ordinary mortal when she could be so much more. Life in these camps stifled her. Arthur's father, Douglas's life's work stifled her. She craved adventure and excitement, being able to drink and dance till dawn, live life on the edge.

And once Arthur was sent away to school there was nothing to keep her in that life. So she left. And a series of bad decisions eventually brought her to the attention of actual werewolves. Werewolves of the lunar variety.

Arthur doesn't know how she actually died, his father never told him. Which we both think speaks volumes about it not being a pretty story.

I don't know how you tell a man who isn't going to believe you that you love him and I wish I'd tried harder, all those times since Volterra. But I didn't because I was too wrapped up in Edward.

Edward.

My hand tightens around Arthur's.

I can't go there.

Not yet.

I can feel maelstrom threatening to break out of the numb and I'm not ready for it. Can't deal with it. I want to . . . . I have to . . . . focus on us . . . . on Arthur . . . .

The man and the life I chose.

I watch him as he gets up and bustles about clearing up in our tiny kitchenette, wearing only the bottom half of the very British blue and white stripped pyjama set.

And my shredded heart swells and heaves again.

How many men would so selflessly let me be what I need to be right now?

Two.

I should be incredibly grateful for how lucky I am and I will be, one day. Maybe.

He switches off the lights and very gently unwinds my arms from their death grip around my middle, replacing them with his own.

"Let me." He says softly as he lays us down. "I'll hold you together tonight Bella. You don't need to worry about it."

I love you.

...

"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do." He confesses when I open my crusty eyes to find him hovering over me.

"Um?"

"Esme is outside, she wants to talk to you."

"Shit." I groan.

"She seems worried about you."

"Esme?" I call out, the shredded heap of my heart sinking.

"Bella?"

"I need a human minute."

"I'll meet you in the dining hall when you're ready."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Shit." I groan again as Arthur hands me a coffee. "What am I going to say to her?"

...

"Are you alright?" Is her first question as she studies my frozen face across the table with motherly concern.

I nod. Shrug. And shake my head as my eyes well up.

"Oh Bella." She says softly, taking my hand across the table.

We sit like that for a while and I use my free hand to scrub the tears out of my eyes.

"Have you spoken to him?" I whisper.

"Briefly." She confirms sadly. "He's . . . ."

I nod because I don't want her to tell me.

"It's important for him to feel he's done the right thing by you." She sighs. "And at least he's told you the truth."

"He was never going to change me Esme. I . . . . I don't know how I feel about that."

She sighs again.

"I want to be angry with him, is that wrong?"

"No."

"I should be angry with him. I . . . . I could . . . . _jesus_ this is selfish . . . . I could have wasted my life waiting for him."

"But you're not angry with him?"

"No. I love him. I know him. I understand him. I _think_. But Esme, did he really believe that I would just walk away from him in the end?"

"Yes. He did."

Huh. I want to rail against that, but I can't . . . .

"He was right, wasn't he?" And I feel so hollow with that realisation. Oh Edward . . . .

"Bella." She says, taking my other hand so I have to look into her loving gold eyes. "I'm not condoning Edward's choices but I think I understand them too. What he told you about being a vampire? It's all true. I, most of us, don't view it as bleakly as Edward does, but that doesn't make it any less relevant.

I was dying when Carlisle found me and I don't regret the life and love he's given me. But I do _miss_ what it is to be human."

She pauses.

"Sometimes I feel like I'd sell my soul just to scratch an itch or feel and taste the juice of a peach on my tongue when I bite into it.

None of us wanted that for you, but we wanted you to be happy and we would have, will always, support any decision you make.

And I'm sorry, but when Edward would insist that he wouldn't change you, I didn't believe him. He loves you so much . . . . perhaps more than I can comprehend. I am sure I could never have left Carlisle human if he begged me to change him. But Edward."

She sighs.

"Edward is extremely strong. And he chose to spend the time with you he could. Until you were ready to move on or fate forced his hand."

I pull one of my hands back to scrub at my eyes again.

"And I'm sure, that if he knows you are happy, then he can be happy too. In his way."

"I wasn't good enough for him." I whisper. "I was never good enough for him."

"That is not true." She scolds me, tweaking my hand for emphasis. "You and he, you were perfect together in an imperfect situation and I hope that you never regret a moment of it."

I shake my head. I can't. I won't.

"But life isn't a fairy tale and for the two of you there isn't meant to be a happy ever after together. But that doesn't mean neither of you are going to get one another way.

Edward has learned to open his heart and love, you gave him that, an opportunity for the future he didn't have before.

And you. Bella.

You have Arthur. A remarkable man who loves you for just who you are. You have a wonderful future ahead of you. It would kill me Bella. And Edward. If you weren't able to make peace with the past and grab hold of that with both hands."

"I can't . . . ."

"You can. You will. I'm so proud of the way you've seized what happened by the throat and lived it. And so is Edward. It's okay Bella, to be sad, for what you've lost. But not forever. Promise me that you'll live and love and let Arthur try to make your heart whole again."

"I'll t-try . . . ."

...

After breaking down in the dining hall I wandered the camp catching up with the people I've been neglecting since our arrival.

And then I sought out Alice who smiled at me sadly and wrapped her tiny arms around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder as I hugged her back.

"It was so hard to watch." She confesses quietly. "All the various ways you moved away from each other. I love you both and I wanted with all my heart for you to be happy together. But as time went on I saw more and more ways that you weren't and then suddenly it all went blank.

I probably should have told you."

"You did, in your way." I sigh. "I just wasn't listening."

"Please." She whispers, her cool breath prickling my skin in the African heat. "I still love you. I still want to be your sister. Please don't cut me out of your life. I know it's going to be hard . . . ."

"Alice. Alice." I push her away so we can look at each other. "I won't. I promise. I just . . . ."

"You're worried about Edward?"

"You're _his_ family. Not mine."

"That's not true Bella. We are all family. Always. But I can't see us being back together for a while . . . ."

"_Alice_ . . . ." This time I pull _her_ into a hug.

"Edward is going to leave. Rose and Em will go with him. I see them going back to the States. The rest of us are going to stay here to help with The Volturi. There are glaring black holes in this future Bella and that had damn well better mean you're in it."

"I hope so too, if there's a way, without hurting Edward anymore than I have already."

"He's hurting Bella I can't deny it. But this is what he wanted and if you're happy then he _will_ be able to take comfort in that."

...

After I'd bawled all over Alice I went back to the dining hall to borrow the ingredients I needed to make dinner.

Happy has become a very heavy word, almost as heavy as my aching body.

Arthur says he's happy if I am. Edward will be happy if I'm happy. Alice, Esme, my baby . . . .

Everyone's going to be happy if I'm happy.

_Jesus_ . . . .

...

Arthur sniffs the air appreciatively as he leans his rifle against the wall beside mine.

"Snorkers?"

"Your favourite." I confirm, turning the sausages.

"What are you after Bellski?" He asks with theatrical concern and the shredded mass in my chest has another massive convulsion.

"I need to talk to someone Arthur." I confess. "I want to talk to _you_. And I shouldn't, because it's selfish and you've enough to deal with, b-but . . . . I j-just n-need it to be you . . . ."

"Shhhhh." He whispers, gathering me in his arms. "There is never going to be anything you can't tell me Bella. I'm a big boy and I don't need to be protected. Besides . . . . I love you."

And I love you.


	43. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 43 Changing of The Guard**

**BPOV**

I finish dinner while he's in the shower and then we sit down and eat together, talking generally about how the new regimen is settling in.

When he's done he pushes his plate away with a contented sigh.

"You're one hell of a cook Bellski."

"Arthur, burning sausages the way your father did is not a great culinary skill."

"I disagree but believe what you will. Anyway, your mash is better."

"That's because it has bacon in it."

"You Americans." He laughs. "There's no end to your creative use of pork products."

"I think you'd better stop talking and do the washing up."

"Yes ma'am."

I hop in the shower while he tidies up and then I join him on the bed.

"Talk." He says as I snuggle into his arms.

So I do.

...

"It pains me to say it." He sighs when I'm done. "But it sounds like your dead boy had a point."

"I can see that." I admit with a heavy sigh. "But I feel terrible that I never knew. How could I be so unobservant, for so long?"

"I don't know Bella, perhaps the illusion of untrammelled happiness is part of their coping strategy? I couldn't live the way they do but it always looked like it was working for them."

I nod, fighting back tears. It's very hard to let go. I could have made him happy. I _know_ I could. If he'd just let me try.

But he didn't. And I'm here now, in the arms of another man.

I just . . . .

I shake my head, trying to clear it, though it's going to be hard. Edward has lived there a long time and he's taken up most of the space. But it's time to start moving him out so that Arthur can breathe in there. I've made my choice and though it hurts I don't regret it. But I have to start living it, for me and for Arthur.

"You never asked me what I lied to Edward about that day in Nepal."

"I assumed you meant when you told him that I'd kill him."

"That too I guess. I told him that if he left, if he lived, there was a chance for us."

Arthur goes very still and I twist in his arms so I can look into his silver grey eyes.

"But there wasn't Arthur. I'd already made my choice. I loved." I stop shaking my head. I don't lie to Arthur or soften things for him, that's not how we work. "I love him and I always will. But I lied to him to get him to leave without me. I lied to him because I'd already chosen you."

"_Bella_." He sighs. "You don't have to . . . ."

"I know I'm going to have to work hard to convince you. And I will. But Arthur. It's the truth. You gave me everything I ever wanted while I was busy looking over my shoulder for something else."

He opens his mouth to speak and I squish his lips together with my thumb and forefinger.

"Don't tell about imprinting again. 'Knowing' what I need and being able to give it to me are two _very_ different things. Besides, Suki still thinks the whole thing is total BS."

His lips move and his throat makes a sound so I tighten my grip a little.

"Arthur de Montfort. Shut up. I am talking."

"Mms mmm."

"What you do for your people, our people, what you've sacrificed. How you've talked to me. Opening up so that I understood you. Listening so that you understood me. Letting me jump off cliffs even though it went against your every instinct. Helping me grieve for something you didn't understand and didn't want me to have.

Those are the reasons I love you Arthur.

I know I fought it and I made it hard for you. And I'm sorry. Just because you know why and you understand does not make it okay.

And I'm sorry that even though this is the future I want I can't just throw a switch and forget the past.

But I'm asking you Arthur, selfishly, if you're prepared to help me to do it. Because I really want you to. I love you and I want to be the partner you deserve."

I release his lips and he blinks at me.

"Can I speak now?" He asks quietly.

"You may."

"I want that too." He says simply. "I want to be the partner _you_ deserve. But I don't want you to choose me because you, or _he_, think you have to."

"I don't know how to convince you that I haven't." I admit sadly. "I wasted so many chances to tell you, before . . . ."

"Bella, I wish I had some wisdom for that, but I don't. I know you. And I'm not sure if the idea upsets me for me, or for you."

"I'm sorry." I mumble, burying my face in his chest.

"Don't be." He says quietly, using his finger to tilt my chin up so I have to look at him again. "We'll work it out. Together."

He presses his lips briefly to mine and for a moment the world settles back on its axis.

Then he tightens his big warm arms round me and carries us down into the bed.

We lie like that for an age until gradually his breathing settles as he drifts off to sleep.

He's exhausted, as usual.

He has so much to worry about and I've done nothing to help him since Volterra, I've only made it worse.

I have to . . . . organise these shredded heaps inside me into some kind of functional pile.

...

It's dark when I wake up, alone in our bed.

"Arthur?"

"Just getting a glass of water." He says from somewhere in the darkness. "You want one?"

"Please."

I sit up and he hands me a cool glass as he slides into bed beside me.

"Arthur?"

"Mmm?" He hums, setting his water down on the nightstand.

"When do we get to talk about the future?"

"As soon as you're ready."

I nod, curling into his warmth.

...

I'm accustomed to waking up with a heavy heart but this morning is different. Edward is leaving. I'd love to bury my head under the pillow and pretend it isn't happening. But I can't.

Arthur is still asleep as I wriggle out from under his heavy arm to rush to the bathroom so I can regurgitate last night's meal.

Afterwards I wash the clammy sweat off in the shower and get dressed.

Arthur's sitting up in bed when I emerge.

"You okay?" He asks.

"I am now."

His eyes fall to my stomach briefly and my hands cover it automatically, it's perfectly flat but . . . .

We're pregnant.

And we haven't really even talked about it properly . . . .

"Can you?"

"Yes." He says quietly and my eyes well up.

"Is it . . . . are you?"

"Yes." He's emphatic as he lunges out of bed to hug me. "Oh god yes."

...

It isn't hard to track down the Cullens but my steps falter as I approach them. This is my fault and maybe I shouldn't . . . .

Carlisle spots me and beckons me closer, hugging me tightly.

"We love you too." He whispers. "Remember that."

"I'm sorry."

"So am I."

He releases me just as Esme releases Edward and steps away to hug Rose and Em.

Our eyes meet and it's a conscious effort not to run to him.

Arthur asked if I wanted him to come with me and I told him no.

For this I have to be Switzerland.

Neutral.

Or at the very least capable of standing on my own two feet.

Edward extends one hand and I move forward to take it, our fingers twining in their familiar way.

I want to ask him if he's hurting as much as I am. But I know it's wrong to do that. Instead I've an overwhelming urge to spout meaningless platitudes about how happy I hope he'll be and how much I hope we can one day be friends, how I'll always love him and cherish the time we had together. I've never understood why people do that, until now.

Because what else can you say?

I'll love you until the day I die? I know this is my choice but I'm going to be a sobbing wreck the minute your back is turned? I wish there was something you could say or do to make this not be happening? I don't know what you're going to do but I'm going to make a new life with another man, write me when you get settled? Please tell me everything's going to be okay, for both of us? There aren't words for how sorry I am that you turned out to be right?

"You're . . . ."

"Yes."

"I wish . . . ."

"I have to, at least for a while."

I nod. I understand that. And I'd be lying if I told him I wanted him to stay. But not if I told him I want him to come back . . . .

"You'll . . . ."

"Yes. L-Bella. I'll come back."

"_Edward_ . . . ."

We fall silent our eyes speaking for us. Mine have always given him what my closed mind couldn't and I hope, in a way, that they are now.

God he's so beautiful . . . .

He pulls me in for a one armed hug, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"Iloveyoubellaalwaysandforever."

And the contorted mass in my chest rips itself apart because he didn't speak at human speed and doesn't know I heard him.

"Goodbye." He says slowly as he releases me.

"Goodbye." I whisper as I untangle my fingers from his.

...

I couldn't watch them go so I went to the dining hall in search of a late breakfast, my ribs still aching from Me's last hug, the hubbub just what I needed to keep me afloat on my maelstrom of emotions.

And when I felt less like I was going to fly into a million pieces I went and gate crashed the strategy meeting.

...

Rasika beckons me over, beaming, as she makes space on her bench so I can slide in beside her, setting my rifle down against the arm.

The euphoria of our victory is wearing off and now it's time to start thinking about the long term peace. Everyone has a family or a life of their own and no one wants to stay here on guard duty forever. The discussion isn't exactly heated but there's passion, understandably, on all sides.

My eyes keep flicking to Arthur, leant against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. His face is giving nothing away but he's the only person here everyone is just _assuming_ will be a constant presence. I wish we'd had a chance to talk more so I knew whether or not that's what he actually wants.

It's Suki, the father figure among us that finally queries the group assumption.

"We cannot." He says firmly. "Expect Arthur to sacrifice everything for us forever. He, and Bella, have brought us to where we wanted to be. They deserve, have earned, the right to tend to their new needs now."

Suki's eyes bore into everyone in turn, and they all nod, several of them looking over at me. There's some wide smiling to rival Rasika's and I wonder if the cat is out of the bag. My own eyes find Arthur's and he smiles apologetically. I guess it is. I would have liked a little longer but it wasn't likely to happen around here. At least it explains why Rasika, the incurable romantic, is practically purring in my ear.

There's a not altogether uncomfortable silence but nevertheless I fidget in my seat, possibly foolishly unprepared to be 'outed' like this . . . .

"Who will run the camp?" Suki asks, finally getting everyone's attention off me and my 'condition'.

"Oleg run camp. But camp only. Arthur Leader."

Everyone nods, including me, and looks over at the man himself.

He's beautiful too.

"I thank you all for your vote of confidence." He drawls. "But Bella and I haven't had a chance to discuss this yet and I don't think this is the setting that either of us would choose."

There's some laughter and then everyone's looking at me again.

Fuck.

"Perhaps." I suggest, falling back on my experience at the Foundation. "Arthur and I should talk before any decisions are made?"

That seems to satisfy them and the meeting breaks up, everyone flocking toward me with smiles on their faces but its Oleg who gets here first, crushing me against his barrel chest.

"Isabella. Oleg congratulate. He devastated you not wait for him, but Arturo acceptable compromise man, Oleg give reluctant blessing. Oleg daughter on other hand make effigy and stick with pins when find out."


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 44 First Date**

**BPOV**

"Durban?"

"You'll love it."

"We can talk anywhere."

"Yes we can. But we both deserve a break. Besides I would quite like to take you on a proper date."

"Oh."

...

"Two rooms?" I ask as he steers me away from the hotel reception.

"Two rooms. What kind of a first dater do you take me for Bellski?"

...

Rasika and Alice have collaborated on my wardrobe for this long weekend apparently and when Arthur takes his leave I open the closet in my room with some trepidation.

Well founded. No pants, no boots. All dresses and heels. I haven't worn a dress in . . . .

With a martyred sigh I close the door and opt for a long soak in the tub, it's been a long time for this too.

...

I've settled on a chocolate brown number that I hope is demure without reminding Arthur of his Grandma when there's a knock at the door.

"Wow." I observe to the large bouquet that is obscuring the top half of Arthur's body.

"I know." He says from behind it. "The hotel florist was a hard woman to deny."

"It's . . . ."

"Surprisingly heavy, can I come in?"

"Sure." I step back so the bouquet can make its grand entrance.

And then I laugh as it waltzes round the room looking for a place to alight.

God I love the natural clown in him.

And the way he looks in a tux . . . .

"You look . . . . beautiful." He says quietly as I dust the pollen off him.

"So do you." I admit, my hands resting on his lapels.

"It's not a rental."

"You have a tux on every continent, like James Bond?"

"Of course." He chuckles. "Just in case of passing Bella Swans."

...

"The marina?"

"I hope you don't mind?" He asks as we stroll along the boards hand in hand. "I have to share you more than I want to usually and I thought we could be alone . . . ."

We stop walking in front of a yacht.

'Vivienne'

"Oh Arthur."

"She was Dad's. She's a little old now but still a feisty classic. Can I help you aboard?"

"You'd better, I'm wearing heels . . . ."

...

A white suited steward appears to offer us drinks.

I hesitate over the wine and then select what I can smell is a non-alcoholic cocktail. Arthur homes in on his usual whisky.

"I'm sorry." He confesses as we stand together looking out over the lights on the water. "They asked me for a playlist but I only knew a few things you liked."

"We haven't exactly started out in the most conventional of ways." I admit.

"I wish . . . ." He sighs. "I wish, for you, that were different."

"I don't. Arthur. Conventional and I, we never really met and made friends. I have no regrets."

"That's not true." He points out quietly.

"I have no regrets about us." I clarify.

"Bella . . . ."

"Dinner is served Sir, Madam."

Arthur awards the steward his best rock shattering stare and I smother my laugh.

"Thank you." I tell the poor guy. "I _am_ hungry."

...

I lay waste to my starter in a most unladylike fashion which makes Arthur laugh.

"Eating for two here." I huff when I get tired of his smirking.

"I can't believe it." He confesses. "We're either incredibly unlucky or incredibly lucky. Or one of us is one and one the other."

I arrange my used cutlery on the plate and lean back so the steward can remove it, waiting until he's disappeared back inside gives me a moment to gather my courage for a confession of my own.

"I always told Edward, and the others, that it didn't matter to me, that I didn't want children. And this is all so new, I'm not sure whether that's still true or not."

He nods, taking my hand across the table, his thumb stroking the back of it.

"I don't think that's an unusual way to feel. I was always torn. I never really wanted children either, especially after what happened with my parents." I nod, knowing how that feels. "But on the other hand it was always expected of me and as my father often pointed out it was a long time coming.

I fell in and out of love a few times I suppose, but never with anyone I was tempted to put down roots or start a family with."

"But you are happy? About this?" I ask, not sure why it's important to me that he is if I've not had an outbreak of maternal instinct yet.

"Yes." He says firmly, his silver eyes intent. "This is different. You are different. We were different almost from the start. I never considered telling anyone I was involved with what my life was really about, which meant I never intended to share it with them. But you saw that life and became part of it. You care about it. You _fight_ for it.

I know you don't believe in imprinting but I don't have another way to explain feeling tied to you without knowing you or loving you.

Maybe some magical instinct knew that you could be my perfect equal and made sure I would have time to see that for myself.

I would never want another woman to be the mother of my child.

Never."

"I wish . . . ." I stop as the steward re-appears with our main course.

Steak!

Arthur laughs again at the way my eyes light up and I surreptitiously flip him the finger.

"I nearly asked them to fetch a McDonald's for you but it didn't seem very date like."

"As long as you get me one before we leave." I growl. I never thought I'd miss fast food, but there you have it, now he's brought it up I'm going to have a Big Mac this weekend if it kills me.

"Yes ma'am." He chuckles as the steward withdraws again.

We eat in companionable silence for a while and I'm gratified that even with my current hunger issues he can still demolish his food a lot quicker than I can.

The steward pops back a few times to re-fill our drinks and offer Arthur another steak.

"Pig." I snicker.

"Remember who you're talking to." He warns as he cuts into it.

"That would take some explaining." I snicker, imaging how our steward would react to a giant porker chasing him around the deck.

"Want to give it a try?" He asks with a wink.

"Maybe not tonight."

"Bellski." He sighs. "You're so sensible sometimes."

Conversation remains light and teasing until we're done with dessert and then we take our drinks over to the bench seat in the stern.

We're silent for a while, leaning together to watch the city lights on the water. It's surprisingly quiet out here though I can hear the steward and the chef talking in the kitchen which I probably shouldn't be able to do.

Pregnant.

I'm going to have a baby.

I have no problem with the father, but do I have a problem with the baby?

My life is going to completely change.

Again.

And what if I can't do it? We can't do it? What if I'm a horrible parent, _we're_ horrible parents? That's failure on an epic _inexcusable_ scale . . . .

"Hey." He says gently, tugging on my hair. "Don't shut me out, please, we're here to talk."

"I know. I'm sorry."

I take a swig of my drink. _Jesus_ I could murder a glass of wine right now . . . .

"I'm scared." I admit finally.

"Of?"

"You. Me. Us. Being lousy parents."

"I'm afraid of the same things."

I snort, vaguely amused by his admission that we're in the same boat.

"Why don't we start with something simple?" He suggests.

"Simple?"

"Where do you want to live?"

"Nepal." I answer without thinking.

"Really?"

"You don't?"

"No. I love it there and Richard and Freda are my dearest friends. But I'm surprised, I thought you'd want to go back to the States?"

"One day, maybe. But not yet. It might sound silly but I feel like I started being me for the first time in Nepal. I loved it there. I know it's not everyone's idea of how to raise a child but I guess I'm even less conventional that I thought. Besides the air is fresh and clean and there's plenty of stuff for a kid to explore. Fay, Jai Li, the others, they loved it there too.

And I'd rather . . . .

I know you and Richard went away to school but that seems cruel to me."

"We were older when we did."

"I know and maybe our child will need to as well one day, but first, how awesome would it be grow up in Nepal amongst your own kind?"

"Pretty awesome." Arthur agrees. "We had to move around a lot but I loved running wild and growing up with other shape-shifters. It gets damn cold there in the winter though."

"I'm used to the cold and you run a toasty number of degrees over a normal human."

"So will you, soon. You really didn't mind monsoon season?"

"Forks, Washington." I remind him, jerking my thumb at myself.

"Ah yes." He laughs. "It was quite moist."

"What about you, where do you want to live?"

"You're going to roll your eyes at me but the answer really is anywhere you do. You, our child, these are my priorities now. But I can't just . . . . I'm still responsible for everyone."

"I know. Where ever we go, whatever we do, no matter how our lives change. I'm not looking to change who you are."

"Is that why you really don't want to move back to the States because Bella I can be me, do what I need to do, from anywhere, I always have done."

"I know you'll wear yourself out trying. And that's no good to any of us. Nepal makes more practical sense and if we both love it where's the problem?"

"Okay."

"Okay. What about The Volturi?"

"Things are still at a sensitive stage, it would be wrong of me to just walk away now."

I nod.

"But, and don't hate on me for this, I don't want you around them when you're pregnant. I don't think I could cope with the worry."

"I understand but I'm not being exiled to Nepal while you do all the work."

"I knew you'd say that but I think we have an easy out."

"We do?"

"I can give them another couple of months and then when you start to show and need to slow down, we can take Oleg up on his generous offer and decamp to Nepal."

"I like your thinking but I have to point out there's an element of sexism to it."

"Probably." He admits. "But please try to remember that despite my underwear model exterior I am actually quite an old man."

"I forget sometimes." I murmur, pressing a kiss into his neck.

"Good." He chuckles. "Can I do the pig now?"

"No!"

"Please?" He begs, tickling me.

"No." I gasp trying and failing to wriggle away from him.

"Please?"

"Ow, no Arthur . . . . stop . . . . please, this is no . . . . way to treat a pregnant . . . . woman." I object.

He's merciless and we're soon on the deck laughing our heads off as we roll around trying to tickle each other into submission. He's got some sweet spots of his own I've learned . . . .

"Pax!" He declares rolling me easily underneath him when I've hit them one time too many.

"Wuss." I giggle.

"It's not manly." He sniffs. "When you make me giggle like a girl."

"You're manly enough you can afford to slip up from time to time." I murmur, cupping his face with my free hand.

His eyes close of a moment, long lashes sweeping his cheeks and when he opens them again they're glittering silver.

"I love you." He says softly.

"And I love you."

Our lips meet, slowly and sweetly. I've missed this, him, but I'm guiltily relieved when he pulls away before the kiss can get too heated, resting our foreheads together. I'm too raw, I shouldn't be, but I am.

After a moment he hops up, helping me back onto the bench seat.

"Would you like to take a stroll down Durban's Golden Mile?" He asks, handing me back my drink.

"I would but first I need to do something."

"What?"

"I need to call Charlie and tell him I've very much alive and that he's going to become the opposite of childless."

Arthur laughs and then sobers rapidly.

"Oh my god. He's going to fucking _kill_ me."

"Yep."

"Should I ask you to marry me?"

My heart stutters and then resumes its normal rhythm.

"Wow, Arthur, that was romantic." I drawl to hide my reaction.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I hadn't even thought about it until you mentioned Charlie . . . . I suck at this." He looks chagrined and I have to laugh as I plant a kiss on his lips.

"Arthur we'll have had a hundred kids before I agree to marry you." I assure him. "Thanks to my childhood I'm just not wired that way."

"I thought every woman wanted a romantic proposal and a lavish wedding?"

"Not this one."

"What _do_ you want Bella?"

"I want us to be happy."

"I think we can manage that." He murmurs, moving in for another kiss.


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Chpt 44 The Making of Love**

**BPOV**

I didn't tell Charlie I was pregnant when I called him from Durban. He was so relieved to find out I was alive he might even have been crying, I know I was. He wanted to know when I was coming home, and I told him I didn't know.

And I didn't call Renee until we got back to camp. She was furious when I told her I'd been on vacation to Nepal, fallen in love, and decided to stay there without telling her. She made me cry too. At least I could tell Charlie the truth. Renee will forever think I'm a selfish waster who was too busy getting laid by some long haired base jumper to think about calling her Mom for a year.

...

The next couple of months fly past.

Arthur's been incredibly busy and often away, flying around the world to reassure everyone that the new day really has dawned.

But I love that's he's still making sure there's time for us. Little things. Thoughtfully chosen gifts from his trips. Alone time away from the camp. Our regular 'how fast can Bellski run now test'. The answer to which is pretty fast. I can even keep up with Alice and Esme if they jog. I won't deny that the feeling of power is heady stuff but I've not been overcome with a desire to run all the way back to 'civilisation' yet. Far from it. My main use for my new strength and speed is winding up Phil the Dill who says he's given up wearing his rainforest khakis because they've started clashing with his new 'green' skin.

Alice has kept a close eye on Aro's decisions and gradually they evened out into general acceptance of his new situation.

He's never going to be a person I can warm too but I am coming to admire his intellect, if not his beliefs. He, Carlisle and Suki have spent a lot of time talking and I think that's helped him start to adjust his thinking on the way the world works. Arthur seems pleased with how things are settling down anyway.

Oleg is back from Siberia and ready to take over for twelve months. Yulenka and one of his sons have come with him. She and I had a fairly frank discussion on the subject of Arthur and I think she's come round to my point of view. Namely that he's mine. Possessive, moi? Who knew? Anyway it was enough to re-ignite our sex life, which he'd been keeping on hold for far longer than I thought was necessary.

Richard and Freda have already gone back to Nepal to get things set up. The children will be joining us there, as will Philip and Rasika.

And I'm excited about going back.

I know it's going to be different from before so maybe that's why it feels like I'm going to be starting over.

Alice and Esme keep assuring me that Edward is fine. And most days I take comfort in that. Then I'm reminded that they don't have the best track record when it comes to deciding between telling me the truth and 'protecting' me. Those are bad days.

I have, I think, organised the remains of my old heart into functional piles. But on those days the status quo is threatened. There's a heaving under the surface as I wonder if he's really fine that sucks my breath away. Guilt.

But I'm only human and the guilt often gives way to anger. A sick churning in my stomach. He lied to me. They lied to me. They judged me. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right.

Except that in the end it was.

Carlisle is the only one I've been able to discuss that with besides Arthur. Not exactly what antenatal appointments are for but it's worked for us.

I appreciate that like Arthur, Carlisle hasn't given me easy answers or platitudes. Just his honest opinion. That he neither approved nor disapproved of what he saw happening. That any of it was only able to happen because of Edward's strength of character. Edward's resolve to preserve me from what he saw as a fate worse than death. That he had faith, that in the end, what was meant to be would be. That as much as his son was hurting now he would be able to cope with the consequences of his choices, just as I would. And he reassured me that he, they, loved me because of who I am and not what I was to Edward.

Nevertheless I've lost _them_ as much as I lost _him_ in these months. They aren't coming to Nepal. They're staying in South Africa to help with The Volturi.

In a way I'm about to become the newborn I'd once expected to be. Launching out into the unknown with only love to guide me.

...

Our departure is hard.

We have friends and family here. Brothers in arms.

And though it's not like they've never had to do without Arthur before, this time it's by _his_ choice and not by their necessity. We both feel guilty, which is patently ridiculous, but part of who we are.

At least I'm able to offer Arthur the comfort and strength he's always given me as the helicopter carries us away.

Equality.

...

The facility in Nepal was quiet when we arrived, most of the rebuilding done but with no bookings until after de Montfort junior arrives.

And it was nice, we relaxed and spent most of our days together. I know Arthur saw it as a test, since our lives together to date hadn't exactly afforded us much one on one time, but I think we passed with flying colors.

In a way it was the happiest I can ever remember being. There were few pressures on us, few demands, and other than the natural worry that comes with impending parenthood I suddenly noticed an absence of the underlying stress that being human with Edward always caused me.

That was a sobering realisation. And that's when I started writing to him at Arthur's suggestion. I don't know if he'll ever read what I've written, or how he'll feel if he does. But it was cathartic for me to get it all down and it wouldn't have been right to hash it out over and over with Arthur.

As the weather got colder we spent a lot of nights bundled up in bed together reading. I hadn't realised how much of a reader Arthur was, though his tastes run more to biographies than mine. But we both read every parenting and pregnancy book we could lay our hands on, talking about them endlessly like the anal retentives we've become.

...

I told Charlie a while ago that I was pregnant and now that seems to be his main focus when we talk.

Is he taking care of you? When's he marrying you? Put him on the line, there are things he needs to know . . . .

Yes he will take care of me. No we aren't getting married before the birth, Bella doesn't want to. Yes sir, it's my responsibility to change her mind. Committed to her forever. Love her. Yes sir, with my whole heart. No, I can't promise that, Bella and I are partners, we do what needs to be done, together. Yes sir, I will bear that in mind. Yes sir, I've seen it, it's very big. No, I don't want to be on the business end of it.

"He threatened to shoot me."

"He means well."

"He _aims_ well, is what he said. Hold me, I'm scared . . . ."

...

"We're rebuilding it with the original materials." He says, slinging an arm over my shoulder as we view the rebirth of the abseiling tower.

"Manual labor?"

"I have to do something with all these muscles Bellski."

"Maybe you could try finishing the extension on our chalet?"

"You're a hard woman."

"I'm six months pregnant, it goes with the territory."

"And you're blooming." He murmurs, gathering me into his chest.

"Extend now. Suck up later." I sigh as I snuggle into his warmth.

...

"I felt him kick." He gasps, always delighted when it happens for him.

"_She_ will be delighted to hear it."

He presses a kiss to my swollen belly and gets a boot in the mouth from junior for this trouble. Which makes me laugh, that's true equality, my insides have been black and blue for a while now.

His big hands pull me easily down the bed.

And he gets that look on his face, that one that guarantees my train of thought will be lost.

"Do you think he/she will be offended?" He asks in his sinfully deep bedroom voice.

"Offended by what?" I squeak, missing sultry by a country mile, not that it matters to Arthur.

"Me making love to you now?" He queries, his hands branching out to roam over the rest of my naked body.

"I'll never tell." I whisper, melting under his touch . . . .

...

Life returns fully when the children and their parents do.

But though they're presence completed the 'resort' in a way that nothing else could have done I found that by my third trimester they were _exhausting_ me in the best possible way. Especially since they found out how much stronger and faster I was than the last time they saw me. The little darlings, and especially Fay, got themselves hauled over the coals by Arthur more than once a day as a general rule. The classroom would suddenly go quiet and there he'd be, arms folded over his chest, scowling. Of course they weren't remotely scared of him but his daily visits added to our fun.

...

I miss him when he's away but there's comfort in being 'at home'. At least we now have a proper bathroom.

I feel like an unwieldy behemoth. Which is kind of funny considering I'm stronger, faster and sharper than I've ever been.

My feet are a distant memory unless I lie down and wave my legs vigorously in the air.

My hips have gone on strike and I don't walk anymore, I waddle on a good day and sit down a lot on a bad one.

And when I'm not eating I'm asleep.

Sometimes without an acceptable break between the two.

But despite all that I'm invigorated with anticipation and excitement. We're having a baby! And pretty damn soon . . . .

Arthur's flight is due in any minute Rasika and Nadir were against me coming to meet him but I'm nothing if not stubborn. He's been away for a week and I _need_ to see him.

"Finally." Richard sighs as the plane roars over us. "I'll wait till we can see the whites of his eyes and then leave you to it."

...

"What are you doing here?" Arthur demands as he drops his rucksack and pulls me out of the Land Rover.

"Duh!"

"Its not that I'm not pleased to see you." He growls as he crushes me carefully. "But shouldn't you be resting or something?"

"I can't." I confess into his chest. "There's something wrong with me. I can't even sit still for more than five minutes. It's driving everyone demented."

"Let me get you home." He suggests, edging me away from the driver's door.

"Oh no you don't." I object. "I'm driving."

...

About halfway up the foothills I stop.

"What's the matter?"

"I feel weird."

"Weird?"

"Weird."

"Let me drive."

"Okay."

He helps me slide across the seat and then runs around to the driver's side.

"Define weird for me please." He asks as we pull away again.

"Weird."

"Bella?"

"Ooofff!"

"Bella!" He exclaims, easing off the gas.

"Keep driving, for the love of god keep driving . . . ."

"Have you, are you?"

"Can't you fucking tell?"

"Okay. Shit. Okay. Keep driving. Okay. Should I stop? Can I get you anything?"

He grabs my hand and I squeeze his until the bones creak.

"Just keep driving."

"It'll be quicker if I carry you . . . ."

"Don't you fucking dare try!"

"Okay. Keep driving. I can do that. I love you. And I'll just keep driving until you tell me not to."

"I am not having our baby in a Land Rover on a mountain pass." I inform him. "We have plenty of time. Just keep driving. And talking. Keep talking."

"Um?"

"Arthur." I growl, mashing his bones together again.

"Okay. So. Um. Are you okay?"

"I am."

"Um. When we were sixteen Richard and I started a gambling ring at school."

"That's . . . ."

"Yeah, our Dad's would have been annoyed but we made a couple of hundred quid in the first month."

"What did you do with it?"

"Ah." He chuckles. "We were going to spend it on a racehorse, we wanted to win the Derby, we had it all planned out. We'd buy the best horse we could and then bet the rest on it at suitably low odds."

"Wouldn't that have been a risky investment?"

"Not really." He laughs. "We weren't planning on running the _actual_ horse. We were going to 'run' me."

"That's . . . . _dishonest_."

"Very." He concedes. "The Dads made us donate the money to the church instead. The vicar was all over our arses, literally, for ages afterwards."

My laughter at that image tails off into silence for a while as we squeeze each other's hands. Snow has begun to fall outside, big fluffy flakes that hypnotise me and melt slowly when they hit the windscreen.

"Arthur?"

"Yes Bellski?"

"Could you maybe drive a bit faster? I think the books might have been aimed at a more strictly human audience . . . ."

...

"Don't touch me!"

"Hold my hand!"

"Bellski, I'm fucking confused."

"Arthur hold my hand, _please_ . . . ."

"I love you."

"Shut up, just shut up!"

"I'll have a vasectomy, I promise . . . ."

"Ow! _Jesus_. Fuck!"

"You're doing really well." He assures me, all cliché.

A pause while I slap his concerned face.

"Ouch. What did you do that for?"

"You . . . . fucking . . . . try this . . . ."

"I love you."

"Push Bella." Nadir orders. "Its time."

"Argh! Ow! Argh! Never again de Montfort . . . . I fucking love you too . . . . but . . . . Ow! . . . . Never . . . . _**ever**_. . . ."

...

"Douglas." Arthur murmurs, kissing our baby's head as he snuggles into my breast and drifts off to sleep.

"Douglas." I agree, my head falling back against the pillows as my own eyes close.

"I love you Bella. You've made me. Completed me. And I want only to do the same for you."

"You already have Arthur." I whisper, opening my eyes to look at him. "You already have."

**The End**

**A/N For those of you who've been in pain, just the Epilogue to go! And my heartfelt thanks for sticking with it.**


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all.**

**Rated M for several reasons. **

**Epilogue**

**BPOV**

We pull up in front of the house and he takes my hand.

"You ready for this?"

"Of course. It isn't me he's going to shoot."

"Thanks." Arthur drawls, unfastening his belt and twisting in his seat.

"Are you two going to behave?"

Giggling.

"I mean it." Arthur growls. "Grandpa Swan does not need his house stress tested nor is he an animal lover. Keep it human."

"Yes Daddy."

"Blo kay addy."

The front door opens as I get out of the car and I pause for a moment, noting all they grey in the otherwise present and correct moustache. I've been away too long . . . .

"Bells!"

"Charlie!"

I started crying the second he hugged me, I couldn't help it, and I hugged him back so hard his ribs creaked.

Then Dougie scaled me like a tree and hugged us both round the neck.

Sophie tried to join in but Arthur prised her off, laughing at her protestations.

"Grandpa?"

"Yes little man."

"Daddy says you're going to take me fishing."

"I am."

"Can I be an otter?"

"You can be anything you want to be as long as no one's watching."

"That's what Mummy always says."

"Sensible woman your Mother."

"That's what Daddy always says." Dougie laughs with another boa constrictor squeeze. "Where's Grandma Sue?"

"She's finishing up at work but she's coming soon."

"Good. I want to show her my wolf."

"She'll love that."

"Down." Arthur orders. "Grandpa's going a funny color."

"It is a little difficult to breathe." Charlie concedes.

Douglas lets him go but I don't, at least not for a moment or two.

Charlie and I smile at each other as Arthur hands me Sophie who is trying to climb out of his arms.

"Sophie. This is real Grandpa, not Skype Grandpa anymore."

"Hello." She says clearly, offering him her hand.

"Hello." Dad responds, shaking it gently but seriously. "You're the image of your Mother."

There's a long pause while Dad and I pull ourselves together and then he jerks his thumb at the wide open door.

"Come on in." He orders. "The Forks moisture is already staging an invasion . . . ."

...

"Why am I sleeping on the couch?" Arthur whispers when he joins me in the kitchen some time later.

"Because we're not married and Charlie's making a point."

"It's a bit of a lame point." Arthur observes. "We have two children already."

"You go tell him that." I suggest.

"Nah." Arthur concedes grabbing a bowl of chips and two bottles of beer. "I'm good, I haven't crept up a lady's stairs in the dead of night for years."

...

Dinner was quite a spread, Sue and I, both accustomed to feeding shape-shifters, pulled out all the Forks culinary tricks out of our bag and shared smiles as the food was devoured. I've never known there be so much noise in Charlie's house. He and Arthur worked their way steadily through the beer chatting about 'man' stuff when the kids would let them and Sue and I caught up on all the local gossip when they'd let _us_.

Eventually Arthur declared it bath time and he and Sue went off to orchestrate the process, I tried to warn the poor woman against it but she insisted that I stay and talk with Charlie.

We clink beers as we settle back in the kitchen chairs, too lazy to move next door.

"You look happy. Well." He says.

"So do you."

"Only takes the love of a good woman." Charlie drawls. "And lots of vegetables apparently."

"They won't kill you you know."

"So you say." He huffs. "How's Edwin?"

"Edward Dad. Edward." I laugh, shaking my head. "I think he's okay. I don't see him very often, obviously."

"I know it's not any of my business but I think you chose right, when you chose life."

"Dad, it was a bit more complicated than . . . ."

There's a huge thud from upstairs that shakes the house to its foundations and Arthur's roar almost drowns out Sue's laughter.

"No Bells." He says quietly. "I don't think it was."

...

Real, not Skype, Grandpa has to read a bedtime story so it's another hour before us four adults are gathered together downstairs again.

Arthur has produced the single malt he brought especially for sucking up purposes and Dad's swilling it appreciatively in his glass, watching the amber liquid cling to the sides before it subsides like a good scotch should. Sue, who is a lot more supple than I am, is coiled comfortably at this feet, resting her head on his knee and sipping at her own glass, while Arthur and I cosy up on the couch.

"So." Dad begins after a while. "You're not married yet then?"

I swear Arthur flinches.

"No Charlie." He confesses. "She keeps rejecting my proposals."

I stifle a laugh as Dad glares at him.

"Are you sure you're doing it right Son?" Dad asks with a straight face and Sue and I start laughing.

"_Thanks_." Arthur growls at me. "Look, Charlie, I've asked her okay? More than once, _and_ in Rome, in front of the Trevi Fountain, on bended knee. She's said no and I'm not going to nag her about it, I respect her wishes. We're happy living in sin."

Sue chokes on her scotch and Dad glares at Arthur who tilts his chin and chugs his own scotch.

Then Dad shifts his glare to me.

"What?" I ask, fidgeting. "I don't need a certificate, or a stupid ceremony, to 'prove' that I'm happy, or that I have Arthur forever."

"You have two children to consider now." Dad growls, stabbing a finger at me.

"Three." Arthur corrects, placing his large warm hand over my soon to be swollen belly.

Sue squeals and leaps up to hug me.

"Congratulations Bella." She whispers. "I'm so happy for you both."

"Thanks." I murmur as I hug her back.

When she sits back down Dad and Arthur are engaged in a stare down.

I know who is going to win and I feel a bit disloyal, Charlie _is_ my Dad after all . . . .

"Chief." Arthur says quietly. "I love your daughter. And I know what I am. Partner to an amazing woman. Father to beautiful children. One lucky bastard. I don't need a certificate for that either."

"You make sure you always remember that de Montfort."

"_Always _Chief." Arthur responds, smiling down at me.

**A/N As usual my thanks go out to you, readers. I say this a lot but it's still true. You guys are the ones that make this fun to do.**

**I have made a solemn pledge to do a future take to go along with this story so that we can see how life turns out for Edward, and it should be up in a week or so at the latest.**

**Morty**

**x**


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